Leader’s Guide
Freedom to Marry 101: What’s it all about?
Adult Study for Oregon Synod Congregations
This curriculum is designed for use in Oregon Synod-ELCA congregations during 2013-2014 to assist in
preparing members for the state-wide Freedom to Marry and Religious Protection ballot initiative. Its
design requires a leader to present the information and facilitate the discussion. A companion
PowerPoint can be used to assist with the presentation, as desired, but it isn’t required.
How to use this Adult Study
This study can be used in a number of ways, depending on the needs of your congregation.
As a stand-alone adult education forum. In a single class, it is possible to communicate the basic
information, but it will be densely packed and not allow optimal time for discussion. If you choose
to start with a single-class forum, we recommended that you reserve the last several minutes of the
class for thinking about what further exploration and discussion of the subject that the group wishes
to make happen.
As part of a two-hour forum. In order to allow the congregation time to participate in thinking and
talking about the freedom to marry together, we hope that leaders will consider creating at least a
ninety-minute to two-hour forum (or two 1-hour classes). This allows for more time to present the
information, show and discuss the 8-minute “Coming Out as a Person of Faith” video, and still
include time for talking through the suggested discussion questions together.
As part of a series of forums. The material can easily be expanded to three or four sessions. One
could start with the basic information and a showing of the “Coming Out as a Person of Faith” video
with discussion in the first session. Subsequent sessions could expand on the material on Lutheran
theology with additional resources from the social statement Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust and
the cited segments of the ELCA Constitution. To further include the voices of people who are gay
and lesbian, consider bringing in guest speakers to talk about same-gender relationships, marriage,
and family through their personal stories.
Sample formats for a variety of forums are available at the end of this guide.
Using the Companion PowerPoint
We have developed an optional PowerPoint to assist study leaders in moving through the discussion
with a group. You can download the PowerPoint from the Oregon Synod Resource page:
www.oregonsynod.org/freedom-marry. While the PPT is wordy, we didn’t include all of the relevant
material in the slide presentation, so you will want to keep the written study guide handy to help flesh
out each section. You might have a group member read aloud the occasional slides with quoted text in
order to help the group comprehension. Review the discussion questions beforehand and use only the
ones that you think will be helpful for your group in the time you have allotted. You can “hide” slides
that you choose not to use.
Using the ‘Coming Out as a Person of Faith’ video
Because we believe that voices of people who are lesbian and gay belong in this conversation, we
strongly suggest supplementing this Adult Study with the 8-minute Coming Out as a Person of Faith
video, which is found here: http://www.OregonUnitedforMarriage.org/People-of-Faith-forMarriage/video or http://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=1rzLWZmrg00.
Having the congregational group watch the video and then discuss their feelings and reactions helps to
provide a personal basis for the rest of the curriculum. The video can be placed at any point in the class,
but works well before or after the “Why Are We Talking About This in Church?” section. It is imbedded
in the accompanying power point presentation at that point.
In a multi-session class series, the video can be shown with more time for discussion, using questions
such as the following:
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR COMING OUT AS A PERSON OF FAITH VIDEO
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What feelings or reactions do you have after viewing the exhibit and watching the video? What
does it bring up for you?
Is there a particular story that touched you more deeply? Why?
Some of the participants in the exhibit changed their mind and hearts about the freedom to
marry because they got to know someone who is gay or lesbian. How has this made a difference
for you?
Having viewed the video, why do you think marriage matters to committed gay and lesbian
couples and their families? Do you think heterosexual and same-sex couples want to get
married for similar reasons?
A number of clergy and religious leaders featured in this exhibit support the freedom to marry
because they believe their faith calls them to do so. Does our faith sometimes call us to speak
out and take action in society?
How do the words and actions of Christians make a difference when society faces an issue such
as the freedom to marry?
Discussion Facilitation
Talking together in congregations about difficult subjects such as freedom to marry can be challenging,
and attention should be paid to skilled facilitation of discussion in order to remain sensitive to all points
of view. We suggest using Rev. Eric Law’s Guidelines for Respectful Communication:
R: Take RESPONSIBILITY for what you say and feel without blaming others (encourage the use
of “I…” statements – ask participants to speak for themselves, not others)
E: Use EMPATHETIC listening (what is the speaker trying to communicate about what s/he
feels?)
S: Be SENSITIVE to differences in communication styles (think about how your message may
come across to the listeners)
P: PONDER what you hear and feel before you speak (might this cause hurt or harm to
someone?)
E: EXAMINE your own assumptions and perceptions (is it possible that what we’ve always
thought was true or right is now something that we need to view differently?)
C: Keep CONFIDENTIALITY (what is said here, stays here)
T: TRUST ambiguity because we are not here to debate who is right or wrong (this discussion
isn’t about establishing consensus, but rather an exploration of a variety of views – in the end,
we will agree to disagree and that’s okay)
These guidelines assist those who are facilitating discussion as well as participants in the discussion. It is
helpful, as facilitator, to review these guidelines prior to the class and think about how they apply to
your leadership process. We suggest introducing the guidelines to the group before starting the
discussion – perhaps make a copy of the guidelines on half-sheets of paper to put on tables in from of
participants or have a large copy of the guidelines on an easel or whiteboard in front of the room.
Emphasize that, when talking about the freedom to marry, there is no need to agree. Discussion is
about sharing thoughts and feelings safely, without fear of being attacked as “wrong.” Ask for an
abundance of grace and loving care for each other as participants share thoughts and feelings.
It might also be appropriate to introduce the concept of “step up, step back.” Recognizing that, as
individuals, we all have different approaches to discussion, this concept suggests that those of us who
are able to share thoughts freely and easily with each other may need to step back, while those who
tend to be quieter or find speaking out challenging may want to step up so that all voices and
perspectives can be heard in the conversation.
During discussion, watch out for the use of stereotypes, which assign negative characteristics to an
entire group of people (such as “gay people are pedophiles”). One gentle way to challenge a stereotype
is to ask the group whether they have any stories that show a different reality than what was just
presented – going to personal experience rather than having an intellectual debate or confrontation
allows people to hear with their hearts.
Don’t be afraid to ask for personal stories – many people have stories to share and are just waiting for
an invitation to discuss something that they might have otherwise kept secret for fear of being
ostracized. Stories are an important part of discussions, but it’s also important not to allow any one
person to dominate too much time – keep asking “Does anyone else have any experiences or feelings
about this?”
If time runs out and people have more to talk about, it’s a good indication that another class needs to be
added! Ask the group what they want, and what more they need in order to feel like they understand
this issue.
Some congregations may be ready and willing to become public advocates for the freedom to marry. If
the congregation chooses to consider making a public endorsement of legalizing civil marriage for all
committed couples in Oregon, we have a template for a congregational resolution on the Oregon Synod
Resource page: WWW.OREGONSYNOD.ORG/FREEDOM-MARRY/
Be ready with the handout What Lutherans Can Do to Support the Freedom to Marry, specifically written
for Oregon congregations. Again, you can find it on the Oregon Synod Resource page:
WWW.OREGONSYNOD.ORG/FREEDOM-MARRY/
Would you like assistance?
The ReconcilingWorks Portland Metro Chapter Task Force for Freedom to Marry is ready to assist you in
bringing this conversation to your congregation. We have placed a number of resources on the Oregon
Synod website for you to utilize. See WWW.OREGONSYNOD.ORG/FREEDOM-MARRY/
More resources for communities of faith are being prepared by the Faith Director of Oregon United for
Marriage and will be placed on their website: WWW.OREGONUNITEDFORMARRIAGE.ORG/
If there is a resource that you need and can’t find, feel free to let us know and we’ll assist you in tracking
down what you are looking for. We are also available to help facilitate this class with your congregation,
as our schedules allow. Please contact us at oregonlutheransformarriage@gmail.com if you would like
to explore having us come to your church to assist with this discussion or if you need additional
resources.
Feedback
Please give us feedback – we want to know how you used this study. Tell us what worked well and what
can be improved. We will make changes throughout the next months in order to keep this guide as
helpful to clergy and lay leaders as possible.
Some sample formats for using these materials
ONE-HOUR ADULT FORUM (90 minutes is more optimal)
7 minutes
 Introduction, Cultural and Political Context, Current law in Oregon
3 minutes
 Why are we talking about this at church?
15 minutes
 Coming Out as a Person of Faith video and brief discussion
10 minutes
 How do Lutherans understand the Bible? and How do Lutherans think about
marriage?
10 minutes
 What consensus do Lutherans hold about same-gender couples?
5 minutes
 What is the role of the church in discussing and advocating for changing civil
laws?
5-10 minutes
 What next?
RESOURCES:
 Use Power Point presentation to move through material.
 Review discussion questions ahead of time and choose only the most relevant or helpful to
your group as time will be limited.
 Provide copies of Study Guide at the end of class, as is helpful.
 Distribute How Does Marriage Matter? booklet, including Oregon inserts, for class participants
to take home.
TWO-HOUR ADULT FORUM WITH GUEST SPEAKER(S)
7 minutes
 Introduction, Cultural and Political Context, Current law in
Oregon
3 minutes
 Why are we talking about this at church?
20 minutes
 Coming Out as a Person of Faith video and brief discussion
10-15 minutes
 How do Lutherans understand the Bible? and How do Lutherans
think about marriage?
10-15 minutes
 What consensus do Lutherans hold about same-gender couples?
10 minutes
 What is the role of the church in discussing and advocating for
changing civil laws?
30-45 minutes
 Guest speaker or panel with discussion
5-10 minutes
 What next?
RESOURCES:
 Use Power Point presentation to move through material.
 Consider using more than one presenter – perhaps a lay person would do the opening,
background materials, and video discussion while a pastor would do the Lutheran
understanding of marriage materials.
 Recruit a guest speaker or panel: congregational members or others who are in a same-gender
relationship or have a family member who is. Contact the Task Force for Freedom to Marry for
assistance in finding speakers/panel members, if needed.
 Alternatively, allot more time for group discussion of the Coming Out as a Person of Faith video
and discussion questions.
 Provide copies of Study Guide at the end of class, as is helpful.
 Distribute How Does Marriage Matter? booklet, including Oregon inserts, for class participants
to take home.
THEMED SUNDAY
Adult Education Forum – 1 hour
7 minutes
 Introduction, Cultural and political context, and Current law in
Oregon
3 minutes
 Why are we talking about this at church?
20 minutes
 Coming Out as a Person of Faith video and brief discussion
10-15 minutes
 How do Lutherans understand the Bible? and How do Lutherans
think about marriage?
10-15 minutes
 What consensus do Lutherans hold about same-gender couples?
Special Mention during Worship Service
 Examples of Liturgy pieces, prayers, and sermon themes are available in the Faith Toolkit from
Oregon United for Marriage.
After Church Forum (perhaps with a light lunch) – 90 minutes to 2 hours
5-10 minutes
 Repeat or summarize Introduction, Cultural and political context,
and Current law in Oregon
5-10 minutes
 Brief summary of Lutheran understanding discussed in morning
session OR brief summary of this congregation’s actions (RIC?
authorized blessing of same-gender unions?)
45-60 minutes
 Guest speaker or moderated panel with discussion
10-20 minutes
 What is the role of the church in discussing and advocating for
changing civil laws?
10 minutes
 What next?
RESOURCES:
 Use Power Point presentation to move through material.
 Consider using more than one presenter.
 Recruit a guest speaker or panel: congregational members or others who are in a same-gender
relationship or have a family member who is. Contact the Task Force for Freedom to Marry for
assistance in finding speakers/panel members, if needed.
 Provide copies of Study Guide at the end of class, as is helpful.
 Distribute How Does Marriage Matter? booklet, including Oregon inserts, for class participants
to take home.