Instructions for Applicants
Review the sample assignment, essay, and critique. Then review the Lesson 3 Final
Writing Assignment. Critique the Lesson 3 FWA essay. Note how long it took you to
perform the critique. Upload the critique with your application at jobs.jhu.edu
Sample Essay and Critique
Lesson 1 Final Writing Assignment: A Personal Encounter With Science
Now that we've studied some examples, I'd like you to begin constructing a personal
essay of your own. Think back to early childhood, and write about a scientific idea or
object that intrigued you so much that you were compelled to investigate it further.
Draft the essay on your computer, without worrying about the techniques we've
studied just yet. Bear them in mind, but don't try to force all of the devices we've
studied into one early draft. You'll have a chance to revise this essay later.
Remember that all prose assignments should be around 450 words.
Essay with reviewer comments and critique at the end
Student
Date
Lesson 1 FWA- super cooled water
One scientific idea I found interesting was super cooled water. The concept
intrigued me when I was 8 years old, but I only got around to doing research and
experiments at my current age. Super cooled water is when purified water is below
freezing point and has not solidified. This happens because there are no impurities
in the purified water, and since ice crystals form on impurities, the water will not
freeze, and thus is super cooled. Super cooled water will freeze in a matter of
seconds if impurities are added to the water. This experiment drew me to explore
science even more deeply, and filled me with a sense of achievement as if I had been
trapped in a dusty closet for days and had finally come out.
Before I finally super cooled water, I had many failures. I felt as if I had been
banging my head against a wall for days. I took bottles of the purest water and
threw them in the freezer for different amounts of time first. All of my bottles came
out to be frozen solid, or just cold water. Then I tried different temperatures. Still all
of the bottles were freezing cold and hard as cement. Then I finally hit the perfect
combo, which was room temperature water, and about three hours of cooling time. I
only achieved super cooling on one bottle. When I took it out of the freezer, it wasn’t
frozen, which was a good sign. Then I poured some of the water into a cup with
extreme care, being careful not to knock in any impurities. Then I added a small
cube of ice to the cup, and it froze almost instantly. I had super cooled water. Sadly,
the rest of the bottle froze immediately after that, though I was far too happy to care
about it.
That was one of the happiest moments of my life. I had been trying to
supercool water for over a month now, but all my hard work eventually paid off.
This was a memory I will always treasure in life, and would help me remember that
hard work always pays off.
Dear Student,
I enjoyed your essay about super cooled water and was impressed by the many
interesting facts you included throughout. I had never heard about this phenomenon
until I read this piece—thank you for teaching me! This passage in your first paragraph
did an excellent job of defining this scientific concept, especially with respect to
impurities in water: “Super cooled water is when purified water is below freezing point
and has not solidified. This happens because there are no impurities in the purified water,
and since ice crystals form on impurities, the water will not freeze, and thus is super
cooled. Super cooled water will freeze in a matter of seconds if impurities are added to
the water.” Beyond these scientific facts, I think what really captivated my attention
was how passionate you seemed to be about creating super cooled ice on your own. It
was especially exciting to read the play-by-play account of your successful experiment
in your second paragraph—well done!
For this first essay, I asked you all to talk about a scientific concept or event that
intrigued you so much that you were compelled to investigate it further. We talked a
lot in our discussion about the idea of something, such as Annie Dillard’s microscope or
Sacks’ metals, which can actually change the course of your life by causing you to delve
deeply into a new area of interest. We also talked about Dillard’s use of language and
emotion; how she pulled us right into the essay by stating outright that as a child, she
longed for a microscope. This sentence not only told us what the essay would be about,
but also told us that this was very important to the writer.
Since you will have a chance to revise this essay later in the class, let’s look at a few
areas:
1.
Your opening line
2.
Your use of detail to bring the piece alive for your readers
3.
How you ‘show’ us what you are talking about by using details
Right now your opening line is a summary of your interest in super cooled water.
While that’s relevant to your essay, it doesn’t quite set the emotional tone of what
follows (excitement, discovery, intrigue, triumph). How would your essay change if you
began with that moment of discovery, instead of with a summary? Perhaps you could
begin as you’re conducting your rigorous water freezing experiment, and then explain
what super cooled water is. That would grab your reader’s attention from the first
sentence. You can probably add a few more descriptive details about the actual
experiment. How old were you? Can you describe the setting a bit more? What did
your parents think? Can you say more about what emotions you experienced? Why do
you think you were so intrigued? Also, how did you first hear about this concept?
Don’t be afraid to change or even cut introductory material – oftentimes our first few
lines are really just our own brains warming up to our topic, while the story itself might
start a few lines in. Anyway, play a round a bit and see what you think is best.
There are a lot great scientific details in this essay. There’s room, however, for more
descriptive and emotional details. In your revision, I encourage you to think about why
super cooled water captivated you, what compelled you to conduct experiments on your
own, etc. Try to link the scientific details to what excited you about them. Using
emotional detail as well as concrete detail helps to explain the writer’s attachment to
his/her concept, and brings the reader in emotionally as well. This is just another
example, of course, of how incredibly important details are – each word describes, but it
also instructs and sets a tone; in other words, the details control the piece.
When you revise this piece in Lesson 4, go through this essay very slowly and carefully
to find any spots where you can add more sensory details - sound, touch, taste, smell,
etc., so that we can hear, taste, feel, and smell this wonderful essay as clearly as we can
see it.
I really enjoyed this essay, Student, and I look forward to seeing your revision of it in
Lesson 4!
Onward!
-Instructor
Applicants, please critique this essay.
Lesson 3 Final Writing Assignment: Metaphor and Understanding
Consider Galileo's metaphor, Russell's "What Einstein Did," and Lightman's essay,
"Metaphor in Science." Write an essay on the way metaphor has increased your
understanding of a scientific concept. Use material from your introductory exercise
if you can.
Student
FWA 3
Date
Metaphor in science has been very helpful for me. When I was five years old, I
was very interested in dinosaurs. One of my favorite metaphors was
“Paleontologists brush away every piece of dirt as they uncover the layers and
layers of time.” It helped me understand the complex scientific language a
paleontologist would use when describing something to someone who was not
familiar with the scientific language of paleontology. A metaphor turns the complex
language into something quite simple and easy to understand for an outsider. This is
why metaphor has been so helpful for me in paleontology.
Another way metaphor helped me in science was to understand the way the
concept of putting together the dinosaur worked. The metaphor was “The ancient
creature held together by sheer will and work.” This was describing a huge T-rex
that scientists had painfully put together using steel, glue, plaster, and a lot of other
things. It took them about three years to put together all the bones. There was a
small board saying a lot of scientific jargon I didn’t understand at the time, but next
to it there was a metaphor a poet had used to describe it which helped me
understand how the dinosaur was put together.
The final way metaphor was helpful for me in science was to help me
understand the meteor theory, which supposedly killed off all the dinosaurs.
I kept on thinking that dinosaurs just went extinct and when I heard the meteor
theory I had trouble understanding it. The metaphor “ a huge ball of fire roars as it
destroy everything in its path” helped me understand the theory. I just couldn’t
grasp the fact that something that happens so commonly in space would wipe out all
of the dinosaurs.
All in all, metaphors have been very helpful for me in science and they always
will be. I appreciate the simplicity of metaphors and how helpful they can be. They
can make anything difficult to understand extremely simple for anybody, and I will
always appreciate that.