The Tricky Transition: Communication in
the Mother and Adolescent-Daughter
Relationship
Ashley A. Kraemer
University of Wisconsin-Whitewater
Purpose of Study:
• To explore how
dialectical tensions of
openness &
closedness and
autonomyconnection, play out
in the relationship of
mothers and
daughters.
Leslie Baxter’s (1988, 1990) work
on Dialectical Tensions
• A dialectical tension is …..what
results when two people in a close relationship try
to meet opposing needs—like the need to be close
and the need to be their own person.
– Openness-closedness centers on our need to tell our
loved one everything as compared to the need to keep
some things private.
– Connection-autonomy centers on our need to be
interdependent vs independent.
• The Literature Review also drew upon
articles focusing on listening, disclosure,
and conflict in mother-daughter
relationships.
Methodology
The study used a qualitative approach
because I wanted daughters and mothers
to go in-depth in describing their
relationships so that I would have a better
understanding about how the tensions
were experienced in mother and
adolescent daughter relationships.
Participants
• 4 focus groups:
1) 7th grade daughters
2) 7th grade mothers
3) 11th grade daughters
4) 11th grade mothers
The interviews lasted about an hour and were audiorecorded and data transcribed.
Data Analysis
• Transcripts were analyzed to find which
statements and stories seemed to fall
under each dialectical tension. This was
difficult as some statements could be
applied to both openness-closedness and
autonomy-connection
Results and Discussion
I.
Openness-closedness: I could see evidence of
this dialectical tension in both daughters’
and mothers’ descriptions of their
relationships—sometimes they were close
and sometimes daughters preferred not to
self disclose to moms
II. Connection-autonomy: openness relates to
connection and closedness relates with
autonomy.
Listening promotes more Openness
• When parents show a
willingness to listen,
daughters, in turn, will
show a willingness to self
disclose.
• Limit distractions
• Common places to talk:
car, bedroom, kitchen
Defensive climates produce more
Closedness
• When mothers act “too busy” to talk to their daughters,
this may cause a defensive climate
• Closedness also occurs when daughters tell their friends
things that don’t feel comfortable telling their moms.
Focus group excerpts that relate to
Openness-Closedness
• 7th grade daughters:
• “I think my mom listens well and then she gives me good advice
and I just feel better because I told her”
• “Sometimes I will be talking to my mom and she’ll be adding up
bills or reading at night and I’m talking to her, I’ll ask her
something and it just seems like she is too busy”
• “Sometimes if something bad happens or something, sometimes its
easier to go to friends because they know who you’re talking about
and your parents don’t really understand and why it’s a problem”
Focus group excerpts that relate to
Openness-Closedness
• 11th grade daughters:
• “A lot of my friends went behind their mother’s backs
and went to planned parenthood by themselves, but I
didn’t want to hide this from my mom, and we have the
sort of relationship where I felt comfortable going to
here. It was stressful but it felt good to go to her.”
• “In middle school I thought my mom was so mean when
she wouldn’t let me do things, however, I noticed if I
actually talk with my mom instead of throwing a fit, the
solutions are much better.”
Connection/Autonomy
• Connection was shown when mothers and
daughters --talked (like in the car) or did
activities together (prepped dinner together or
share same interests).
• Autonomy was shown when mothers and
daughters – when daughters went to their peers
before their mothers, teens “needing alone time,”
and teens thinking they are complete opposites
from their mothers
Daughters sometimes wanted autonomy
which caused conflicts with mothers.
• Inevitable in any relationship!!!
• Common areas of conflict:
– Clothing
– School work
– Chores
– Disobedience
– General irritations
Focus group excerpts that relate to
Connection-Autonomy
• 7th grade daughters:
• “My mom doesn’t let me do stuff, like I’m not old enough like its
wrong to do it at certain ages. Like if I wanted to go to McDonalds
or a movie she wants to know where I’m at, but it seems like she
doesn’t want me to, she’s worried and stuff, but nothing happens.
Like I always need someone to walk me home and stuff, please.”
• I’m real neat and my daughters room is just a mess, total disaster,
she’s not organized at all and I am so organized. She loves to be
socially involved outside of the home, and I am more of a family
kind of person.”
Focus group excerpts that relate to
Connection-Autonomy
• 11th grade daughters:
• “All my friends have curfews that are later than mine
and it drives me nuts, and my mom just says its for your
own good.”
• “I use to cry if they wouldn’t let me go somewhere with
the car, and my mom would get mad at me, then I
realized if I acted mature and just said okay, then they
would see I was mature and let me have more lea way.”
• “I love going grocery shopping with my mom, we go
every Sunday morning and its fun. Then sometimes we
stop for Starbuck’s Coffee because we both love it!”
Discussion
• Limitations:
• 1) 4 fairly small focus groups =
can’t generalize entire
population
• 2) Wide age gap
• 3) Career moms vs. Stay-atHome moms?
• 4)Participants were all
European-American, middle
class women (more variation
in ethnicity and class).
• Future Research:
• More variation in
participants
• Look at different
generations = Does
society impact the
mother-daughter
relationship?
Special Thanks To:
• * My participants of the 4 focus groups
Thank you for your willingness and cooperation!
• *Dr. Barbara Penington [UW-W mentor]
Without your help and encouragement…this would never have occurred. Thanks for the
constant support