The Secrets of Salty Sam How you look at things determines what you see. You can look at life as a chore or a challenge… your choice. You can see other people’s differences or what we all have in common just by what you magnify. You can view yourself as being old or you can appreciate the youth on the inside that outlasts the age on the outside. You can conform and change the outside to what is not natural on the inside. Or you can transform and change the inside to what could only come from the outside. You can pine over what you miss or be grateful for all you have. You can sink in self-pity, or you can swim in opportunity. You can draw conclusions before you know or you can believe the best until you see the rest. You can see the man-made boundaries to keep out a world differences, or you can look back at earth from space and see there are no boundaries, just the beauty of similarity. You can look at the same thing the same way and get the same conclusion, or you can borrow someone else’s view and see what you never saw before. You can hurt or you can heal. You can give or you can steal. You can make life great for others and realize how great life is in you. You can compliment all the good then feel validated yourself. You can grow from what you don’t know or you can mold with what you do know. You can see the world revolve around you or you can explore the world around you. You can see life as a set of problems that come over you or you can view life as an expedition ready for you to overcome. You can get angry back or you can keep the joy within. You can surrender to suspicion or you suspend judgment until you know. You can amplify the bad or you can magnify the good. You can label another as jerk, or you can see them as just different from you. Life is how you look at it. Now, what about the crazy picture at the top? It is a little prize, or rather surprise in a Cracker Jack box I got at a conference. See, Salty Sam on the left, was a crusty old sailor. To see what he looked like when he was young, turn the picture upside down. You don’t believe me? You’ll get a whole new view. We lose out on half of life because of how we look (or don’t look) at it. So start today. Create you own perspective of life by looking at it differently then choosing that which brings out the greatness within. Duke The Top 10 Popcorn Thoughts part 1013 1. Out of proportion news is really a lie 2. Good thing about dashed plans: we get to create new ones. 3. Desperation makes things bigger than they are. 4. I’m the most popular person in the world….just nobody knows it. 5. It’s no use being the smartest man in the world…if you forget a lot 6. I’m an expert…of having thoughts I’ve never had before. 7. Confidence sees how it can. Reluctance sees how it can’t. 8. Choices have destinations…Bob Mumford 9. The destination of procrastination is poverty. 10. Stick to one argument at a time. Anatomy of a Popcorn Thought (different ways to pop it out) What is your mental picture of your thinking? I love squeezing things out of my brain. It seems to make room for more. I don’t think more than most; I just collect more than most. Thinking deeper is going one layer deeper than you thought you could. Body: A smile is a hug without arms. Bold: Just think. If you were committed, then you weren’t committed. Cause and Effect: An incomplete purpose in life is the springboard to greater things. Copy:…Don’t be known for what you don’t do. The difference between the creative and the non-creative is the creative are better at hiding their sources. Definition: Empty thoughts are just those not looking for anything. Different States: Don’t trip over your feelings. Confidence that you can is a green light to try. Disconnected / Senseless unless you think about it: Beauty is friend deep. Get others to think: Having a need is not bad; a need having you is. Goodness: When you are continually looking for the greater good, you don’t have time to squat on the inconsequential. Great Sayings: All men die; few men rarely live…Bravehart There are millions of Americans who are clever and fearless, but the trouble is they are only 4 years old…Suzanne Gibson Insight For Others: Some of us need to be healed of our opinion of ourselves. Lessons you discovered: One cannot "out-think" a crisis. Life: A heart in the habit of sharing expands to experience more of life. Ouches: Don’t let what you do know get in the way of what you don’t. Play on Words: Two attributes I don’t want: careless and care less. A changeless heart is about as useless as a heartless change. Polar: Insight is the outside you let in. Rhyme: Integrity starts in the dark. The chains of shame are built with links of lies. Shocking: No one has the right to stay offended. Spiritual: You can’t do God’s part and He won’t do yours. Don’t believe it when you see it; believe it until you see it. Leapfrog Thoughts: Time is the measuring cup of faith. Success: It is not failure when you are not successful. It is a failure when you only can be successful. Technique:…To think differently, simply pull yourself off autopilot. Thankaboutit: Another person’s weakness is usually your strength they don’t have. Wisdom: My loss is my gain if I learn from it. Witty: In downtown Houston, three lefts make a right. R U Willing…to listen? (To not’s on reverse side) To honor the other person To suspend assumptions To destabilize personal certainties To listen to your own listening To inquire more and advocate less To understand both poles To be aware of the ecology of words To unfold previous beliefs to consider new ones Evaluating Active Listening R U Willing…to listen? (To’s on reverse side) To not formulate thought while listening To not reload while the other is speaking To not drive toward solution or action To not fill-in-the-blank with assumption To not snap-back a response To not elevate self 1 millimeter above the other To not require the other to be like you scale adapted from Gazda, Human Relations Development 1.0 Listener attends to neither content nor surface feelings. Discredits or scolds speaker. Shows a lack of caring for or belief in speaker. Is vague or deals in general terms. Tries to hide feelings and punishes speaker with them. Reveals nothing. Discloses only to meet own needs. Ignores cues about the relationship. 2.0 Listener only partially attends to speaker. Distorts what speaker said. Declines to help or responds casually. Gives cheap advice before understanding the situation. Follows a role but is not congruent with own feelings. Non-verbally neutral. Offers opinions or asks questions prematurely. Does not reveal self voluntarily, but will respond to questions. Comments superficially on the relationship. 3.0 Listener reflects surface feelings accurately and does not distort content. Regards speaker as person of worth, capable of expressing and acting constructively. Non verbally attentive and interested. Openly caring. Notes specifics (but not the trajectory) of speaker’s actions. Not phony. Reveals own thoughts and feelings generally. Notes discrepancies (but not where they lead). Discusses relationship generally. 4.0 Listener identifies underlying thoughts and feelings. Communicates dedication to speaker’s welfare. Is intensely attentive. Models and solicits specificity. Shows congruence between own feelings and behavior. Freely volunteers specific feelings, thoughts or experiences. Clearly points out discrepancies and where they lead. Explicitly discusses the relationship in immediate moment. Quality Leadership, John W. Lovitt, Ed.D 10 Ways to Regard Regret Duke Rohe drohe@att.net I love learning lessons that save me pain by observing another. I’m more objective when I don’t have to learn it just from me. I have a friend who has such a high level of excellence, that when it isn’t achieved, she beats herself up over it. It’s like taking yourself to the woodshed. There are better ways to learn. .Duke 1. Regret has a debt that could never be repaid. For it could only be paid in the past. 2. Regret’s goal is to unring its bell. So only regret about those things regret will fix. 3. Regret is personal penance for an opportunity missed. Don’t worry; there will be other ones to miss. 4. Regret tries to cry its mistake back. 5. Regret frets over what others might think. It’s real hard to control their thinking that way. 6. Regret tries to save its pride. It’s our pride needs to go to the woodshed for thinking its inerrant. 7. Regret can be turned to good if it is a lesson understood. That’s the real purpose of its sting anyway 8. Regret swindles away the energy needed for the future. The future is easier to affect than the past. 9. Regret makes a bet that you can out-think its problem. And it has yet to win a bet. 10. The antidote to regret is growing better because of it. There is this word called ‘forgive’. Forty Things To Be Advice I would give to myself Duke Rohe 1. Be beyond where you are. 2. Be the signature of your work. 3. Be notorious for bringing value. 4. Be a knowledge source for those seeking help. 5. Be accepting of differing views. 6. Be adamant about the stuff that counts. 7. Be willing to change yourself. 8. Be an animator in life. 9. Be open to what is not known -- so far. 10. Be aware of communication style. 11. Be more wise than wordy. 12. Be flexible on the non-essential, firm on the non negotiable. 13. Be appealing to the customer’s basic instinct. 14. Be aware of the value of your original equipment. 15. Be different. 16. Be up on what is coming. 17. Be better at change than your competition. 18. Be more hopeful than doubtful. 19. Be a variation watcher more than a mean watcher. 20. Be an originator of tools for others. 21. Be an example of efficiency. 22. Be in-line with the strategic goals. 23. Be a means for others’ success. 24. Be a bragger of that success. 25. Be a fun sponge. 26. Be a pro at what you do. 27. Be ethical, truthful. 28. Be ROI oriented. 29. Be prompt. 30. Be anti-arrogant. 31. Be positive is not just a blood type (gotcha). 32. Be a lighthouse of potential danger. 33. Be real. 34. Be outrageous in your thinking. 35. Be profoundly simple in your insight. 36. Be sharp, but not pointed. 37. Be the best in something. 38. Be available. 39. Be a mediocre eradicator. 40. Be so good they can’t do without you. Giving Giving is one of the best rewards you can give yourself. It is the prerequisite for experiencing the fullness of living. We are creatures designed for giving. Giving is a personal template from God. “For God so loved the world He gave...” It is taking what you have and offering it to another so that they may gain. Giving grows in its value depending on the price paid to give it. It adds life to another. It is the wellspring that blesses both the giver and the receiver. It has untold worth that ripples through the lives of those touched by it. It is infectious. It sparks the desire to do good for others. Giving has no strings attached; anything else is called extortion. Giving does not try to gain acceptance from others -- for that is taking in disguise. Giving is whole-hearted. Giving has immense power when it is done in the dark. God prizes the stealth gifts, for they are displayed on His big screen TV in heaven. Giving says I love you regardless, whatever, whenever. It spans time, circumstances, even wrong strong wills. It sends a positive spin to all who are touched by it and sets in motion a domino-effect throughout the generations. Giving has many forms. Even the smallest gift of a prayer can add mountains of hope in due season. Giving is a mystery to the world, for it flexes its taking muscle and wonders why the end of it is emptiness. Giving keeps you busy from doing the wrong things. It is the antidote for personal loss. Giving in the right spirit, with the right motive, has no loss, for God wastes nothing. Giving blesses the giver before it even gets to the receiver. Giving is only giving what has been given you. For the greatest gift is being forgiven. Duke