"High School Senior" --- Marking Guide and Exemplars
Key Key
POETRY UNIT
Instructions
1. Read through the marking guide and underline the key terms that define each level.
2. Read the poem and topic and write a paragraph in 30 minutes that addresses this topic.
POETRY MARKING
SCORING GUIDE FOR POETRY
This is a first-draft response and should be assessed as such. The use of paragraph structure is
assessed holistically with reference to the clarity of expression and organization.
6
The six response is superior and may draw upon any number of factors, such as an
appreciation of the poem and an insightful discussion of the topic. The writing style is
effective and demonstrates a sophisticated use of language. Despite its clarity and
precision, the response need not be error-free.
5
The five response is proficient and reflects a strong grasp of the topic and the poem. The
references to the poem may be explicit or implicit and convincingly support the
discussion. The writing is well organized and reflects a strong command of the
conventions of language. Errors may be present, but are not distracting.
4
The four response is competent. Understanding of the poem tends to be literal but rather
superficial. The response may rely heavily on paraphrasing of the poem. References are
present and appropriate, but may be limited to only part of the poem. The writing is
organized and straightforward. Conventions of language are usually followed, but some
errors are evident.
3
The three response is barely adequate. Understanding of the poem may be partially
flawed or incomplete. Support may consist of long references to the poem which are not
clearly connected to a central idea or may be meagre or repetitive. The response may
show some sense of purpose, but errors may impede meaning.
2
The two response is inadequate. While there is an attempt to address the topic,
understanding of the poem or the task may be seriously flawed. Errors are recurring,
distracting, and impede meaning.
1
The one response is unacceptable. The response does not meet the purpose of the task or
may be too brief to address the topic. There is a serious lack of control in the writing.
0
1
The zero response reflects a complete misunderstanding of the poem and/or the task, is
written in verse, is off-topic, or is a restatement of the question.
*Any zero paper must be cleared by the section leader.
NR
A blank paper with no response given.
PART B: POETRY High School Senior (page 1 in the Readings Booklet)
INSTRUCTIONS: In paragraph form and in approximately 125 to 150 words, answer
question 1 in the
space provided. Write in ink. The mark for your answer will be based on the
appropriateness of the example(s) you use as well as the adequacy of your
explanation and the quality of your written expression.
1. In paragraph form and with reference to the poem, discuss the feelings the speaker
experiences and the realizations she reaches. (12 marks)
THEY DO IT: 30 MIN
Suggestions Regarding Response:
Feelings
• nostalgia about her daughter’s birth (ll. 5–8)
• fear she may lose her daughter (ll. 11–12)
• sadness and poignancy (ll. 13–16, 20–23)
• pride in, wonder at, appreciation of her daughter (ll. 14–17)
• wistful at the quick passage of time (ll. 18–23)
• uncertain about her future as a mother (ll. 20–21)
• love for her daughter (ll. 26–30)
Realizations
• she sees the irony of being a parent (ll. 11–18, 20–21)
• she was fortunate to have her daughter for the 17 years (ll. 24–26)
• she appreciates the natural process of life (ll. 24–27)
• she appreciates the relationship they have and will have (ll. 26–30)
• she sees their relationship will continue (ll. 27–30)
• she realizes her love is constant no matter where her daughter is (ll. 27–30)
This list is not exhaustive.
The exemplars will provide sample responses.
2
Marks will be awarded for content and written expression.
Refer to the Holistic Scale on pages 3 and 4 of this key.
EXERCISE --- Poetry Ratings 3-4-5-6
3. 4. 5. Step Three & Four & Five
Instructions
1. Read through the marking guide and underline the key terms that define each level.
2. Read the poem and topic and write a paragraph in 30 minutes that addresses this topic.
3. Read each exemplar and assign a grade to it. Why do you consider that exemplar a 3,
4, 5 or 6? Scribble down your reasoning.
4. We will chat and compare our responses.
5. Assign a grade to your own response! Let me see it!!
English 12 Poetry EXAMPLE ONE
Scale Point: 4
Comment
This paper was awarded a 4. It displays an accurate though not insightful analysis of the
poem. Errors are present but not distracting. Writing and integration of quotations are
competent.
Sharon Olds shows the reader in “High School Senior” a mothers view of her
daughter leaving for college. The narrator pulls us into feeling her emotions and
feelings at the beginning of the poem, and shows the reader her realization of the
situation at the end. The mother emotionally says, “I try to see/this house without
her, ... but I can’t.” (lines 13/14 to 18) She tries to imagine the house without the
daughter but because she is so emotionally attached she can’t. The poem
portrays her feelings that she will be alone
without her offspring. Nearing the ending of the poem the mother realizes that up
to that point she had been blessed to have had her child with her for seventeen
years. She compares herself to, “creatures whose children float away/at birth,
and those who throat- feed their young/for weeks and never see them again.”
(lines 24-26) The mother knows she has had her child for a long time, and so
also realizes that her daughter will always be with her, “my love/of her is in me,”
(line 27,-28) She knows her daughter will stay in her heart. In conclusion, the
mother grows over the period of time in the poem from feeling
alone to realizing her daughter will always stay in her heart.
3
Scale Point: 6 EXAMPLE TWO
Comment
This paper was awarded a 6 because this essay has superior insight, sophisticated use of
language, and smoothly integrated quotations. There is an excellent depth of discussion.
The writing is effective, with smooth transitions. There is a clear thesis and conclusion.
The speaker in Sharon Olds’s “High School Senior” experiences a variety of
feelings before arriving at a final realization that a temporary separation will not
change her great love for her daughter. She first reveals her feelings of having
become accustomed to the constant presence of her daughter, “like food or air.”
The speaker feels that having this “daily sight of [her daughter]” will make her feel
the temporary separation even more deeply when it occurs. This leads to a
feeling of powerlessness; the speaker attempts to see the house without her
daughter in it, but finds that she cannot. However, recalling the time before her
daughter’s birth comforts the speaker. She comes to the realization that just as
she was able to adjust to a new life when her daughter was born, she will also
become accustomed to this new lonely life when her daughter leaves for college.
The speaker also finds solace in considering creatures “whose children float
away/at birth,” as it reminds her how fortunate she has been to appreciate her
daughter for seventeen years. The most important realization that the speaker
reaches is when it becomes clear to her that this separation wiher daughter. She
will hold this love “in her heart” forever, something “to be weighed and then
reweighed.” Thus, the speaker in “High School Senior,” by Sharon Olds,
experiences feelings of separation and powerlessness before finally accepting
her daughter’s departure for college.
Scale Point: 3
EXAMPLE THREE
Comment
This paper was awarded a 3 because although there is no misunderstanding of the poem,
the response is simplistic and repetitive, depending heavily on quotations.
In “High School Senior” by Sharon Olds the speaker’s daughter is leaving home
to go to college. The speaker cannot imagine the house without her daughter “I
try to see this house without her, ... but I can’t” and the speaker cannot determine
if the daughter is just going to college or is leaving for good “but I feel as if I
cannot tell the difference between her leaving for college and our parting
forever”. The speaker remembers that her daughter was always around “like
food or air she was there” but understands that her daughter is
seventeen and free “My daughter is free and she is in me” and that she was
lucky to have her daughter around for seventeen years “There are creatures
whose children float away at birth, and those who throat-feed their young for
weeks and never see them again” and that she could have shown her daughter
her love when she had the chance “my love of her is in me, moving in my heart.
Changing Chambers – like something poured from hand to hand, to be weighed
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and then reweighed.”
Scale Point: 5
EXAMPLE FOUR
Comment
This paper was awarded a “5” because it exhibits a proficient understanding of the topic
and poem; references are well integrated but not always well chosen. The response
reflects a command of the conventions of language.
Parenting is often hard, and many times it can be a fearful and sad job. “High
School Senior,” by Sharon Olds, captures the pain of having a child move away,
and tells of the love that parents always have for their children. The poem
connotes numerous feelings, the first one being melancholy. The speaker is on
how her daughter’s “breath” has been in this house, “for seventeen years” (1).
The simile “the daily sigh of her/like food on air” speaks of how much the
personna loves her daughter (9-10). This all connotes a feeling of melancholy
because the speaker is reflecting on the past years; the speaker is sad, for those
years are almost over. The second feeling is saddness, due to her daughter
leaving for “college,” a parting the personna does not wish to have (11). As the
speaker thinks along these lines, she realizes she has been
blessed. The speaker realizes that other “creatures” have “children” who do the
following two things: float away or disappear (24-25). The speaker realizes that
she will love her daughter forever; this parting is not the end, but only the
beginning. The personna in “High School Senior,” by Sharon Olds, is sad and
melancholy, until she realizes she is not losing her daughter. Children grow up,
but often, the bond between parent and child never dies.
English 12 Poetry
Scale Point: 4
EXAMPLE FIVE
Comment
This paper was awarded a 4 because of the use of colloquial language. The student
answers the question correctly, but in a rather superficial manner. Sentence structure and
vocabulary are adequate.
In Olds “High School Senior”, we are taken on an emotional ride. This ride
consists on the many ups and downs which a mother goes through as her child
goes off to college. In a way, this poem gives reference to a bitter sweet feeling.
The mother is happy for her daughter but can’t manage to get past the fact that
she is leaving. “This being who had formed within [her]”, was now being taken
from her. With such strong love for her child, the mother almost shows signs of
jelousy towards the college and experience which her
daughter will have. She finds it hard to see “the difference between her leaving
for college/and [their] parting forever”. Although the mother is sad, she does
realise the many good years which they have shared together. She feels lucky
compared to others “whose children float away after birth”, and realises that she
has not lost her daughter. For her, “love/of her is in [her], moving in [her] heart”
forever.
5
Scale Point: 6
EXAMPLE SIX
Comment
This paper was awarded a 6 because it is an accurate and thoughtful discussion of both
the mother’s feelings and her realizations. The sentence structure is varied and the
language is clear and precise. The arguments are well-supported with specific references.
In Sharon Olds’ “High School Senior”, the speaker is a mother thinking about her
life once her daughter goes away to college. She has very strong feelings of
attatchment to her daughter, considering they were around each other often: “I
had the daily sight of her/like food or air she was there, like a mother” (lines 9
and 10). The speaker also feels unsure about her daughter leaving for college,
and she is reluctant to part with her. She cannot picture what it would be like
living at home without her daughter: “ – I try to see this house without her... but I
cant” (lines 13, 14 and 18). Then the speaker thinks back to when she was
pregnant, and the feelings of uncertainty she felt about becoming a mother: “I
could not imagine/my life with her” (lines 20 and 21). Finally, the speaker comes
to the realization that she is lucky to have even had the pleasure of knowing her
daughter. In lines 24-26 she talks about creatures whose children leave after
childbirth, and she realizes how grateful she is that her daughter did not leave
like that. Lastly, the speaker realizes that she will always be with her daughter:
“My daughter/is free and she is in me – no, my love/of her is in me” (lines 26-28).
Although physically, her daughter is leaving, emotionally, the speaker will always
be with her daughter, because her love for her is everlasting. In conclusion, the
speaker goes through all the natural feelings of
uncertainty that all parents experience when their children leave home, but she
also comes to the realization that she needs to let go of her daughter, and be
grateful for all the time they were able to spend together while she grew up.
6