ECOLOGICAL JOKES
Animals:
A1.
How do you stop a skunk smelling?
Put a peg on its nose.
A2.
“Are we poisonous?” the baby snake asked his Mother.
“Yes dear”, she answered, “Why do you ask”.
“‘Cos I’ve just bitten my tongue”.
A3.
In a fight between a hedgehog and a fox, who won?
The hedgehog won on points.
A4.
What do you call a cat which has swallowed a duck?
A duck-filled fatty puss.
A5.
What do ducks like to watch on television?
Duckumentaries.
A6.
How does an octopus go into battle?
Fully armed.
A7.
Why does the giraffe have a long neck?
Because he can’t stand the smell of his feet.
A8.
Why can’t you play jokes on snakes?
Because you can never pull their legs!
A9.
Which shop do sheep like to visit?
The baaaabers!
A10.
Why are goldfish gold?
So they won’t go rusty!
A11.
What was the tortoise doing on the motorway?
About 150 metres an hour!
A12.
Why don’t elephants eat penguins?
Because they can’t get the wrappers off!
A13.
What are the largest ants in the world?
Eleph-ants!
Mini-Beasts & Invertebrates:
M1.
What is made from a milk-product and likes to fly?
A Butter-fly.
M2.
Did you hear about the Singing Tarantula?
The only song he knows is “Fangs for the Memory”.
M3.
Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. “Why are we running so fast?” asked one fly.
“Because” said the second, “it says, ‘tear along the dotted line’!”.
Copyright:- rECOrd, Chester Zoological Gardens, Upton, Chester, CH2 1LH 01244 383749 - http://www.rECOrd-lrc.co.uk
Consult-Eco, SJ McWilliam, 4 Priory Close, Halton, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2BN 01928-573697
Page: 1
M4.
What are spider’s webs good for?
Spiders.
M5.
Did you hear about the Irish caterpillar?
It turned into a frog!
M6.
What insect is musical?
A Humbug.
M7.
What goes dot-dot-croak, croak-dot-croak, dot-croak-dot-croak?
Morse toad.
M8.
Where do tadpoles change in to frogs?
In the croakroom.
M9.
What did the spider say to the beetle?
“Stop bugging me!”.
M10.
What is pretty, has big teeth and flies?
A Killer-butterfly.
M11.
If a flea and a fly pass each other, what time is it?
Fly past flea.
M12.
What did Mrs Spider say when Mr Spider broke her new web?
Darn it!
M13.
I say waiter there’s a fly in my soup!
Don’t worry sir, he won’t drink much.
M14.
Waiter, waiter, there’s a spider in my soup!
Oh, really? That’s 10p extra.
M15.
Waiter, I’ve just found a maggot in my salad!
That’s better than finding half a maggot isn’t it?
M16.
Waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup?
Looks like the backstroke to me sir!
M17.
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
You’ll have to get it out yourself sir! I can’t swim!
M18.
Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my wine?
You did ask for something with body in it sir!
M19.
Waiter, there’s a cockroach in my soup!
That’s funny - it’s usually a fly!
M20.
Waiter, there’s a frog in my soup!
Yes sir, the fly’s on holiday.
M21.
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
That’s all right sir; there’s a spider on your roll.
M22.
Waiter, there’s a fly in my alphabet soup!
Yes sir, I expect he’s learning to read.
Copyright:- rECOrd, Chester Zoological Gardens, Upton, Chester, CH2 1LH 01244 383749 - http://www.rECOrd-lrc.co.uk
Consult-Eco, SJ McWilliam, 4 Priory Close, Halton, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2BN 01928-573697
Page: 2
M23.
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
The little rascals don’t care what they eat do they sir?
M24.
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
Yes sir, the chef used to be a tailor.
M25.
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
That’s not a fly - that’s the last complaining customer. The chef’s a witch-doctor!
M26.
What did the big fly say to the little fly after they were both caught in a fly-paper?
Oooh errh! This is a sticky problem!
M27.
What did one flea on Robinson Crusoe’s knee say to another flea on his knee?
“‘Bye for now - I’ll see you on Friday!”.
M28.
What’s worse than a crocodile with toothache?
A centipede with bunions!
M29.
What’s the definition of a caterpillar?
A worm with a fur coat!
M30.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don’t know the words!
M31.
What do you call an Irish spider?
Paddy Longlegs!
M32.
If we get honey from a Bee, what do we get from a Wasp?
Waspberry jam.
M33.
How did the glow-worm feel when it backed into a fan?
Delighted.
M34.
Where do bees wait for public transport?
At a Buzz-stop!
M35.
Why is a bee’s hair always sticky?
Because it uses a honey-comb!
M36.
What do frogs drink?
Croaka Cola!
M37.
What do you call ants who run away very fast to get married?
Ant-elopers.
M38.
What do you call a flea that lives in an idiot’s ear?
A Space-Invader!
M39.
What do ants take when they are ill?
Ant-ibiotics!
M40.
What happens when the frog’s car breaks down?
He gets toad away!
Copyright:- rECOrd, Chester Zoological Gardens, Upton, Chester, CH2 1LH 01244 383749 - http://www.rECOrd-lrc.co.uk
Consult-Eco, SJ McWilliam, 4 Priory Close, Halton, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2BN 01928-573697
Page: 3
Plants
P1.
What type of tree is the same on both sides?
A Symmetry.
P2.
What is the most shocking tree?
Electricitree.
P3.
What is the smelliest tree?
A Toiletree or a Lavatree.
P4.
Which chestnut invaded Britain?
William the Conker.
P5.
What’s yellow on the inside and green on the outside?
A banana disguised as a cucumber.
P6.
What is yellow and flickers?
A lemon with a loose connection.
P7.
What makes a tree noisy?
It’s bark!
Others:
O1.
What room can you not go into?
A Mushroom.
Copyright:- rECOrd, Chester Zoological Gardens, Upton, Chester, CH2 1LH 01244 383749 - http://www.rECOrd-lrc.co.uk
Consult-Eco, SJ McWilliam, 4 Priory Close, Halton, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2BN 01928-573697
Page: 4