HR Magazine, November 2001 - Management Tools
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2001
November 2001
Vol. 46, No. 11
magine the following supervisor-employee exchange at your workplace:
Bill (employee): Dave, I’m really discouraged about the way things have been
going on the job. It just never goes the way I expect it to. And, it seems like
you’re never around anymore.
Dave (supervisor): Sounds as though you’ve been doing quite a bit of thinking about this.
Go ahead.
Bill: Well, we are a week behind in production, and our supplies are not coming in on time. I
feel swamped and unable to catch up. And, when I have tried to find you lately to see about
getting some extra help down there, you are not available.
Dave: Seems that you feel cut off from any support from me.
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You have just read an example of good listening. Listening is probably the most essential
component of being a successful supervisor. The one attribute most often stated about a wellliked boss is, “he or she really listens to me.” As Dave illustrated in the above brief scenario,
he was on his way to clearing up a misunderstanding, building rapport, developing respect
and establishing a feeling of cooperation.
Dave was establishing a caring and understanding environment with Bill. He did this by
having the attitude about people that included the following values:
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“I’m responsible for my actions, feelings and behavior.”
“I don’t have the power to change others, only myself.”
“Refraining from judging others will assist me in listening to them effectively.”
“I allow others to be on an equal level with myself.”
These values influence Dave to listen empathetically, communicate openly, describe behavior
nonjudgmentally and assume responsibility for his feelings and behavior, and, in turn, this
enhances the self-esteem of people around him.
On the other hand, if Dave had become defensive, listened critically, insisted on being right
no matter what and judged Bill as a complainer, he would have created a distancing, resisting
environment. You can imagine how that type of listening behavior would have serious
consequences on their relationship and on Bill’s motivation and performance. Needless to say,
the bottom line would be adversely affected. ·
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HR Magazine, November 2001 - Management Tools
You want to avoid the following attitudes that cause this type of behavior: judging others,
which leads to labeling; putting responsibility of one’s feelings and behavior on others; trying
to change others instead of focusing on changing yourself; believing that only a few people
deserve your respect, and then only if their behavior continues to please you.
Listening Is a Skill
Effective listening is a learned skill; it doesn’t happen automatically for most people. In
addition, there are few rewards for listening, but there are punishments for not listening. How
many times have you been affected by how a person listened to you? How do you feel when
listeners are not paying attention to you by looking at their watches, doing some activity or
not acknowledging what you’ve said. You probably felt put down or, even worse, you felt like
you were talking to a wall. Listeners have a lot more power and impact on the talker than
most people realize.
In addition, many people tend to assume listening is basically the same as hearing—a
dangerous misconception that leads to believing that effective listening is instinctive. As a
result, supervisors make little effort to learn or develop listening skills and unknowingly
neglect a vital communication function. Research shows that the average person on the job
spends 40 percent of his time listening, 35 percent talking, 16 percent reading and 9 percent
writing.
On average, people only are about 35 percent efficient as listeners. This lack of effective
listening often results in missed opportunities to avoid misunderstandings, conflict, poor
decision-making or a crisis because a problem wasn’t identified in time.
Three Levels of Listening
Awareness of your listening behavior will go a long way in helping you become an effective
listener. Listening can be divided into three levels, which are characterized by certain
behaviors that affect listening efficiency. These levels are not sharply distinct but rather
general categories into which people fall; they may overlap or interchange, depending on
what is happening.
As a person moves from Level 3—the least effective—to Level 1—the most effective—the
potential for understanding and retention of what is said and for effective communication
increases. People listen at different levels of efficiency throughout the day. This depends on
the circumstances, their attitudes about the other person and past experience.
Most often, people have difficulty listening effectively when in a conflict situation, when
dealing with emotional people, when having criticism directed at them, when being disciplined
or when feeling anxious, fearful or angry.
The following descriptions of the three levels will help you understand the distinction between
how each level is expressed:
Level 1. A person at Level 1 demonstrates the characteristics of a good listener. These
listeners look for an area of interest in the talker’s message; they view it as an opportunity to
gather new and useful information. Effective listeners are aware of their personal biases, their
attitudes, are better able to avoid making automatic judgments about the talker and to avoid
being influenced by emotionally charged words. Good listeners suspend judgment and are
empathetic to the other person’s feelings. They can see things from the other person’s point
of view and inquire about rather than advocate a position. This listening behavior allows them
to tap into their higher creative intelligence.
Level 1 listeners use extra thought time to anticipate the talker’s next statement, to mentally
summarize the stated message, question or evaluate what was said, and to consciously notice
nonverbal cues. Their overall focus is to listen with understanding and respect. In the
example at the beginning of this article, Dave did an excellent job responding to Bill at Level
1. Read the brief scenario again with the description of Level 1 in mind and you will see how
Dave illustrates these characteristics.
Level 2. At this level, a person is mainly listening to words and the content of what is being
said, but does not fully understand what the words mean. This results in the semantic barrier
—the meaning of words. There are thousands of words in the English vocabulary. The
average adult in the United States uses 500 of these words most often. However, each one of
these words has between 20 and 25 meanings. This means that we are using 500 words with
the possibility of 12,500 different meanings. Adding to the confusion is the variety of slang
Americans use, double meanings of many words, and on and on.
The important factor in all of this is that words don’t communicate. It’s the meaning and the
understanding of words that make communication work. For instance, Level 2 listeners are
zeroing in on words, but many times, they miss the intent, such as what is being expressed
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HR Magazine, November 2001 - Management Tools
nonverbally through tone of voice, body posture, gestures, facial expression and eye
movement.
As a result, Level 2 listeners hear what the speaker says but make little effort to understand
the speaker’s intent. Needless to say, this can lead to misunderstanding, incorrect actions,
loss of time and a variety of negative feelings. In addition, since the listener appears to be
listening by nodding his head in agreement and not asking clarifying questions, the talker
may be lulled into a false sense of being listened to and understood.
Level 3. At this level, people are tuning out the speaker, daydreaming, forming rebuttals or
advice internally, faking attention while thinking about unrelated matters, and are more
interested in talking than in listening. When this Level 3 is activated it causes relationship
breakdowns, conflicts and poor decision making because the person is busy finding fault,
being judgmental and closed off to what is being said that they disagree with, responding
defensively, or becoming overly emotional. All of this influences either the talker or the
listener to move into the flight-or-fight mode.
As you examine these three levels, you can imagine how different groups and individuals
would work together based on which level they are activating. Take a moment to think back
to your experiences when working with different individuals and groups. What made the
experience positive? What was the energy like? What got accomplished? How were decisions
made and problems resolved? Effective listening at Level 1 plays a major factor in making the
experience positive.
It’s important to understand that these three levels are happening all the time—not just when
you are listening. When is the last time you read a book and got to the bottom of the page
and didn’t remember anything of what you read? Level 3 reading. How many memos are read
at Level 3? When is the last time you read something, understood it, remembered it and
actually could apply what you read? Level 1.
About 20 percent of the work population are spending most of their time at Level 1, and the
other 80 percent are vacillating between Levels 2 and 3, and occasionally, Level 1.
Benefits of Level 1 Listening
There are many benefits for supervisors who listen effectively at Level 1 to those they
supervise. When employees know they are talking to a listener instead of a supervisor who
sits in judgment, they openly suggest ideas and share feelings. When this happens the two of
them can work as a team creatively solving the problem instead of placing blame on each
other.
As an effective listener, you set in motion a positive, mutually rewarding process by
demonstrating interest in the employee and what he or she is saying. This empathetic
listening encourages honesty, mutual respect, understanding and a feeling of security in the
employee.
Listening also encourages employees to feel self-confident. This in turn can build their selfesteem and a feeling of being empowered.
Guidelines for Empathetic Listening
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Be attentive. You will create a positive atmosphere through your nonverbal behavior, for
instance, eye contact, an open relaxed posture, a friendly facial expression and a pleasant
tone of voice. When you are alert, attentive and relaxed, the other person feels important and
more secure.
●
Be interested in the speaker’s needs. Remember listening at Level 1 means you listen
with understanding and mutual respect.
●
Listen from a caring attitude. Be a sounding board by allowing the speaker to bounce
ideas and feelings off of you while assuming a nonjudgmental, non-criticizing manner. Don’t
ask a lot of questions right away. Questions often can come across as if the person is being
“grilled.”
●
Act like a mirror. Reflect back what you think the other person is feeling. Summarize
what the person said to make sure you understand what he’s saying.
●
Don’t let the other person “hook you.” This can happen when you get personally
involved. Getting personally involved in a problem usually results in anger and hurt feelings
or motivates you to jump to conclusions and be judgmental.
●
Use verbal cues. Acknowledge the person’s statement using brief expressions such as,
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HR Magazine, November 2001 - Management Tools
“hm,” “uh-huh,” “I see,” “right” or “interesting.” Encourage the speaker to reveal more by
saying “tell me about it,” “let’s discuss it,” “I’d like to hear what you’re thinking,” or “I’d be
interested in what you have to say.”
Following these guidelines will help you be a successful listener. It’s critical to create the habit
of being a Level 1 listener by applying these guidelines on a daily basis so that they are
internalized as part of your listening behavior. You can do this by taking time each day to
carry out these skills successfully in a specific situation. You will be surprised at the results.
Madelyn Burley-Allen founded Dynamics of Human Behavior in 1972. She has given
more than 2,000 seminars in the United States, China, India, Russia, Singapore,
Indonesia and Malaysia. She is the author of Listening: The Forgotten Skill (John
Wiley & Sons, 1995), Managing Assertively: How to Improve Your People Skills
(John Wiley & Sons, 1995) and Memory Skills in Business (Crisp Publications,
1988). She can be reached at www.dynamics-hb.com or dhb8@wimberley-tx.com.
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