Common Essay Mistakes Exercise
Directions: Read each of the following parts of a paragraph. Determine which one is the
strongest, which one is fair/ok, and which is the weakest. Then, discuss your thoughts with the
person next to you and try to agree. Be prepared to discuss your thoughts with the class. (Note:
All errors, spelling and grammar, have been left intact.)
Introduction: The biggest issue in the introductions to your essays was the fact that they weren’t
funnel introductions. The thesis statement either wasn’t at the end of the paragraph, or the entire
paragraph was one big thesis statement.
1. William Shakespeare’s famous play Macbeth is written about a character that is good and evil,
loyal and double-crossing, powerful and weak. In the beginning, Macbeth is a successful general
and Thane of Glamis, depicted as noble and courageous, but his ambition, his desire for power
leads him to covert the crown of Scotland. Eventually, this leads to his absolute corruption and
downfall.
2. Power in the world has led many good people to the path of corruption. This corruption grows
correspondently with the growth of the person’s power. In Macbeth, by William Shakespeare,
Macbeth experiences what power can do to a good man when he gains the knowledge of the
witches’ prophecies. Throughout the five acts of the play, Macbeth goes from being a
courageous and good man to being a treacherous and merciless king to being a coward, losing
his kingdom, and losing his life.
3. It has been proved that mankind is selfish and self-destructing by their acts. Macbeth in the
play is altered by power and corruption and goes from a brave and honorable warrior to an evil
merciless dictator. He goes in an adventure that brought him to his death. Plotting the Kings
murder, killing the king, losing the feeling of guiltiness after killing his best friend, cold-hearted
killed women and children, and at the end became a shameless coward.
Topic Sentence: The biggest problem with topic sentences in the Macbeth essays was that they
didn’t introduce the main idea of the WHOLE paragraph. They only introduced one part,
making them essentially a repetitive quote introduction.
1. In the first act, Macbeth is a good, brave, and well-known man in Scotland, but he begins to
become corrupt towards the end of the act.
2. Macbeth is still a good man in Act one.
3. In Act I, Macbeth is a brave man, loyal to his king. However, his fatal flaw, his ability to
become easily corrupted is soon made obvious.
Quote Integration: The main concern with quote integration was the fact that students
summarized the quote instead of analyzing it.
1. Macbeth commands the murderers he assembles to kill his friend Banquo: “For certain friends
that are both his and mine, whose loves I may not drop, but wail his fall who I myself struck
down: and thence it is that I to [the murderers’] assistance do make love” (3.,1.120-3). Macbeth
cannot murder Banquo himself because he needs to protect himself from any arising suspicions,
so he gets three desperate murderers to do his dirty work.
2. Macbeth’s assassins kill all of Macduff’s family, including some of his children which are still
babies: “The castle of Macduff I will surprise, seize upon Fife, give to th’ edge o’th’ sword his
wife, his babes, and all unfortunate sould that trace him in his line” (4.1.150-3). Macbeth is truly
merciless in his decree.
3. However, even though Macbeth is corrupt enough to do what he did, he is very guilty about
what he did: “Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand?” (2.2.60-1).
Macbeth asks his wife if Duncan’s blood will simply wash away with water or if it will be on his
hands forever. Macbeth is very guilty and so believes that what he did will always haunt him.
Conclusion Sentence: The biggest issue with conclusion sentence was their not being present at
all. The second largest problem was their not having a transition and/or wrapping up ALL ideas
in the paragraph.
1. “I go, and it is done: to bell invites me. Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell that summons thee
to heaven or to hell” He wants to know if he is going to heaven or hell, but that would depend
on the choices he makes throughout the play.
2. “I will not fight thee.” (5.7.51) He is a coward and will not fight without the prophecy to
protect him. This is a complete change of character for him.
3. “I’m settled on it then. All my faculties shall be devoted to this terrible deed. Away, and mock
the time with fairest show: false face must hide what the false heart doth know” (1.7.79-82).
Macbeth agrees to kill Duncan after seeing how his wife’s plan could be successful. Macbeth
begins to become corrupt and this is demonstrated by how he chooses to conceal his plan by
deceiving people with how he presents himself to them. Ergo, Macbeth is a devoted, popular,
and courageous man, but through manipulation, he beings to become a treacherous man and
decides to murder the king.