Student’s name: RYAN McKIM
Canadian researched: Ernie Coombs
Essay
Things you did well:
 Your introduction catches the reader’s attention and is very original
 Your essay is very clear and concise which helps the audience retain the
information
 You’ve included a lot of very good research
Things to work on:
 Sometimes your paragraphs have too many ideas taking the reader in various
directions. Try to keep each paragraph contained to a central topic or
related ideas to each other.
Overall comments:
 This is an excellent paper and you have put a lot of hard work into this
assignment! Well done!
Speech
Overall comments:
 You had good pauses n your speech to emphasize the important points
 You had very good pace and articulation to help your reader understand the
message of your speech.
Essay
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: DAN GIESBRECHT
Canadian researched: Tecumseh
Essay
Things you did well:
 Your introduction gave the audience lots of good questions to think about
and put us in the “shoes” of Tecumseh.
 You also gave us good examples of how he displayed his characteristics
Things to work on:
 Sometimes your paragraphs have too many ideas taking the reader in various
directions. Try to keep each paragraph contained to a central topic or
related ideas to each other.
Overall comments:
 You did a fabulous job researching and writing this essay. You have an
excellent way of expressing your thoughts and telling the story of this
individual’s influential life. Well done!
Speech
Overall comments:
 You had exceptional expression and you really got involved with your
character as you spoke with a passion for the actions he had accomplished.
This is really what helped you convince your audience that Tecumseh is the
Greatest Canadian.
 You had very good pace and articulation to help your reader understand the
message of your speech.
Congratulations on winning the title of The Greatest Canadian!!
Essay
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: AGLAIA ENGELBRECHT
Canadian researched: Terry Fox
Essay
Things you did well:
 You did a very good job of expressing how influential and emotional Terry
Fox’s life and journey are.
 You had a lot of great research drawn from many sources that helped to
convince the audience of the reasons Terry should be the Greatest Canadian.
Things to work on:
 Some of your paragraphs are quite short. Try to expand make them at least
5 sentences in length, or join related topics into one larger paragraph.
 Include a more complete thesis statement so that the reader’s have an
outline of what you will be talking about.
Overall comments:
 You have an excellent persuasive essay and you did a great job convincing
your audience that Terry has the qualities to be the Greatest Canadian.
 You also did an excellent job of showing the connections between your
sentences and paragraphs.
Speech
Overall comments:
 You read your essay at a good speed and with appropriate volume so you were
easy to understand.
 However, try to use expression to emphasize your important points.
Essay
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Kiya Townsend
Canadian researched: Mr. Matheson
Essay
Things you did well:

You have an excellent introduction that really makes the audience think
about their choices for the Greatest Canadian and proves why Mr. Matheson
is also a good choice.
Things to work on:

You had some grammatical, paragraphing and clarity errors that could have
been corrected through the peer and teacher edits. Try to utilize this
resource next time you write an essay.
Overall comments:


You were very persuasive in your speech and essay as you explained all the
contributions Mr. Matheson has made to our community and larger world.
I think it was great that he was able to attend your presentation. This
helped to make your presentation that more persuasive, and it was nice that
you acknowledged someone you admire. I’m sure he really appreciated your
interest in his life and accomplishments.
Overall comments:

Essay
j
Speech
You read your speech with a lot of expression and emotion and you conveyed
the message that you truly believe that Mr. Matheson is the Greatest
Canadian.
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Jenna Brown
Canadian researched: Don Cherry
Essay
Things you did well:

You have a clear thesis statement and you’ve done well splitting up your
information into paragraphs.
Things to work on:
 In some spots there are some grammar errors that could be fixed with
student and teacher edit sessions.
 Try to clearly state what you want to say, so that the reader has an easy
time learning more about your topic.
Overall comments:

You have done a good job of taking the research you’ve found and putting it
into your own words. You’ve conveyed a lot of information and used the
conventions of a persuasive essay to make a strong case for Don Cherry.
Overall comments:

Essay
j
Speech
You read your speech at a good pace. However, keep working on being
confident when you’re speaking, so you can convince everyone that you have
researched the Greatest Canadian. Also, try to speak up so that the
audience can easily hear what you are saying.
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Shane Pelland
Canadian researched: Mike Myers
Essay
Things you did well:

You have a good thesis statement and a good conclusion that wraps up the
major points you have discussed in your essay.
Things to work on:



You have used a lot of simple sentences to express your information. Try to
vary your sentence types to give your essay variety.
Also, you have a lot of repetition of information. Try to find other
information about Mike that you could include in order to give a fuller
picture of his life.
There are some grammar errors that could be corrected by utilizing the
peer and teacher edits.
Overall comments:

You were able to organize your information into appropriate paragraphs
which gave your audience an overview of his life.
Overall comments:


Essay
j
Speech
You read your speech with good pace and volume which helped the other
students understand the various reasons to vote for Mike Myers.
However, try to use expression to emphasize your important points.
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Stephen Cashin
Canadian researched: John Candy
Essay
Things you did well:


You had a good introduction and thesis statement, which gives your readers
an outline of what you will be talking about.
You’ve done a good job of organizing your information into appropriate
paragraphs.
Things to work on:
 You have a lot of repetition of information. Try to find other information
about John that you could include in order to give a fuller picture of his life.
Overall comments:

You have done a good job of taking the research you’ve found and putting it
into your own words. You’ve conveyed a lot of information and used the
conventions of a persuasive essay to make a strong case for John Candy.
Speech
Overall comments:

Essay
j
You read your speech at a good pace. However, try to use more expression
to emphasize your important points.
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Justin Wagner
Canadian researched: Pamela Anderson
Essay
Things you did well:


You have a good thesis statement that gives your audience an outline of the
topics you will cover in your essay.
Your introduction and conclusion are persuasive and help to convince the
students to vote for Pamela.
Things to work on:
 Ensure that all sentences in a paragraph relate to one central topic
 Some of your paragraphs are quite short and could be expanded by doing
more research.
Overall comments:


You have picked a very unlikely candidate for the Greatest Canadian search,
but you have done a good job of presenting the information that you found in
an appropriate manner.
You have done a good job of turning in your paragraphs to get them edited,
and then making the changes that were suggested.
Overall comments:
Speech
You read your speech at a good pace and volume most of the time. However,
the pauses due to laughter detracted from the information you were trying
to convey regarding Pamela Anderson.
 Keep working on your confidence in reading aloud to the rest of the class.
Congratulations! You received the 2nd most votes in the search for the next
Greatest Canadian!

Essay
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Kyle Brooks
Canadian researched: Tommy Chong
Essay
Things you did well:
 Giving the audience lots of information on Tommy Chong so they were
informed when they voted for the Greatest Canadian.
Things to work on:
 Include a more complete thesis statement so that the reader’s have an
outline of what you will be talking about.
 Sometimes your paragraphs have too many ideas taking the reader in various
directions. Try to keep each paragraph contained to a central topic or
related ideas to each other.
 Also, try to organize your essay so you convey the information in a
chronological manner, so it is easier for your readers to understand your
content.
Overall comments:
 You have done a lot of research and compiled this information in an
appropriate manner, which gives the audience lots of reasons to vote for
Tommy Chong.
Speech
Overall comments:
 You read your speech with good pace and volume which helped the other
students understand the various reasons to vote for Tommy Chong.
 However, try to use expression to emphasize your important points.
Essay
j
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Melissa Woods
Canadian researched: Maurice Richard
Essay
Things you did well:
 You did an excellent job of formatting your essay and making it visually
appealing. However, you need to ensure that you adhere to the MLA
guidelines as explained in class. You should have your name, the date,
teacher’s name and class on the top of your paper, and the title is in 12
size font, under the other required information.
 You had a good thesis that gave the reader’s an idea of what to expect as
you were reading through your paper.
Things to work on:
 Remember to explain your information in chronological order so that it is not
confusing to the audience.
Overall comments:
 You have done a good job of researching Maurice and you had a really strong
conclusion to help give the audience reasons to vote for him.
Speech
Overall comments:
 You had a good essay and you spoke loudly, but very quickly which makes it
difficult for the audience to “catch” everything you’re saying.
 However, try to use expression to emphasize your important points.
Essay
j
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Gerrad Miller
Canadian researched: Jim Carrey
Essay
Things you did well:
 You have included lots of good research that covers all the required
categories, and helps to make a well rounded essay.
 You have done a great job of using topic sentences and keeping your
paragraphs related to your topic sentence.
Things to work on:
 Some of your paragraphs are quite short. Try to expand make them at least
5 sentences in length, or join related topics into one larger paragraph.
Overall comments:
 You have written a strong persuasive essay that has a good introduction and
thesis to give the reader’s some of Jim’s background and an idea of the
areas that you will cover in your speech. Your grammar and word choice is
great.
Speech
Overall comments:
 you read your essay at an appropriate volume, but you spoke quite fast which
can make it difficult to “catch” all the information.
 Also, using more expression will help to convince the audience of Jim’s great
qualities.
Essay
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Brandon Burton
Canadian researched: Wayne Gretzky
Essay
Things you did well:


You did a good job of formatting your essay while adhering to the MLA
guidelines.
You have a clear thesis statement and you’ve done well splitting up your
information into paragraphs that contain good topic sentences.
Things to work on:


Try not to overuse rhetorical questions (introduction) by making some of
your questions into statements.
Finish typing your paper before handing it in (however I’m impressed by how
good it is without having been edited!!)
Overall comments:
 You are a good writer who has included a lot of great information about
Wayne Gretzky. Your grammar and word choice shows a mature style of
writing. Well done!
Overall comments:


Essay
j
Speech
You read with good volume and pace, so that the audience could easily
understand your content.
You had good pauses for emphasis, which help to show the audience where
the important points are.
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Brendan Lyons
Canadian researched: Frederick Banting
Things you did well:


Essay
You have an intriguing introduction and your conclusion sums up this essay
very well.
You’ve expressed your ideas in chronological order, which makes your essay
easy to follow.
Things to work on:

Include a complete thesis statement so that the reader’s have an outline of
what you will be talking about.
Overall comments:


You have done a good job of giving the necessary background information on
diabetes so we could easily understand why the discovery of insulin is so
important. You have a very mature writing style which adds to the
seriousness of this piece.
This is an excellent paper and you have put a lot of hard work into this
assignment! Well done!
Speech
Overall comments:


Essay
You read your speech with good volume, and your pace improved as you
gained confidence.
You also had good expression which helped your audience to pick out the
important points and make an informed decision when they voted for the
Greatest Canadian.
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
j
Student’s name: Cam Stevens
Canadian researched: Bobby Orr
Essay
Things you did well:


You did a good job of explaining the obstacles that Bobby went through in
order to become a great and respected hockey player
You have a good thesis statement and a good conclusion that wraps up the
major points you have discussed in your essay.
Things to work on:

Sometimes you have included written “spoken language”, instead of making it
more formal so that it is suitable for an essay.
Overall comments:
 You are a good writer who has included a lot of great information about
Bobby Orr. Your grammar and word choice shows that you have learnt a lot
from the editing process. Well done!
Overall comments:


Essay
j
Speech
You read your speech with good pace and volume which helped the other
students understand the various reasons to vote for Bobby Orr.
However, try to use expression to emphasize your important points,
especially your conclusion.
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Savanna Shingoose
Canadian researched: Shania Twain
Essay
Things you did well:



You had an intriguing introduction which captures the audience’s attention.
You did a good job of showing her characteristics through her actions.
You’ve done a good job of organizing your information into appropriate
paragraphs.
Things to work on:



Include a complete thesis statement so that the reader’s have an outline of
what you will be talking about.
Try to show the connections between your paragraphs, so that your
paragraphs contribute to the whole persuasive essay.
Ensure that you interpret the research that you read and write it down in
your own words so it is appropriate for your essay.
Overall comments:

You have done a good job of taking finding good information about Shania.
You’ve conveyed a lot of information and used the conventions of a
persuasive essay to make a strong case for Shania Twain.
Overall comments:


Essay
Speech
Although you were nervous, you managed to read your speech at a good pace!
However, try to speak up and be proud of the person that you researched.
Also, try to use more expression to emphasize your important points.
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Tegan Jones
Canadian researched: William Shatner
Essay
Things you did well:

You had a persuasive introduction and conclusion which helped to engage your
audience and keep them focused on the many things that make William “great”.
Things to work on:


Watch for fragment sentences.
You had some grammatical, paragraphing and clarity errors that could have been
corrected through the peer and teacher edits. Try to utilize this resource next
time you write an essay.
Overall comments:

You have a lot of good information that contributes to paragraphs of good
length. You also arranged your paragraphs in an easy to follow order.
Speech
Overall comments:


You had good pace as you were reading your speech. However, try to speak
louder so the audience can easily hear you and comprehend your information.
Also, try to use some expression to help persuade your audience that William is
the Greatest Canadian.
Essay
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Dinelle Cochrane
Canadian researched: Marc-Boris St-Maurice
Things you did well:


Essay
You gave a very vivid description in your introduction which helped to engage
your readers and persuade them to vote for Marc.
You also had a strong conclusion with the various reasons to vote for him listed,
which helps the audience refocus on his strengths in being voted as the
Greatest Canadian.
Things to work on:


You have a good start on your thesis. However, try to add the other major
reasons that Marc should be considered for the title of the Greatest Canadian.
This will give the audience a guide to follow as they listen to your speech.
Remember to double space your essay so it is easier for you to read for your
speech, and to adhere to the MLA guidelines.
Overall comments:

I can see that you have put a lot of hard work into researching Marc, and the
result is a well written and informed persuasive essay. I really admire the fact
that you were able to take a controversial “greatest Canadian” and make it
school appropriate! Congratulations on a job well done!!
Speech
Overall comments:


Your passion for the subject at hand showed in your speech and this helped you
to convince your audience on the merits of Marc’s actions.
You had good pace and volume, but there were a few awkward pauses.
Essay
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet
Student’s name: Travis Henderson
Canadian researched: Bret Hart
Essay
Things you did well:


You have written a good introduction and conclusion which help to engage your
audience.
You’ve done a great job of adhering to the MLA guidelines for the format of
your persuasive essay.
Things to work on:

There are a few grammatical errors that could be fixed to add clarity to the
paper.
Overall comments:

I can see that you took the time to think about how to plan out your essay, and
this results in a logical flow between your paragraphs. Your thesis is good and
it’s evident that you spent a lot of time researching the background of Bret.
Overall comments:


Speech
You used a good pace and volume to project your speech to your audience.
However, keep working on using expression when you’re public speaking, in order
to make your essay more persuasive.
Essay
Works Cited
Speech mark
Research Sheet
Speech Sheet