“Before you were mine” by Carol Ann Duffy – an example essay
Choose a poem about a strong relationship—for example, between two people, or between a person and a
place. Show how the poet, by the choice of content and the skilful use of techniques, helps you to appreciate the
strength of the relationship.
Teacher notes:
Highlighted are references to ‘strong relationship’ one of the themes you have to discuss. Underlined are points
that show the content and techniques she uses to portray this. Note how there are regular referrals to ‘strong
relationship’ in most paragraphs - keep referring to the question and not only do you ensure the marker is keeping
pace with your line of thought but it will keep you straight and not let you wander off on a tangent about some
point that has nothing to do with the theme you are being asked to write about. (Introduction – title, author, refer
to question and brief summary if required. Tell ‘em what you are going to tell them)
A poem about a strong relationship (that of a mother and daughter), is Carol Ann Duffy’s love poem to
her mother ‘Before you were mine’. The aim of this essay is to show how, by her choice of content and
skilful use of poetic techniques, Duffy helps the reader to appreciate the strength of the relationship.
Tell ‘em. Content and techniques are what you have to discuss and show how they build up an image of this
strong relationship between (or twixt if you prefer to use an interesting word ) Duffy and her mother. Show the
contrast in her life between pre baby and after baby for Duffy’s mother. Keep it simple but cover several examples
to show how this image is built up over time.
The content of this poem is fairly straightforward; it is a poem about the love a daughter has for her
mother and the strong relationship they have. Considering there is no mention of a father and hints
abound within the poem of her mother’s enjoyment of life and love of risk taking (so typical of young
people) that it appears to be a relationship between a single parent and her daughter. The story within
shows a contrast between the flamboyant and carefree young women and the sensible mother whose life
was changed so dramatically when she fell pregnant with her daughter. In the poem, Duffy details and
recognises the sacrifices her mother made before her daughter heralded a ‘decade ahead of my loud
possessive yell for the mother.
Moreover, this content, as well as showing the contrast before and after Duffy’s birth, also provides
examples of how strong her relationship was with her mother. It is a love poem where Duffy speaks to her
mother sometimes in a fond tone of reminiscence, at others almost as if she were the mother, chiding her
child for behaving badly. On the one hand we see a young woman with fantasies of stardom, popularity
and wanting a good time and then we see the reality of parenthood and the sacrifices in time, energy and
an inability to return to the good times of one’s youth.
Move onto techniques now you’ve done a couple of good strong paragraphs on the content.
Duffy has always been a skilful poet, able to use a wide range of techniques to show themes, relationships
or life in general. In this piece she uses such techniques to build a pictorial history of her mother’s life and
how much of a contrast it displays later on compared to ‘Before you were mine’. From the start Duffy
shows the relationship to be strong. The title itself is possessive, demanding like a child. The mother is
Duffy’s, no-one else’s and this illustrates a closeness and love from the very outset.
Duffy then sets the scene by building an image of her mother and friends ‘on the corner you laugh on’
wearing ‘polka dot dresses’ which ‘blows round’ (your) ‘legs’. The single word ‘Marilyn’ then appears to
serve two purposes. One is to perhaps name the mother, although this seems unlikely. The other more
probable purpose is to date the image in the sixties and convey an iconic image similar to Marilyn Monroe
in the classic film ‘The Seven Year Itch’ where her dress is blown up by a heating grid in New York. This
serves to show that the mother is regarded as beautiful (by her daughter at least) as well as flamboyant
and good enough to be a Scottish version of the iconic Monroe. Such a metaphor enhances the
relationship between mother and daughter as there is now an element of star worship and adoration and
pride as well as love. Another metaphor is when Duffy tells of the place her mother frequents so
regularly; ‘the ballroom with a thousand eyes’. In here her mother was watched and admired and she
performed in her ‘high heeled red shoes’. Red is symbolic of love but also passion and fire and ironically
danger and rebellion. Unfortunately the mother fails to stop and see the danger and falls pregnant,
removing her from the ballroom and forcing her to relive her memories of dances such as the ‘Cha cha
cha’ which she teaches her daughter on the way home from Mass. There is more symbolism and irony
here since Catholics attend Mass and also have a complex theology of rules and standards. On the one
hand Duffy’s mother showed obedience to Catholic decrees by not having an abortion (if, as it seems she
were unmarried) but on the other she has broken the teachings of her Church that forbids premarital sex.
More irony is shown as she teaches her female child a sensual dance on the way home after fulfilling her
weekly duty by attending Mass.
Throughout the poem Dufy hints at her mother’s bending of society’s unwritten rules of the time. She
implies her mother should have taken ‘the right walk home’ rather than the wrong one and insinuates her
willingness to engage in heavy petting and so on as she asks her own mother about ‘small bites on your
neck, sweetheart?’ This role reversal within the rhetorical question again shows this is/was a strong
relationship; strong enough to allow the child to chide the mother in a loving way. The positive vocabulary
throughout also builds up a positive image of a vibrant, happy young woman who is determined to ensure
she is always there for her daughter and the daughter adores her in return. As Duffy says ‘love lasts’ and
this alliterative phrase shows the depth of her love. Despite the lack of freedom or the death of her own
dreams, Duffy’s mother encourages her daughter to be herself and tries to bring her up as best she can.
She has a sense of duty to her child and raises her as a good dutiful Catholic but with a rebellious streak
that they both share and enjoy.
Tell ‘em what you’ve told ‘em. Round off. Summarise your main points about content and techniques being used
to build an image of a strong relationship which you appreciate. Give a personal response.
By the use of these techniques which portray strong images of a happy and mutually supportive
relationship and the content that shows the contrasting lives of mother and daughter, Duffy has shown
the reader a strong relationship which they can empathise with. This poem makes readers such as myself
think and hopefully understand that it is this strength of the bond between Duffy and her mother that
enables Duffy herself to appreciate life and convey her viewpoints to us so successfully in her work.
Words: 1020