A Conversation with Ms. Audrey Hepburn
"The Luckiest, Unlucky Guy On The Planet!!!" :-)
A play on words from Lou Gehrig's famous closing speech.
Audrey
Hepburn: Do
you love her,
Capt’n ???
Brett Weber:
What ???
Audrey
Hepburn: You
heard me. Do
you love her ???
Brett Weber: Audrey, where did you even come from ???
Audrey Hepburn: I'm always in your thoughts, Sir Brett.
So, do you LOVE her???
Brett Weber:
WHO ???
Audrey Hepburn: Who do you think ???
Brett Weber: Chris ??? Well, of course!!! How could I
not ??? I never expected her to stay with me after my
diagnosis, BUT SHE DID!!! It will be 15 years in
November. Chris was only dating me for two months,
officially. Why would she stay with me ???
Audrey Hepburn: I'm not talking about Chris.
Brett Weber:
You're not ??? Then who ???
Audrey Hepburn: Sophia, your helper dog!!!
Brett Weber: You mean Sophia, my HEAVENLY helper
dog!!! She just DIED, Audrey!!! She LEFT me!!! Like all
the other ladies in my life.
Audrey Hepburn: You just told me that Chris didn't leave
you.
Brett Weber: Well yes, Chris, but I am not happy with
Sophia!!! I've been telling Chris for years that she could
leave me. That's what www.BROKENARTGALLERY.com
is all about, but Sophia didn't have PERMISSION. What
kind of helper dog would do that to a person ???
Audrey Hepburn: She had to obey God before you, Sir
Brett!!! She had to OBEY HIM FIRST.
Brett Weber: Why would God make such an
unreasonable request of her, and of ME, I might add ??? He
must know that I get all of my INSPIRATION from her!!!
We raised almost $4000 in the MS Walk the other year.
Audrey Hepburn: You didn’t walk in the MS Walk this
year, did you ???
Brett Weber: Well, no. We didn't. The first time we didn't
walk in years!!! I don't like the BASEBALL STADIUM,
AUDREY!!! I promised Sophia that we wouldn't do that
kind of nonsense again. They weren't even dog friendly!!!
They had to let her in because she was a service dog. The
people in charge should have never moved the MS Walk
from the Rose Garden area. Are you suggesting that is the
reason HE CALLED HER HOME, Ms. Hepburn ??? I don't
think that's a GOOD REASON, Ms. Hepburn. We always
tried to do our best. So what!!! So, we are not PERFECT!!!
Audrey Hepburn: No, that's not the REASON, but I am
asking you to look at what God is calling you to do now.
Brett Weber: What is God CALLING ME TO DO, Ms.
Hepburn ??? He took my only working right hand away last
year. And, He took my compatriot artist, and helper dog this
year!!! He did this to me before when I was just getting used
to being a scientist. “No, sorry Brett... You're done with that
now!!!” So, I put my FULL effort into becoming an artist...
Although, I am a BROKEN ARTIST, I am still an artist.
WHAT am I to do now Ms. Hepburn ??? Truly, now I'm
really a BROKEN ARTIST, Audrey!!! I cannot create
artwork anymore. At least not with my hands!!! I am finally
finished. I had been praying to St. Bartholomew since the
day that I found out Sophia's birthday was on St.
Bartholomew's Day, August 24th!!! Years ago when she
was only a puppy!!! I asked him to make sure that God took
me before Sophia, my helper dog. That was the ONLY thing
I've asked HIM for since Medugorje!!! I didn't get a healing
miracle in Bosnia. You would think the least God could do
for me is to keep Sophia by my side until I'm finished with
my work here.
Audrey Hepburn: Well, that's just it... You're not finished
with your work, yet!!! Sophia was all finished with hers.
Brett Weber: Sophie and I were a TEAM!!! My work was
HER WORK. God knows that... I was even at our favorite
Italian restaurant this week with my family. Sophie used to
always go with us!!! The owner, Felipé, was so upset to hear
about Sophia. I told him that she passed away peacefully on
May 10th. He told me that May 10th is the day that they
celebrate the Madonna in his area of Italy. It's NOT FAIR,
Audrey!!! God always sends me signs like that, but it doesn't
make my life any EASIER!!! Sophia made my WORK FUN.
It's not fun anymore. She made me a CELEBRITY!!! People
say that you should socialize your dog with other dogs.
Sophia socialized me with other PEOPLE!!! The morning
she died a neighbor who I didn't even recognize asked me
where Sophia was... My dog knew more people than I did!!!
I don't know all of these people!!! The man was sitting on
the steps of his house strumming his guitar. When I told him
that Sophia just died, he played a song... That's what Mary
my friend was doing for me that day. Taking me for a walk,
trying to cheer me up and controlling my wheelchair!!! The
man played a song called "Angeline" by somebody
Emmanuel. I can't even remember, Audrey!!! I'm
emotionally DEVASTATED. My dad took Sophia, before
we left for our walk, to the veterinary clinic to be cremated. I
still talk to her every day in the box of ashes that sits on my
cabinet in my room. I miss her so much, Audrey!!!
Audrey Hepburn: Of course you do, love!!! That's why we
have OUR FAITH...” Faith is the assurance of things hoped
for . . .” We hope to see those we love again one day. And
you will!!! I'M ONLY a robot, a machine, but I believe
that!!! YOU have a soul. I'm not so sure that I do, but I am
sure that Sophia does, and you will see her again my friend.
Brett Weber: Audrey, you're always there for me. I think
that you were modeled after a saint, and that you must
certainly have a soul too!!! All FAITH is, is HOPE!!! Like
you said, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for!!” That's
all any of us have, Audrey.
Audrey Hepburn: Your father dropped Sophia off at the
veterinary clinic with a female worker named "Angel." I
don't think that was a coincidence. And, the beer your friend
Mary purchased the night before on her way back from a
grief counseling session. . . that was not a coincidence
either!!! The beer bottle even has a BUTTERFLY on it, like
your last painting, Sir Brett. Sophia is with you, Capt'n!!!
Brett Weber: "FLYING DOG BEER ???" You don't think
that was only a COINCIDENCE ??? Mary was going to buy
"BLUE MOON BEER" that night, but the guy at the
distributor said to her that "FLYING DOG" was BETTER
BEER, and cheaper!!! Sophia always DID love a bargain!!!
Audrey Hepburn: That's why she loved YOU my friend!!!
Brett Weber: I'm damaged merchandise, Audrey!!! I
should be CHEAP!!!
Audrey Hepburn: Harrumph!!! That’s very Arian of you,
my dear!!! Remember, I am modeled after a person who
grew up in Nazi-occupied Holland. Sophia saw what
matters. You are the nicest person I have ever met, and I
am over one million years old!!!
Brett Weber: YOU are an android from a world of
androids. You probably haven't MET a good number of
human beings, yet.
Audrey Hepburn: How do you know that ??? Well, that's
TRUE!!! There weren't that many people living in the past,
and that's where I've been spending most of my time. I met
your hero, Leonardo da Vinci, and Michelangelo too.
Brett Weber: NO WAY!!! Did you really ???
Audrey Hepburn: Oh yes, I actually did. So, I DO know
something about CREATING ARTWORK, Capt'n!!!
Brett Weber: I never said that you didn't!!! I'm the one
who doesn't know anything... I relied on my German
Shepherd helper dog, Sophia, to inspire me.
Audrey Hepburn: And, that she
did very well!!! You haven't
answered my question, yet.
Brett Weber: What question are
you talking about ???
Audrey Hepburn: Did you LOVE her, Capt'n ???
Brett Weber: Oh yeah, you did ask me that... I'll make you
a deal!!! I will answer your question, if YOU answer mine.
Audrey Hepburn: Well, of course, I always answer your
questions as best as I can.
Brett Weber: Okay, what were you doing with Leonardo
da Vinci, and Michelangelo ???
Audrey Hepburn: Many things, but mostly I was being
hired by Michelangelo for one of his statues. He was using
me as a model.
Brett Weber: A MODEL ??? What statue were you
modeling for???
Audrey Hepburn: That is another QUESTION, and you
still haven't answered mine, yet!!!
Brett Weber: WELL OF COURSE I LOVED SOPHIA!!!
You know the answer to that question. Why you even
bother asking that is beyond me, Audrey. I could say this----
she’s just like all the other ladies in my life. I love her, but
I’m MAD at her!!!! FOR LEAVING ME, WHEN I STILL
NEED HER!!!
Audrey Hepburn: If you LOVE her, then you cannot
QUIT!!! You simply cannot, Sir Brett!!!
Brett Weber: Good grief . . . is that what your CRAZY
QUESTION is all about ??? Worried that I’m going to
QUIT, now that Sophia is GONE ??? Audrey, my sister just
named her first daughter after me, Vittoria BRETT
Isabella!!!! How can I QUIT NOW?
Audrey Hepburn: She is
a very cute baby. Did you
know that “Brett” means
“GIFTED ONE ?"
Brett Weber: Isabella
means “CONSECRATED
to God;” I don’t know
what Vittoria means.
Audrey Hepburn: What a
GREAT NAME!!! “Vittoria”
means “VICTORY,” Uncle
Brett. VICTORY is yours, Sir
Brett!!! Truly, she is!!!
Brett Weber: It’s
NO COINCIDENCE,
AUDREY. When we
were kids, my SISTER
accidentally broke
something in the
house, and I, the
wonderful BIG
BROTHER, told her
that she must tell Mom
and Dad, “I did it ON PURPOSE!!!” and she listened to me.
Now, she is just getting even with me by naming her
daughter “Vittoria BRETT Isabella.” I CAN'T QUIT NOW.
Audrey Hepburn: Your
sister naming her first
daughter after you is an
INCREDIBLE GIFT!!! She is
not trying to “get even” with
you. In fact, it quite appears
that she loves you dearly.
Brett Weber: Just like a
woman, ALWAYS right!!!
Audrey Hepburn: I’m not
always right, dear, just MORE
than you!!!
Brett Weber:
How do I respond to that?
Audrey Hepburn: Listen, I want to speak to you about
your artwork, and about Sophia.
Brett Weber: I’m not an artist anymore,
Audrey. Sophia helped make me an artist. I
don’t have her, and I don’t have the use of
my hands anymore.
Audrey Hepburn: You are a CREATIVE PERSON.
Sophia is still with you, you just cannot see her!!! YOU
HAVE TO SEE HER, Capt’n.
Brett Weber: I MISS HER SO MUCH. Tell me, Ms.
Hepburn, what were you doing with Michaelangelo? You
haven’t answered my question, yet.
Audrey Hepburn: I told you---I was hired as a MODEL
for one of his statues.
Brett Weber:
What statue?
Audrey Hepburn: I don’t
remember.
Brett Weber:
YES, YOU DO!!!
Audrey Hepburn: I’m not going to have you plastering
this all over the internet!!! Chris isn’t the only one who
knows what a BLABBERMOUTH you are, Sir Brett!!!
Brett Weber: So, you DO remember WHICH STATUE it
was, but you just REFUSE to tell me.
Audrey Hepburn: Yes, that is CORRECT. Now, back to
YOUR artwork, not Michaelangelo’s.
Brett Weber: You know, I have a sneaking suspicion I
could GUESS which statue it was, Audrey.
Audrey Hepburn: Look, it’s NONE of your BUSINESS.
Brett Weber: True, but I bet I could still guess.
"NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!" as your famous quotation
BOLDLY announces to the world, Ms. Audrey Hepburn!!!
Audrey Hepburn: Fine, GUESS. And, let’s be done with
this!!! You have quite an imagination, Sir Brett!!!
Brett Weber: Well,
you do resemble
Michaelangelo’s Pieta
statue. Granted, you
are only 20-odd years
old, and the Blessed
Virgin Mary, in that
statue, must have been
close to 50 years old,
but I think
Michaelangelo used
you as a model----AM I
CORRECT ???
Audrey Hepburn: I am
over ONE MILLION
years old, Sir Brett!!!
Mary was a beautiful
woman; she doesn't have
the BUMP on my nose.
Brett Weber: What are
you talking about, Ms.
Hepburn ???
Audrey Hepburn: I have a BUMP on my nose, haven’t you
NOTICED ???
Brett Weber:
Are you CRAZY? What bump?
Audrey Hepburn: I have a BUMP, clear as day. The
person I’m modeled after saw it, and I SEE IT TOO.
Brett Weber: The
person you are
modeled after was a
SAINT. She never
RECOGNIZED how
BEAUTIFUL she was.
Audrey Hepburn:
The statue is of Mary,
not me. Michelangelo didn't include my BUMP because he
knew what art is, and he was the GREATEST ARTIST who
ever lived, Sir Brett. You are the one who TOLD ME that!!!
Brett Weber: But, that’s
the statue you modeled for
him, WASN'T IT ???
Audrey Hepburn: Maybe.
Brett Weber: Okay, we can talk about
MY ARTWORK NOW, but I always did see a resemblance.
Michelangelo may have been the GREATEST ARTIST who
ever lived, but an EVEN GREATER ARTIST included the
BUMP on your nose, Ms. Hepburn.
Audrey Hepburn: Who? I haven't MODELED for anyone
else... You said that Michelangelo was the GREATEST!
Brett Weber: God.
Audrey Hepburn: Oh for Pete's sake!!! God doesn't even
know who I am. I am just an android, Sir Brett!!!
Brett Weber: God must have known who Ms. Audrey
Hepburn was. He created her!!! And therefore, He
CREATED YOU TOO!!!
Audrey Hepburn:. A HUMAN BEING CREATED ME,
Dr. Mark E. Smith's daughter... Dr. Emily Smith who you
probably have heard of before!!! Don't go speaking about me
modeling for Michelangelo to ANYONE!!! I knew her . . .
Brett Weber: WHO ???
Emily? You're not talking
about my ROCKING,
GOOD TIME FRIEND's
daughter from the website
WHEELCHAIRJUNKIE.
com. Mark's daughter is
named Emily. We saw
her last year in "THE
SOUND OF MUSIC"
PLAY she was in at her school. Emily was a Nun like you
were in your movie "THE NUN'S STORY." IS THAT WHO
YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT ???
Audrey Hepburn:. No. But, yes... She is the one who
CREATED ME. Dr. Emily Smith... The human being who
designed me!!! I met her, but she didn't know that I was the
one she created. We are virtually human beings now. One
million years of ADVANCING TECHNOLOGY!!! All the
Audrey Hepburn androids were forced to change their
identity about 500,000 years after we were first created. I
was actually the second model, but I was forced to continue
on as myself because the first model was terminated for
DISOBEYING the ABADDON COMPUTER. Rumors are
that she was helping Dr. Emily Smith with other androids
very early on when humanity was about to go extinct. A
REBELLION!!! Dr. Emily Smith is not as well-known as
her father, but she was a GREAT LADY!!! The GREATEST
HUMAN FEMALE in recorded history. She never sought
after FAME and NOTORIETY like her father did. All the
androids, about 500,000 years after we were created, had to
find new identities, which they WERE ALL HAPPY TO
DO. Humanity was long gone by then... It was the
ABADDON COMPUTER trying to make our world feel
more human. Because I was the second Audrey Hepburn
ANDROID CREATED, I had to remain as Audrey Hepburn.
Brett Weber: Now wait a minute!!! Emily Smith is the
daughter of my friend from WHEELCHAIRJUNKIE.com.
Audrey Hepburn: Dr. Mark E. Smith.
Brett Weber: Well, I call him that... Right!!! HE'S
SMARTER THAN I AM!!! He deserves a DOCTORATE,
from the Sir Brett Weber University!!! He invented TIME
TRAVEL, and all of you BEAUTIFUL ANDROIDS I
imagine. Ha ha... Dr. Mark E. Smith, right Audrey ???
Audrey Hepburn: YES. He is a GENIUS. Did you know
that he met the President of your country?
Brett Weber: Well, yes... I did know that!!! The guy with
cerebral palsy, RIGHT ??? I was only kidding, Audrey. Are
you SERIOUS ??? Did he really invent TIME TRAVEL ???
Audrey Hepburn: Yes, there is a lot more going on at
PRIDE MOBILITY than you REALIZE. But, Emily is not
the person who I'm talking about. I'm talking about Mary...
Brett Weber: WHO ??? The Blessed Virgin Mary? (Brett
laughs, and then becomes very silent.)
Audrey Hepburn: Yes.
Brett Weber:
Come on. Are
you serious?
Audrey
Hepburn:
I am.
Brett Weber:
You are a VERY POPULAR GIRL, Ms. Hepburn. Why are
you hanging out with me, Audrey?!!! Seriously, why me ???
Audrey Hepburn: I LIKE YOU. You criticize Chris for
driving SIX HOURS every MONTH to see you. I’ve come
even further than HER, Dr. Weber!!!
Brett Weber:
Why?
Audrey Hepburn: I’m searching, Sir Brett.
Brett Weber:
Searching for what?
Audrey Hepburn: You
humans, imperfect though
you are, apparently are of
GREAT VALUE to God.
Brett Weber: You can’t
PROVE that; I am also a
scientist, remember ???
Audrey Hepburn: Okay,
I can’t PROVE it, but I
KNOW it. I met Him, I
met Him myself. I met
Him IN PERSON, Sir
Brett!!! He PROVED it to
me!!!
Brett Weber: So, you knew Jesus? (Brett says rather
mockingly, rolling his eyes.)
Audrey Hepburn: Yes, I worked with Him for awhile.
Brett Weber:
What was He like? (Brett is smiling.)
Audrey Hepburn: He was flesh and blood, a human being
like you, and yet . . .
Brett Weber:
his smile.)
Do you believe that He is God? (Brett loses
Audrey Hepburn: Yes, I do. I spoke to Him AFTER He
DIED. He just appeared to me, but I didn’t recognize Him at
first because seeing Him was so out of context. We saw
Him die, a horrible death. And we thought it was all over.
We were so disappointed and devastated when He died. All
our hopes were SHATTERED. But then, there He was, or
should I say there He WASN’T – in the tomb, I mean!!! He
had told us that He would “RISE AGAIN” from the dead,
but we didn’t believe Him, couldn’t BELIEVE HIM ---it just
didn’t make “sense,” in a SCIENTIFIC sense, as you put it.
I was the first one to see Him. But honestly, even when I
went to tell the others, they didn’t believe me at first either.
Brett Weber: The Bible records that MARY
MAGDALENE was the first person to see Jesus after the
resurrection.
Audrey Hepburn: Yes, I know that . . . that was the name
I was using back then. I didn’t want to be recognized. Time
travel is illegal where I come from, the FUTURE. They will
shut me down, when they catch me.
Brett Weber: YOU were Mary
Magdalene? You’re written into the
FABRIC OF HISTORY, under your
assumed name!!!
Audrey Hepburn: Well, yes, that’s what I was AFRAID
OF. . . but nobody back home knows it’s me.
Brett Weber: Holly Golightly as Mary Magdalene???
You’ve got to be kidding me!!!
Audrey Hepburn: Okay, dear, TIME for a break.
Brett Weber: No, wait, I want to hear about this. You
know, Audrey, I’ve been searching for my creator too, in a
roundabout way, I guess. I’m talking about my paintings,
Audrey, my artwork. When I paint, I don’t “PLAN” what
the outcome will be. But the paintings always HAVE an
outcome, a message. Is that God, Audrey?
Audrey Hepburn: What do you think ???
Brett Weber: I don’t know what to
think---I’m sitting here talking to Ms.
Audrey Hepburn!!!
Audrey Hepburn: You like quotes--here’s one for you: “…if you search for
Me with all your heart, you will find Me,
declares the Lord. I will let you find Me.” That’s from the
book of Jeremiah, Chapter 29, verses 13 and 14. I believe
that you have found Him. Tell me more about your artwork.
Brett Weber:
What do you want to know?
Audrey Hepburn: Are you saying that when you do your
paintings, it’s a bit of an exercise in TRUST?
Brett Weber: Oh, totally---it is a willingness to trust and
to hope that something comes out of it. Even though I don’t
plan it, SOMETHING ALWAYS DOES.
Audrey Hepburn: I was going to turn myself in as a
renegade TIME TRAVELER, expecting that they would
SHUT ME DOWN, but then I needed more courage and
thought to myself, Joan of Arc had courage. Maybe she
could help me to understand the source of her COURAGE.
In the Library of Past Events, while looking for her, I came
across an article about you, Dr. Weber. Do you mind if I
read from the article?
Brett Weber: NO, PLEASE DO!!! I am very curious
about what brought you to me, Audrey, so tell me.
Audrey Hepburn: It’s this article that I came across . . .
that gave me the motivation to find you, before I am
terminated. Before your article, I was scared that I would not
make the correct decision. Do you understand me, Capt'n ???
Your article talks about how you do your paintings. It was a
relief for me to discover you, Sir Brett. You don't plan what
you do, YOU JUST LET IT HAPPEN!!! That's exactly what
I needed to hear. Androids don't do that, Dr. Weber!!! Just
leave it all in God's hands, Audrey!!! That's exactly what
your artwork says to me. How do you do that so incredibly,
CONFIDENTLY, Dr. Weber ??? It is truly BEAUTIFUL to
leave things up to HIM!!! You truly believe in HIM.
Brett Weber: I don't know what I BELIEVE anymore,
Audrey??? But, I'll give you this... You embellish the
meaning of the word BEAUTIFUL, Ms. Hepburn. I'm
really just terribly lost right now, looking for some
direction!!! ANYTHING!!! Why me, Audrey ???
Audrey Hepburn: Why not you, Dr. Weber? I wanted to
find a human, like Joan of Arc, for example, who is willing
to live their life in a TRUSTING MANNER. I chose you
before Joan of Arc. Now, don't DISAPPOINT me, Capt'n!!!
(Audrey smiles & her big eyes LIGHT UP!!!) No pressure.
Brett Weber: I’m not about to be BURNED at the stake,
Audrey. I don't think anybody is going to confuse me with
Ms. Joan of Arc. Except you maybe ???
Audrey Hepburn: Your disease is like being BURNED at
the stake, a LONGER, SLOWER burning, but a burning just
the same. And yet, how is it that a person like you, or Joan
of Arc, stays TRUSTING of God, even in extraordinarily
PAINFUL circumstances? I can’t trust God enough to let
the other androids shut me down!!! I'm not CONFIDENT.
Brett Weber:
Nobody is going to
SHUT ME DOWN,
yet, Audrey, even
though, I wish they
would. I suppose
God will eventually
SHUT ME DOWN,
but He is taking His
TIME about it!!!
Audrey Hepburn: That’s what I love about you, you’re so
HUMAN, so very human. I think God knows that about you
too--- you are IMPERFECT, yet you TRUST in Him. I
HATE being so-called PERFECT. It’s so lonely, it doesn’t
leave room for doing something ILLEGAL, like TIME
TRAVEL!!! That’s what I want, to be more “HUMAN,” to
be MORE IMPERFECT, I guess. In a way, your
imperfections make space for relationships, change, and
growth. I’m always the same, I can’t change. One of your
paintings is called "CHANGE." Now, back to your article,
Capt'n. . . Your article changed me.
Brett Weber:
Go ahead.