Feedback for Year 11 on The Woman in Black Essay Question
How does Susan Hill present the Woman in Black as a character of
mystery and fear?
Having close marked a selection of your essays, please note the following
general comments:

Essays, however short, must have a convincing introduction which
addresses the question and a conclusion to summarise the points
made.

A lack of planning leads to repetition and rambling.

There is a need to vary vocabulary to avoid overuse of phrases such
as: ‘creates and image in the reader’s mind’, ‘another way Hill
creates mystery and fear is…’ Consider using a wide range of
connectives/discourse markers.

Quotes need to be embedded into sentences rather than used at
the beginning or at the end or sentences.

Capital letters must be used for names! If you do not do this basic
thing you will be penalised.

Paragraphs need to be used. New point = new paragraph.
Now for some closer feedback on how to respond to this question.
1. Break down the question
How does Susan Hill present the Woman in Black as a character of
mystery and fear?
Here is a possible breakdown of this question. The higher paper will not
give you bullet points to guide you so create your own:


When do we first meet the Woman in Black? Chapter four, Funeral.
How does Hill present her? Description, setting, other’s reactions
etc.


What language techniques are used? Adjectives, verbs, imagery,
unanswered questions, foreshadow, connotation.
How does form and setting create mystery and fear: gothic genre.
2. Plan your answer
Now you have broken down the question, you can start planning your
answer more fully. The foundation paper will provide a number of bullet
points for you but on the higher paper you will need to plan your own
answer, perhaps with bullet points or a mind map.
3. Structure your essay
Your essay must have an introduction, a development section (middle) and
a conclusion.
Introduction: keep it short and address the question. Start with a strong
statement: e.g.
Hill presents the Woman in Black as both a figure of mystery and fear.
Don’t waste time telling me what you’re going to do, instead just refer to
the key words of the question: e.g.
Using a variety of language techniques and conventions of the ghost story
genre, Hill skilfully prepares the reader for a story of ‘haunting and fear’
by presenting the reader with a character that is both vividly described
and yet tantalisingly mysterious.
Then move on to the development section
4. Development or ‘the middle bit of your essay’
The success of this depends on how well you have planned. You should
have jotted down notes of each point. Now you need to put them together
to flow smoothly. Use discourse markers: e.g. First, furthermore,
however, another example, moreover, lastly.
5. Using quotations and referring to the text
You MUST use quotations and references to the text in an exam answer.
(This forms the Evidence part of the PEE process).
You can use quotes in 2 different ways:
1. Separate quote: make your point and then back it up with a
quotation. Quotations that are longer than 3 words should begin on
a new line:
e.g. Hill describes the way filthy fog permeates every aspect of life. This
is a really disgusting simile:
(the fog)’…seething through cracks and crannies like sour breath,’
2. Imbedded quotation: this is where the quote runs on from your own
words:
The older Kipps looks back at his own ‘priggish’ behaviour as a young man…
Alternatively, you can simply refer to the text (this is especially good if
you can’t remember the exact quotation).
Kipps refers to the way Londoners look down on people from the
provinces.
6. Referring to the title and author
Refer to Susan Hill by her surname only. To save time give the title of
the book in full the first time you mention it, for example: ‘The Woman in
Black (TWIB). You can now use TWIB on its own.
7. Writing in the appropriate style
Do not use slang/colloquial language unless in a direct quote from the
text.
Do not address the reader directly or become too personal e.g. Mr
Bentley reminds me of my doctor because…
Use academic phrases e.g. It could be argued that…’ rather than ‘I
reckon’.