Building a Strong CEO Roundtable
Roundtable Leader Handbook
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota, Inc.
Michael Miller – President
600 Twelve Oaks Center Dr.
Suite #648C
Wayzata MN, 55391
952-426-3056
mmiller@ceo-roundtable.org
www.ceo-roundtable.org
The Vision of CEO Roundtables of Minnesota
To be the premiere peer-sharing organization for leaders of growth-driven companies.
Mission Statement:

CEORoundtable will value your accomplishments, challenge your
perspectives, and support your drive to succeed.
The Goals of CEO Roundtables of Minnesota:
Roundtables:
 Provide confidential, problem solving insights through small-group,
peer-to-peer roundtables of exclusive, experienced – based sessions
with leaders of companies of $2mm or more in revenue or venture
backed and 10 or more employees;
 Leadership development through annual training, retreats and monthly
roundtable meetings
Learning programs include:
 Workshops that address critical business issues in-depth
 Strategic Partner programming with other Twin City business
organizations and higher learning institutions.
 Opportunities to gain/hone leadership skills
Networking opportunities:
 Expand membership peer-to-peer interactions through annual socials,
membership recruiting events, and membership-wide programming.
 Connect with other highly driven, successful business leaders through
partnerships with Twin Cities entrepreneurial business resources.
Leaders:
 Defined as those who are the final decision-maker, drive the
business’s strategic plan and the lead change agent. Examples of
acceptable titles: CEO, Chairman, President, Managing Partner,
Principle. Candidates may be asked to provide additional information if
responsibilities extend beyond given title.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 2
Roundtable Leader Overview
Thank you for taking on the leadership role for your roundtable. This handbook is
designed to assist you with facilitating the meeting process and to provide the
necessary guidelines to engage and enable roundtable members to drill down to the
core of their issues and to seek input from their peers.
Roundtable Leader Role
Your role is to facilitate and to assure that meetings run efficiently. By creating an
environment that supports your roundtable’s commitments, members will hold one
another accountable. Through time, building trust and committing to their roundtable’s
rules, members will come to share their issues “below the surface.” The goal of each
meeting is for each member to feel it was the best use of their time and that being apart
of this group will undoubtedly assist them in becoming a better business leader.
This handbook is to assist you in the process. Consider it a living document. Feel free to
make notes of what works and what doesn’t. As the leadership changes within your
roundtable, pass the handbook and your notes over to the new leadership.
Communication
Communication is key to the success of your roundtable and to this organization. As a
member-driven organization we rely on the feedback we receive from the members.
Roundtable leaders are expected to communicate regularly with their roundtable
members and the President. At the beginning of each month you will receive an update
of information from the President. These memos typically highlight upcoming events,
program inquiries or surveys. Please pass this information along to your roundtable
members and when requested, collect feedback from your roundtable members. This is
the best way to track the needs of our members and to provide the desired resources
members seek.
Board Support
The Board of Directors fully supports the roundtable leadership. If at any time during
your tenure you reach a point in which you think some additional training would be
beneficial or there is a particular issue you need some assistance, please feel free to
contact the Roundtable Chair or the President. If it is something that can’t be handled
directly by either of these individuals, the Board will be notified and the issue will be
handled in a timely manner.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Table of Contents
Roundtable Commitment Sample Form……………………………………..Pages 5 - 6
The Work of the Roundtable ………………………………………………….Page 7
Confidentiality…………………………………………………………………...Page 8
Roundtable Fundamentals…………………………………………………….Page 9
Vision/Purpose………………………………………………………………….Page 10
Roundtable Roles and Responsibilities………………………………………Page 11
Meeting Management Guidelines………………………………… …………Pages 12
Updates………………………………………………………………………….Pages 13-15
Roundtable Presentations & Explorations…………………………………...Pages 16
Presentation Timekeeping…………………………………………………….Page 17
Roundtable Protocol……………………………………………………………Page 18
Levels of Roundtable Development…………………………………………..Page 19
Roundtable Vitality Assessment………………………………………………Page 20
Intervention Model……………………………………………………………...Pages 21-22
Dealing with Difficult Situations……………………………………………….Pages 23-25
Gestalt Language Protocol………………………………………………….…Page 26
Exercises for Conversation Starters, Team Building & Retreats…….……Pages 27-48
Confidentiality Cases…………………………………………………………..Pages 49-53
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 4
Roundtable Commitment Sample Form
Purpose: To provide a safe, non-judgmental environment of peers for the
purpose of intimate experience and idea exchange and discussion, mutual
support, and self-reflection about any issue whether personal, family or
professional. To create a place where people care about and support each other
in a manner and style not otherwise available to the members.
Each roundtable is responsible for creating its own Commitment statement
utilizing this form and amending it where necessary with mutually agreeable
terms. All members will sign an agreement and a copy forwarded to the
President.
Commitment - Commitment is a concept. It is about adherence to an agreed upon set of
behaviors, rules and conditions that are spelled out specifically. A “committed” member lives by
these norms.
Confidentiality – It is total and forever. Everything said and done in roundtable, regardless of
how trivial it appears, is assumed to be confidential. Only the member who owns the data may
make it otherwise. Suspected breaches are brought before the group, before or after resolution.
Any breach can result in expulsion from the group.
Group Size/Diversity – We will have 8 to 11 members with diverse backgrounds, interests, and
experience.
Attendance – 100% is expected. Each roundtable sets its required minimum amount of meeting
attendance and guidelines. Each member will agree to adhere to the rules of their roundtable.
Dues – Each member agrees to pay their annual dues in a timely manner.
Punctuality – Everyone agrees to arrive on time and stay for the entire meetings. Individual
roundtables may make exceptions to this rule, but all members need to signoff on the mutually
accepted punctuality policy.
Retreats – Held annually; attendance mandatory. Meets everyone’s budget which is set by
open discussion with the concept that the budget should be equal to the lowest amount that is
comfortably affordable by any one member multiplied times the number of members; always
good balance of work and play.
Conflicts – Members will avoid conflicts of interest, competitive situations and engaging in
business relationships that may inhibit an otherwise safe and open environment.
Problems Take Priority – Every effort will be made to develop and follow a strict meeting
agenda with member presentations scheduled in advance. Members with issues that are
important and urgent may be moved to the top of the agenda.
Emergency Meetings – Any member can call an emergency meeting to be coordinated by the
leader. Members who can attend will do so. Attendance norm does not apply.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Meeting Setting – Roundtable meetings are rotated each month to a designated member’s
office. Meetings will be conducive to intimacy, comfort, and drive times.
Meeting Management – Clear agenda, sent out a few days in advance, well managed, good
timekeeping with prepared presenters. (See sample Meeting Management on page 11.)
Use of Roundtable Processes & Techniques - Members agree to employ the structure,
processes and methods to manage the roundtable experience in accordance with best practices
and training.
Judgment, Safety, Trust – All members must feel comfortable and secure bringing even the
most sensitive issues to the group. Members will own their experienced based sharing and
avoid shaming, blaming or fixing.
Transition/New Members – Members who are no longer qualified to be in the roundtable agree
to leave the group as per guidelines. New members will be interviewed in accordance with
individual roundtable practices. Requires unanimous acceptance. Anyone may veto a prospect.
The President will be immediately notified of the decision.
RTL Training – Leaders must complete training prior to taking charge. The use of Assistant
Leaders is preferred. Leaders’ term: 18 to 24 months.
RT Training – The Board of Directors will arrange for annual roundtable training. All members
must participate. Attendance is not optional.
Written Commitment – It is agreed to record these norms in writing and review them annually
at the retreat. A copy will be filed with the President.
Enforcement – Members agree to hold each other accountable for meeting these
commitments. Members who are unwilling or unable to meet these commitments agree to leave
the group voluntarily.
Assumed Resignation – It should not fall to the leader or another member to tell someone he
or she should leave the roundtable. Each member, by his or her behavior, determines the
relationship with the group. A clear violation of the norms implies a member has resigned. It is
up to the member to explain the circumstances of the violation and to request continued
membership in the roundtable.
****************************************************************************************************
I HAVE READ THE ABOVE AND AGREE TO ABIDE BY THE COMMITMENTS AS
OUTLINED AND PRESENTED BY MY ROUNDTABLE LEADER.
____________________________________________________________________________
Member Signature
Date
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 6
The Work of the Roundtable
CEO Roundtable is a member-driven organization that provides a venue in which
each member makes a commitment to continue to develop his or her skills as a
business leader. Through an open and confidential dialogue, members share their
experiences and engage one another to explore new insights and consider options
they may not have contemplated before.
Each member comes to the roundtable with his or her own unique combination of
personality, values, and life circumstances. As a result, each member has something
different to “work” on. No one can escape the need to adapt his or her normal patterns
of behavior in order to have an effective roundtable. All members know how hard they
must work just to stay within the structure of a four-hour roundtable meeting.
There is still another type of roundtable “work.” Responsible members “work” at
learning what the roundtable is about, whether it is reading the Roundtable Handbook,
making time to attend roundtable training, or carefully preparing a retreat exercise in
advance rather than on the plane, or worse, while another member is giving their
presentation.
Other kinds of roundtable “work” are subtler. For example, paying close attention
to another member during their update, listening to tone of voice, observing body
language, requires high levels of concentration and a sincere desire to learn about that
member – to hear their story. This is referred to as “active listening.”
One of the hardest work efforts occurs when we practice “Acceptance” –
refraining from judging a person because something about them or their approach to
things doesn’t fit our idea of normal or “acceptable.” Roundtables that perform at
consistently high levels do not get there by accident. Each member understands that
achieving the benefits of the roundtable requires effort. It is not uncommon to leave a
roundtable meeting with a feeling of exhaustion from the intense effort applied to being
fully present and engaged in the experience. In summary, a roundtable is primarily a
form of work, not a social or recreation event. The “work” is, for many, a labor of love,
which produces valuable and rewarding outcomes.
If you are reading this, you are doing the “work” of the roundtable. You have an active
interest in your roundtable and what it takes to make it successful. Your roundtable
must “work” in order to make the experience meet or exceed every member’s highest
expectations.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 7
Confidentiality
Without CONFIDENTIALITY, no roundtable can exist for long. It must be total and
absolute and clearly understood by all members.
For a roundtable to succeed, members must share openly and honestly. That requires a
commitment to confidentiality. Everyone must agree that everything said in the
room stays in the room.
Members must honor confidentiality and not tell even their spouses or significant others
what was said. Similarly, if members have a public company, sit on a board of a public
company, or are privy to insider information, it is illegal for them to trade stock based on
that information. Some groups require all members to sign a formal confidentiality
agreement.
Remember that the purpose of a roundtable is to build a cohesive group that will last for
years to come. If members talk about other members in their absence, it is potentially
divisive and destructive.
If a member accidentally breaches confidentiality, the leader and the person whose
confidentiality was breached can assess the need for further action. If the breach is
deliberate, the entire group should be informed and the member who breached should
resign.
Critical Components

Have an open discussion about it. Are you all in agreement.

Assume that anything and everything said in your roundtable is Confidential –
Make no assumptions otherwise.

To talk about something outside of your roundtable, ask the “holder” of the
information if it is OK. Otherwise, assume it is confidential, no matter how
trivial it seems.

Two or more roundtable members gathered together should consider
themselves a roundtable if they are talking about topics raised in roundtable
meetings.

Confidentiality is FOREVER. Even after a member leaves the roundtable, they
are still bound to this important roundtable standard.

Members who testify under subpoena should comply with the law.

Your roundtable may wish to put your Confidentiality agreement in writing.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 8
Roundtable Fundamentals
 Shared Vision of a Roundtable
 What is a Roundtable?
 What it is not!
 Clear expectations that are shared
 Confidentiality
 Commitment
 Dedicated and Responsible Members
 Leadership
 Renewal
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 9
Vision/Purpose
Expectations do not need to be in agreement, however there needs to be a strong
enough foundation but there can be differences.
Questions to ask:
1. What do you want from your roundtable?
2. What do you need from your roundtable?
3. What do you expect from your roundtable?
4. What are you willing to give to your roundtable?
Realizing “The possibilities of what could be.”
A Vision for a Roundtable
To be a caring group of committed peers and friends, meeting on a regular basis for
safe, unforced sharing on business, family, and personal topics.
The Roundtable is an environment of mutual trust, integrity, and caring,
where members are truthful and honest with each other, offering and receiving counsel,
helping each member generate and maintain accountability to self, and pointing out
blind spots.
Meetings and retreats are a blend of presentations, explorations discussions,
exercises, experiences, adventures, celebrations and pure fun.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Roundtable Roles & Responsibilities
Member

Participates fully. Makes total commitment. Adheres to roundtable’s commitment. Practices
excellent roundtable protocol and listening skills and shares insights based on experience.
Avoids judgmental and fix-it type behaviors. Makes environment safe. Shares responsibility
for making the success of the roundtable.
Leader










Creates safe, trusting environment
Manages roundtable process and protocol
Conscience of the group
Prepare and bring typed agenda to each meeting.
Will email the agenda and directions at least three days prior to the meeting date.
Ensure that a presenter and coach are selected for each meeting.
Lead group through generation of Parking Lot.
Lead group through scheduling.
Be a role-model member and lead by example.
Assign roles at the beginning of meeting to ensure the system is followed.
Assistant Leader



Supports leader; fills in, feedback; assessment
Gets trained and ready to assume role of leader
Can substitute for the primary leader in that person’s absence.
Presenter


Takes time to prepare. Tells members what he/she expects from them
Clear, well focused. Open and honest; willing to trust the group. Take risks.
Coach

Assists presenter with presentation guideline. Helps keep group focused on presenter’s
needs. Helps presenter stay focused and on track.
Timekeeper

Keeps time using stopwatch or other accurate timing method. Presentations and Updates
are timed.
Scribe

Person who keeps notes for presenter. All members should feel free to scribe, especially if
time is short. Leave your thoughts on paper for the presenter.
Retreat Team

Designs and plans outstanding annual retreat for the roundtable.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Meeting Management Guidelines
Segment
Opening
Updates
Update Review
Processing the
Parking Lot
Break
Presentation 1
Presentation 2
Close Meeting
Activity
Review confidentiality -Read case study
(optional)
Review planned agenda
Inclusion Exercise – Comm. Starter - Center
Updates should be prepared before each
meeting.
Each member follows update protocol
NO INTERRUPTIONS
Members “actively” listen – take notes
11 members x 5 mins. Each
Use stopwatch/timer
Each member identifies potential issues that
are important or urgent
Parking lot is updated
Urgent issues first – Log all important issues
Identify future presentations
Segments are planned for the time required
to support a member with their issue that is
presented to the group. Presentation can be
as short as 20 mins. or as long as 60
minutes. Calculate the time required for a
presenter. [Use Communication starters or a
brainstormed topic for a change of pace that
includes the whole group.]
Presentation/ Outside Presenter or Sponsor
Agenda for next meeting – future schedules
Housekeeping (Retreat planning, etc.
Performance Assessment: How did we do?
Did we use time wisely? Did we follow
protocol? What could we do differently next
time? CONFIDENTIALITY REMINDER
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Mins. Total
5
5
55
60
15
75
10
60
85
145
30
175
15
190
Page 12
Updates (For Listening Only)
When properly controlled with time closely monitored, people feel updates are too short
and don’t provide enough time for members to get into their issues. When updates are
not timed, however, some members ramble on, others interrupt with questions, and
before you know it everyone is rushing their updates to get done, or some members
don’t even get to their update at all. It is important to understand the purpose of
Updates:
 Quickly reconnect the group and examine what has been
happening in member’s lives
 Look forward to what may be ahead
 Develop opportunities to “present” or speak in greater detail
 Give each member a chance to seek support from the group
Updates are for Listening and Learning – Not Discussion or Clarification
1. Time everyone. Use a stopwatch. Provide 5 minutes per person with a 1-minute
warning before time is up.
2. NO INTERRUPTIONS – Members should have pencil and paper for writing down
questions they may have that can be asked during the Processing segment of the
meeting.
3. After all members have given their Updates, leader leads a discussion for potential
Presentations or more in-depth Discussion with a member.
4. Each roundtable may decide which of the two five-minute update methods
(Questions or Bullets) works best for their roundtable. One or the other will be
utilized at each meeting. Responses should be prepared prior to the start of the
meeting.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 13
Update Questions -One Update Choice
Reflect on your feelings and your emotions, as well as the actual issue(s). If things are
going great – tell the group! Celebrate. Talk about the things that excite you the most
and what you look forward to doing.
A. What’s the best thing that happened to you since we last met? Why was it special?
What’s the most challenging thing that happened? What made it such a challenge?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
B. What business or professional situations require your time, attention and/or
emotional involvement now or in the next 30 to 60 days? What is meaningful and
significant to you?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
C. What personal and/or family situations require your time, attention and/or emotional
involvement now or in the next 30 to 60 days? What is meaningful and significant to
you?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
D. Is there anything new to report about past issues or previous presentations?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
E. What would you like to talk about with the roundtable?
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
F. Share something neat, new or exciting-good movie or book, stock tip, news item, etc.
______________________________________________________________________
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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5-Minute Update Form – Second Update Choice
In each category, identify the key events/issues that have happened since the last time
the group met. It is not necessary to fill out all the squares.
Best
Worst
Look
Forward
Dread
Business
Family
Personal
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Roundtable Presentations or Explorations
Not every presentation needs to be about a problem. It could be a time for a member to wonder out loud
about an issue the member is facing that has no real solutions or opportunities to “fix” something.
Prepare outline below with a Coach
Nature: (Family, Business, Personal, Combination)
Coach’s Introduction
Title or Topic:
Expectations: (Support, just listen, ideas, shared experiences, alternatives, caring
judgment) Be very clear.
Key questions you want to explore:
Do you want a Call to Action:
Obstacles or boundaries the group should be aware of (Items that will not be
discussed by the group):
Feelings about the issue:
Background: (who, what, when, where, how – brief data set) (Anticipate using 2530% of entire presentation to describe)
Current conditions: Where are you now with the issue?
Future implication: What is likely to happen? Where is this headed?
Options as you currently see them:
Preferences: What would you like to see happen?
Conclusion: Restate to the group what it is you want from them.
Leader facilitates feedback session and makes sure the roundtable follows roundtable
protocol and stays aligned with presenter’s stated needs.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Presentation Time Keeping
Establish how long the entire Presentation Period is. Ask the coach and/or presenter.
Set up 25% to 30% of the total time as uninterrupted presenter time.
Allow 5 minutes at the end for closing and summary comments.
Plan your time management advisement periods
Model below assumes a 45-minute presentation:
Time
Line
60 minutes total
11 – 20 minutes to present
26 – 35 minutes for clarification, feedback, discussion
5 minutes to close and summary comment
0:00 Coach sets up and introduces presenter. Presenter begins.
7:00 Quiet reminder – We have used 7 minutes
18:00 One minute remaining for presentation (or. would you like
another 2 or 3 minutes?)
20:00 End of non-interrupted presentation
Begin clarification, discussion, feedback
Stay focused on presenter’s expectations, feelings and emotions.
Avoid trying to fix or resolve.
48:00 Announce 5 minutes until closing. Time to close the cue and
remind people that we are nearing the end of the presentation. If
it appears you will not get airtime, write your ideas down on
paper and hand to presenter at the close.
53:00 Move to closing comments. Each member states a final thought,
affirmation, validation, expression of support, or summary of what
was said. No member takes more than 30-45 seconds
60:00 Conclude presentation.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 17
Roundtable Protocol
WHEN PROVIDING FEEDBACK – REMEMBER, THE GOAL IS A SAFE
ENVIRONMENT, NOT ONE FILLED WITH UNWANTED JUDGMENT
AND “FIXING.”
Listen - Use your heart first; head second.
Seek to
understand. What is presenter feeling? Use Reflective
statements to understand feelings. Don’t deny the
member their feelings.
Accept - Put your cynic and critic on hold. Own your
judgments! Is your judgment from a caring motivation – or
your own shadows?
Question - Ask questions to stimulate not challenge.
Avoid “Why” questions. Make positioning statements first.
Respond - Use “I” statements.
Be specific and brief.
Stay focused on the presenter. Use reflective statements
to confirm and clarify. (Let me see if I’m hearing you
correctly…, It sounds like you are saying…Is that so?)
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 18
Levels of Roundtable Development
In gauging the health of a roundtable, it’s important to understand that groups typically go
through distinct levels of engagement. First, the group gets comfortable with each other and
builds trust. Later levels allow for discussion of deeper and more meaningful issues.
Monitor the level at which your group operates, and look for warning signs that may signal a
loss of vitality. Groups that stay stuck at Level 1 or that exhibit other danger signs may require
intervention to function smoothly.
There are three levels of development in a roundtable. The leader’s goal is to guide the group
past Level 1 to reach Levels 2 and 3.
Level 1
“Discussing the Basics”
Level 2
“Issues of Substance”
Level 3
“Breakthrough”
Members talk about things they address with casual
acquaintances and for which they usually have an answer.
Members will talk about things they’ve discussed with a few
trusted friends. There will still be emotional control.
Members discuss things no one, especially the presenter,
has thought about. Emotional involvement.
Moving the group to higher levels takes the following elements:

Time – It will take time to build.

Safe Environment – No breeches of confidentiality or Gestalt*.

Trust – Confidentiality is upheld.

Leadership – Roundtable leader taking the leap of faith, to set the example.

Confidence – Being confident that one will not be judged.

Commitment – Commitment by each member.

Mission – Agreement on the purpose of the group is essential.

Topic – Certain presentations can move the group to higher levels by their nature.

Once the group has reached Level 3, it’s not expected that every meeting will be a Level 3
experience. It is quite normal for a roundtable to live between Levels 2 and 3.
*Gestalt – see full explanation on page 25
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 19
Roundtable Vitality Assessment
The vitality assessment is an important tool that can signal a group’s loss of effectiveness.
Warning signs:
 Poor punctuality.
 Sporadic attendance.
 Lack of presenters.
 Presentations are “show and tell.”
 Lack of candid disclosure.
Specific solutions:
 Communicate the issues with the Roundtable Chair or the Executive Director.
 Hold a retreat for your roundtable.
 Revitalize using exercises.
 Train your leader.
 Conduct a survey and discuss results.
 Hire a professional facilitator for your retreat.
 Replace leader.
 Inject new blood.
 Rotate members.
Recognize the warning signs and act on them quickly. It is not a question of whether your
roundtable will face problems; it’s a question of when. Success comes from recognizing the
problems early and addressing them properly.
Avoiding Conflict
There are many factors that can lead to conflict between members of a roundtable group that
warrant special precautions. Consider these examples of conflicts and the precautions you can
take to combat them:
1. Members conduct business with each other.
2. Members have long-standing relationships that predate the roundtable.
3. Members engage in extracurricular relationships.
These situations can breed resentfulness and tension between members, which can cause the
entire roundtable to suffer. It is best to avoid such situations between members of existing
groups, in the formation new groups, and in adding new members.
Conflict Resolution Tips
Steps for handling conflict within roundtables:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Address conflict one-on-one with the person whom it concerns.
Involve the leader if issue is unresolved.
Involve group if issue remains unresolved.
If it’s not possible to follow these steps, you can address the issue before the group. But
never discuss the issue in the absence of the person with whom you have the conflict.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
Page 20
Intervention Model
There will be times when a member or members exhibit behavior that inhibits or
impedes the roundtable’s ability to be effective. The environment becomes tense, or
unsafe because of a member not adhering to the norms, or because of conflict between
two or more members. There are 2 possible interventions to use: The One-To-One,
and the Clean Talk models. Whenever possible, member behaviors or conflicts
between two members should be addressed first in a One-To-One. The air may be
tense enough without adding the pressure of a public confrontation in front of the whole
roundtable. To intervene with a member who is not following the agreed upon norms,
the leader should follow this sequence:
Offline One-To-One
1. Ask the member if you could have a word in private.
2. Describe the observed behavior without judgment in your tone or posture.
I have noticed that you have arrived late the last 2 meetings. As leader, it is my job to check in with
members to see how things are going with them.
3. Explain the challenges and impact of the behavior on the roundtable’s ability to be
effective.
I am worried about the message it sends to the rest of the group. We all agreed how important it
was to be punctual. It communicates respect. If it is OK for one of us to be late, it is OK for
everyone. The issue of equality comes into play. It is disruptive when we cannot start on time. It
is disruptive when someone enters after the meeting has started.
4. Seek acknowledgement of the facts and acceptance of the possible consequences
on the group’s performance and safety.
How do you feel about this? Tell me about your view. Are you having some other problem with the
norms?” Do we need to address or adjust something that you can support? Seek to understand the
member’s view and feelings. Is the roundtable right for this person at this time?
5. Advise of next action. The norms call for discussion by the group for chronic failure
to live by the norms. Tell the member you do not want him/her to be blind-sided by a
sudden discussion of the behavior in front of the group. Explain, however, that this
should be brought to the roundtable to tell everyone it has been discussed.
6. Consider using the Clean Talk.
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Clean Talk
Party A
Party B
You want to get clear with Party B.
Invited the person to sit with you for
this purpose.
Listen carefully and prepare to
state clearly exactly what Party A
has said. Repeat the Facts,
Feelings, Judgments and Wants
verbatim. Keep notes if you need
to, or ask A to repeat as often as
necessary.
Think carefully and state clearly as
outlined below. Remember that
Party B must be able to repeat
back everything you say in
verbatim.
PARTY “B”
MUST
LISTEN
CLOSELY
Let me see if I understand you
accurately. Your:
Here are my:
Facts
“These are the facts,
circumstances, and situation as I
see it…”(be clear)
Feelings
“My feelings are, as I experience
them…” Examples include, anger,
frustration, sadness, joy sorrow,
surprise, disappointment,
embarrassment. It’s about
emotions.
Judgments
“This makes me think…” State the
opinions, conclusions, thoughts
and reactions you have about the
issue.
And What I Want Is
“What I want is…” Explain to “B”
what you want. “B” may or may not
provide it in this moment. “B” may
reverse and become “A.”
THEN
REPEAT
WHAT
WAS SAID
EXACTLY
AS PARTY
“A” SAID
IT
Facts
“These are the facts,
circumstances, and situation as
you see them…”(be clear)
Feelings
“You are feeling…” Repeat the
feelings expressed by “A.”
Judgments
“In your judgment…” Repeat the
opinions, conclusions, thoughts,
and reactions of “A”
And What I Want Is
State the response, reaction, and
action “A” would like to see.
THEN ASK:
1. Is there more?
2. Are you clean with this?
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Dealing with Difficult Situations
In Leading Your Roundtable
To prepare for common challenges that arise in groups, leaders should review the following
problems and solutions:
The dominator. This member always dominates the conversation, interrupts freely and
engages in monologues that prevent the development of meaningful exchange.
Possible solution: Use Gestalt Language Protocol (see page 26). Ensure your timekeeper
enforces limits on how much time one person can speak. Persistent breaches of the time
protocol may require a one-on-one intervention from the leader and ultimately a group
discussion if the behavior persists. It’s possible that the dominator is unaware of such behavior
and a frank discussion will help.
Pre-empt dominators by reminding them to observe Gestalt Language Protocol and wait for
their turn to speak.
Examples: "Terry, I know what you have to say is important, but I need you to wait until it’s your
time to speak." or "Terry, you’ll have two minutes just like everyone else to share your
experiences on that subject.”
The tearful member. Someone has been silent for the first half of the meeting. When asked
what happened, he tries to talk, then cries.
Possible solution: Since emotional breakthroughs are part of a healthy roundtable experience,
crying is perfectly acceptable. Emphasize that the group wants to support the member through
this difficult issue. Ask the person if he wants to prepare a presentation to address the issue.
This gives him time to work with a coach, and talking it through often proves enlightening.
The contradictor. A member repeatedly replies to suggestions with, "That won’t work."
Possible solution: Follow Gestalt Language Protocol. As a leader, this requires a quick
reframing. If the person has an experience that relates to the discussion, then he’s welcome to
share it at the appropriate time. But opinions, unless solicited by the presenter, are unhelpful.
Example: "Joan, it sounds like you may have an experience to share on this subject. When we
get around the table to you, I hope you will share it with us."
The accuser. One member accuses another of breaching confidentiality. The discussion grows
tense.
Possible solution: Take quick diplomatic action. Establish a set of ground rules for the
discussion. A confidentiality breach is automatic grounds for removal from the group, but the
group can decide if it warrants expulsion. In any case, you must confront the issue
with the group or its health will be jeopardized.
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Dealing With Difficult Situations, cont.
Example: "Since Ed raised the issue, I’d like him to discuss how he feels that confidentiality was
breached. Then we’ll hear from Todd on how he sees it."
The cynic. As you attempt to engage the group in a personal discussion, a member says, "This
is crap!" No one else responds.
Possible solution: Propose an around the room, two-minute comment on the subject of personal
discussions. Each person gets two minutes to discuss his experiences and desires for greater
or less personal discussion. This may lead to a review of group expectations. Since a
roundtable is designed for deep personal discussion, members may question the value of a
group that lacks this dimension.
The verbal aggressor. A member has not presented in a long time. At one of the meetings,
other members start attacking him for being overly protective. The attacks escalate, and the
member denies it.
Possible solution: Recognize that trust and feelings of safety are key benefits to a roundtable
experience. This situation indicates that at least some members are feeling less than secure.
One member demonstrates insecurity by not speaking; the other demonstrates it by accusing
the first of not sharing. Some groups work on this problem by taking an annual retreat or hiring
an outside facilitator for a period of time. Use of the 5-Minute Update and the Parking Lot will
also help make sure that everyone has a chance to bring up issues that might justify a
presentation.
The bad influence. You have noticed that when two particular members are missing, the group
has more meaningful meetings. But when either is present, the group avoids conflict and
emotional involvement.
Possible solution: This is a warning sign of low trust, members doing business with each other,
members dating or an undisclosed breach of confidentiality. If the two members are missing
meetings frequently, their spotty attendance can quickly erode trust. Reviewing the group’s
constitution and reaching consensus on punctuality and attendance may spur the members to
recommit to the process. Or it may convince them to leave the group. Either way, it can be the
start of getting the group back on track.
The member in crisis. A member tells the group that his business is failing and his marriage is
on the rocks. He seems unemotional, immobilized and unable to focus.
Possible solution: Request an emergency presentation. A presentation may clarify in the
member’s mind what he must do to address his situation. This is an excellent opportunity for the
group to work through a tough issue.
In some cases, the group itself may exhibit a problem. Examples:
No constitution. Your roundtable lacks a constitution. When you suggest creating one, your
group says it’s unnecessary.
Possible solution: While CEORT likes to allow some autonomy for groups to set their own
standards, a written commitment is fundamental to the effective functioning of a roundtable. It
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Dealing With Difficult Situations, cont.
sets the norms and the rules by which future conflicts can be handled. But this can also be the
basis for a larger discussion of the group’s expectations for the roundtable.
Warning: A monthly meeting just to get together and talk does not qualify as a CEO
Roundtable, and if you are in the minority, you may decide to leave that group and form one that
is committed to making the process work.
Lack of commitment. Members arrive late, leave early, or don’t show up at all. They always
have good excuses, but the group doesn’t have continuity.
Possible solution: Raise the issue with the group and discuss the importance of punctuality.
Review the constitution. Revisit the penalties that latecomers and early-goers face. Many
groups have rules such as two absences per year result in automatic removal from the
roundtable and 15 minutes late counts as 1/4 absence. Other groups stipulate that the last
person to show up buys dinner. Gain recommitment from the group to enforce the rules going
forward.
A larger issue may be the value members derive from the roundtable. If presentations have
been lackluster and discussions stall at Level 1, then team-building activities or a full retreat
may be necessary to reinvigorate the group.
Lack of retreats. The roundtable is two years old and has never been on a retreat. When you
bring it up, the members are reluctant to invest the time.
Possible solution: Retreats do take time, but they are also extremely powerful bonding
experiences for groups. Often, time away from business and family is just what members need
to gain perspective and move forward. Some groups start with a short overnight retreat and
count on its success to set the stage for a longer two-night retreat the following year. You might
also point out that the time spent on the retreat will help make the monthly meetings more
powerful and effective, giving the group even greater value for their time.
Weak presentations. You have not had any deep presentations in months, some meetings
have had no presentations at all, and things seem a bit stale.
Possible solution: A group without meaningful presentations is probably not delivering much
value to its members and may be at risk of failing. Revisit the 5-Minute Update and the Parking
Lot exercises as a way to identify issues that merit a presentation. Consider bringing in a paid
facilitator to demonstrate how to conduct a presentation at a higher level.
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Gestalt Language Protocol (ExperienceBased Sharing)
The Gestalt Language Protocol comes from Gestalt psychology. Practicing this protocol
affects the quality, operation and value of a roundtable. While the protocol is often
difficult to practice for new roundtables, it helps create a safe environment for members
to share openly.
Here are some components of this protocol:
1. Speak from experience rather than give advice. By sharing experiences, we end up
with data that promotes better decision-making. Sharing experience also allows for
bonding and cohesion building in a group.
 Use the past tense.
 Say, “Here’s what worked for me…,” which is far better than making “should
statements” such as “Here’s what you should do…” or starting comments with “I
would.”
 Empathize. Strive to understand the situation from the presenter’s point of view.
Remember that no one else has to live with the consequences, and what works for
one person will not necessarily work for another.
2. Ask questions to lower others’ defenses. Try to explain the purpose of your question
before asking it. Don’t treat the presenter like a defendant.
3. Share experiences that have both positive and negative outcomes. This boosts your
credibility and shows you’re able to learn from your mistakes as well as your
triumphs.
4. Listen well. Write your thoughts and questions as they arise. This frees up your mind
to listen until it’s your turn to speak.
5. Paraphrase before you respond. Confirm what you think you heard before you reply.
This ensures that you respond to what was said, not what you think was said.
6. Maintain eye contact as you listen to a speaker.
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Exercises for Conversation Starters, TeamBuilding, and Retreats
Following are sample exercises you can use in a variety of settings.
These exercises are categorized by level of the group and the purpose of the exercise. You will
also find descriptions of the time needed, supplies needed and any preparation required.
Feel free to adapt these exercises to your own purposes.
Any Level
The Timeline
Origin of Your Last Name
The “Ungame”
Goal Setting
Level 1
The Map
Level 1-2
Assessment
Looking in the Mirror
Level 2
Legacy
Life’s Lists
Brown-Bag
Formative Experiences
Roundtable Lifeline
Flashback
Level 2-3
Eulogy
Lessons From the Edge
Fathers
Actualization
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The Timeline
Level: Any level.
Purpose: Provides an interesting way to describe key moments that have affected an
individual. This increases trust and openness in a group.
Setting: Any setting where members can sit in a circle facing each other.
Supplies: It is helpful to reproduce the Timeline form that follows.
Time Required: Up to three hours (10 minutes to fill out graph, 15 minutes per person).
Preparation: None required.
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The Timeline Worksheet
Think of your life from the day you were born until today. Think of the high points and of the low
points and plot them on the graph below. Take 10 minutes to complete the graph. You will have
15 minutes to share your story with the group.
5
65
10
70
Life Was Awesome
0
60
Life was Awful
15
20
25
30
35
40
45
50
55
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Origin of Your Last Name
Level: Any level.
Purpose: Warm-up.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: None.
Time required: 20 minutes.
Preparation: None.
Ask each person to the best of his/her ability to describe the origin of his/her last name.
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The "Ungame"
Level: Any level.
Purpose: Communication starter that encourages emotional sharing, which helps group move
to Level 2 or 3.
Setting: Any setting where members can sit in a circle facing each other.
Supplies: None required.
Time required: 3-5 minutes per person.
Preparation: No preparation required. Select a question; then have each person answer the
question in the time allotted.
Recommendations: Choose one question. Use this as part of the opener in your early
meetings. Give each member one minute to come up with a story, 3-5 minutes to share it.
Who is the one person who has done the most to make you who you are today? How was that
person significant to you?
What is the one thing about yourself you like best?
If by magic you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Why?
Suppose you were told you have six months to live. What would you do in that time?
When was the last time you cried in front of another person? By yourself?
Discuss your relationship with your mother and/or father. What was it like growing up?
Whom do you admire most? In what way does that person inspire you?
What is your most treasured memory?
Have you ever hated anyone? If so, why and for how long?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Is there anything you hope to do that is even
better?
When were you last in a fight? Who caused it and who won?
When did you last yell at someone? Why? Did you later regret it?
What was the most risky decision you ever made in your life? Why was the risk so great?
What has been your biggest disappointment in life? Your biggest failure?
When was the last time you felt powerless?
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Goal Setting
Level: Any level.
Purpose: Retreat activity; sharing goals increases commitment to achieving goals.
Setting: Any setting where members can sit in a circle facing each other.
Supplies: None required.
Time required: 1 hour.
Recommendations: Have the members find a quiet spot to write down their goals.
Save them and review them either at a later session during the retreat or at a regular
roundtable meeting
Use the retreat to set three personal and three business goals. As a group, review the
goals quarterly during a regular roundtable meeting.
Setting long-term goals
An alternative to writing down the three goals is to spend five minutes per person on the
following exercise.
Describe in detail your personal life and your business life as they will look in five or 10
years. Then identify the major obstacles or things that will have to change for you to
achieve the situation you described. Finally, discuss things you will need to do to
overcome the obstacles or promote the change and establish the time frame to
accomplish this. After this exercise, each roundtable member will have a "game plan"
for life.
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The Map
Level: 1
Purpose: Warm-up; appreciating diversity of backgrounds and experience.
Setting: Recruiting event; requires semi-open space.
Supplies: None.
Time required: 15 minutes.
Preparation: The three questions need to be created in advance.
Setup: The exercise requires a relatively large open space for participants to move about
freely. A lawn or other open area will do quite well. Inside, a cleared space the size of a
classroom or a dining area will suffice.
Treating the chosen space as a piece of topography, the facilitator simulates the boundaries of
an area, state, the continental US, or even a global region. Simulation is accomplished easily by
the use of markings similar to ones that children might lay out for a pickup game. "The red shirt
is Maine, the chair southern California, the book bag Seattle, etc"
The facilitator prepares for the activity by framing a set of queries for participants, usually three
or four. All questions are about places on the map that have past or future meaning for the
participants. The questions should form a progression from introductory and lighthearted to
ones demanding more background information and relating more directly to the group’s task.
Where on the map did you have your best meal ever?
Where did you go to high school?
Where did you acquire information that later became useful as a facilitator of a roundtable?
A more demanding question is where on the map a person acquired useful preparation for the
work the group will do together. The key is framing and phrasing of the questions and the
establishment of an order that goes from innocuous, but interesting, to serious and substantively
relevant.
Instructions
The facilitator begins the exercise by asking participants to stand and imagine on the floor a
map of the United States, pointing out the boundary markers. The facilitator then
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The Map, cont.
explains that he/she will be asking participants to go (on the map) to a series of places that
respond to questions he will pose. When they arrive at their "destination" in response to a
particular question, they should look around, see who is nearby, and engage in a moment of
small talk about exact whereabouts. After a few seconds of chatter, the facilitator quiets
everyone and polls the group one by one about where they are standing. Undoubtedly, some
will offer explanations or show pride. There will be a titter if, for example, two people who had
worked together for a while found that they had, in fact, attended the same high school and
were not aware of it until this point.
The facilitator then asks a second question. Participants move to the place on the map that
represents their response. This time after the chatter dies down, the facilitator asks not only
where each person is standing, but also why or how he or she got there or what happened
there.
On the third round, assuming that the facilitator’s question provokes more thought and leads to
slightly more revelation on the part of the participants, the polling process takes longer.
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Assessment
Level: 1-2
Purpose: Increase trust and communication.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: None.
Time required: 1hour.
Preparation: None.
Have each member spend a half-hour sharing:
A motto for my life.
Where I was five years ago.
Where am I now.
Where I will be in five years.
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Looking in the Mirror
Level: 2
Purpose: Increases appreciation for different personality styles.
Setting: Retreat.
Supplies: Personality surveys completed beforehand; see preparation below.
Time required: Up to 2 hours.
Preparation: Secure completed personality profiles from each member and have them
evaluated. Some online services can help facilitate this process. We have used KBS
Group (http://www.bethebest-kbsgroupcom/).
Before the retreat, have each member fill out a personal profile inventory (for example,
Myers-Briggs, OAD, Praendex, McQuaig, Disc, etc.). After the surveys have been
completed, but before the retreat starts, distribute descriptions of all the basic
personality types that the survey measures. Have members list which personality style
best describes themselves and each of their roundtable peers.
At the start of the retreat, each member receives the survey they completed and
prepares some thoughts to present to the group on how the member’s profile can be
seen in thoughts, actions and reactions.
The leader then shares what styles the other members perceived in the presenter. This
is done in aggregate fashion. (For example, "Three people thought that you were this
style, and five people thought you were that style.")
The exercise allows the individual to gain insight through the survey and explore
through others’ perceptions what "masks" we may wear in our daily lives.
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Legacy Exercise
Level: 2
Purpose: Increase trust and communication.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: None.
Time required: 1.5 hours.
Preparation: None.
Each member makes a presentation on "What do you owe your family upon your
death?"
Other suggestions of questions to answer:
What would you put on a video or in a letter to your spouse and children?
What do you want your child (children) to remember about you?
What kind of values do you want to impart to your family?
What would you leave to whom? Why?
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Life's Lists
Level: 2
Purpose: Increase trust and communication.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: Flip chart.
Time required: 1.5 hours.
Preparation: Some preparation in advance of meeting.
A number of exercises involve members writing a "laundry list" on a flip chart in
response to a question. Often, it is best for the member to list items in advance and then
discuss each one with the group.
Say, “List ten words or phrases that describe you.” Encourage members to go beyond
the typical job description titles like mother, father, CEO, and Little League coach. Have
them explore areas such as roles, values, feelings, and emotions. (For example, gladhander, cynic, empathizer, devil’s advocate, humorist, pain-in-the-butt, optimist,
doubter, debtor, happy, pained, etc.)
Good follow-up questions:
Does everyone perceive you as filling all roles equally?
Which items on the list would surprise most people?
Which items are current descriptions and which describe who you would like to
be?
Are there listed items that trouble you or that you would like to change?
For each item, how would you feel if it were no longer true?
List the ten most important parts of your life. Good follow-up questions:
Is this list in order of importance?
Are there any items that are in conflict (for example, children from the first
marriage/current spouse)?
Are there listed items of great importance that have not been getting deserved
time and attention?
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Life's Lists, cont.
Who else knows these things that you value?
List the three best and worst things that happened to you in the last five years.
Good follow-up questions:
How have these experiences changed you?
What did you learn?
What information would you share with others approaching similar situations?
List the three most important issues facing you this year. Good follow-up
questions:
What are you doing about these issues?
What help do you need to face and/or resolve these issues?
List your five biggest fears. These can include the cause of the fear and the
"impact on me today." Good follow-up questions:
Could any of these fears be self-fulfilling?
Who else have you shared these fears with, and what was their reaction?
Do you think these fears are capable of resolution, or will they be continuous and
ongoing?
If resolvable, what help do you need?
List 10 values or life guidelines that you would like to impart to your children. Good
follow-up questions:
How did these values come to be important to you?
Have you been personally successful in leading your life by these same values?
To date, have you been successful in imparting these values to your children?
Which items on your value list would surprise others who know you?
Option: At the end of the retreat, provide each member with paper and envelopes so
that they can write a letter to their children based on material in the presentation.
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Brown-Bag Exercise
Level: 2
Purpose: Increase trust and communication.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: None.
Time required: 3 hours.
Preparation: Some preparation in advance of meeting on the part of participants.
Concept: Each person finds 10 objects to represent the 10 most important things in
his/her life. Examples: “My family is No. 1, and here’s a family photo,” “My work is No. 2,
and here’s my business card.”
Put all 10 items in a brown paper bag.
Then everyone takes turns revealing his/her 10 things. Each person starts with the 10thmost-important thing and leads up to the most important, describing in detail.
You can expect over three hours to go through 12 members.
This can get very emotional.
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Formative Experiences
Level: 2
Purpose: Increase trust and communication.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: None.
Time required: 3 hours.
Preparation: Some preparation in advance of meeting.
Instructions to participants: Write down four formative experiences in your life (high or
low) that dramatically shaped your outlook or attitudes. Briefly describe each
experience, telling the importance and impact it had on your life.
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Roundtable Lifeline
Level: 2
Purpose: Roundtable Vitality Assessment.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: Flip chart.
Time required: 45 minutes.
Preparation: None.
Do a collective lifeline of the highs and lows of the roundtable.
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Flashback
Level: 2
Purpose: Increase trust and communication.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: VCR and TV.
Time required: 3-4 hours.
Preparation: Some preparation in advance of meeting for members to find appropriate
video clips.
Instructions to participants: The flashbacks theme provides an opportunity to share
an inspirational, moving moment that was catalyzed by a video clip. These video clips
should represent a moving experience for you at an important moment in your life.
Identify 1-3 examples where you were fully engaged as a result of a movie clip, and
bring that video with you to the retreat. Summarize your presentation in five parts:
Identify the time period this experience happened.
Share what state of mind you were in prior to this experience.
Share the film clip with the group.
Describe why this moment was important in both its timing and message in your life.
Tell what you want the group to know about you more clearly and more deeply as a
result of sharing this information.
After each presenter completes his/her screenings, ask others to share what they’ve
learned about themselves and the presenter as a result of the video clips.
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Eulogy
Level: 2-3
Purpose: Increase trust and communication.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: None.
Time required: 2-3 hours.
Preparation: None.
At your funeral, what would you want said at your eulogy? Include quotes from your
spouse, children, a peer, an employee and a friend. Don't write the eulogy that could
realistically be delivered if you died tomorrow, unless that represents all you want for the
future. In composing your eulogy, give yourself time, hope, and even allow yourself
some fantasy and wishful thinking.
After the member delivers his/her eulogy, go around the room and have each member
"testify" as to what they remembered and appreciated about the "recently departed" (the
presenter).
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Lessons From the Edge
Level: 2-3
Purpose: Warm-up exercise for established group.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: None.
Time required: 20 minutes (3 minutes per person).
Preparation: Some preparation in advance of meeting.
Instructions to participants: “Describe a time in your life when you were pushed to the
edge -- when you thought you might lose it emotionally and personally.”
Each person shares one moment.
This can get emotional.
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Fathers (A prepared presentation)
Level: 2-3
(Note: The effective application of this exercise depends on the composition of the
group, the event and the venue.)
Purpose: Increase trust and communication.
Setting: Roundtable or retreat.
Supplies: None, but depending on the questions chosen, you may want to ask
members to bring a picture of their father and/or a photo of the member with their father.
Time required: 3 hours.
Preparation: Members will need to do some preparation in advance of meeting, using
the following as a guideline.
Suggested Text: Bring a picture of your father or bring a picture of you and your father
doing something together--from any era or from several. Consider the questions below
in preparing your presentation. (The questions are posed in the past tense, but apply
them to your relationship with your father, whether he is living or dead.) Talk for 20
minutes about your relationship with your father.
Note: This exercise can get very emotional. Only those roundtables that have already
attained a high level of trust should engage in this discussion.
What was your father like? Describe him.
Was your father a happy man?
Did he feel his life had purpose?
Where did his strength come from?
What did your father think was missing in his life?
What did your father do on his time off?
Was he warm? Did he hug you?
Did he spend time with you? Doing what?
Were you his favorite?
Is there unfinished business between you and your father?
Is one of you still bearing a grudge? Explain.
What did your father see as your weak points? Was he right?
How did your father point out your faults to you? How did that make you feel?
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Fathers, cont.
What did your father think of you?
How did you disappoint him?
How did you make him proud of you? Did he tell you?
Was your father in competition with you? How did it affect you?
Did he take the risks he should have taken? How did that affect you?
Describe your father’s favorite rules. How did he enforce these standards and
rules?
What was important to him? Do you agree?
What lessons did he pass along to you?
Was he fair?
Did you respect your father? Why?
How honest was he? How sincere?
Was there a time when your feelings about your father changed? Explain.
All in all, did you consider your father a success or a failure?
Was your father a family man or did he regret being attached?
How did he show his feelings?
How did your father get his way with you?
How important was his approval?
How easily did he give it?
Did you ever win his approval to your complete satisfaction? When?
What are the things you would like to have said to your father but could not? Why
couldn’t you?
What do you want him to know or accept about you today?
What is one word or phrase that best describes your father?
Note: It’s also powerful to have members answer selected questions in advance and
then have them read their prepared, written responses.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Actualization
Level: 2-3
Purpose: Retreat wrap-up
Setting: Retreat
Supplies: Lots of index cards or Actualization Form below.
Time required: 1.5 hours
Preparation: None.
Actualization is an excellent exercise for ending retreats and roundtable trainings. Each
person will write compliments to every other person in the group so that everyone
receives a different index card (compliment) from everyone else.
Instruct the group to complete an index card for each roundtable member present (one
compliment per card). Allow 10 minutes for this.
Go around the room focusing on each individual, with each member taking a turn
addressing that person, giving their compliment and then handing that person the index
card.
Upon receiving a compliment, the recipient simply says, "Thank you."
Move on to the next person.
Continue the process until each person has taken a turn as the recipient of
compliments.
Use instructions below or index cards:
Write your name on the bottom right-hand corner.
Pass your workbook to the person on your left.
Starting at the top of the paper, write a one-sentence compliment to the person
whose name appears on the bottom and sign it. Do not cheat! Pass the workbook
to the left until you receive the workbook with your name at the bottom.
Take turns reading out loud.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Confidentiality Cases
The following case studies are fictional. Publishing descriptions of actual breaches of
confidentiality would be a grave violation of the confidentiality rule.
Case #1 - Good News or Bad News, It’s All Confidential
Sam Pender made what he hoped would be the last detailed presentation on the topic that he
and his group had been sharing ever since he joined. As president of his family company, Sam
had never been able to see eye-to-eye with his cousin, Frank, who was an equal shareholder
and vice president of manufacturing.
From Sam’s point of view, the company’s financial decline during the last few years had been
the result of Frank’s lack of initiative and his total disregard for quality. From Frank’s point of
view, the decline was due to intentional, but unidentified, actions by Sam to keep the company’s
value down while the two cousins discussed the possibility of a buyout.
Sam’s roundtable group had mentioned a concern that the family conflict created a distraction
and lack of focus that would continue to drag the company down. Some of the best employees
were leaving, and even some of the most risk-averse employees were job- hunting for fear that
the company would suddenly close or be sold because the two cousins could not reach an
agreement on anything, let alone on the buyout.
In this month’s presentation, Sam’s mood was decidedly upbeat. In two weeks he was
scheduled to finalize the buyout that would give him ownership of the company. The price he
was paying was more than he thought was fair, but he felt a premium was necessary to
overcome his cousin’s belief that the company’s problems were a sham designed to deny him
the full value of his ownership position. Getting Frank to the point where he would accept any
deal had been a delicate process.
Sam was concerned about how long it would take him to turn the company around, but he was
energized by the opportunity to focus his undistracted attention on the challenge. He was
especially encouraged by the fact that a key employee who had left the year before had called
Sam the day before to say he would love to have the opportunity to return to Sam’s company,
assuming that the cousin was gone.
The mood in the roundtable reflected the change. The entire group felt Sam’s enthusiasm. Sam
was one of those people everybody wanted to see succeed, and his conflicts during the last few
years had been an emotional burden on the entire roundtable. Feeling that burden lifted boosted
each member as the meeting ended.
Two days later, Bill Smith, one of Sam’s roundtable members, was at the health club working
out when he ran into Charlie Lidor, a friend who also knew Sam. Charlie asked if Bill knew how
Sam’s business was doing, since Sam had not been the frequent presence at the club that he
had been a few years before. Bill said, "I can’t tell you
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Confidentiality Cases, cont.
anything, but I think Sam’s future looks terrific. Maybe if he shows up here you can ask him."
Few people outside the company or the roundtable group knew of the family conflict or the
impending buyout.
That weekend, Charlie Lidor attended a cocktail party, where he saw Sam’s cousin Frank
talking effusively to a small group Charlie walked over and said, "Frank, I heard from one of
Sam’s friends that your business has some great prospects ahead. What’s up?"
With that the fragile agreement Sam and Frank had crafted fell apart, with Frank totally and
wrongly convinced that Sam had been withholding critical good news from him.
Case #2 - Kindness and Concern Can Backfire
Roundtable meetings were scheduled just prior to affiliate meetings. Members would spend four
hours together, then the affiliate would collect for cocktails prior to the guest speaker and dinner.
At the roundtable meeting, the bulk of the time had been focused on a discussion of how and
whether to pass wealth on to children. Early at the meeting, at the end of his 5-Minute Update,
Greg Anderson had mentioned that his wife, Karen, had been ill and they weren’t sure what the
problem was. Everybody in the group liked Karen. She had always gone out of her way to show
thoughtfulness to Greg’s roundtable members and their spouses. Greg was quiet during much
of the meeting, but none of the members noticed, due to their focus on the discussion topic.
The meeting ended and shortly thereafter the entire affiliate gathered for the meeting. Greg,
Karen, and another couple were standing near the bar when one of Greg’s roundtable members
came up to Karen, gave her a kiss and said, "I hear you’ve been ill. I hope you’re feeling better
soon." Karen stiffened and Greg turned white. The few couples nearby sensed the sudden
silence. Then Karen started to cry. Greg put his arm around her, and they headed out the door.
The few people who were able to see them in the last instant before they entered the elevator
could see that Greg was crying too.
Greg’s brief mention during his 5-Minute Update was all he could bring himself to share with his
group that day. He wanted to share more, but found that he didn’t have the emotional resources
to continue. He knew he had to be first on the agenda next month, though. He needed time to
adjust to the news he and Karen had heard that week, and to hope that the initial reports were
wrong. He and Karen had agreed the roundtable should know something, but wanted to limit the
details until the information became more concrete. Neither Greg nor Karen wanted members
outside the roundtable to know anything.
Karen had spent her life knowing the same disease that had taken both her mother and her
grandmother at an early age might strike her. The symptoms that had started recently might be
something else, but she was due to enter the hospital the next day to start the tests that could
tell her what she had been afraid of hearing for most of her life.
They had decided to attend the affiliate meeting that evening because it was a chance to get
away from the cloud hanging over them and to distract Karen from the tests she would begin the
next day.
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Updated 3/2/2016
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Confidentiality Cases, cont.
Case #3 - Do Small Pieces Matter?
Jim Blakely walked through the front door of his house an hour later than expected. His wife,
Jane, knew he had been at his roundtable meeting. She was very supportive of his involvement,
and never probed about what had taken place at the meetings.
Jim was clearly drained when he came in the door. He hugged Jane for an especially long time,
even for him. When they were going to sleep that night Jane heard Jim sigh, then he said,
"Honey, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate how you communicate with me. I know if we have
problems you’ll talk to me about them instead of letting them build up until it’s too late. I just feel
lucky right now."
As Jane lay there in the dark she thought back to that morning when Jim’s roundtable agenda
had been out on the breakfast table. The only item had been a presentation from Henry Mauper.
Case #4 - You Mean I’m Not Supposed to Tell Anybody?
Roundtable #1 had been the first roundtable to form in the affiliate. The members were proud of
how they had kept their group active and how they had followed Gestalt Language Protocol.
Each meeting began with and ended with an affirmation of the group’s commitment to
confidentiality.
At a recent meeting, Ian Killingsworth mentioned in his 5-Minute Update how difficult it had been
to not share a piece of news with his wife.
At that point, Randy Wilson said, "Well, of course, confidentiality doesn’t go that far. My wife is
my best friend. I tell her everything. She won’t tell anybody else."
In the ensuing discussion it appeared that two other members also had situations where they
shared roundtable information "because the people I tell won’t tell anybody, and because I don’t
think they know any members of the council."
Roundtable #1 was the first roundtable to fold in the affiliate. A few members left the affiliate
before that time.
Case #5 - Confidentiality Is Forever, Isn’t It?
Vern Garner was a great source of stories. Many of the stories he told, while other stories were
told about him. He was a larger-than-life entrepreneur who left enough stories in his wake to
keep a comedy writer employed for a decade. A few stories, however, were told only in his
roundtable.
The affiliate and his roundtable missed Vern when he resigned. His memory stayed alive for two
reasons. First, the "Vern stories" continued to entertain members as they continued to be told.
Second, Vern had become a widely known celebrity in the city. There was talk of his seeking
public office.
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Confidentiality Cases, cont.
Within the roundtable Vern left behind, some of the stories continued to be told. Their
entertainment value was too irresistible to suppress. As new members joined the roundtable,
they inherited the legacy Vern left behind. Apparently, one of the new members didn’t
understand that confidentiality was forever and carried one of the most entertaining, and private,
stories to a cocktail party.
Two months after Vern announced his intention to run for Congress, a reporter at a news
conference stood up and asked, "Is it true that......," and recounted the story Vern had thought
had been safely entrusted to his roundtable.
Case #6 - Where Is That Nickname From?
Roger Blair joined his roundtable for their retreat in Wyoming. His doctor had given Roger some
health warnings, though he had not shared that fact with the group. Part of his health
improvement plan was to quit smoking, but he had not told the group of his plan, nor had he told
them that his smoking was the primary obstacle to his reuniting with his wife. The roundtable
knew of the separation and also knew that both Roger and his wife wanted to find a way to
make things work. The couple had “dates” together, including organization events, but was
living apart.
Since Roger was the only smoker in the roundtable, he was often the subject of well-intentioned
banter about his habit. After dinner at the retreat, Roger was at the edge of the clearing smoking
his customary two to three cigarettes when one of the members joked, "What are you doing,
Roger, sending us smoke signals from the trail?" After the laughter and a series of add-on jokes
such as a semaphore being healthier, Roger received the nickname "Scout." The nickname
caught on by the end of the retreat.
At the next month’s affiliate meeting, Roger was immediately greeted as "Scout" by one of the
members in front of his wife. When his wife asked what "Scout" meant, the roundtable member
laughingly said, "It’s because Roger smokes so much he reminds us of an Indian scout sending
up smoke signals."
Case #7 - If I Don’t Tell You Everything, You Won’t Know Who I Mean
The executive returned from his roundtable meeting and remarked to his boss, "You won’t
believe what some people will do. There’s one guy in my group who has a brass picture frame
manufacturing company in Wheeling with 60 employees. He’s tight on cash, so he isn’t
depositing his employee’s payroll tax withholdings. He and his sister own the business 50/50,
and she is the sales manager, but now they’re not talking, so he doesn’t know what she’s doing
in sales, and she doesn’t know what he’s doing with the payroll-tax withholdings."
When asked by the boss whether telling this story might violate the group’s confidentiality
guidelines, the executive responded, "I kept it confidential. I didn’t tell you who the company
was."
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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Confidentiality Cases, cont.
Case #8 - Believe Everything You Read in the Papers
The Wilson Brewing Company had been the focal point of the town of Middleton for eight
decades and three generations of Wilson-family ownership. Wilson Beer was a household name
in America, yet the company’s competitiveness had declined as inter-family squabbling had
grown. The current Wilson president, Kate, a roundtable member, saw her company go
bankrupt, in part because one branch of her family had wanted current dividends more than
they wanted a viable company in the future.
As this branch of the family made the president’s life more and more difficult, they became
increasingly critical of her management as well. The criticism was fueled by resentment from
some of the more conservative family members that a woman was in charge of a company that
had started from a tradition of tough, hard-talking and hard-drinking Wilson men. The group had
seen the entire process unfold, and they were convinced the situation was unmanageable. They
felt strongly that Kate was an excellent manager in an impossible situation.
The story made the Wall Street Journal, the trade journals, and Business Week. The most
critical stories were in the local press, where the dissenting side of the family blamed Kate. Kate
would not be drawn into the public debate and refused interviews.
One of Kate’s roundtable members was sitting at a business luncheon when the topic of the
newspaper articles came up. Everyone around the table talked "knowingly" about what a poor
manager Kate was, and several intimated that it was because she was a woman. At that point
the roundtable member "lost it" and quickly argued against everything in the article, point by
point. In his arguments he brought up several details that had only been mentioned in the
meeting.
A week later he saw his statements reprinted in the business section as coming "from a
knowledgeable source.”
CEO Roundtables of Minnesota Leadership Handbook adopted 9.08
Updated 3/2/2016
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