College Prep
Admissions Essay Packet
Name_____________________________________
Date______________________Block___________
Lesson One: College Essay Question
1. Consider a significant experience, achievement, or risk that you have
taken and discuss its impact on you.
Colleges use the relation of accomplishments to get insight into applicants’
personalities and character traits. Some schools ask targeted questions, while
others leave the topic open for applicant interpretation.
An important point: refrain from repeating information found elsewhere in the
application. Some “overachievers” try to include virtually all their
accomplishments in one essay, missing the point of the exercise altogether. A
laundry list of academic, extracurricular, and work successes will not give
admissions officers much more insight into your personality. In fact, they may
infer that you do not realize that, in college, you will not be able to be editor of the
yearbook, editor-in-chief of the newspaper, president of the honor society,
captain of the football team, and class president all at the same time. The mature
applicant knows that college will require a student to focus on a few interests but
spend more time and effort pursuing them.
For those of you who were not the school “all-star,” don't worry. Some of the best
Accomplishment essays have been written about what could be construed as
mundane events—learning how to bake a cake, miraculously getting the engine
in your first car (which you affectionately call your “clunker”) to start, or getting
your elderly and bed-ridden neighbor to smile by performing your cheesy standup routine. The accomplishment does not need to be earth-shattering, but you do
need to show why it is important for you and how it has affected you in a
discernible way.
2. Consider a problem facing society today and reflect on its importance to
you.
Unfortunately, this is one of the most difficult categories of questions to write
about. Admissions officers are looking for your take on age-old problems, such
as racism, poverty, and world hunger, as well more publicized current issues,
such as business ethics, the impact of technology upon society, and the rapid
spread of AIDS across the globe. The tragic events of September 11, 2001, gave
special meaning to this category, as applicants were asked to discuss issues that
hit closer to home that most of us ever expected.
Though it is tempting to argue in favor of your point, remember to be as objective
as possible and consider multiple sides of the issue. This will portray you as a
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 1
mature, astute individual. Stay away from clichés and generalizations. Instead,
write about what the topic means to you personally—what it has meant in your
life and why you think it is important. Spending some time researching the topic
on the Internet or at your local library will ultimately prove worthwhile.
3. Identify a person, fictional character, or historical figure who has had a
significant influence on you. Describe that influence.
Admissions officers will want to know if there is more to you than your SAT
scores and GPA. Therefore, it is important for you to find a way to differentiate
yourself from the other qualified applicants. You can demonstrate that you are
not just another pretty transcript by showing a completely different side of
yourself through the role models and influences that shaped the person you are
today.
The key here is to personalize: Do not go off on tangents, focusing on someone
else instead of the most important element—why your topic is significant to you.
Focus on what these influences have meant to you and how you have grown,
tying in relevant aspects of your personal or family life when appropriate. Show
your strengths in new ways without restating the obvious.
Do not feel that you need to write about famous people or impress admissions
officers by noting your family’s ties to an influential member of the government or
movie star. Writing about a teacher who sparked your interest in archaeology by
taking your third-grade class on a field trip to see a dinosaur exhibit is more
effective than name-dropping in the hopes of impressing admissions officers.
4. Why do you want to spend the next four years at our school?
Surprisingly, most students find this topic difficult to write about. If you have
chosen to apply to an institution based upon its ranking in a popular magazine or
because your parents told you to, you may have to spend some time thinking
deeply about exactly what it is that makes this particular institution right for you.
A main point of these questions is to see if you care enough about the college or
university to have researched it beyond what anyone could have read in its
marketing literature or on its web page. Knowing yourself—your passions, skills,
and goals—can go a long way in helping you answer School Target questions. If
you see yourself as an aspiring journalist and are applying to a school that can
help you land a coveted internship writing for the Washington Post, you can
discuss how you plan to make it as the editor-in-chief of the college newspaper. If
you want to be a social worker and are applying to a university in a large urban
area, you can talk about how the geographic location will provide ample
opportunity for your involvement in community outreach programs. However,
make sure to show how and why that particular school offers what others do not.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 2
Lesson One: Influential Experience Sample Essay
Note: The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It appears as it was initially
reviewed by admissions officers.
SAMPLE ESSAY:
It was early May and the cherry blossoms were in full bloom as the sun shimmered
between the passing clouds. Except for a mandatory essay assignment about one of the
sights, it was a perfect day for a visit to the nation’s capital. What I had not anticipated
was a sleek, black memorial that angled out from the side of a hill. Gazing at the stark
granite and the infinite list of names, I could not imagine choosing another sight to write
about. So much emotion existed there. I simply had to transcribe those intangible feelings
onto paper.
I wasn’t very surprised to be included as one of the finalists in the “Best D.C. Essay
Contest.” I was, however, shocked to win first place in the eighth-grade division. The
essay was then passed along to the President of the local VFW post, which was
sponsoring a Memorial Day essay contest. Here, too, I won in the eighth-grade division.
The awards were purely worldly items: a year’s supply of Coca-Cola, a $25 check, and
the chance to ride on a float in the City of Greensburg parade.
At the end of the parade, a ceremony followed. I stood up, walked over to the podium,
and began:
“A young child rubs off the name of a grandfather seen only in photographs...”
I looked up and saw all the eyes on me. The nervous feelings that traveled with me from
my seat to the podium were now long gone. The words I had written flowed easily from
my mouth. I wanted everyone, even those who had never seen the Memorial, to feel the
same sentiments that I had felt. I don’t remember people clapping after I finished reading
my essay. Maybe they were too moved to make a motion; maybe I was too moved to hear
them.
As my family and I were walking back to our car, the VFW President stopped me. He
told me that he had served in Vietnam and that some of his friends’ names appeared on
that wall. He was one of the contest judges, and he had found it difficult to complete
reading my composition from behind his tears. He had to give it to his wife to finish.
When he concluded his story I replied, “Thank you,” but I was completely dumbfounded
as to what to say. The idea that he was moved by my simplistic writing made me realize
that I was a writer! I had reached into someone’s internal self, touched it, and left a mark.
Reading my essay to everyone was one of the most memorable moments in my life. That
day I realized something very valuable about the power of the written word—if you place
the right words in the right order, you can change people’s lives! Despite my many
remarks to adults that I was going to be an engineer or scientist, I knew deep down that I
really wanted to continue writing. To remain satisfied, I would have to publish my
writings. What good is a powerful statement if it isn’t heard or read? The answer was
clear: I would become a journalist.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 3
Sometimes I wonder where my road to the future would be leading me if that man had
never approached me after my oration that day. I never would have known that someone
had listened and cried because of my words. “Memories in Granite” would have been
pushed into a manila folder and never have been thought of. The only time I would have
even remembered the essay would have been while sipping my refreshing—and free—
Coca-Cola.
Now, every time I imagine myself covering a plane crash or writing an article about some
new political scandal, I think of that little essay and the lives it affected. I visualize the
personal satisfaction of seeing my name in the by-line of the story thousands all over the
region are reading. I can only imagine touching people’s souls, the way I did that one day
Memorial Day.
COMMENTS:
This student is clearly a good writer. He establishes setting and context without doing so
explicitly. By stating, “What I had not anticipated was a sleek, black memorial that
angled out from the side of a hill. Gazing at the stark granite and the infinite list of
names, I could not imagine choosing another sight to write about,” he allows the reader to
infer that he has come face-to-face with a war memorial, a moving tribute he has chosen
as the topic of his contest essay.
The second paragraph opens with a sentence that seems to indicate the student may be a
bit conceited. However, he quickly follows it with a statement that relates his more
humble side: “I was, however, shocked to win first place in the eighth-grade division.”
The fourth paragraph succeeds in creating a vivid sense of the situation in the reader’s
mind.
The applicant notes the power of the event through this statement: “He was one of the
contest judges, and he had found it difficult to complete reading my composition from
behind his tears. He had to give it to his wife to finish.” Focusing on how the man’s
response to his essay moved the student to realize his passion for and ability in writing
evinces a mature young man focused on a clear goal (“Despite my many remarks to
adults that I was going to be an engineer or scientist, I knew deep down that I really
wanted to continue writing.”). This is the major accomplishment: self-realization. What
makes this applicant special is that he has followed up on his interest in writing, thinking
about the ways in which he will use his skill in the future: “Now, every time I imagine
myself covering a plane crash or writing an article about some new political scandal, I
think of that little essay and the lives it affected.”
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 4
Lesson One: Social or Political Issue Sample Essay
Note: The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It appears as it was initially
reviewed by admissions officers.
SAMPLE ESSAY:
I close my eyes and can still hear her, the little girl with a voice so strong and powerful
we could hear her halfway down the block. She was a Russian peasant who asked for
money and in return gave the only thing she had--her voice. I paused outside a small shop
and listened. She brought to my mind the image of Little Orphan Annie. I could not
understand the words she sang, but her voice begged for attention. It stood out from the
noises of Arbat Street, pure and impressive, like the chime of a bell. She sang from
underneath an old-style lamppost in the shadow of a building, her arms extended and
head thrown back. She was small and of unremarkable looks. Her brown hair escaped the
bun it had been pulled into, and she occasionally reached up to remove a stray piece from
her face. Her clothing I can't recall. Her voice, on the other hand, is permanently
imprinted on my mind.
I asked one of the translators about the girl. Elaina told me that she and hundreds of
others like her throughout the former Soviet Union add to their families' income by
working on the streets. The children are unable to attend school, and their parents work
fulltime. These children know that the consequence of an unsuccessful day is no food for
the table. Similar situations occurred during the Depression in the United States, but
those American children were faceless shoeshine boys of the twenties. This girl was real
to me.
When we walked past her I gave her money. It was not out of pity but rather out of
admiration. Her smile of thanks did not interrupt her singing. The girl watched us as we
walked down the street. I know this because when I looked back she smiled again. We
shared that smile, and I knew I would never forget her courage and inner strength. She
was only a child, yet was able to pull her own weight during these uncertain times. On
the streets of Moscow, she used her voice to help her family survive. For this "Annie,"
there is no Daddy Warbucks to come to the rescue. Her salvation will only come when
Russia and its people find prosperity.
COMMENTS:
This essay opens with an engaging introduction, creating a vivid, detailed picture of the
experience in the reader’s mind. Using the character of Little Orphan Annie as a way to
give the reader a sense of Elaina’s qualities is successful. Though the student knows most
people will have knowledge of the character, she adds extra detail to make Elaina
distinctive. Such descriptive phrases as “Russian peasant,” “Arbat Street,” “old-style
lamppost,” and “shadow of a building” help establish the unique setting in a creative
manner.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 5
The middle paragraph develops the significance of the issue, comparing it to the Great
Depression of the 1930s. This specific evidence, combined with the detailed explanation
of the student’s personal experience, wins over the reader to the student’s argument.
This essay is interesting because the thesis is at the end of the essay. Since the student has
been subtle with her points, using a vivid description of the anecdote to plead her case,
the strategy is successful. The student comes across as a mature candidate, because she
has an opinion she backs up with evidence without being preachy.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 6
Lesson One: Influential Person Sample Essays
Note: The below essays were not edited by EssayEdge Editors. They appear as they were
initially reviewed by admissions officers.
SAMPLE ESSAY 1:
I felt like a cadet at West Point that first week of fifth grade. Mrs. Stith was our sergeant,
commanding us to “stand at attention,” “walk single file,” “keep heads up” and “speak
only when spoken to.” We had only two rules to obey in her classroom: never talk while
Mrs. Stith is talking, and do your homework! We did not dare break these rules, fearing
an arduous obstacle course to climb as our consequence—or perhaps a firing squad
awaiting Mrs. Stith’s command to release an arsenal of bullets into our bodies.
My fifth-grade mind was not accustomed to such a demanding teacher. Coloring outside
the lines, reading The Great Adventures of Encyclopedia Brown and building mobiles
with construction paper had been the norm. My mouth gaped at the sight of endless
reading packets and workbook pages. I was in boot camp now, and Mrs. Stith was going
to toughen up the troops. Mrs. Stith could see our agony, our pleading eyes hoping she
would blow her whistle and let us take a break from the work. But she yelled at the class
at any sign of softness. Twenty pages of reading every night kept our stamina up. I cried
at the thought of learning how to spell “dictionary,” “miserable” and “criminal.” I
sweated over decimals. How could I learn all this and still have time to watch Cosby?
This wasn’t a youngster’s usual anxiety. I honestly thought I hated Mrs. Stith, or “Mrs.
Stiff,” as we called her, snickering as we pictured our gray-haired tyrant being lowered
into a tomb. Who did this old woman think she was anyway, always barking at the class?
I had always been the teacher’s pet. “Is my work not good enough?” I wondered. How
could she destroy my confidence so easily?
“Carrie, how could you get this question wrong?”
“I . . . I . . . don’t know,” I managed, lowering my head in shame, unable to look at Mrs.
Stith’s disappointed face.
“Don’t you know what a preposition is?”
“Yes, Mrs. Stith,” I replied, knowing that this blunder meant K.P. duty. I would have to
study my composition book a little extra tonight.
I can’t pinpoint exactly why, but sometime during those first few weeks I decided to
study hard and make Mrs. Stith proud of me. Maybe I dreamed of following in my older
brother’s prominent footsteps (sometimes I thought they were left by Bigfoot). I wanted
to be as studious and intelligent as Christopher. I couldn’t destroy the name that my
brother and I had established. Mediocrity wasn’t part of my vocabulary. I had always
been the best in class, favored by my teachers and often chosen to read aloud or go to the
chalkboard to do multiplication tables. The difference was that now it didn’t come so
easily. I would have to work.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 7
Two-page reports turned into detailed posters explaining the formation of igneous,
metamorphic, and sedimentary rocks. Mrs. Stith noticed her students’ best efforts and
rewarded us for hard work with smelly stickers. We loved those stickers and hung them
on the wall. One could easily discern my long trail of grapes, strawberries and apples.
Reading packets became enjoyable. I left the world of Ramona Quimby and discovered
Miss Havisham’s mansion, the plummeting guillotine and Jacob Marley’s rattling chains.
That year marked the beginning of my battle with the nerd syndrome.
Fifth grade helped establish my reputation as a brain. I would skip recess and stay after
school just to talk with Mrs. Stith. I would spend hours every night studying beyond the
assigned homework. I didn’t mind if other kids laughed at me for being studious; they
just hadn’t met the real Mrs. Stith. I no longer saw her as a rigid drill sergeant; now she
was a helpful platoon leader. For my part, I was no longer a raw recruit but well on my
way to becoming a skilled soldier.
What once were tears of fright and frustration turned to tears of sorrow when I graduated
from fifth grade. For graduation Mrs. Stith gave me a special gift—a copy of A Day No
Pigs Would Die. She wrote on the back cover: “I loved this book. I hope you will too.
You are an outstanding girl. Best of luck always. Love, Mrs. Stith.” Mrs. Stith retired that
year and I never saw my friend again.
COMMENTS:
This essay grips the reader from the outset, as the writer employs a simile in the opening
statement to make her point: “I felt like a cadet at West Point that first week of fifth
grade.” The writer does a good job of sprinkling that image throughout the essay,
providing thematic coherence. The conflict posed is one of challenge: a tough teacher
who expects more from her students than they have been used to. What is most effective
is the language the writer uses, showing the reader exactly how she felt at that young age:
“My mouth gaped at the sight of endless reading packets and workbook pages.”
The applicant can be categorized as an “overachiever” (“I had always been the teacher’s
pet.”) who also feels she must push himself based upon his brother’s past scholastic
successes. Mrs. Stith, however, challenges this overachiever to push herself even harder:
“I wanted to be as studious and intelligent as Christopher.” The writer employs a skilled
transition between Paragraphs 8 and 9 (“That year marked the beginning of my battle
with the nerd syndrome. Fifth grade helped establish my reputation as a brain.”). The
resolution is expected, with the student rising to his teacher’s challenge, but the success
in this piece lies in the execution—not the originality of the topic.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 8
SAMPLE ESSAY 2:
I keep remembering odd things: the way she loved daffodils, her delight at the antics of
our dog, jokes she told at the dinner table, her subtle brand of feminism, the look in her
eyes when she talked about my future. I knew about college before I’d ever heard of high
school; I was Mom’s second chance at the degree she never had.
Her parents pushed her too much, too hard, too fast, and she always wished she hadn’t let
the pressure overwhelm her. She dropped out of college after one semester for marriage
and a secretarial job. While she never regretted marrying my father, she always regretted
giving up her dream of becoming an accountant. She was determined her eldest daughter
would never miss an opportunity, and she missed out on so many herself so I could
succeed.
She was the one person I could talk to about anything: politics, dating, parties, failed
tests, or nail polish. She was right about so much, so often—much more than I gave her
credit for at the time. We never did agree on clothes. She favored the J. Crew look, I kept
trying for (and failing at) the neo-sixties style. One year we didn’t buy any new clothes at
all in a battle of wills: she refused to buy anything that didn’t “fit me properly” and I
refused to wear anything with an alligator on it.
She loved the holidays, Christmas most of all. One of the most intensely special times of
my life was Christmas my sophomore year, when I played Tiny Tim in a local
community theater production of “A Christmas Carol.” Mom delighted in my endless
rehearsal stories and spent hours helping me work out ways of disguising my long hair.
There’s a line in the show: “And it was always said of him that he knew how to keep
Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.” Change the pronouns and
that quote describes Mom perfectly.
I never imagined she wouldn’t be here now, micro-managing, debating the merits of
such-and-such college with me, chasing the dog around the living room, ruining
spaghetti, explaining “power colors,” and relishing exciting changes in IRS forms. I
never thought cancer could strike so quickly, could kill someone so strong and
determined in only a year.
She’s the one person I couldn’t imagine living without; now, since last January, I’ve had
to. Suddenly, I have no one to talk to about meaningless little things, no one whose
advice I trust implicitly to help me with decisions. When I come home from school, I
come home to an empty house, haunted by memories of the year she spent here dying. I
remember the disastrous Thanksgiving when she was nauseous and delusional, our
wonderful last Christmas Eve together, the tangle of tubes in the family room, the
needlepoint picture of Rainbow Row she labored over while stuck in bed, and the bags of
M&Ms she always kept within reach.
What I feel cheated of is the future we’ll never have.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 9
COMMENTS:
Writing about the death of a parent is one of the most difficult things an applicant could
choose to do. This student took on the challenge and, as a result, produced a terrific
essay. The piece is very positive at first, relating vivid, precise, intimate details of the
student’s life with her mother. Though some of the details may seem mundane, they
provide the reader with much insight into the girl, her mother, and her mother’s influence
upon her.
The piece surprises the reader—just as the tragic event shocked the writer—at the end of
the penultimate paragraph when the student states: “I never thought cancer could strike so
quickly, could kill someone so strong and determined in only a year.” The major concern
is that the essay becomes too negative in the conclusion, focusing on how the applicant
feels “cheated” by the painful loss of her mother. However, the reader understands how
incredibly difficult it must have been for this girl to write such an essay and is impressed
by her maturity.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 10
Lesson One: Future Goals Sample Essay
Note: The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It appears as it was initially
reviewed by admissions officers.
SAMPLE ESSAY:
Knock, knock.
The door opens a crack.
"Hi, can I speak to you for a minute?"
"Go away. Don’t speak good English," the man says while he begins to shut the door.
"Please, I’ll only take up a minute of your time."
"No want to buy. Go!"
"I don’t want to sell you anything. I’d like you to register to—"
The door slams in my face.
Knock, knock.
The door opens all the way.
"Hi, can I speak to you for a minute?"
"Only speak a little English," the woman says pleasantly.
"That’s OK. I’d like you to register to vote."
"Huh?"
Slower, "I’d like you to register to vote."
"No." The woman’s tone changes from openness to hostility.
"The congressional election is next month. I think Marty Meehan’s policy on tax credits
and his belief in raising the minimum wage would benefit you."
"My vote not count."
"Please, the reason I’m here is that—"
The door slams in my face.
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 11
These are two of the dozens of conversations I had while I registered voters in the
Lawrence, Massachusetts, projects. Many of the people I spoke to do not speak English
well, and even fewer have any interest in voting. They think it is a waste of their time and
believe that their vote has no impact. Even though I tried to explain Mr. Meehan’s
position on tax credits, the minimum wage, and subsidies for the poor, their view of
government as a large, foreign entity over which they have no control is so strong that
many would not listen to me and my arguments to the contrary.
The people I spoke to fear and are suspicious of the government, probably because it is
human nature to fear authority. This fear upsets me because it is one of the reasons the
poor do not participate in the system. If they voted as a group, the government would be
forced to listen to them and implement policies that benefited them. Politicians are afraid
to cut social security because senior citizens vote and have a very powerful lobby. If the
underprivileged classes organized, they could have that kind of political clout.
Yet I realize the people I spoke to do not see themselves as part of the system and have
no belief in it. Thus, the system has to reach out to them. That is why I registered voters
and why I plan to participate in Clinton ’s reelection campaign. I would like to have a
career in government because I want to have a positive impact on people’s lives. I realize
I sound cheesy and idealistic, but I’m only 17, and one of the benefits of being this age
(possibly the only benefit) is that I have not been tainted by cynicism. However, I do not
know what role in government I would like to play. I would like to have the power that
elected officials have; their decisions affect everyone in this country. Yet too often, in
order to get into and stay in office, politicians compromise principles. I do not want to
compromise my liberal beliefs, for if I did, I would not be helping those I want to help.
An alternative to running for office, working for a grassroots organization, would enable
me to maintain my beliefs. Also, I like the direct interaction with people that this line of
work affords. However, most organizations focus on one cause, and I am interested in a
number of issues.
How I’ll be involved in government is a question for the future. Right now I’m excited
about turning 18 in a presidential election year. Obviously the people in the Lawrence
projects do not feel as I do. I hope that I’ll be able to influence people like them to change
their minds.
COMMENTS:
The dialogues that open this essay immediately set it apart from the usual personal
statements. An admissions officer who has been dulled by the ninety-ninth consecutive
narrative beginning with the word ‘‘I’’ is likely to be revived by this essay’s
unconventional opening. The writer has a good ear for human speech and neatly
distinguishes the two exchanges through the gestures and tones of voice of the people she
encounters.
This early sign that the writer writes well is borne out by the clarity and directness of all
the sentences that follow, by the amusing aside about the limited benefits of being 17,
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 12
and by her return at the end of the essay to its starting point—the residents of the
Lawrence projects.
The essay also makes it clear that the writer thinks well. She does not simply have
experiences; she considers what her experiences mean. Her work in the voter-registration
drive prompts her reflections on a number of related topics: the attitude toward
government of the project residents; the difference between the interest-group politics of
the elderly and of the poor; her own political aspirations; the difficult relationship
between personal integrity and political effectiveness; and the differences between
elective and grassroots politics. That the writer can present all these thoughts in the space
of four short paragraphs indicates how tightly constructed the essay is.
The piece’s principal strength is the writer’s candor. Some students might hesitate to
express their liberal political convictions for fear of offending a conservative reader.
Some might pretend to be certain about their career plans or fear that uncertainty might
be interpreted as a lack of seriousness. Unlike these risk-averse students, this writer
honored the request that all colleges make, in one form or another: Tell us who you are so
that we will get to know the person behind the facts and figures of the rest of your
application. By refusing to pretend to be anyone other than who she is, this student
produced a successful essay.
Source: www.essayedge.com
Application Process Tab College Essay Question 13