Version: 1
Client Name: Michael
Essay Question:
Target School: University of Michigan
When and how should personal or social values influence the decisions of business leaders? Please
explain how personal or social values have influenced a business decision in which you were involved.
Alternatively, evaluate a recent decision of a business leader and how it aligns with your own personal
and social values. (500 words)
Essay Type: Ethics
Actual Word Count: 553
Target Word Count: 500
First Submission of Essay with Editor’s Comments:
Another stop sign on my way home. Another orchestrated routine of braking, stopping, looking
sideways and proceeding. But as I pulled into the garage, it all became too obvious. I discovered the
solution to my conundrum.
It all started when I was inspecting a software module. The deadline of the all-important software
project was a couple of weeks away. I discovered that our source code was strikingly similar to one
of my earlier open source projects. After confronting him [Comment 1] , my colleague confessed that
he had copied the code but he did not realize that his acts had legal repercussions. I went into
turmoil. [Comment 2]
I had two choices: report the incident or ignore it. Delving into the issues, I discovered that the
software’s open source license required that any derivative software be released under the same
license. By releasing a software product under our proprietary license, we would not only corrupt the
spirit of the open source but also infringe on its copyright. I realized then that this was an elementary
case—we could not use the open source code.
As I strolled through my teammates’ cubes, the half-eaten slices of pizza, towers of empty Pepsi
cans, and carelessly strewn pillows reminded me of their tireless dedication over the previous six
months. The new version of our software product was poised to put us years ahead of our closest
competition. By reporting the incident, I would jeopardize the product release and undo all of their
labor. I recognized that my issue was with my colleague’s action rather than the colleague himself,
and that by reporting him I would not only destroy the project, but also put his job at risk. With the
ethical debate reopened, I subscribed to the dichotomy of my ethical watchdogs.
From my readings of Immanuel Kant’s categorical imperative, I reasoned that any moral person
would choose to report the coworker. My understanding of Mill’s utilitarian approach, however, taught
me that morality is not about rules and duties, but consequences.
In this confused state of mind, the stop signs on my way home showed me the way. Like the stop
signs, our moral and ethical values serve as signposts in our life. A failure to observe these signposts
at seemingly unimportant occasions can very well manifest into a deep-seated habit. A glance at the
corporate world revealed that all unethical business practices started out as minor violations to
observe these signposts [Comment 3] ; Gradually, these unethical methods became the way the
business was run.
In the short-term, failure to report the incident would have resulted in a smooth release of our product
and bring happiness to my team. In the long-term, however, there were sure to be repercussions to
both my teammate’s actions and my decision, as order and accountability were defenestrated
[Comment 4] .
I was convinced that reporting the incident was not only the right choice, but also the only choice. I
reported the incident to my manager, but made sure that the ignorance of my colleague was also
highlighted. My manager was very cooperative and instantly formed a special team to develop our
own solution to the problem and replace the offending code. After a lot of hard work, we managed to
finish the new coding shortly before the project deadline.
Content:
Engaging piece that draws the reader in and provides a visual metaphor for an esoteric topic. Only
minor editing required in parts to improve readability.
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I think a reasonable argument could be made, however, that the scenario depicted here
wasn’t necessarily a moral or ethical one – it was simply a legal matter. Derivative works of
the open-source code couldn’t be released under a proprietary license – and that’s what
your company intended to do. So you’re trying to score points here by doing the “moral”
thing when it’s really a clear-cut case: You can’t embed open source code into products
released under proprietary licenses. Simple as that.
However, we know in the real world that embedded open-source code examples are difficult
to track down and can be hidden for years, if they’re ever even discovered. Maybe your
ethical dilemma could consider the fact that you’ll probably NOT get caught, but that your
ethics dictated that regardless something should be said. Think about ways that you can
tweak this situation so that the issues are a little less black and white and more gray. When
you’re in that gray area, you’ll be more directly confronting the moral issues at hand and I
think your overall piece will be stronger as a result.
Remember to answer the first part of the question, which is intended to be more general and
not necessarily applicable to your experience. Consider cutting back the literary allusions
and answering the questions instead – at 553 words you’re starting to run long, so you’ll
need to cut in order to fit this in. Plus, you want to avoid appearing overly arrogant – be
smart and articulate, but also down to earth. Still, it is imperative that you answer both parts
of the question.
Good luck! Look forward to your revision.
Content Rating: 4 (out of 5)
Parameters / Structure:
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Good job here. Nice lead that engages the reader, and I appreciated the color throughout.
Some parts seemed a little melodramatic to me (“I was in turmoil”), or borderline pretentious
(“defenestrated”).
Good job returning to the stop sign metaphor. Helps reinforce the overall message and
provides structure to your thoughts.
Avoid blanket statements – “A glance at the corporate world revealed that all unethical
business practices started out” … All ? Really? And how might just a “glance” reveal that all
business practices started out this way?
Parameters / Structure Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)
Grammar:
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Think you can just say “stop sign” instead of “stop traffic sign” – the reader will know what
you mean.
“Long-term future” is redundant.
Grammar Rating: 4.5 (out of 5)
Use of “Situation, Action, Result” format (if applicable):
Good use of SAR – You clearly set up the situation, told us what you did and what the result was –
very nicely done
Reflection on Target School:
Kellogg: Produces lots of management consultants for top firms. As a top-tier school, Kellogg will
provide lots of credibility in your job search. Values teamwork – try to stress your teamwork
experience in software development. Lots of engineers apply to Kellogg – make sure you differentiate
your story sufficiently to stand out among the crowd. Your GMAT is a little on the low side, but it
shouldn’t be a show-stopper for you.
Wharton: Strongest in finance, although consulting is well-represented too. You’ll be coming in a little
below average on GMAT. You’ll also be coming in a little younger than your peers. Make sure you
address these shortcomings in your application packet.
Michigan: Only 10% are hired into management consulting jobs at Michigan, so consulting isn’t a
major focus of the school. (Compare to 21% at Wharton, 25% from Northwestern and 30% from
Harvard). Michigan does have one of the higher acceptance rates within the group, however, so
make sure you do everything to get in.
Harvard: Produces top-notch graduates that excel in all MBA disciplines, particularly consulting and
finance. Your GMAT is a little below Harvard’s average of 708, but work experience is closer to their
4.5 average. Your fellow students will be extremely accomplished in all their fields, and competition
will be tough both getting in and getting ahead at the school. You will absolutely have to differentiate
yourself from the hordes of other Harvard hopefuls – you’ll be competing against business owners,
lawyers, doctors, self-made millionaires – you name it, their files will be right next to yours.
All else being equal, I recommend you specifically target your search to Kellogg and Michigan, even
though Michigan isn’t known particularly as a consulting school. Expect tough competition from all
schools, Harvard and Wharton in particular. Kellogg will give you good exposure to consulting and
values teamwork, which you can bring to the table (I suggest you play this up in your essays and
interviews).
Reflection on Background:
Would like to see a little more management experience at work. From your background I can’t see a
history of moving up and assuming additional responsibility. Make sure that the title “software
engineer” isn’t all that the admissions committee sees you as – play up your management and
architecture (i.e., leadership) experience where appropriate. Schools like engineers for their
analytical and problem-solving abilities but want to admit more than pure “coders” – they want
leaders who can apply their technology background to help solve business problems. Make sure you
position yourself as being able to fill this gap.
Rating Descriptions
Category
Rating
4-5
Content
3
1-2
4-5
Grammar
3
1-2
Description
The essay adequately answers all elements of the essay
and utilizes a fitting experience / example for the question
at hand.
The essay does not completely address the essay and / or
the experience / example used is not compelling.
The essay fails to adequately answer a critical portion of
the essay and does not use a fitting experience / example
for the question at hand.
The essay has minimal grammar flaws, including syntax,
sentence structure and use of idioms.
The essay exhibits grammar flaws that should be
addressed, but do not affect “readability”.
The essay exhibits grammar flaws that detract from the
essay and do affect “readability”.
4-5
Structure
3
1-2
The essay flows well, is concise and meets the word limit
criterion.
The essay surpasses the word limit by a noticeable margin
and the essay would benefit from structural improvement.
The essay is difficult to follow and the main points of the
essay are difficult to extract.