Game Summary Archives
January 27, 2006
Blaine Lake, internationally renowned for it’s cuisine, breathtaking scenery and ultra-hip club
scene…well, maybe not, but the Fury sure as hell is going to make the trip back despite that fact.
Remember that list of booty calls we started last week? Well I think we can add a new number,
but when we file it in our little black book let’s remember that The Jacks aren’t quite as easy as
most of the other shameless prostitutes found within, best to bring our ‘A’ game for this little
harlot. Friday night marked the second time in as many years The Fury has faced off against The
Jacks, and what a match-up it was. The Jacks, or should I say, The Jack-off’s ha-ha-ha…sorry I
had to do that. Anyway The Jacks were caught flat footed right off the bat as Marfleet split the D
and scored a bitchin’ one handed goal to start things off for The Traders. That proved to be a
wake-up call for the Jacks as they showed solid play from that point on. This game was won
mainly from a defensive perspective for The Fury, the Jacks kept up constant pressure all night
and were a threat any time they crossed the blue line. The Trader’s defensive squad was led by
Donovan, who was filling in at net for the second game in a row; Deuces made some great stops
and came through at key points in the game. Kissick also came out flying and was a force to be
reckoned with down low all night, as well as adding to his point total with some great end to end
rushes. The three wise men of The Fury, Bruce, Steve and Chad, made up the foundation of the
defensive core, with some aggressive play and horrifying screaming that will cause Tyson
nightmares for months to come… Friday also marked the return of Howard “Momma’s Boy”
Hemingson, who managed to chalk up a goal and an assist on the night to pad his career best
stats for the season.
January 16, 2006
Well, last night’s game was like a booty call from a friend’s sister, once you score too many
times, you kind of feel guilty, but then you think ‘maybe just one more time’ and it feels oh so
right. Well the North Stars are officially the Fury’s favorite booty call and as long as we didn’t
demoralize them too much, they might just stay at the top of the list for the season. Sexual
innuendos aside, Monday night’s game brought a major jump in stats for several Traders,
Marfleet, Donavan, Kissick and Schmidt came out flying and put up an impressive 7 points (4G,
3A), 6 points (4G, 2A), 6 points (2G, 4A) and 6 points (3G, 3A) respectively. Everyone agreed it
was nice to see some production out of Private Schmidt, it took a long time for us to toughen him
up after his army stint, but he’s starting to come around…well he’s stopped touching every ass
within arm’s length so I guess that’s a start. The Fury couldn’t come up with this kind of offense
without some great defensive play from the vet’s Bruce, Steve and Chaddie, and most of all an
amazing game from Mark the goalie with 30 saves. In Hagel’s opinion, “Fuck that little ass
sniffing Ty Conklin, the Oilers should pick up this guy.” (May not be an exact quote). One thing
we are sure of though is Jean’s sexual preference: Ass Bandit. He rambled off some sort of
incoherent excuse when he turned on his satellite radio and it was programmed to the Gay Radio
program "Pitcher or Catcher: A Beginners Guide To Ass Mining". Papa Jeano is one sick pup…
January 8, 2006
Well what can I say. We kicked the shit out of those Hutterites. Sure I know that only three of
them showed up, and one which had never played hockey in his life, let alone goal, but it was
still fun to rack up a shit load of points (which by the way don't count as that game was a joke). But i
guess if there has to be a game summary it would have go something like this, "Tyson: Hey
Shaun!, what did you do last night? Shaun: Oh not much, I just spooned with Nathan all night
on the couch until we fell asleep together watching a re-run Gilmore Girls Tyson: Sounds like
you have a pretty special thing going on there. Shaun: Ya he's alright. Oh looked we scored 5
goals in time we had that little conversation Tyson: We sure did............You know what i
like? Shaun: Is it Punani? Tyson: Well ya I like that too, but I really like Matt Damon in that
movie the Bourne Supremacy. I always thought he was more of Barbra Streisand, but he really
kicks ass in that movie. Shaun: Ya he's good, but I was always more a Meg Ryan fan
myself. Tyson: Riiiiiiiiiiiightt? Shaun: Why won't that fucking Robbie kid come off the
ice...HEY ROBBIE YOU LAZY PEICE OF SHIT, CHANGE IT UP!! And that my friend’s
sums up the entire game with the exception of a few boo's for Curtis and his god awful yellow
jersey. In the end everyone ended up getting one assist added to their stats as no goals were
awarded, even though some people had their break out game of the year (Nathan). Anyways we all
had fun and will to continue to have fun as long as there are good friends, good pepperoni, and,
cheap beer. Peace out and if life ever knocks you on your back, just fuck it!
December 19, 2005
December 19 marked the long awaited return of the TWOTS to Fur Trader country... in
years past the TWOTS always had a bad habit of giving the fury a butt humping with out even
having the courtesy to kiss us and cuddle afterwards. However these ass kicking’s came during
the infamous years of Scuba Steve and Derek the goalie... All that could be said about those two,
is if ever a team needed a guy who could sit at the blue line and never come off the ice and a guy
who could let in ten goals and then puke and cry, those were your guys. However that was the
fury of Christmas past and in the present the fury is looking stronger than ever. The rekindled
rivalry with the TWOTS marked the return of a hungry young goaltender T-Bone. He was
hungry because he forgot the pepperoni in his car at home. Early in the game the fury struck first
with young Isbister potting one on a break. The fury refused to let up on the wrinkly sacs of the
TWOTS with another quick goal by the fury. The TWOTS answered back with goals of their
own as they quickly figured out that the young rooking goalie was fairly weak in most areas of
play. The game was a heated affair as goals were continually exchanged between the vengeful
fury and the geriatric twats. The highlight of the night would definitely be Nathan standing up
that weary little prick number 14 and sending home when he tried to defend daddy.
hahaha. There is no TWOT who is a match for the wiry junior Schmidt. The game ended in a 6
all tie which the fury was more than happy to settle for. Well perhaps the whole team was not
satisfied with the tie but I know that the goalie was happy with pulling away on even terms. This
marks a renewed interest in playing them old bastards. It used to be that they would kick our
ass. Look forward to the ass kicking’s being handed out rather than being taken in the New
Year. Peace out and Peace on Earth. Merry Christmas
This is Caucasian Reporter T-Bone Takanawa Signing off
December 4, 2005
Last night at 9:30 the shit hit the fan for the Hague Flyers. With a major fan support group and
a fresh coaching staff, the Fury made their 10-2 victory look easy. There were a few scratches
from the line-up, but the big story on the night came with the addition of rookies Mike Isbister
and Kaylan Lundquist to the lineup. With some great moves and “Boyish good looks” (hold his
hand after the game Lane), Mikey bent over the Flyers net minder and stuck it in dry, racking up
a rare 5 point evening (4G,1A). Lundquist also proved to be a force, increasing the Fury’s team
weight dramatically and working hard down low against the Flyers.
With 2 full lines the fury looked strong early on, although Tyson was notably nervous with Ma,
Pa, and Surga Mama looking on Lundquist was feeling the pressure to perform. About half-way
thru the first half Tyson settled in with Marfleet and Kaylan to his usual form potting an early
goal and celebrating in Lundquistian fashion. Little Lundquist, Donavan and Mikey brought the
heat on the second line. Donavan and Mike dominated with some great moves pulling shit
through their legs off of skates and into the twine with the line totaling for 10 points on the night.
With stellar defense from the all-star veterans and Lane putting up 20 saves on the night victory
was a sure thing. In the second half the Fury really turned it on, with a flood of goals that made
the Flyers look like the fuck-ups they truly are.
Perhaps the Fury will search for stronger competition as they are dominating the cellar dwellers
of the Sask Valley Pickup League (SVPL). They now set their sights on avenging their many
losses to those potatoe wine drinking, bearded colonizing, sister stealing, hutterites. With this
new challange set in their sites many of the young Fury are eager to take on an army of players
with only two lines and fuck them over like we would if we were getting paid to have sex with
their large horny offspring. Ohhhhhhhhhh Ya!!!!!!