The Compassion Project
Newsletter
There is nothing particularly “sudden” about the emergence of interest in compassion.
It is the intuitive, natural, human response of feeling for what we know and love.
John L Hoff, ThD
W
elcome to the first edition of the Compassion Project Newsletter, a
publication born of our Goodenough Community’s year-long,
intentional experiment in living with, learning about, and
experimenting with compassion (to conclude 12/6/08).
Jo
JL
Inside
Jo
How did this experiment come about? Last fall, our
community learned about and anticipated the spring visit of His Holiness
the Dalai Lama. It was in response to the national and international
movement inspired by His Holiness that led a few of us to choose
“compassion” as our community’s theme for this past year. Many of you
experienced compassion as an emerging theme in our True Holidays
event in December, and compassion has been foundational to the
programs offered jointly by the women’s and men’s cultures of the
Goodenough Community. Many of you have also received an
announcement and invitation to our August 2008 Human Relations
Laboratory, where “creating compassionate community” brings our
theme forward from the previous year.
Why the Compassion
Project?. . . . . . . . . 2
John Hoff, founder of the Goodenough Community, remarked
that there is nothing particularly new or sudden about this emergence of
compassion: It is the intuitive, natural, human responses of feeling for
we know and love. When we have compassion, we wince at rudeness
and unkindness, and we are repulsed by insensitivity and find coercion
or bullying revolting.
Bibliography . . . . 34
Stories from Our
Experiences . . . . . 4
Sharing Insights &
Understandings. . 13
Aphorisms on
Compassion. . . . . 26
Indeed, as we face a world that is becoming increasingly
frightened and violent, we believe that people need to learn more about
compassion. Our community experiment means that we have given
ourselves to learning how to love—how to give it, receive it, and give it
again. Being compassionate doesn’t need to look weak or foolish, and a
life of compassion does not really cost more than giving up being hardnosed and self-seeking. Love-as-compassion involves intentionally
serving and training each other through a well crafted friendship.
As we share our experiment in compassion, we invite you to
join us by sharing your knowledge, research, reflections, and
experiments in conscious, compassionate living.
Elizabeth Jarrett-Jefferson,
Editor
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Page 1
Toward a Compassionate Way of Life
John L Hoff
Last December 1, the True Holiday Celebration brought the
Why the
Compassion
Project?
invitation to people present to join together in a commitment to a weekly
practice of intentional compassion to another person—as an experiment to
learn from. In other words, learning from what it might mean to be routinely
compassionate. I have shared some of my own experiences and have invited
yours.
In my reading and in my personal experience I am finding that to be
compassionate toward oneself is essential to acting compassionately toward
another. I also notice that there is a human suffering we endure simply
because we are creatures of time. We live with time as a task master forcing
us to get things done quickly. We live with time as a judge of how we have
done even as we sort through the consequences of doing it. A compassionate
heart accepts time-passing as simply a fact unveiling today’s opportunities. Each
day is a gift. Be compassionate with yourself by releasing yourself from the
tyranny of time by focusing on the opportunity of time. I am remembering
some words from Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 to 1882) who was a poet and
a mystic.
The days come and go
like muffled and veiled figures
sent from a distant party.
but they say nothing
and if we do not use
the gifts they bring
they carry them
silently away
Another aspect of the curriculum on compassion is to teach empathy, or
authentic feeling. This teaching is not based on the way another person is like
you or similar to you, but on developing an unconditioned part of yourself that
responds I an unconditioned way to others—whether they are like you or
not; or opposing you, or even threatening you. They still deserve some part of
you that we would call compassion. Our nature is love, so if someone is giving
us a bad time, it is a time to allow our nature to be expressed as love. In
conflict, we learn to express forgiveness. In competition, our expression
should be honesty and good will. This is a place in ourselves that loves our
enemies and treats other people well even when they’re no to treating us
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well. To do otherwise would be to lower the standard of life on Earth.
Stories from Our Own Experience
From Bruce Perler
Talking with a co-worker the other day and sharing stories of our kids lives, I learned
of a mysterious medical problem his son was having and the distress and worry in himself and
his family. I was really feeling for Brad especially given his recent divorce. I found my heart full
of feeling for him and told him so. He was quite touched and let me know more of the
challenge in his now divided family which opened me to say more about my own and offer
some of the kind of invaluable support I've gotten from my friends and counselors. Expressing
the compassion I was feeling for Brad felt both right and a bit awkward. It was our first
intimate conversation and a gift to feel the good man in each of us."
Dr. John L. Hoff
Something good is happening…
Compassion is doing its deep and subtle work in our lives. As people report in on being
intentionally compassionate, that is going out of their way to express feeling and concern for
others, they are reporting to me some useful ideas for how to put compassion into our daily
lives—so here are some of the ideas:





I am saying thank you to everyone for everything—that is my new mantra.
I am greeting everyone positively and with my focused attention as I meet them for
the first time each day.
I have set a goal for expressing my appreciation to someone in my environment
everyday.
It works wonderfully because I see how often I am thankful and unexpressed.
I am calling a friend that I am missing each week with a sense of wanting to repair and
renew relationship. It’s actually a nice gift to myself.
At our True Holidays Event I offered my leadership to continue to learn about what
happens when we are more compassionate. So, this is feedback on how we are doing and it
inspires me to keep listening. I hope it inspires you to keep with your practice of compassion.
Faces of Compassion
John L. Hoff
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When I am in the large waiting room at my physician’s office I don’t think of introducing
myself to those I sit down with. So I don’t know this person’s name. She was quite elderly
probably at least 80 and acting super alert so as not to succumb to the illness in the room. But I
found myself giving her my first name and asking for hers and so John and Lynellen had a brief
talk:
John: I think we have seen each other here before, haven’t we?
Stories from our own
experiences…
Continued
Lynellen: (Nodding yes) This is a very nice doctor’s office but I
still don’t like coming here. There are mostly old people here and
they are sick on top of that. My mortality confronts me here.
John: I think I know what you mean. I am largely in a state of
denial about my age and my limitations, but in a place like this I
have to face it. Besides that I am here for a reason too.
L: I make myself deal with getting older I do it by looking in the
mirror at myself and remembering my life and how everything
around my eyes was once the face of a child, and a young woman,
and when I was about 5-- many of my dreams are when I was
around 50. I learned about myself from my eyes. You ought to try
looking in the mirror, John, it will be good for you.
J: I know about looking in the mirror and I like doing it too. Sometimes looking in the mirror I
see a very heart full innocent kid and I like him a lot. Maybe what is real about us is ageless and
only our bodies really grow old.
L: I wish my daughter could see me, I wish I could get her to look in my eyes. She just sees the old me
and it scares me. She doesn’t want to invest in me anymore.
J: That seems to be hard for you to accept. I am just learning to know about it. It has a name—
ageism—its like racism. People tend to see the elderly with a prejudice they are not aware of. It’s a
deep judgment that is based on not understanding and on fear, like you were describing in your
daughter.
L: Isn’t this a hell of a mess. My body is dying of aging and my soul is dying from ageism (she looks
toward the nurse calling her name). I better go, but don’t you feel younger, I do.
Compassion requires that we feel and at least speak out that feeling. To this day, I can still
close my eyes and see Lynellen’s little eyes—ageless. We shared compassion!
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But Wait, Compassion is Alive - Richard Kenagy I’ve been feeling
compassion for my daughter navigating the stresses of college life. I remember my
own high anxiety about performance
I look for someone who will
during those years - wanting to do well and
understand my need without taking
questioning myself at the same time. Unlike me
me for a beggar. --Rainier Maria
then, she is reaching out for the support she
Rilke
needs. Very admirable. And I find it is good for me
to be able to help with advice and hugs, or
sometimes just hugs.
Also from Richard…
A young woman at work, whom I’ve interacted with on a regular but infrequent basis
for the last couple of years, recently lost her first borne baby only weeks after birth. I can
imagine the ache in her belly and anguish at this loss. I sent a card to her through her office mate
who is collecting these to send her while she is away. I hope the action of sending a card speaks
more of my intent than the words, because those were hard to find.
Mother’s Day Gift
Irene Perler
This work on compassion is showing up all over my life and is both heartwarming and heart
stretching. I found myself yesterday in a bind inside when a co-worker was inconvenienced by
something I had a small part in. She was preparing for her class play today and was setting up
her scenes in the performance hall where John and Colette and I were hosting a parenting class
that evening. She was all in a
tizzy trying to figure out how
to handle changes she hadn’t
expected. Apparently no
Compassion realizes,
one had directly notified her
about the parent evening
above all, that life is too
and she hadn’t seen it on
the calendar to notice the
brief to be stuck in any
conflict. I was sorry for
her inconvenience and
one side of the whole.
faced a moment inside
where
I wanted to avoid
~Arnold Mindell
any contact with her, I was
tempted to get defensive or to
take her anxiety on
personally but rather I decided to
offer her any help she
needed and asked her not to feel like she
had to remove things that
were already in place. She was angry, not at me, but she
didn’t think this kind of thing should happen. I felt for her. Several of us offered her help but
she was in that kind of panic that can happen before an important event and had a hard time to
accept any help at first. I, too, was tempted to panic inside. I had been rehearsing my
introduction for the evening and was afraid I’d be pulled off my center by this “fluffle” with a
colleague and forget my well rehearsed introduction. Fortunately, she settled into what she
needed to focus on and so did I. After the parenting evening, she was joined by many of us as
we helped set up for her play.
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Closer to home, I noticed a kind of conflict last Saturday during my calendar review time
with my husband Bruce. We were getting our calendars synched up and I realized this Sunday is
Mother’s Day. Usually, I have a lot of attachment to spending time with my kids, Wes and
Sarah, on this day. This time, however, I looked at things without so much attachment, including
giving up on the Norman Rockwell images of a perfect day or even the ones I have developed
from my own beloved family traditions. Don’t get me wrong, traditions are great, but flexibility
is also important. First of all, my kids are currently with
their father David. We take turns, four weeks at a
time. This works well for the kids so they can settle in
I like those “special” times
a little with each of their families, and they don’t have
but, the truth is, my kids and
so many transitions to move back and forth. You can
Bruce help me feel good
imagine that I miss them and would want to have any
about being a mother.
opportunity to be with them. But this time, the kids had
just been with us for five weeks while David was on a
business trip. I knew they were just settling in at their
Dad’s. And then, I really took in the kind of week I
knew Sarah was having. She took the SAT’s last weekend right after returning from a trip with
her Vocal Jazz group in Reno. In addition to a regular school day, she has musical rehearsals
from 3:30 to 10:00 each evening all week, goes home to do her homework, gets a few hours
rest and goes back at it again the next day. This week was going to be an entire week of this
schedule and three performances. By the time Sunday gets here, she will need a break, some
extra sleep and a chance to catch up on homework and laundry, a very short break before the
second week of the musical. Even if we made it simple, I know that it would be at least a two
hour commitment to do anything on Sunday. I really wanted her to have a better
experience…that would make me feel good…to really do what is best for the whole situation. I
know my kids appreciate me and love me. They tell me often and they will tell me again soon. I
talked it over with Bruce and we decided that it made sense not to make something happen just
because the culture at large has said this Sunday is Mother’s Day. I like those “special” times
but, the truth is, my kids and Bruce help me feel good about being a mother often. I called the
kids and let them know ahead of time how I had thought this through. I also suggested that they
make some mention to their stepmom Kim that they appreciate her and what she does for
them. This is the part that really stretches me inside! Sarah and Wesley each appreciated my
care and said they’d like to do something at another time and they thought it was big of me to
think of everyone ahead of time. I also let David and Kim (my former husband and his wife)
know of my thoughts about this and they agreed it would be nice to just have a quiet and restful
day to catch up. So this is my compassionate Mother’s Day gift to my Self and my family!
Compassion: Where is 19th Avenue?
By Jim Tocher
I was walking toward my cardiac exercise program on First Hill in Seattle, near 18th
Avenue and Cherry Street. A woman signaled to me that she wanted to ask me about
something. In broken English, she asked me which direction she should walk to get to 19th
Avenue. She was dressed in what I took to be African Muslim clothing and had two small
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children with her, probably ages 2 and 3. I turned around and slowly walked with her and the
children to the corner and pointed her in the right direction. As I walked away, I realized I could
have given her more complete directions, so I turned back and caught up with her and asked her
where on 19th Avenue she was going. She pulled out the address and we figured out that it was
at least eight blocks north of where we were, near Madison. She thanked me for that and said it
was too far for her to walk with the children, so she would take a bus. I was pleased that I had
made the extra effort to be sure she knew where she was going. (I got to my appointment on
time). She knew where she was going. (I got to my appointment on time).
Compassion Story Update
Richard Kenagy
Working with the 2008 Human Relations Laboratory design team, I’ve heard us
talking about how having compassion starts with having compassion for yourself. This was
recently made clearer to me as I was bringing my son Chris back from a doctor’s appointment.
Chris needed to stop by our house for something before I took him back to school. As I drove
up the street toward our house, we were met by a man walking his dog, who was gesticulating
angrily and indicating with his hands that I was driving too fast – “the speed limit is 20!!!”
Well, I was hooked by his line. I stopped, backed up and started to argue with him;
however, neither he nor I escalated, and I quickly drove on. As I got out of the car at my house,
I muttered to myself “I didn’t need that.” As much as I would have liked to put it on this guy, I
knew I was the one bothered and I had done it to myself. As I pondered feeling so bad and
knowing my anger hurt me, I figured a compassionate response to myself would be to apologize
to those who got a dose of my anger. So I did so with Chris when he came out of the house.
After dropping him off at school, I went looking for my nemesis. When I found him, I pulled up,
rolled down the window and offered an apology for my angry response to him. He accepted
this, told me he was concerned with the safety of the pedestrians in the neighborhood, and then
offered his hand for a shake. So I received some compassion from myself and from him.
Falling Is Part of Learning ...
Bruce Perler
When I remember the truth of this statement, usually after I've fallen on my face
once again, I can usually find relief and acceptance for my own bumbling. This last
week, in my ongoing saga of making peace with my work-for-money life, I received
some genuine praise from my new manager for my steadiness, and ability to juggle many tasks
and relationships at once. He let me know he was appreciating my abilities and way with work
relationships as a skilled person and that in his mind I stand out on his team in this way. I
remember feeling a sense of relief for his appreciation, including a relief from a nagging paranoid
voice in my head that I'm going to be found out for being a slacker at any moment. Within a
couple days, not only had I forgotten to share with anyone else that I'd received this
appreciation from my manager but I'd worked myself into yet another "I don't want to ..." frame
of mind regarding my employment. My dear wife Irene was patiently trying to understand my
seeming irrational reaction to coming home from a trip to our country place, Sahale, and I was
demonstrating my ability to choose amnesia, over a more integrated and balanced perspective.
How could it be that I can know at one time that all is well and my employment is just that, a
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means to an end then, at another time, forget this larger more helpful reference and sink into a
grouchy funk about having to deal with my adult choices and responsibilities. The compassion
my manager offered me in his knowing I need a morale boost given how my last year with work
has gone didn't stick with me; I didn't choose to let his words have real meaning and impact. So,
here I am picking myself up, dusting myself off, asking my wife for forgiveness for my cranky
mood and getting back on the horse that is my job. Compassion received must be part of
learning to offer compassion to be received. I'm not done with this lesson.
More Learning about Compassion. . . From Richard Kenagy
On the way to work the other day I was crossing the intersection when a fellow in a VW bug
turning left behind me honked his horn. I turned and saw him point down to the
ground where I’d dropped my vest. Waving thanks as he sped by, I went to pick it
up and savored his action all the way to work.
More from Richard.. .
I’ve been noticing compassion more around me. This morning I read in the paper about the
way a Rabbi and his congregation have been working with their compassion toward the
homeless in their neighborhood. They were responding to need with food, lodging and more,
and seeing that the need was greater than their ability to give. They were finding that they had
to also respect their own boundaries to be compassionate.
There was even a story of compassion in the sports section. During a women’s college
softball game, a player hit her first home run ever and in her excitement missed first base.
Turning around to go back she tore a ligament in her knee and in great pain crawled over to the
bag. The umpires said she’d have to touch all bases on her own or stay at first and be replaced.
Her teammates couldn’t touch her. The opposing player at first base then asked if she and a
teammate could carry her around. After the answer came back yes, they did just that. By the
time they were turning toward third base all were laughing and crying. The moment of
compassion was enjoyed by all at the game.
. . . And in the theme of the Gender Series (Women + Men) x Compassion = Social
Transformation…
In the ensuing sports commentary the question came up of whether men would respond
the same way. Some thought yes, some said they hoped so, some gave examples of what they
thought was compassion shown, but it is an interesting question. . .
Have Compassion … A Holiday Suggestion
John L. Hoff
I was standing in the check-out line in Safeway last Saturday right behind a little
boy of 4 or 5 and his mother. It turned out his name was Charles because his
mother used his name in every sentence she spoke to him. He was begging for things. Her
answer was always “no.” “No, that costs too much.” “No, that has sugar in it.” “No, that’s not
good for you.” “No, I gave you a treat earlier.” Then, quite suddenly, she straightened her
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shoulders, put a smile on her face, and firmly but warmly cupped his upturned face in one hand,
looked into his eyes and said, “I am saying no to you just because. Just because I say no that is
your answer. Accept my no just because I am asking you.” There was tension in the air and I felt
what was happening since she was partly turned toward me while she was addressing her son
who stood at my feet. It was quiet when Charles responded brightly, “Okay, Mommy.”
That incident has stayed with me, a cameo of something important to my thinking these
days. I saw a woman mindlessly bantering with a child suddenly remember she was an adult
parent and warmly but firmly take control of the situation and acknowledge her son’s bid for
attention. And I haven’t mentioned yet that as the mother let go of his face and broke her
smiling gaze into his eyes, wee Charles leaned forward and gave his mother’s knees a big hug. I
have just mentioned that in my experience this mother woke up to her child’s request for some
real contact with her, for some authentic interaction and she gave her son a sense of herself and
he loved it. Since I have been thinking recently about an article I’m writing entitled “The Many
Faces of Compassion,” I perceived a woman
choosing to respond
compassionately. I saw her wake up from
mindlessness, focus on
her son’s request for attention and be
kind to him. I wrote
it down as one of the faces of
compassion and am
excerpting it for the purpose of
introducing the
theme of our True Holidays celebration
to be held on
December 1—which has taken as its theme
“Have Compassion
…” This theme emerged from the consideration
of many others. Remember
that last year the event was themed around hope. Throughout this past year I have enjoyed the
little vial of sweet smelling oil labeled Hope. I used it many times and thought of my promise to
others to be aware of how important hope is. This year compassion won out over several other
themes including Hope II (some wanted to repeat the theme). It felt right to me that compassion
won out. We flirted with the possibility of love, but the word has so many meanings and has
been so trivialized that it was easy to choose the clear, simple meaning in compassion. To have
compassion for another involves having feeling for them, being connected to their experience,
and identifying with them. Empathy moves us to be helpful or to show compassion. Compassion
is service from heartfelt feeling. Remember the lady in the check-out line, how she woke up to
her feelings for her son?
H
owever, I want to return to the face of compassion at Safeway, because as you
remember, this mother did not succumb to the requests of her petulant son. She did
not give him what he wanted. Her compassion called her to give him what he needed—
acknowledgment and an intimate moment with her. She actually told us what this was about
when she referred to herself as a “just be-cause.” What an interesting phrase that is. She was
grounded in the justness or rightness of not giving her son more candy. I could tell she knew it
was just and right to really attend to him. I saw and felt her “just be-cause.” Her being spoke to
her child. As she said, her being, her feelings were sufficient cause for a response. She was being
true to herself, and it ended with a hug because her gift of self had been accepted.
I do wish you a compassionate holiday season. People around us need compassion, our
society needs compassion, our planet needs a more compassionate response. That compassion
is a gift of your self and it honors your own high court of reason as well as expressing your
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authentic feeling. It is right for you to make a difference with your life. It is right for you to have
an influence on others you meet throughout the season. You are a just be-cause in this holiday
season. You could even say “no” if you wanted to, especially on the way to offering a greater gift
of yourself. You see compassion is not ineffectual “niceness.” Compassion addresses the real
situation. Compassion moves from heart to heart. Compassion for others around you could
create a beautiful holiday season, wherein standing up for your own perspective and offering
your own sense of what’s needed you meet the deepest needs and the greatest longings of
others.
So this is some background on why our True Holidays event features compassion and why it
will encourage all those attending to “Have Compassion …” The event will call us to remember
the things we really want to see happen and then “make it so” and have compassion!
P.S. The True Holidays Campaign intends to help all of us live more deeply and
compassionately during the holiday season.
Compassion: The Soft Spot in Your Heart - John
Recently, while getting a cup of coffee at Starbuck’s, I stepped back from the
counter, hot coffee in one hand and too many packages in the other. I looked
around for a place to reorganize my load.
The little tables were full. Seeing my plight, a man
In each of us, there’s a lot of softness,
sitting alone at the back invited me to use his table.
a lot of heart. Touching that soft spot
I did so, finally sitting down to drink the first sips of
has to be the starting place. This is
my coffee. He was a black man about my age and as
what compassion is all about. Pema
we chatted his story emerged: He and his wife
Chodron
“baby-sit” five of their grand kids. He doesn’t like
how disrespectful his grandchildren are nor how his
wife deals with them, or how exhausted she is after a long day. He’s on a break. He seems
relieved by admitting his situation and venting his feelings. As we talk on—about children and
grandchildren and the state of the world we all live in—I am appreciating his viewpoint, his
attitude, and his openness. By the time my coffee is gone, I have a deep feeling of respect and
caring for him. Now every time I go to Safeway or to that Starbuck’s I look for him and I
wonder how he’s doing.
This kinship with the suffering of others, this soft spot in our hearts, reminds me of the
Buddhist concept of bodhichitta which is a Sanskrit word meaning “the awakened nobility of
heart “ This soft spot in our hearts is always there, it is the vulnerability present in all that is
temporal. This soft spot is both weakness and compassion. Bodhichitta is a tenderness toward
others that allows us to feel their pain and our own concern at the same time. We are living in a
period of history, impacted by mass media that keeps us busy and distracted, not noticing that
we have feelings for much that is going on. There is a soft spot in our hearts that is being
ignored.
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A few days after the Starbuck’s story, I was talking with my old friend Phil Stark. We were
talking about the hardness of heart we could see around us in the world when I found myself
telling him the above story. When I was through, he reminded me that as I talked I was
obviously full of compassion—the face of compassion I have been writing about recently was my
own.
I have been sharing with you brief stories on the theme “faces of compassion” and I do so in
order to encourage you to feel the tenderness in you for others around. Please don’t deny that
you have a soft spot in your heart for others. Our True Holidays Celebration, December 1, has
the theme: Have Compassion…! As the program develops I realize that we are going to have a
warm, sweet, and tender-hearted evening because our theme enables it. I also believe that our
celebration will help you and others be more compassionate during this holiday season. I’ll look
forward to seeing you there.
A Familiar Face of Compassion - John
Karuna is a Sanskrit word usually translated as compassion. It has to do with being
compassionate as the embodiment of a wisdom that knows what would be most
deeply helpful. Karuna is wisdom in service to a world in need and in crisis. His
Holiness, The Dalai Lama as a Tibetan Buddhist frequently returns to a core
message that compassion must become operational in our lives as a sustained attitude and habit
of responsiveness. In fact, he said Compassion is the radicalism of our time. How has it come to be
that we don’t automatically and naturally choose to be of help rather than to ignore human
needs. I want you to find the face of compassion in the following story—a very old one.
The story is about a good man who was going about his business traveling from one town to
another when he was mugged by thieves, robbed of everything, and injured badly. As the story
goes it was a road that was not traveled much and his life was slowly ebbing
from him when the next traveler came by. It was a priest from a nearby village
who was hurrying home to an important ritual with some important people, and
seeing the man in need he felt he could not change his plans and so walked on the
other side of the road where he would not have to see who it was. After awhile another
traveler came by, a bishop of the church dressed in fine robes accompanied by attendants who
made sure that their very important boss would not have to be bothered by the groaning body
on the road.
Time passed, and the next to pass by was a man of a different culture, a strange person, the
kind of person you would be really surprised to see go out of his way for the victim. But this
stranger did. Upon seeing the man now near dead he took him in his arms, sharing his coat with
him. And putting him on his own beast of burden, they traveled to the next town where he took
the victim to a small clinic and asked them to immediately care for his friend. He saw to it that
the man’s wounds were attended to and that he was properly fed, and then he made
arrangements for the man to be cared for until he was strong enough to leave on his own. The
stranger promised the caretaker that he would pay for all expenses and went on his way.
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N
ow I understand why you would see the stranger as wearing the face of compassion. Even
though this helper was from a rejected minority (a Samaritan) he was kind to the injured man
who was from a group that persecuted his people. This good Samaritan also took a real
financial risk by accepting responsibility for his future care. After all, he could have been taken
advantage of by both the victim and the provider. However, I am not focusing you on this face of
compassion but rather on the face of the man who told the story. His name was Jesus and he
was telling the story in response to a very bright, wealthy young politician who upon hearing
Jesus say that we should love our neighbors asked the quite technical question, “How do you
define neighbor?” And the above story was his response to that question. It is important to
remember that this story is just loaded or charged with words that trigger emotional responses.
After all Jesus was talking to a politician in the religious establishment of his day, and makes the
first passerby a priest and the second one a bishop, both probably on their way to the same
religious festival. In his story they both walk by on the other side of the road. They go out of
their way not to be compassionate. They ignore the obvious need, thereby defining that the
opposite of compassion was coldness of heart, lack of feeling, ignoring need. Three hundred fifty
years before this story was told, the Buddha often referred to the core of human problems as
ignorance. The point is that Jesus told the story to this “rich young ruler” that described the
hierarchy he served as cold-hearted villains, enemies of the Work that He was about.
As the story goes, the rich young ruler “caught” Jesus’ message, and he said to Jesus, “Sir,
how could I be a follower of yours?” And Jesus said, “Sell everything you have and give it to such
poor people as the victim of my story. Then you would be ready to follow me.” Then the man,
remembering his wealth, felt deeply saddened and walked to the other side of the road.
Now you are looking at the face of compassion. Yes, it is the face of Jesus, storyteller, gently
teaching about our human difficulty in obeying the truth of conscience in ourselves and others.
As with the rich young ruler Jesus senses the struggle to put conscience ahead of convenience.
I’m imagining that you have seen the disappointment in someone’s face when you refused their
love-guidance to take some willful path. Feel for this face of a compassionate Friend and it will
help you see the face of compassion when it is yours.
The Compassion Experiment ….more
It is with great sadness that I announce to you that this world seems to be
scarce of compassion. This past week in the eView I asked for compassionsightings from among us and I gather that all of us have discovered a compassionless
world. So, I extend my own compassion to each of you. It must feel sad to you (it does to me)
to live in a world where compassion is relatively absent.
Perhaps this is what is meant by the pundits who talk about these being dark times. But I say to
you have cheer, trust your own good intentions. Notice that even now, you are feeling
compassion for how it is. Don’t give up hope on finding compassion, even if it is not in others it
exists in you. So this week look on others as worthy of compassion precisely because it is so
lacking in our world. It turns out that you are the hope of the world, you and your
compassionate heart. So next week you could share some stories of your compassion for
others as well as look for stories of other people being compassionate.
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Remember what Pema Chodron has said:
When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched,
you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any
resolution, that this heart is huge, vast,
and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and
gentleness is there, as well as how much space.
~Pema Chodron
Sharing Insights
&
Understandings
؏
The Compassion Project offers. . .
We have offered a variety of articles about compassion and
forgiveness. The Forgiveness Instinct, an article by Michael E. McCullough,
states: To understand the human potential for peace we have to learn three
simple truths about forgiveness and revenge.



Truth I: The desire for revenge is a built-in feature of human
nature.
Truth II: The capacity for forgiveness is a built-in feature of human
nature
Truth III: To make the world a more forgiving, less vengeful place,
don’t try to change human nature—change the world!
To view this four-page article, go to:
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/greatergood/2008spring/index.html
Remember that this change is what community is about.
Dharma Quote of the Week
Submitted by Sue-Marie Casagrande
I get these weekly dharma quotes from Snow Lion Publishing
(http://www.snowlionpub.com). Today's seems particularly ontopic. Per Tibetan Buddhism, the type of compassion discussed here would be
ultimate or universal compassion--developed compassion that rests within the
mind of a genuine desire for all to be happy, even our enemies. conventional
compassion is the biologically-based compassion that helps us take care of one
another, especially our young. Universal compassion grows from conventional
compassion.
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Why do we want to be wise and compassionate? If it's because we would simply like to
be wise and compassionate, we are off course, because the "I" cannot attain wisdom and
compassion. Wisdom and compassion can only be revealed once the "I" has disappeared. When
we reach this level, we will be able to benefit others. In the meantime, it is the blind leading the
blind. All true religions seek to gain access to that level of consciousness which is not egobound. In Buddhism, it is called the unconditioned, the unborn, the deathless. You can call it
anything you like. You can call it atman. You can call it anatman. You can call it God. The fact is,
there is a subtle level of consciousness which is the core of our being, and it is beyond our
ordinary conditioned state of mind. We can all experience this. Some people experience it
through service, others through devotion. Some even think they can experience it through
analysis and intellectual discipline. Buddhists usually try to access it through meditation. That's
what we are doing. Breaking through to the unconditioned in order to help others break
through to the unconditioned. But we have to start where we are, from right here. We start
with these minds, these bodies, these problems, these weaknesses, and these strengths.
--from Reflections on a Mountain Lake: Teachings on Practical Buddhism by Venerable Tenzin Palmo,
published by Snow Lion Publications.
A letter of understanding
Last Sunday evening, I was deeply impacted by our conversation. I experienced you as openhearted to me and willing to do the back and forth work that is necessary to really come to a
common understanding. Since then I am remembering an old adage, “relationship begins when
projection ends.” I find us all somewhat embarrassed these days at discovering how much we
have projected onto each other rather than clarify what might more objectively be the truth.
Yet when we withhold our projections from each other—they’re still in our thoughts and
sometimes racing through our bodies—they are actually transferred from our minds to our
bodies and show up as passivity and avoidance. The middle path here is to neither deny them or
project them but to talk about them as inner experiences, tendencies, and emotions along with
much busy-ness in the mind. I appreciated your willingness to share projections and concerns
with the intention to accept and understand each other’s thoughts and feelings about a variety of
things. I want this for myself as well, and Colette and I are promising you open minds and open
hearts in order that we might be transparent to you. We also want to understand what the
years of our journey have been like for you. So Colette and I will be back to talk with you this
Sunday and encourage you to all return in this same spirit of wanting to understand how it could
be that such good friends could have such difficulty being friendly. Thank you for listening. Love,
John
؏
The Many Faces of Compassion
John L. Hoff
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I have been sharing the first of five faces of compassion, actual moments from my life in
which I learned about what compassion really is. I will conclude this article today with another
such image.
In our early lives we have an undisputed need to be nurtured, guided, and taught. As
individuals we begin our lives learning to question, to seek, to accept, to receive what is given
us. This is the nature of childhood: we are to learn to receive and appreciate what
comes to us from others. I’m reminded of the story from which the Goodenough
Community gets its name. Told briefly, D.W. Winnicott, a physician and pediatrician during the
Second World War, stated that children orphaned by the war did not survive sometimes
because they would not accept nurture from any adult. They were inconsolable and unaccepting
of love offered them. They languished and died. And Winnicott wrote about the pain this caused
physicians and nurses who cared for them as they realized there was no way they could make
themselves good enough caretakers for these sad children. As children we would not survive if
we did not exercise our natural ability to accept what was given us. In the measure that we have
become strong and whole people, it is because we have developed our capacity to listen, to pay
attention, to feel appreciation—to receive and apply what is offered.
In fact, in our early lives our minds are so constructed that we literally live within our
parents’ lives, learning almost everything from them and controlled by our own feelings of
dependency on them. We do what they tell us to do (with some exceptions) and we seek their
approval, becoming terrified by their rejection. This is the mind of a child and is the result of our
deep need to be nurtured and shaped in our basic humanity. I’m wanting you now to consider
how it’s equally true that another process begins in our early life—perhaps not right at the
beginning but quite soon after—I’m talking about the process that comes from our need to give,
especially our need to give back or return in kind what we have been given. We begin as
quite young children to mimic the generosity of our parents and siblings. We begin to discover
our own compassion for the feelings and needs of others. In the measure that we are loved it
comes naturally to us to love others. These human traits reveal themselves in the process of
development. It is clear that we must learn some things as a step toward learning other things.
Some traits are foundational to developing others. It is foundational for us as human beings to
learn, to receive, and to appreciate, and to learn from the process of being cared for and given
to.
Before we go on, let’s notice the implications of this fact for understanding what it means to
have compassion. It’s important to remember at about this point that the world we live in is full
of ignorance. That word ignorance was used powerfully by the
We cannot be happy
Buddha who offered us the insight that we are ignorant; that is,
without serving others
we are ignoring what we already know and have learned. The
and this need, this
core experience from which we live is a profound need to be
heartfelt identification
cared for, loved, and taught. It is powerful when these needs
with the needs and
are met by another human being who succors us from their
longings of others, is
own knowledge of what this means. Much that is human is
the beginning of
transmitted to us in relational experiences. Our ability to
community.
receive what is transmitted is greatly aided by a safe and
positive relationship. It is our compassion that makes possible such a relational experience. We
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Page 15
need to be compassionate. That is, to have compassion expresses the depth of our being. We
cannot be happy without serving others and this need, this heartfelt identification
with the needs and longings of others, is the beginning of community. Community
grows from this seed. The seed is compassion. I share with you now another of the faces of
compassion.
In 1966 I moved my family back to Oklahoma where I taught at Phillips University for three
years. This story involves my son David, who was five years old and entering kindergarten. In his
class was a boy named Trevor. Each day Trevor was one of the names David mentioned as he
talked about his classmates and the events of the day. Vivian and I commented that Trevor was
certainly having an influence on David, a good one. And as the year went by, it seemed quite
natural to be planning with David a sleepover at our house for Trevor. And when Trevor
jumped out of the car at our house, he ran over and David and he had headed off to the back
yard to play, and Trevor’s mother commented to Vivian and me that Trevor didn’t need any
special care and she was so glad that he had such a friend as David.
Now you need to know that Vivian and I were shocked at the sight of the little boy named
Trevor. I myself had never seen such a little boy. And both Vivian and I were comforted from
knowing from his mother that he needed no special care because it certainly looked like he did.
Trevor had progeria, premature aging syndrome. Said simply, Trevor looked for all the world
like he was 80 years old. His face was that of a wizened old man and much about his body
carried the disfigurement of great age.
On Saturday afternoon Trevor’s mother came back for him and he ran off to the car and
was gone and David came back into the house and thanked us for being nice to his friend and
added that not many people are nice to Trevor. “I am nice to Trevor. I used to feel sorry for
him and it was scary to look at him. But you know what, inside he’s just like me. He’s a kid. And
he says it means a lot to him that I’m his friend.”
Well to this day, we occasionally mention this family and David’s young friend named
Trevor. I remember Trevor because I appreciated my son David for being a compassionate
child. He taught me about the natural compassionate nature of children. He
reminded me of my real need to overcome my judgment, my emotional
contraction in the face of someone who is differently beautiful. Have you noticed
the natural compassion of children and would you benefit from being more childlike
from that perspective? Would it be good for you to be born again?
Having Compassion for the Other
John L. Hoff
(Women + Men) X Compassion = Social Transformation. This workshop is
about helping men and women to deepen the understanding that men have of
women and women have of men.
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P
atriarchy involves a man’s not respecting the contribution made by the feminine
within himself and therefore unable to feel sufficiently positive toward the femininity
of women. Professor Higgins of My Fair Lady sang, “Why can’t a woman be more like
a man?” Perhaps there could be truth in the statement that when women do not accept the
masculine principle in themselves requiring a man to take care of himself and be responsible for
others, it is more difficult to appreciate the career mindset that drives many men. In our next
sessions when men and women will meet separately, we will begin by re-examining the way a
man feels toward his anima (the feminine aspect) and a woman may feel about her animus or
masculine aspect. Our experience is that this is not a subject often discussed by men or women.
We will also be reflecting on the work of Daniel Goleman in his two books, Emotional
Intelligence and Social Intelligence. Each gender will then claim a curriculum for themselves for
improving abilities to be authentically compassionate across gender lines.
You will find that reading Daniel Goleman’s books will help you participate more fully over
the next few months. You may have noticed that Daniel Goleman is one of the regular experts
supporting the Dalai Lama’s work with compassion in the US.
So to say all of this another way is to remind you that gender conflict partly comes from a
person’s inability to accept the traits in themselves that are thought to be descriptors of the
opposite sex. This tendency to not accept what is true about our own nature sets up projection
of what is denied within onto others. In general, we are working to make conscious our own
self-judgments and thereby to offer more understanding to each other.
Compassion
Kirsten Rohde
I have thought about compassion a lot during these months since the True Holidays
Celebration. Thank you for keeping the theme alive. I don’t have a specific story to
tell in this moment but what I do know is that I am experiencing compassionate
responses happening to me in daily life. I will encounter a person, perhaps through
my job or on the street, and find that I don’t like something about them, what they are saying or
how they are acting. I notice my judgmental self taking over. Then this person will say something
that reveals just a bit who he or she is. All of a sudden I am looking at a real person, someone
who is revealing that they care about something, wish some aspect of their life were better, that
they could in some way be a better person. I know how that feels. I feel connected. In spite of
myself I am feeling for them and my judgment goes away.
Learning from the Compassion Project
Joan Valles
The Compassion Project
Page 17
The Compassion Project is having an interesting (intended) effect. I find myself studying
and observing what I think compassion might be. That is, I’m searching out living definitions in
people, their actions and ideas, to understand what compassion is (not as hard) and to
incorporate it (a lot harder). In the vocabulary of this community, it’s “working” in me.
For example, there’s Jean in my Arthritis Foundation water class. Jean is a retired
preschool teacher in her 80s who has the energy of one 30 years younger. She leads us
spontaneously in singing children’s songs as we exercise; she takes on leadership of the class
when the teacher is absent; she notices who’s been missing and calls or sends a get-well card;
she befriends new people and joins them to the class. All seems as natural to her openheartedness as breathing. (She’s also the one with the bumper stickers: “Somewhere in Texas a
village is missing its idiot,” and “We’ve found the WMD” with a picture of Dick Cheney on it,
and she sings with the Raging Grannies. But never mind …) She’s fun, and I want to live up to
her.
There’s the elegantly coiffed and dressed woman who sat beside me at the Metropolitan
Opera HDTV broadcast Saturday morning and quietly handed me cough drops as I tried to
choke back fits of coughing. Her gesture was comforting as I had to have been disrupting her
enjoyment.
There was Sunday at Pathwork two weeks ago when I was in a small group with Bruce,
Richard, and Mike. One crabby old lady and three good-lookin’ guys. (It doesn’t get much better
than that!) I shared that I seemed to be suffering chronic bad moodiness. Their compassion and
light-heartedness in response to my plaints really lifted my spirits. Bruce’s hugs and back rub
reminded me of the warmth and compassion to be found in human touch. And there was the
compassion of the circle and John this last Sunday in Pathwork when I did some inner house
cleaning that was for me cathartic. Thanks!
Activism is an Expression of Compassion
Richard Kenagy
This last week I’ve been noticing the lack of compassion from the institution for
which I work. After years of planning and construction two new buildings are very
near completion and three underground floors of parking have opened. The parking policy was
recently announced and responses to that policy have been appearing in many emails from those
who will be affected, including yours truly. Problems are emerging. Because the development of
that policy was done behind closed doors with no desire for wide input, these complaints are
also coming with feelings of having been ignored. This is more amazing given that this process
was preceded by a similar process of moving into a newly remodeled building at this
construction site more than 3 years ago. Promises were made, but memories differ. I would
have thought much would have been learned about moving into a new research building.
However, I experienced much less reaching out by the institution this time. I’m supporting a
coworker’s attempts to build an organized response to the institution’s policy. Working to
improve the situation is, I think, a compassionate response to the institution.
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Addendum
Joan Valles
Today (Wednesday) John was telling me that he wasn’t getting much response
from those of us who are joined in the “compassion experiment” (a commitment
to practice intentional compassion one time each week), reporting on our acts of
compassion, either the giving or the receiving of them. I told John I was doing the experiment
but found it awkward to write about my own little acts of kindness; somehow it felt a bit like
tooting my own horn.
John said, “I have an answer for that. The societal culture that we live in finds that love and
friendship and heartfelt commitment to anything else but the throne is not approved. That to
love God and country is right. That husbands and wives love each other is correct. That children
should love their parents is a good thing, but anything beyond that is questionable, has a dark
side, and probably causes more trouble than good. And I don’t think it’s going to change a lot
until some of us create a world where we enjoy being do-gooders and impassioned lovers of
many people.”
So I’ll share this: Monday was grandma’s day for mailing Valentine’s Day greetings at the
Westwood Village Post Office. Many grandmas; many valentines. As I was leaving the post office,
with my load of cards dispatched and only my cane and backpack, another grandma with cane,
handbag, and a big bag of cards and gifts was struggling to the door. I backtracked and held open
the door for her. “Bless you,” she said. “Oh, bless you! We girls have got to stick together.”
The Tao of Bruce
by Bruce Perler
When I opened the Tao Te Ching this morning, the Master had this for me.
... 44 ...
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
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Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
I know I live on both sides of this paradox, and occasionally get a sense of the middle ground.
Having this come today, suites my meditation of the morning commute. My employer being
found in contempt of court and fined 1.3 billion dollars by the EU, underlines my own deep
questions about who and how I serve. The process is one of teasing apart my entangled
thoughts and feelings, wanting to understand what is inside and what is out. Compassion for
myself and all who wrestle with spiritual paradox for the sake of learning is a joyful work, when I
remember who I am.
Receiving Compassion
Richard Kenagy
This week I’ve been contemplating the compassion shown me by my
Goodenough Community. In the Dalai Lama’s words, “To experience genuine
compassion is to develop a feeling of closeness to others combined with a
sense of responsibility for their welfare.” I’ve experienced compassion from my community
through its many programs that are embodied by its leaders. The peace I feel has been a learning
process over years in such venues as Pathwork at which I have been encouraged to practices
like meditation (this works) and the Private School for Human Development at which I learned
many concepts and behaviors like making changes inside before making them outside (this also
works). John and Colette Hoff stand out in their compassionate behavior and continue to
demonstrate compassion as defined by the Dalai Lama. They bring their hearts out with action.
I’m appreciating my and our (I include the world here) need for compassion in this time and I am
appreciating those like John and Colette that give it.
Finally, I was reading some of the Dalai Lama’s words this week and was struck by his
balanced view of life, his compassion, as demonstrated by his words from a 1991 interview:
I understand that you were very angry during the 1990 Gulf War, as angry as you've ever been. Angry?
No. But one thing- when people started blaming Saddam Hussein, then my heart went out to him.
To Saddam Hussein? Yes. Because this blaming everything on him- it's unfair. He may be a bad man,
but without his army, he cannot act as aggressively as he does. And his army, without weapons, cannot
do anything. And these weapons were not produced in Iraq itself. Who supplied them? Western nations!
So one day something happened and they blamed everything on him- without acknowledging their own
contributions. That's wrong. The Gulf crisis also clearly demonstrated the serious implications of the arms
trade.
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As the Recipient of Many Acts of Compassion. . .by Jim Tocher
I thank you all for your prayers and support for me and my heart surgery and recovery. I am
sure you all made a big difference. I have been out of the hospital since Sunday and very much
appreciating the healing environment of the West Seattle Convalescent Center!
I am particularly thankful for my partner and friend, Barbara. Her love & support have been
wonderful, and Joan and Phil have been steady in providing me services (and Phil has given up his
bed so I can live my life all on one floor and not climb up and down stairs).
Barbara took me to see the heart surgeon today (Tuesday). I seem to have passed with
flying colors. I am doing my exercises of walking, moving around, and my temperature, weight,
and blood pressure are steady. I am working hard on my breathing exercises. I am some
constricted in my ability to take in large quantities of air. (I have always suffered from the effects
of childhood asthma and I work hard to keep the airways open.) My heart surgeon and Barbara
urge me on in those exercises somewhat like being urged up a long hill in a bicycle ride. “You
can do it! Keep going! You’re almost there.”
I believe the hospital care I received was excellent, the surgeons very skilled, and what little I
saw of the operating room was awesome. Thanks again to all of you for your prayers! Love, Jim
With Appreciation from Barbara Brucker
I, too, would like to express my thanks for everyone’s love and support. My
particular appreciations to John and Colette who visited that first evening to be
there with me for a bit, to Joan who kept the e-mails flowing, and to Joan & Phil for everything
they have done to support me personally and to rearrange our home to accommodate Jim. I am
grateful for more than I can list in this experience – from finding the problem before there was a
bigger one, to how well the procedures went, to having the surgery be during spring break so I
could be involved without worrying about my teaching responsibilities, to Jim’s rapid recovery.
Most of all I am grateful for being held with so many thoughts and prayers I know it made a
difference!
؏
Having not received a story of compassion from anyone this week, I am asking you now to
reflect on when you have received compassion from someone else this past week. I think you
may discover as I am discovering—I actually have several stories of people befriending me,
extending goodwill toward me and helping me out. I can still feel one of those stories in my
body as I remember how last weekend, my son Larry who was visiting us at Sahale when he put
down the work he was doing and helped me get a load of wood. He gave me much more than
wood!
؏
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Compassion Training OR
How My Household Helps Me Learn to Be My Best
by Bruce Perler
This morning I found myself writing to my household members with
appreciation for the challenge and learning-full experience I have having by being
with us in our growing and clarify our values and shared practices as a cooperative
living group. Here is an excerpt from that note that I want to share as my compassion training
experience for this week.
I am very much appreciating how [this time we are in] is for me as a house member here. This
process has been clarifying for me and my will to work at being a good member of our little clan. I find I
am proud of who we are becoming. I am learning about active compassion in operation with you and
notice that holding this tension, to be clear, fair, precise and open-hearted is very good work for me. I
notice many times my temptation to be reactive and go with lower movements inside. The WE working
together is helping me learn to hold more tension longer and behave better than I could on my own.
Thank you each for your will to be steady and allow grace to come into our lives - I feel it.
؏
Field Report: Compassion on the Job
By Bruce Perler
A cross-group offsite meeting of my division at Microsoft - It's 9:40 AM
and I've come into a conference room where Matt and Gabriel are the only
people present. I sit next to Gabriel and join in their conversation. Over the next 20
minutes, the room filled completely, 23 people, except for the seat next to me. I noticed
this, then really began to study, feeling a sense of hurt then anger followed a thought to
have compassion for myself and this situation. I remember that I've been recently
demoted and it seems to be true that the employees around me have stepped back. This is
today's experience of that. I have ideas about this phenomenon, some of them verging on
paranoid others a kind of uneasy acceptance. My own ambivalence about my job comes
forward mixed with the real sense of responsibility to my life choices: family, household
and community. Writing this now, I notice the need to step back myself, to hold this all
in my mind without flinching, to study the situation of my employment environment, my
response to it and to ask about my own needs and wants.
As a study of my actual life and an active compassion experiment towards myself, this
has been and continues to be one of the most humbling and uncomfortable experiences
I've known - certainly as disruptive and unsettling as the divorce experiences I've had. I
am not finding easy answers and so have a tension to hold between "wanting to do what I
have to do" and "having to do what I want to do". I find I know only a little about this
kind of tension as a striving-to-be-awake person. So I choose to hold it and choose peace
whenever I notice I need to. I also notice the thought that this is all a rather neurotic and
self indulgent use of my mind - after all most of the world's population is just trying to
feed themselves. So here I am needing to bring compassion to myself and also needing to
get outside myself and offer compassion into my life and all who I encounter in it. This
observation and impulse feels the most right to settle on - remembering that this life is an
adventure and that I am only partially able to affect the paths it takes.
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؏
The Compassion Experiment - Dr. John L. Hoff
What an experiment this is! Last December 1, at our True Holidays
Celebration about forty of us signed up for an experiment: Once per week,
we
would intentionally act compassionately toward someone. We agreed to study
this small event—what it was like on the inside and how it unfolded as social reality—and share
this with others.
F
rom Time Magazine April 7, 2008, Simon
Robinson sends his “Postcard Bhutan,” a
brief article about the remote Himalaya
kingdom. The article is titled Balancing
Democracy with Happiness in the Himalaya’s.
“The vast majority of the nation’s 700,000
people subscribe to X-king Jigme Singye’s
emphasis on something he calls gross
national happiness, which measures not
just wealth but how content, healthy and well
educated people are, as well as the state of
the environment and the strength of the
culture.”
The emphasis in the above quote are mine and the story of this kingdom is about a king who
is encouraging democratic rule for his people and struggling with the influence of the US to draft
a constitution that separates church and state as well as focusing the country on economic
improvement. The king is resisting by saying that an economic index is just one part of his
Gross National Happiness Index. I mention this to encourage you to develop your own personal
happiness index.
؏
Compassion Remembered
John L. Hoff
Colette and I had a wonderful trip to Northern California and returned to Seattle on
Tuesday Morning several weeks ago. Our visit to Kate and Gillen Martin was very satisfying and
he compassion story I have to share comes from our trip home.
We were headed north on I-5 coming out of Portland, when suddenly a truck just ahead of
us rear-ended another car and the jolt released its load of steel so that it splattered across the
freeway on the center lanes going north and south. It was one of those slow motion
experiences in which we zigzagged our way through long strands of steel rebar and car parts.
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Off to our far right a red car had spun around and was facing up as we went past. Over on the
southbound lanes, we could see a car smashing into the steel rods and then piling into the
freeway divider. And just as quickly we were through the tangled mess and driving on our
way—that was when we realized we had just passed through miraculously a multi-car accident.
Stunned, we began to talk about what we had seen, putting together our various observations
and becoming aware that there were no cars on the freeway behind us, which remained true for
a long time.
While we were amazed at our good fortune and very thankful, our hearts were full of
compassion for the many people who had not been as fortunate. We prayed for all of the
people who were injured or held up by the traffic. We had some remorse for not being able to
help and felt guilty about our good fortune. And, for several days now Colette or I will
occasionally comment about the accident and that we are still dealing with it inside. I do have
compassion for all the people who were involved. I do sincerely care and that feels good to me.
؏
The Compassion Project offers. . .
The Wise Heart
by Bill Scott
I spent this last Friday and Saturday with Jack Kornfield and Daniel Siegal in a
workshop titled, “The Wise Heart and the Mindful Brain, Buddhism
meets Neurobiology”
I enjoyed Jack Kornfield’s quote from James Joyce, “Mr. Duffy lived a short distance
form his body.” For me, this quote sums up why we practice mindfulness and compassion. I
know my own Mr. Duffy and he’s not much help to me or others. Mindfulness practice works
to create Mr. Duffy-free moments of awakeness, ripe with opportunities to meet ourselves and
others.
Dan Siegal gave his neurobiological description of mindfulness that looked at mindfulness
integration as (1) awareness of awareness and (2) attention to intention. I wish I could tell you
what he shared from a medical research perspective about the neuroplasticity of the brain, the
body/mind’s ability to recreate and shift itself and how intrapersonal attunement creates
compassion neurologically. I’ll work on that.
Jack quoted Thomas Merton's description of mindfulness; “crossing the abyss that
separates us from ourselves.” Jack called it "becoming our own best friend." Then he quoted
Mary Oliver. I believe I got this down with 95% accuracy. This is the whole poem...and
unfortunately I missed the name of the poem.
For years and years I struggled just to love my life.
And then the butterfly rose weightless in the wind
Saying, "Don’t love your life too much."
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Then Jack read this poem, Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal by Naomi Shihab
Nye, a 56 year old Palestinian-American poet. I was able to Google and get it with Google
accuracy. I’d like to add it to the stories and comments regarding compassion.
After learning my flight was detained 4 hours,
I heard the announcement:
If anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic,
Please come to the gate immediately.
Well -- one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there.
An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress,
Just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly.
Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her
Problem? we told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she
Did this.
I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly.
Shu dow-a, shu- biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick,
Sho bit se-wee?
The minute she heard any words she knew -- however poorly used She stopped crying.
She thought our flight had been cancelled entirely.
She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the
Following day. I said no, no, we're fine, you'll get there, just late,
Who is picking you up? Let's call him and tell him.
We called her son and I spoke with him in English.
I told him I would stay with his mother till we got on the plane and
Would ride next to her -- southwest.
She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it.
Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and
Found out of course they had ten shared friends.
Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian
Poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours.
She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering
Questions.
She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies -- little powdered
Sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts -- out of her bag -And was offering them to all the women at the gate.
To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a
Sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California,
The lovely woman from Laredo -- we were all covered with the same
Powdered sugar. And smiling. There [are] no better cookies.
And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers -Non-alcoholic -- and the two little girls for our flight, one African
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American, one Mexican American -- ran around serving us all apple juice
And lemonade and they were covered with powdered sugar too.
And I noticed my new best friend -- by now we were holding hands -Had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing,
With green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always
Carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere.
And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought,
This is the world I want to live in. The shared world.
Not a single person in this gate -- once the crying of confusion stopped
-- has seemed apprehensive about any other person.
They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women too.
This can still happen anywhere.
Not everything is lost.
Aphorisms on Compassion
If we could read the secret of history of our enemies,
we would find in each man’s life a sorrow and a suffering enough to disarm all hostility.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
؏
“To be kind, honest and have positive thoughts; to forgive those who harm us and treat
everyone as a friend; to help those who are suffering and never to consider ourselves superior
to anyone else: even if this advice seems rather simplistic, make the effort of seeing whether by
following it you can find greater happiness.”
؏
“A great deal of our suffering comes from having too many thoughts. And, at the same time, the
way we think is not sane. We are only concerned by our immediate
satisfaction and forget to measure its long-term advantages and
disadvantages, either for ourselves or for others. But such an attitude
We cannot live only
always goes against us in the end. There is no doubt that by changing
for ourselves. A
our way of seeing things we could reduce our current difficulties and
thousand fibers
avoid creating new ones.”
connect us with our
fellow men; and
؏
among those fibers, as
sympathetic threads,
“Let us cultivate love and compassion, both of which give true
our actions run as
meaning to life. This is the religion I preach, more so than Buddhism
causes, and they come
itself. It is simple. Its temple is the heart. Its teaching is love and
back to us as effects.
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~Herman Melville
compassion. Its moral values are loving and respecting others, whoever they may be. Whether
one is a layperson or a monastic, we have no other option if we wish to save the
world.”
؏
Attention
“It seems to me that self-confidence and the ability to stand one’s
ground are essential if we want to succeed in life. I am not talking of
stupid self-assurance but of an awareness of our inner potential, a
certainty that we can always correct our behaviour, improve
ourselves, enrich ourselves, and that things are never hopeless.”
Quotes from the Dalai Lama, Daily Advice from the Heart,
New York: Barnes and Noble, 2007.
؏
W
hen you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched,
you begin to discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any
resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to
discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how
much space.
~Pema Chodron
About Compassion:
We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us
with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic
threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as
effects.
Submitted by Amie Hoff
We must work in the soil,
planting healthy seeds to nourish.
We must work with the children,
planting seeds of love to nurture.
We must work with the elders,
Harvesting wisdom of experience.
We must work together
to create a garden of heaven.
Every thought a seed
every action a display of
possibility.
We re the working possibilities
of tenderness, compassion,
truth, and love.
The beneficial moments are in
every interaction with life,
Eternally,
This love
Will set us free.
~Chaslynn Watts
~Herman Melville
Since then I am remembering an old adage, “relationship begins when projection ends.” - John
Compassion realizes, above all, that life is too brief to be stuck in any one side of the whole.
~Arnold Mindell
The healthy, the strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it whether he’s got an
abscess on his knee or in his soul.
~Rona Barett
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“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future.” P-Boese
There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life—happiness,
freedom, and peace of mind—are always attained by giving them to someone else.
Perfection
Joan Valles
This excerpt from the writing of Joan Chittister caught my attention and I’ve
returned to it many times lately. I think it relates to compassion as I am trying to
learn about it. Sr. Chittister, a Benedictine nun and former prioress, is a well-known
writer and speaker on contemporary spiritual issues and a feminist and activist who carries her
words into action.
“It is a great burden to be perfect. The fear of failure skulks around the perimeters of hubris
with irritating constancy. There is always the possibility that someone will come along who
is even more perfect than we are. Unable to accept ourselves as we are, we wear ourselves
out with the effort to become unimpeachable.
Fortunately, we are spared the problems that come with perfection because none of us
is. Not me; not you. It is, unfortunately, the strain of discovering the benefits of imperfection
that takes so much time and effort in life. Every stage of life is a matter of trial and error. In each
one there is something to be learned the hard way. The tendency is to approach them with
naiveté, if not depreciation, and leave them with wisdom … The paradox is that to be human is
to be imperfect but it is exactly our imperfection that is our claim to the best of the
human condition. We are not a sorry lot. We have one another. We are not
expected to be self-sufficient. It is precisely our vulnerability that entitles us to love
and guarantees us a hearing from the rest of the human race.”
“Compassion is the radicalism of our time.”
~ His Holiness, The Dalai Lama:
We cannot live only for ourselves. A
thousand fibers connect us with our fellow
men; and among those fibers, as
sympathetic threads, our actions run as
causes, and they come back to us as effects.
The Compassion Project
~Herman Melville
Compassion realizes, above all, that life is
too brief to be stuck in any one side of the
whole.
~Arnold
Mindell
General Payton C. March (1864 to 1955):
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There is a wonderful mythical law of nature
economically as possible; but this is
that the three things we crave most in life—
impossible. Only the boldest Utopians
happiness, freedom, and peace of mind—are
would dream of the economy of kindness.
always attained by giving them to Economy of
kindness.
Philosopher
Friedrich Nietzsche
Kindness and love, the most curative herbs
and agents in human intercourse, are such
precious finds that one would hope these
balsam-like remedies would be used as
Compassion has converted more sinners
than zeal, eloquence, or learning.
Frederick W. Faber
No act of compassion, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
insignificant things. The farmer who has
Aesop
mowed down a thousand flowers in his
The good deed you do today for a brother
meadow in order to feed his cows must be
or sister in need will come back to you
careful on his way home not to strike the
some day for humanity's a circle in deed.
head off a single flower by the side of the
Robert Alan
road in idle amusement, for he thereby
infringes on the law of life without being
Is there any one maxim which ought to be
under the pressure of necessity.
acted upon throughout one's whole life?
Albert Schweitzer
Surely the maxim of loving kindness is such:
Do not unto others what you would not
Karuna: (Sanskrit). Compassion, a virtue
they should do unto you.
which is of importance in all schools of
Analects
Buddhism but which is particularly
Shall we make a new rule of life from
tonight: always try to be a little kinder than
is necessary.
Sir James M. Barrie
A Guide in Humane Awareness - offers an
online course that enables participants the
opportunity to see how kindness, cruelty
and humaneness impact one’s life.
www.humaneguide.com
What does Reverence for Life say abut the
relations between [humanity] and the
animal world? Whenever I injury any kind of
life I must be quite certain that it is
necessary. I must never go beyond the
unavoidable, not even in apparently
The Compassion Project
emphasized by the Mahyna.
These qualities are cultivated especially
through the practice of meditation and are
directed towards other beings without
restriction. In the Mahyna, karua is
emphasized as the necessary complement
to insight (prajñ) and as an essential
ingredient in the perfection of the fully
enlightened. In Mahyna sources, insight and
compassion are compared to two wings
with which one flies to the island of
enlightenment.
Karuna (Sanskrit). Compassion:
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To tie someone else’s laces, or to teach
that person how to tie his/her own, or to
tie one’s own in order to make oneself
available to help others is karuna.
www.acmuller.net/reviews/rev-buddhist
_phenomenology-pew.htm
Compassionate Listening can cut through
barriers of defense and mistrust. Those
being listened to and those listening can
more clearly hear thoughts, feelings, and
positions, change their opinions, and make
more informed decisions. Through this
process, fear can be reduced, and
adversaries will be better equipped to
discern how to proceed with effective
action.
The Compassionate Listening project
website: www.comapssionatelistening.org
We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and
among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us
as effects.
Herman Melville
The healthy, the strong individual, is the one
Let us be kinder to one another.
who asks for help when he needs it
Aldous Huxley
whether he’s got an abscess on his knee or
in his soul.
Rona
I look for someone who will understand my
Barrett
need without taking me for a beggar.
Rainier Maria Rilke
Compassion realizes, above all, that life is
too brief to be stuck in any one side of the
In each of us, there’s a lot of softness, a lot
whole.
of heart. Touching that soft spot has to be
Arnold Mindell
the starting place. This is what compassion
4 02 08
is all about.
If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
Pema Chodron
But if I am for myself alone, why am I?
ow far you go in life depends on your
Hillel
being tender with the young,
H
Compassion is more important than
wisdom, and the recognition of this is the
beginning of wisdom.
Theodore Isaac
Rubin
If we could read the secret of history of our
enemies, we would find in each man’s life a
sorrow and a suffering enough to disarm all
hostility.
Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow
The Compassion Project
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic
with the striving and tolerant of the weak
and strong. Because someday in life you will
have been all of these.
George
Washington Carver
I look forward confidently to the day when
all who work for a living will be one with no
thought to their separateness as Negroes,
Jews, Italians or any other distinctions. This
will be the day when we bring into full
realization the American dream -- a dream
Page 30
yet unfulfilled. A dream of equality of
opportunity, of privilege and property
widely distributed; a dream of a land where
men will not take necessities from the many
to give luxuries to the few; a dream of a
land where men will not argue that the
color of a man's skin determines the
content of his character; a dream of a
nation where all our gifts and resources are
held not for ourselves alone, but as
instruments of service for the rest of
humanity; the dream of a country where
every man will respect the dignity and
worth of the human personality.
When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to
discover that it's bottomless, that it doesn't have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and
limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much
space.
Pema Chodron
hen we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to
have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and
each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings.
Sogyal Rinpoche
...W
P
eace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence;
confidence; and justice.
Spinoza
I
I
would rather feel compassion than know the meaning of it.
Thomas Aquinas
t is in deep solitude that I find the gentleness with which I can truly love my brothers. The
more solitary I am the more affection I have for them…. Solitude and silence teach me to love
my brothers for what they are, not for what they say.
Thomas Merton
G
enuine politics -- even politics worthy of the name -- the only politics I am willing to devote
myself to -- is simply a matter of serving those around us: serving the community and serving
those who will come after us. Its deepest roots are moral because it is a responsibility
expressed through action, to and for the whole.
Viktor Havel
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W
e who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts
comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but
they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the
human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's
own way.
Viktor Frankl
I
f we begin to get in touch with whatever we feel with some kind of kindness, our protective
shells will melt, and we’ll find that areas of our lives are workable. As we learn to have
compassion for ourselves, the circle of compassion for others—what and whom we can work
with, and how—becomes wider.
Pema Chodron
R
ecently I was talking with an old man who has been living on the streets for the last four years.
Nobody ever looks at him. No one ever talks to him. Maybe somebody gives him a little money,
but nobody ever looks in his face and asks him how he’s doing. The feeling that he doesn’t exist
for other people, the sense of loneliness and isolation, is intense. He reminded me that the
essence of compassionate speech or compassionate action is to be there for people, without
pulling back in horror of fear or anger.
Pema Chodron
Roshi Bernard Glassman is a Zen teacher who runs a project for the homeless in Yonkers,
New York. Last time I heard him speak, he said something that struck me; he does it because he
feels that moving into the areas of society that he had rejected is the same as working with the
parts of himself that he had rejected.
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth in your heart.
Benjamin Disraeli
Compassion
Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
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Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.
Bertrand Russell
A good heart is better than all the heads in
the world.
Edward BulwerLytton
To care for anyone else enough to make
their problems one's own, is ever the
beginning of one's real ethical development.
H
ow far you go in life depends on
your being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of
the weak and strong. Because someday in
life you will have been all of these.
George
Washington Carver
Compassion is the radicalism of our time.
His Holiness, the Dalai Lama
Reason guides our attempt to understand
The poor quality of our human love is
the world about us. Both reason and
often dictated by unconscious dynamics,
compassion guide our efforts to apply that
which are acted out in fear and conflict.
knowledge ethically, to understand other
Love-as-compassion involves intentionally
people, and have ethical relationships with
serving and training each other through a
other people.
well-crafted friendship.
Molleen Matsumura
John L. Hoff
In a society that is becoming
increasingly frightened and frighteningly
violent, we believe that people need to
learn more about compassion. We have
given ourselves to learning how to love;
how to give it, receive it and give it again.
We know in community that people learn
compassion from receiving it and seeing
compassion in operation. Being
compassionate doesn't need to look weak
or foolish. And a life of compassion does
not really cost an individual more than
giving up hard-nosed and self-seeking.
The Compassion Project
A
nother aspect of the curriculum
on compassion is to teach
empathy, or authentic feeling.
This teaching isn't based on the way
another person is like you or similar to you,
but on developing an unconditioned part of
yourself that responds in an unconditioned
way to otherswhether they are like you
or not, or opposing you, or even
threatening you. They still deserve some
part of you that we would call compassion.
Our nature is love, so if someone is giving
us a bad time, it is a time to allow our
nature to be expressed as love. In conflict
we learn to express forgiveness. In
competition our expression should be
honesty and good will. This is a place in
Page 33
ourselves that loves our enemies and treats
other people well even when they're not
treating us well. To do otherwise would be
to lower the standard of life on Earth.
John L. Hoff
shells will melt, and we’ll find that areas of our
lives are workable. As we learn to have
compassion for ourselves, the circle of
compassion for others—what and whom we
can work with, and how—becomes wider.
~Pema Chrodron
If we begin to get in touch with whatever we
feel with some kind of kindness, our protective
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Page 34
Bibliography
1. The Dalai Lama. The Heart of Compassion. Lotus Press, 1997.
2. The Dalai Lama. Transforming the Mind, Teachings on Generating Compassion. Thorsens,
2000.
3. Dilgo Khyentse. The Heart of Compassion. (37 Verses on Practice). Shambhala
Publications, 2007.
4. The Dalai Lama: Mind Science. Wisdom Publications, 1991.
5. The Dalai Lama. Opening the Mind and Generating a Good Heart. Library of Tibetan
Works & Archives, 1995.
6. The Dalai Lama. Cultivating a Daily Meditation. Library of Tibetan Works & Archives,
1993.
7. The Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama at Harvard. Snow Lion Publications, 1988.
8. The Dalai Lama. The World of Tibetan Buddhism. Wisdom Publications, Boston, 1995.
9. The Dalai Lama. Kindness, Clarity and Insight. Snow Lion Publications, 1988.
10. The Dalai Lama. The Path to Enlightenment. Snow Lion Publications, 1995.
11. The Dalai Lama. The Meaning of Life from a Buddhist Perspective. Wisdom
Publications, 1992.
12, The Dalai Lama. Four Essential Buddhist Texts. Library of Tibetan Works & Archives,
1993.
13. The Dalai Lama. Speeches, Statements, Articles, Interviews. 1987 to June, 1995. The
Department of Information & International Relations, 1995.
14. A.A. Shiromany. The Spirit of Tibet: Universal Heritage. Allied Publishers Limited,
1995.
15. The Dalai Lama. The Bodhgaya Interviews. Snow Lion Publications, 1988.
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16. The Dalai Lama. The Good Heart: A Buddhist Perspective on the Teachings of Jesus.
Wisdom Publications, 1996.
17. The Dalai Lama. An Introduction to Buddhism and Tantric Meditation. Paljor
Publications, 1996.
18. The Dalai Lama. Commentary on the Thirty Seven Practices of a Bodhisattva. Library of
Tibetan Works and Arc.
19. Atisha and Buddhism in Tibet, compiled and translated by Doboom Tulku and Glenn
H. Mullin. New Delhi: Tibet House, 1983.
20. Commentary on the Thirty-Seven Practices of a Bodhisattva, by H. H. the fourteenth
Dalai Lama. Dharamsala: LTWA, 1996.
21. Mind Training: The Great Collection, various authors. Translated by Thupten Jinpa,
Library of Tibetan Classics. Somerville, Mass.: Wisdom Publications, 2005.
22. Songs of Spiritual Change, by the seventh Dalai Lama. Translated by Glenn H. Mullin.
Ithaca, N .Y.: Snow Lion, 1983.
23. Sutra of the Wise and the Foolish, Mdo mdzangs blun, or The Ocean of Narratives.
Translated from the Mongolian by Stanley Frye. Dharamsala: LTWA, 1981.
24. Thirty-seven Practices of All Buddhas' Sons. Bilingual Tibetan and English pocket book.
Dharamsala: LTWA, 2001.
25. The Thirty-Seven Practices of Bodhisattvas: An Oral Teaching by Geshe Sonam Rinchen.
Translated by Ruth Sonam. Ithaca, N.Y.: Snow Lion, 1997.
26. Transforming Adversity into Joy and Courage: An Explanation of the Thirty-Seven Practices
of Bodhisattvas, by Geshe Jampa Tegchok. Edited by Thubten Chodron. Ithaca, N .Y.:
Snow Lion, 2005.
27. Uniting Wisdom and Compassion: Illuminating the Thirty-Seven Practices of a Bodhisattva,
by Chokyi Drag pa. Somerville, Mass.: Wisdom, 2004.
28. The Wheel of Sharp Weapons, by Dharmarakshita. Translated by G. Ngawang Dargye
et al. Dharamsala: LTWA, 1976. Revised edition, 1981. (Tibetan text: The pa chen po'i
blo sbyong mtshon cha'i khor 10, in gDams ngag mdzod, vol. 4, pp. 47-60; see Other
Reference Works. )
29. The Words of My Perfect Teacher, by Patrol Rinpoche. Translated by the Padmakara
Translation Group. Boston: Shambhala, 1998.
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Western Resources
1. Daniel Goleman. Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books, 1995.
2. Daniel Goleman. Primal Leadership. Bantam Books, 2000.
3. Daniel Goleman. Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships.
Bantam Books, 2006.
4. Robert Kegan. The Evolving Self. Harvard University press, 1982. See chapter 9,
“Natural Therapy.”
5. Literature on Non-violent communication (Many persons have written about NVC.
We have chosen our favorite books.)
6. Marshall B. Rosenberg. Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life (2nd Ed). Puddle
Dancer Press, 2003
7. Lucy Leu. Non Violent Communication Companion Workbook. Puddle Dancer Press,
2003.
8. David Marshak. The Common Vision: Parenting and Educating for Wholeness. Peter Lang
publishers, 1997. (Note: This book represents the anthroposophical viewpoint of
Rudolf Steiner and is used widely in Waldorf Schools.)
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