Wisdom for Life
Being wise is said to know the right thing to do when the rules don’t apply. Most of life’s decisions are
not moral or ethical dilemmas; they are not choices between right and wrong. But the many decisions
we make heavily shape our success in our relationships, in our work, in our communities and in our
own sense of satisfaction with our lives.
How do we become wise or gain in wisdom? Confucius once said,
“By three methods we may learn wisdom:
First, by reflection, which is noblest;
Second, by imitation, which is easiest;
and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”
This is a study that reflects on the wisdom contained in the book of Proverbs in the Bible which is one
of the classic wisdom texts in ancient literature. Mostly written by King Solomon for prep school boys
in the 9th century BCE, the text not only contains pithy timeless truisms but the underlying message is
that to truly be wise, you need to have a deep understanding of the essence of human nature, desire,
emotion and drives.
In this series, Dr. Tim Keller1 demonstrates how this ancient text is so relevant in our current age.
Since wisdom is gaining competency with regard to the realities of life, he applies not only Solomon’s
wisdom but the wisdom of the whole Bible about relationships, emotions, our work, self control and
many other topics to the situations that dominate our lives where we need wisdom that God provides.

True Wisdom - What is wisdom and why is it so important?

Training in Wisdom - How do we develop and grow in wisdom?

Wellspring of Wisdom - Where does wisdom come from?

Strangeness and the Order of God - If wisdom is competency with regard to the realities of
life, what are the realities of life?

Knowing God - Knowing God is the foundation for having ultimate wisdom. What does it mean
to fear the Lord and why is it so foundational?

Anger: The Healing of Anger - A requirement of being wise is understanding anger, both in
yourself and others.

Sex: The Temptation of Beauty - To have wisdom, you must understand and manage the
power of sexuality.

Money: Scattering Gathers; Gathering Scatters – Money is far more than the ability to buy
things and create experiences. It is a power and unless you understanding its power in your
life, it will be difficult to make wise decisions with your money.

Envy: The Evil of Envy - Envy has the ability to suck all joy out of our lives. Proverbs gives us
wise answers to address envy.

Pride: Haughty Eyes - One of the most critical character traits to becoming wise is humility. A
Biblical theme is that if you think you are wise, you are a fool. Paradoxically, only when you
understand your foolishness do you become wise.

Work: Sluggardliness - Today there is more pressure on and less boundaries drawn around the
topic of work. Proverbs talks positively (diligence) as well as negatively (sluggardliness) about
work.
Dr. Tim Keller is the senior pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan and New
York Times bestselling author of The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism
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
Self Control: A Broken Wall - A man or woman without self control will not live a wise life.
They are like ancient cities without walls, vulnerable to invading armies.

Emotions: The Wounded Spirit - We all need wisdom to deal with our difficulties with our inner
feelings, our psychological life.

Decisions about our Future: Your Plans, God’s Plans – Our future is made or lost on the basis
of choices. How do we know what God would have us choose?

Learning Wisdom by Studying Foolishness: What kind of Fool are you? - God makes foolish the
wisdom of this world. Understanding the cross will forever change what you see as wise and
what is foolish.

Social Justice: Creation, Care and Justice - At the core of what it means to be wise is a
concern for social justice. You aren’t wise unless you are living a life passionately committed
to justice.

Success and Suffering: The Two Great Tests - Success and suffering are situations that create
both danger and opportunity in our character and spiritual life.

Words - How you speak and the words you use will radically shape your relationships and your
life.

Friendship - You won’t live a wise life unless you are good at choosing, forgiving and keeping
terrific friendships.

Repairing Relationships - Right relationships will make or break your life. Maintaining these
won’t happen unless you know how and why relationships break down and how you can repair
them.

Family - In the area of family, unwise choices can be devastating. Proverbs provides timeless
guidance for spousal relationships as well as the relationships that parents have to their
children and adult children to their parents.
The best way to discover how these truths can be applied in our lives is through discussion. Prior to
our weekly sessions, we will individually listen to the talk on the selected topic and then spend our
time together discussing the topic and sharing our thoughts and experiences with each other.
We hope you join us in our quest for wisdom for life.
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Wisdom from Proverbs
Tim Keller
1. True Wisdom
2. Training in Wisdom
Proverbs 8:10-16; 2231
Proverbs 3:1-12; 30:1-4
3. Wellspring of Wisdom
4. Strangeness and the
Order of God
Proverbs 4:11-22
Proverbs 5:16-23;
Revelations 21:1-5
5. Knowing God
Proverbs 3:5-6, 9:10,
16:6, 19:23, 20:9,
23:17-18, 28:14
6. Anger: The Healing of
Anger
Proverbs 14:29-30,
15:1,18;16:32;19:11,19;
24:28-29; 25:21-22
7. Sex: The Temptation of
Beauty
Proverbs 5:15-19;
11:16, 22; 30:18-20
8. Money: Scattering
Gathers; Gathering
Scatters
Proverbs 10:15-16, 22;
11:1, 4, 24, 26; 13:21,
23; 30:8b-9
9. Envy: The Evil of Envy
Proverbs 23: 17-18;
Psalms 73: 1-3; 2026
10. Pride: Haughty Eyes
Proverbs 11:2,12;
13:10; 15:25,33;
16:18-19; 21:4; 28:26
11: Work: Sluggardliness
Proverbs 8:1-4; 10:45; 12:10-11; 15:19;
22:29; 27:18
12. Self Control: A Broken
Wall
Proverbs 18:10;
23:19-21; 25:28;
Titus 2:11-14
13. Emotions: The
Wounded Spirit
Proverbs 12:25;
13:12; 14:10,13,30;
15:4,13-14; 16:2;
18:14; 28:1
Proverbs 11:3;
12:5,15; 15:22; 16:14,9,25,33; 21:5; 27:1
Psalm 113: 1-9
14: Decisions about our
Future: Your Plans, God’s
Plans
15. Grace and Glory
What is wisdom and why is it so
important?
How do we develop and grow in
wisdom?
Where does wisdom come from?
If wisdom is competency with
regard to the realities of life, what
are the realities of life?
Knowing God is the foundation for
having ultimate wisdom. What does
it mean to fear the Lord and why is
it so foundational?
A requirement of being wise is
understanding anger, both in
yourself and others.
To have wisdom, you must
understand and manage the power
of sexuality
Money is far more than the ability
to buy things and create
experiences. It is a power and
unless you understanding its power
in your life, it will be difficult to
make wise decisions with your
money.
Envy has the ability to suck all joy
out of our lives. Proverbs gives us
wise answers to address envy.
One of the most critical character
traits to becoming wise is humility.
A Biblical theme is that if you think
you are wise, you are a fool.
Paradoxically, only when you
understand your foolishness do you
become wise.
Today there is more pressure on
and less boundaries drawn around
the topic of work. Proverbs talks
positively (diligence) as well as
negatively (sluggardliness) about
work.
A man or woman without self
control will not live a wise life. They
are like ancient cities without walls,
vulnerable to invading armies.
We all need wisdom to deal with
our difficulties with our inner
feelings, our psychological life.
Our future is made or lost on the
basis of choices. How do we know
what God would have us choose?
This is the Christmas sermon that is
not part of the series.
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16. Learning Wisdom by
Studying Foolishness:
What kind of Fool are you?
Proverbs 1:22, 32-33;
8:27-32; 14:15; 15:5;
16:25; 19:25; 21:24
God makes foolish the wisdom of
this world. Understanding the cross
will forever change what you see as
wise and what is foolish.
17. Social Justice:
Creation, Care and Justice
Proverbs 3:17-20, 2732; 11:10-11; 19:17;
29:7
18. Success and Suffering:
The Two Great Tests
Proverbs 3:9-14;
10:16, 25; 24:10-12
19. Words
Proverbs 10:18-19,
31-32; 12:13-14, 1718; 15:1, 4; 16:23,
28; 18:13, 21; 24:26;
25:11, 15
At the core of what it means to be
wise is a concern for social justice.
You aren’t wise unless you are
living a life passionately committed
to justice.
Success and suffering are situations
that create both danger and
opportunity in our character and
spiritual life.
How you speak and the words you
use will radically shape your
relationships and your life.
20. Friendship
Proverbs 17:17;
18:24; 25:17,20;
26:18,19;
27:5,6,9,14,17;
28:23; 29:5
Proverbs 10:18;
11:12-13;17:9;24:1718, 28-29; 25:7b10,21-22;27:5-6
21. Repairing
Relationships
22. Family
Proverbs 2:16-17;
3:11-12; 5:18-20;
12:14; 13:4, 21-22;
17:2; 18:22; 20:20;
22:15; 23:22-25
You won’t live a wise life unless
you are good at choosing, forgiving
and keeping terrific friendships.
Right relationships will make or
break your life. Maintaining these
won’t happen unless you know how
and why relationships break down
and how you can repair them.
In the area of family, unwise
choices can be devastating.
Proverbs provides timeless
guidance for spousal relationships
as well as the relationships that
parents have to their children and
adult children to their parents.
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1. True Wisdom
Proverbs 8:10-16; 22-31
What is wisdom?
The Importance of Wisdom (v. 10-11)

Wisdom is more important than gold, silver and rubies. More important than fame, riches and
all the other things society tends to value.

Wisdom is not the same thing as moral goodness. Related to moral goodness but not the
same.

Wisdom is not less than being ethical, but so much more.

For most decisions in life, simply knowing the rules or having knowledge won’t help you.

You can be brilliant, well informed, well read, morally upright or highly disciplined but wisdom
trumps them all.
The Definition of Wisdom (v. 12-16)

v.14 “sound judgment” – knowing how things really work

v.12 “prudence” – knowing how things really are

v.15 “By me Kings rule” – knowing what to do about it

Wisdom: competency with regard to the realities of life

Wisdom: knowing what to do when the rules don’t apply
The Problem of Wisdom (v.22-31)

All non-biblical creation accounts are results of a random accident or a power struggle
between the gods. The biblical account has creation as a result of wisdom.

This means there is a well thought out order to creation. The world is an intricately woven
fabric and has a pattern.

Example: An object that obeys the rules of aerodynamics will fly. Just like there are physical
realities that must be followed, there are relational and spiritual realities that must be followed
or there will be breakdown.

Foolishness is going against the pattern that God established

To be wise, you must know two things:
o There is a pattern to the world
o You cannot know it all

Proverbs is broken up into two parts. Chapters 10-15 explain principles and what will usually
result when you follow the pattern established by God. Chapters 16-31 talk about the
exceptions to these principles.

A liberal fool: “There is no pattern to the world. I have to determine what is right for me.”

A conservative fool: “I can see the whole pattern. If you live right, then good things will
happen to you.” Example: Job’s friends – trying to figure out the sin that created the bad
things.

We all have tendencies toward being a conservative or a liberal fool. As a nation, we are
divided on this and it is pushing us into more foolishness.
The Clue to the Solution

No one proverb gives you the whole story. Each one provides you with a perspective but to
see how they all fit together, you need a community to work through how wisdom is applied in
everyday life.

In proverbs, wisdom is personified. What if wisdom is not learning moral rules or a body of
knowledge but a person you could know and love? What if wisdom was in the form of a person
who could counsel you?

Christ: “I am the wonderful counselor. I am wisdom. A relationship with me is the path to
wisdom.”

John 1: “In the beginning was the Word (reason, wisdom)” and the wisdom of God became
flesh and truth in the form of Jesus Christ.

Three truths of God’s wisdom:
o Wisdom of God to you – Jesus is the argument for the existence of God.
o Wisdom of God for you - In some ways, Jesus was like a sage but instead of simply
giving advice, he gave himself when he died for us.
o Wisdom of God with us – Even when you can’t see the wisdom of God, it is there.
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1. True Wisdom
Proverbs 8:10-16; 22-31
What is wisdom?
Questions:
1. Was there anything in the talk that provoked a new thought or idea or that you found
disagreeable or hard to swallow?
2. Who is the wisest person that you know and why do you think they are so wise?
3. Wisdom is defined as competency with regard to the realities of life. Can you provide any
examples of where this is true?
4. What is the difference between wisdom and knowledge?
5. Verses (8) 22-31 provide a poetic creation account. What does this teach us about wisdom?
6. Proverbs personifies wisdom (e.g. “by me Kings reign.”) Is this merely a literary device?
7. How can those of us with moralistic (conservative) tendencies be foolish? How can those of us
with relativistic (liberal) tendencies be foolish? Can you provide example where you see this in
action?
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2. Training in Wisdom
Proverbs 3:1-12, 30:1-4
How do we gain wisdom?
Wisdom is the ability to know the right thing to do in the 80% of life’s situations where the rules don’t
apply. The sermon discusses how we get or develop wisdom. How do we grow in wisdom?
The Path of Wisdom

v. 6 “he will make your path straight” Wisdom is likened to a pathway

Walking down a path is done by boring mundane activities. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left
foot—over and over again.

According to Proverbs, who you become is not so much a function of the big dramatic
decisions and events but from all those little choices that you make. You become wise by
taking on a certain set of repeated disciplines.

Wisdom is a pathway, not a door. You don’t enter into wisdom with a technique (a door), you
enter into wisdom by slowly becoming the kind of person who through God’s guidance you
become the person who makes wise choices (a pathway).

CS Lewis (Abolition of Man): Sages of old said you learn how to conform your soul to the
world’s reality through wisdom. Today, we want to conform reality to our own wishes through
a technique.
The Process of Wisdom (the practices that will make you wise)

Knowing God (v.3 “love and faithfulness”) – It is not enough to know God loves you, if you
want to become wise you must find ways to pound it into your heart that he is absolutely
committed to you. Wise people have an internal calm and poise which come from knowing
God is committed to you.

Knowing self (v. 5, 7) – To be wise, you need to know you own weakness and besetting sins.
If you don’t know these, you will make stupid choices. If you need approval or have fear of
failure, you will deny your flaws and make excuses. You need ruthless yet non-traumatic selfexamination.

Knowing your friends (v. 1) – You’ll never find wisdom by yourself. You need mentors, friends,
counselors. The fool is an individualist but a wise person is always asking for help. You only
get wisdom through communication, you only get information through a class. The discipline
of letting others speak to your issues is part of the path.

Knowing God’s best practices (v.1) – “my teaching….my commands (Torah)” You’ve got to
master the Scripture. You’ve got to master God’s database of best practices. The Bible speaks
to our words, emotions, money, family, etc. Practicing these are the right/left, right/left of the
wisdom.

Knowing trouble (v.11-12) – Wisdom does not avoid suffering, it transforms suffering into
more wisdom. Don’t despise or reject suffering but let trouble teach lessons of wisdom. During
troubled times you learn wisdom faster.
The Man off the Mountain

Thinking of trouble as a teacher of wisdom is a not a sufficient answer to those who are
experiencing devastating suffering.

Agur, a wise man say in Proverbs 30, “I am lost, not wise. We need another to interpret the
wisdom. Who has come down? What is his name and the name of his son?”

Jesus says, “I have come to bring you the ultimate wisdom but not in an abstract proposition
but through the cross.”

Jesus lived an absolutely perfect life, he personified wisdom and all his decisions were wise.
Yet he experienced the worst kind of suffering.

Jesus doesn’t tell us the theory of dealing with suffering; he suffers with us.

The cross is the beginning of wisdom. You have to take the cross into your heart and see that
Jesus’ wisdom is upside down to what the world says. You win through losing. You rule by
serving. You become wealthy by giving your money away. That is the cross’ wisdom.
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2. Training in Wisdom
Proverbs 3:1-12, 30:1-4
How do we gain wisdom?
1. Was there anything in the talk that provoked a new thought or idea or that you found
disagreeable or hard to swallow?
2. CS Lewis points out that sages of old said that we learn to conform our souls to the world’s
reality through wisdom. Today we want to conform reality to our own wishes through a
technique. What does this mean and do you think that you see this happening in our culture?
Can you think of some examples?
3. Is your natural inclination to think of wisdom as a door or a pathway? What are some personal
examples of thinking of wisdom as a door? Is this necessarily a bad thing?
4. Knowing God: What does Keller mean when he says that wise people have an internal calm
and poise in life’s situations? Do you see that in practice with people you consider wise? Why
or why not?
5. Knowing self: What does it mean to have “ruthless yet non-traumatic self evaluation?” How
close do you get to practicing this? How can we encourage each other in this regard?
6. Knowing friends: “The fool is an individualist but a wise person is always asking for help.” Do
you agree with this and if so, how do we create a community where we can help each other
become wise? Think of some practical ideas.
7. Knowing God’s best practices: What is the difference between best practices and rules? Are
you a “best practices” or a “rules” kind of person? How differently do you approach each?
8. Knowing trouble: Do you have examples where trouble helped you become wiser and be
willing to share them with the group?
9. How has understanding the cross helped you become wise? Are there any practical
suggestions on how we can rub the oil of the cross’ healing powers into the chambers of our
heart?
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3. Wellspring of Wisdom
Proverbs 4-11-27
Where does wisdom come from?
Wisdom is a lot more than having high moral values. Even the best intentions done at the wrong time
or in the wrong way can be destructive. Wisdom is having the character to make the right choices
when the rules do not apply.
How this character develops (v.11-19)

Character develops mainly by walking. Sometimes in life you end up running (v.12) but mostly
character is fixed by the small choices you make every day.

Example of interview with man in jail: as a child he broke his father’s watch and denied
responsibility. Years later did the same thing in a hit-and-run. What fixed his destiny was not
the decision to leave the scene of the accident but all his denials over the years.

In the beginning you chose your path (v.14) but eventually it becomes a habit or an addiction
(v.16). It is no longer a choice.

This addiction is to self-centeredness. This unsmiling addiction to self can take different forms:
o Brash and egotistical – superiority is a form of self absorption.
o Shy and self-deprecating – an inferiority complex is also a form of self absorption.

This eventually leads to darkness (v.19) “they do not know what makes them stumble.” This is
the language of un-wisdom. Essentially un-wisdom is being out of touch with reality.

How do you get to this addiction, this deep darkness? A path. Step by step. Your daily choices.
Every time you experience something good and are not deeply grateful and take it for granted
or think you deserve it, you are on the path to feeling like you aren’t getting your rights. You
are on the path to resentment and an addiction to self centeredness.
Where this character comes from (its origin)?

V.20 “my words….keep them within your heart.” You cannot do this simply by reading or
listening or memorizing.

V. 23 “guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Augustine: “The key to change is not
the acts of the will but the loves of the heart.”

Greek view of human nature – we are a conflicting dualism of body and soul, of passion and
feeling (body) and reason (soul). The Greek view is that you need to choose between your
head (reason) and heart (feeling).

This is not what the Bible teaches. Everything in your life stems from your heart.
o What you say. V. 24 – “perversity from your mouth…corrupt talk from your lips.”
o How you view things. V. 25 – “look straight ahead…fix your gaze directly.”
o Your behaviors and actions. V. 26,27 – “only ways that are firm…keep your foot from
evil.”

Why? Your heart is what you believe you must have to live life joyfully. Your heart is where
your greatest loves are. If you have that, then you believe you have significance and worth.

Whatever your heart has determined is your ultimate love determines how you will make
choices in your life. If anything but God is the main love of your heart, you will be a fool. For
example, only if God is more important than money can you make wise decisions financially.
How can our hearts be transformed?

Problem: The little choices fix our character and we cannot change our character just by trying
harder.

Augustine: The problem that we have is disordered loves. Our loves may all be fine but they
are not in the proper priority.

Martin Luther: The big problem is self-centeredness so I become a monk. Now I serve the
poor but I realized that I am doing it to feel noble. I am still self-centered.

Wise people throughout history: I point to the path of wisdom.” Jesus said, “I am the way to
wisdom”

On the cross he took the deep darkness so that we do not need to experience the deep
darkness. Martin Luther: I thought I needed to create righteousness but then I realized Jesus
is my righteousness.

The only way to take your heart off of one beauty (heart’s desire) is to find a greater beauty,
a greater heart’s desire.

You need to take the Gospel into your heart and let it change you. Only then will you be wise.
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3. Wellspring of Wisdom
Proverbs 4-11-27
Where does wisdom come from?
1. Was there anything in the talk that provoked a new thought or idea or that you found
disagreeable or hard to swallow?
2. To one degree or another, we are all self-centered. How do we know if it is an addiction (since
addicts usually are in denial) and how can we monitor our level of self absorption?
3. Augustine said that the key to change is not the acts of the will but the loves of the heart. Do
you agree? If you are able to change your loves, do your acts automatically follow? Can you
think of an illustration in your own life or someone else’s where this was or wasn’t true.
4. “Your heart is that thing you believe that you need to live life joyfully.” Those who are Christ
followers know that this should be God but all of us wrestle with other things that occupy this
spot. Would you be so bold as to share with the group what those things are that you think
you need to live joyfully?
5. If loving God with all our heart is the key, what are some practical suggestions for keeping
God’s love central?
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4. Strangeness and the Order of God
Proverbs 5:16-23; Revelations 21:1-5
How do I understand the realities of life that we need wisdom for?
Wisdom is competency with regard to the realities of life. It is being in touch with and understanding
the realities of the way people, relationships, human nature and our psyche work. What are these
realities and what does it mean to be touch with these realities?
The persistence of reality (v. 16-20)

V.20 “why be captivated by a strange woman?” Better translated alien or foreign but doesn’t
mean a foreign or alien woman, rather the behavior is alien or foreign.

Some behaviors are alien to your true nature, no matter how good they feel at the time.

Example – Human lungs would not survive Venus. They are in an alien environment, one that
doesn’t fit our nature. There is a physical order that exists that when violated leads to
disintegration, breakdown and death.

There is a divine spiritual order that is just as real as the physical order and when you don’t
follow it, it leads to disintegration and breakdown.

God is our creator and knows what we need to thrive. When we don’t follow God’s direction,
we are assaulting our own beings, we are hurting ourselves.

Example – God tells us to forgive, to be radically generous with our time and money, to tell
the truth. When we don’t, this creates an environment that is as antithetical to our soul as
ammonia gas (Venus) is to our lungs.

Wisdom is recognizing that the order is there and living by that order.
The problem with reality (v.22-23)

Problem #1: Proverbs depicts a world where if we follow the order and live right, our lives will
go right. But we know that it not always true. There are people who follow the order and are
exploited or tragedy befalls them.

Problem #2: V. 21 uses the language of judgment. God is a judge and we are accountable
when we don’t live according to God’s order. But people who believe this have used this to
oppress others and live judgmentally.
o But there is a problem with this problem: Example: Arthur Leff, former professor at
Yale Law School: If there is no God (no divine order), then there is no basis for human
rights. All laws are opinions of a group of people imposing their opinions on others.
o Example: Milosz, Polish author and poet who lived through both Nazism and
communism: Marx said religion is the opium of the people but Milosz says that the
belief that nothingness after death is the true opium. It allows people to trample and
oppress weaker members because there is no judgment on their actions.

Stuck in a dilemma. If there is an order it seems to be broken. People who believe in God’s
judgment use that belief to oppress and people who do not believe in God’s judgment use that
belief to oppress.
The healing of reality (Revelations 21:1-5)

V.1 – At the end of times, we are not leaving reality, rather God is coming back to restore
reality. There is an order and God’s original order did not have disintegration in it. There is an
order to reality but it was broken when man decided to go his own way (Genesis 1).

Christianity differs from other religions: All religions believe in judgment for actions but only
Christianity believes the judge came off the bench and took the sentence on the defendant’s
behalf. This is the Gospel – the good news that we are guilty yet are not condemned.
Three ways the Gospel makes you wise about the realities of life

The Gospel makes it safe to believe in judgment and justice – There is a judge but the judge
was judged in our stead.

The Gospel makes it safe to read Proverbs – There is a divine order but it is broken.
o Relativists – There is no order. Everyone needs to figure out things on their own.
o Moralist – There is an order but it is not broken. If I follow the rules, life goes well.
o Neither will be wise with regard to the realities of life.

The Gospel gives you radical moderation – When you understand that God loves you as a
bridegroom is ravished by his bride and that Jesus’ death covers our imperfections can we be
comfortable that we are flawed but totally loved.
11
4. Strangeness and the Order of God
Proverbs 5:16-23; Revelations 21:1-5
How do I understand the realities of life that we need wisdom for?
1. Were there any new understandings or ideas that you learned in this sermon? Was there any
part that jumped out at you?
2. Does the idea of a divinely ordered world resonate with you? What are some examples where
it doesn’t seem to be true? Are there some examples where this has been true in your life and
would you be willing to share them with the group?
3. How could understanding this idea of a divinely order change our idea of sin?
4. Why does Keller say that understanding that there is a divinely appointed order and trying to
live by it leads to being a Pharisee? If we believe there is this order, how can we apply this to
others without being judgmental?
5. The Bible says that at the end of time, we are not leaving reality but God is coming back to
restore reality. How could this affect how we relate to the world around us?
12
5. Knowing God
Proverbs 3:5-6, 9:10, 16:6, 19:23, 20:9, 23:17-18, 28:14
What does it mean to have the fear of the Lord as the foundation for wisdom?
Wisdom starts with the fear of the Lord. This is one of the main themes of the Bible. Knowing God is
the foundation for having ultimate wisdom. What does it mean to fear the Lord and why is it so
foundational?
Beginning with God (Proverbs 9:10,

Your understanding of God and relationship to him is the foundation for all your thinking. What
you believe about God determines what you know about the world and how you know it.

Our society wants to separate faith from reason. Christopher Reeves – “When matters of
public policy are debated, no religion should have a seat at the table.” Private faith is OK but
for public matters we need reason.

Proverbs says exactly the opposite. “Faith is not only not opposed to reason but constitutes its
possibility, its connection to reality.” –Gerhard von Rad.

Typical view: “The only things we can be sure of are those things which can be scientifically
proven.” Yet that view cannot be scientifically proven. All assumptions about what we can or
cannot know stems from a leap of faith and once you make that leap, all reasoning proceeds
from that. Everyone is taking a faith view regardless of whether religious or not.
Knowing God (Proverbs 19:23, 23:17, 28:14)

Fear: the life rearranging joyful awe and wonder before the greatness of who God is and what
he has done. This joy is humbling—it is unmerited and therefore humbles you.

Psychologists tell us when you understand your greatest fear you will understand what your
heart most treasures. If you see your greatest fear, you will see your greatest love.

It is possible to follow God, obey him and have him as a concept but not be your fear, not the
main things you are afraid of losing. If you get to that place, you get to know God personally.

Jonathan Edwards – “There is an infinite difference between being told and believing honey is
sweet and actually tasting its sweetness. So there is a difference between believe God is love
and actually experiencing the love of God in your heart.”

If God is a concept, the realities of life are money, power, security, sex and the abstraction of
life is God’s love. When you move from concept to fear, these reverse (i.e. God’s love is a
reality and other things are abstractions).
Trusting God (Proverbs 3:5)

Knowing God works itself out internally. Trusting God works itself out externally. Knowing God
needs to translate into unconditional trust.

Almost all relationships with God start out conditional: “I’ll follow God if….” But whatever is on
the other side of that “if” is your real god. If there are any ifs in your relationship with God,
God is not your fear. You are just using God to get to your real trust, your real god.

If the distance between the earth and sun (92mm miles) was the thickness of a sheet of
paper, the distance from earth to the nearest star is a stack of papers 70 feet high. The
diameter of our galaxy would be a stack 310 miles high and our galaxy is a speck of dust in all
of space. The Bible says God controls this with the word of his power, with his little finger. Is
this a God you ask into your life to be your assistant? (from Barbara Boyd)

In northern Wales, sheep are held under the disinfectant vat without a word of explanation.
They couldn’t understand. The distance between God’s knowledge and ours is infinitely greater
than the distance between a sheep’s understanding and ours. (from Elizabeth Elliot)
Discovering the Grace of God is the Key (Proverbs 20:9, 16:6)

“Who can say, I make my heart pure?” It is saying that we are all unfit for God and unable to
solve our unfitness problem ourselves.

How can God be totally loving yet totally holy and deal with unclean people? Because by the
free grace of God we are loved and saved despite our badness.

God said to Adam in the Garden of Eden “Do my will and you will live.” Centuries later God
said to Jesus, “Do my will and I will crush you.”

God told Abraham on Mt. Moriah “Now I know that you love me because you did not withhold
your only son from me.” We can look at Mt. Calvary and say, “Now we know how much you
love us because you did not withhold your only son from us.”
13
5. Knowing God
Proverbs 3:5-6, 9:10, 16:6, 19:23, 20:9, 23:17-18, 28:14
What does it mean to have the fear of the Lord as the foundation for wisdom?
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6 In all
your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths
Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is
insight.
Proverbs 16:6 By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the LORD one
turns away from evil.
Proverbs 19:23 The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be
visited by harm.
Proverbs 20:9 Who can say, “I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin”?
Proverbs 23:17 Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the LORD all the day.
18 Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.
Proverbs 28:14 Blessed is the one who fears the LORD always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall
into calamity.
1. Please be ready to share at least one new insight that you received from the talk.
2. If our knowledge of God is foundational for wisdom, including thinking about public policy, how
should you respond to Christopher Reeves (if he were still here)?
3. What does it mean “your greatest fears show your deepest loves?” Do you think that is true in
your life?
4. What kind of changes you would expect to see from someone who moves from God being a
concept to God being their fear? Can you think of examples of people you know where you have
seen it happen?
5. We all have relationships where we can feel somewhat used in different ways. Can you share any
situations where you feel like the motive behind why someone wants to be your friend is not pure?
How does it feel and what is its impact on the relationship? What can/did you do about it?
6. You can will yourself to begin with God and knowing about God but you cannot will yourself to fear
and trust God. Grace is the key to making these involuntary internal changes. Can you think of
times when grace has been extended to you by others and the impact that it had on you? Why
does grace have such an enormous impact on people?
14
6. The Healing of Anger
Proverbs 14:29-30, 15:1,18;16:32;19:11,19; 24:28-29; 25:21-22 (NIV)
To have wisdom, you must understand anger in yourself and others
A person cannot be wise unless they understand the emotion of anger.
Its dangerous power (Proverbs )

Anger is the dynamite of the soul. It can destroy you in several ways.
o Disintegrates your body – research shows anger is worse for you than anxiety, sorrow
or other emotions.
o Disintegrates community – Words are used as weapons and destroys relationships.
o Disintegrates your wisdom – You lose the ability to make wise choices, distorts reality.
o Disintegrates your will – Anger is the most like an addictive substance.

Psychology Today article discussed how 20-30 years ago people were told to vent their anger
where today psychology is telling us to control anger, the concept that Proverbs teaches.
Its basic








goodness
The Bible says that anger is basically a good thing.
The ideal is not NO ANGER, or BLOW (up) ANGER but SLOW ANGER.
It is a sin never to get angry (Ephesians 4:26)
John Christenson – “He who is angry without cause sins. But he who is not angry when there
is cause sins. For unreasonable patience is the hotbed of many vices.”
Why is this? Because this is the temperament of God. Slow to anger
Objection: “I believe in a God of love, not of anger.” But if you have a god who is never
angry cannot be a god of love b/c if you never get angry, you never really love anything.
Becky Pipert: “Think of how we feel when we see people we love ravaged by unwise actions
or relationships. Do we respond with benign tolerance that we might toward strangers?
Anger is not the opposite of love, hate is. The final form of hate is indifference. The more a
father loves his son, the more angry he is at the drunkard, the liar in his son.”
Anger is love in motion toward a threat toward something you love. What are you defending?
How anger goes wrong

St. Augustine – our problem is disordered loves. Disordered loves produce disordered anger.

Disordered in three ways
o In its cause – why are we more angry about being snubbed than social injustice?
o In its proportion – upset too much about small things, not enough for the big things
o With regard to its goal – loving anger seeks to do a surgical strike on evil. With
disordered anger, you go after the person instead of the cause.

There are levels to our disorderedness
o Level 1 - Things that bug us everyday
o Level 2 – Betrayals, injustices that we haven’t forgotten.

Underneath this can be a hidden anger at God
How do we heal anger?

Admit it – the key to being angry well is owning your anger. Admitting your anger is an act of
vulnerability; it permits reconciliation. By not admitting it, you are controlled by it.

Analyze it –what makes you angry is not what happened to you but what you tell yourself
happened to you. When you are angry, ask “What is the big thing I am defending?” It is
usually your pride, ego or self esteem.

Transform it – “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” “If you have an enemy, feed him.” Of all
the wisdom literature, this is over the top. Most others tell you to resist these urges, not treat
enemies with kindness.

Situation: Your child, who you have sacrificed for, turns on you and says “I hate you. You
have ruined my life.” This is unjustified, disordered rage. What does a parent do?
o Withdraw – it hurts too much
o Guns a blazing – harsh words
o Surgical strike – insist gently on the truth and absorb the anger without paying back.

What has God done? Under the surface, we are mad that God doesn’t let us have our own way
and when we (people) could, we killed him. Jesus absorbed our disordered rage without
striking back.
15
6. The Healing of Anger
Proverbs 14:29-30, 15:1,18;16:32;19:11,19; 24:28-29; 25:21-22 (NIV)
To have wisdom, you must understand anger in yourself and others
Proverbs 14:29 A patient man had great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. 30
(NASB) A tranquil heart is life to the body, but passion is rottenness to the bones.
Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 18 A hot-tempered
man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 16:32 (NASB) He is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and He who rules his spirit,
than he who captures the city.
Proverbs 19:11 A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. 19 A
hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.
Proverbs 24:28 Do not testify against your neighbor without cause, or use your lips to deceive. 29 Do
not say, “I’ll do to him as he has done to me; I’ll pay that man back for what he did.”
Proverbs 25:21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirty, give him water to drink.
22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.
1. Be ready to share any new insights that you had from the talk.
2. What makes you the most angry? Do you think there is any connect with your anger and how
much you care about or love something? Can you connect it to something you are defending?
3. How do you typically respond to situations that cause anger? What have you learned about
yourself that has shaped how you respond?
4. How should we think about having a temper versus anger?
5. Does the concept of disordered loves creating disordered anger resonate with you? Why or
why not? Can you share any experiences that demonstrate one or the other?
6. In the healing of anger, Keller provides some great instruction but this is incredibly hard. Is
the instruction of 1) admit it, 2) analyze it and 3) transform it practical?
16
7. Sex: The Temptation of Beauty
Proverbs 5:15-19; 11:16, 22; 30:18-20
To have wisdom, you must understand and manage the power of sexuality
Our society pushes us toward a paradoxical misunderstanding of sexuality that we must unravel and
solve if we are to be wise.
Our society undervalues sex (Proverbs 5:15-19)

Powerfully erotic imagery: cistern as symbol of female sexuality (v. 15) and “may your
fountain be blest” as a symbol of male sexuality (v.19).

Message: you should be crazy and intoxicated in love with your partner and sex is to be highly
celebrated BUT casual sex is out (v.16)

Combination of attitudes that is not usually combined in either conservative culture (sex not
celebrated but casual sex out) or liberal context (sex celebrated but causal sex encouraged).

Very high view of sex: Celebrated; rejoicing in sexual pleasure; no prudishness or hush-hush.

Very high view of marriage which went against cultural norms of the day.
o Reasons for marriage then: economic security and fertility. No one got married for
love or friendship. You got romance elsewhere.
o V.17 – your partner should be your most intimate friend. Strange for that time.

Erotic love poem (30:18-20) that abruptly compares sex outside of covenant to sloppy eating
by a pig. It is sex as consumption, sex as merely satisfying appetites.

The commodification of sex: process by which social relationships are reduced to economic
exchanges such that parties involved take on a vendor/consumer relationship. You only stay in
the relationship as long as the benefit exceeds the cost.

Historically relationships were commitment based-the relationship is an end in and of itself.

Sociologist tell us that more and more human relationships are commodity rather than
relationship based. We stay in the relationship only as long as the cost outweighs the benefits.

The Bible is saying that sex is not a means of self gratification or self expression but rather of
self donation.
Our society overvalues sex

Illustration of a beautiful ring attached to a pig. When we look only on the outside and not to
the character or the inner beauty, you are falling into this trap.

True from both men and women
o Men (v.22) – Men tend to objectify, dehumanize and commodify women by analyzing
them by almost strictly their looks. Proverbs says this is destructive foolishness.
o Women (v.16) – Women tend to use their looks to get their significance. Too many
women tie their glory or significance to their looks.

Women’s temptations – Why should I care about character when no one else does? Eating
disorders are 3-5 times higher in wealthy nations and twice as high among college educated.

Men’s temptations
o Pornography – October 2003 NY Times Magazine article argues that pornography is
addictive and dehumanizes men. It creates false intimacy and undercuts realism.
o Dating filters – The first filter is beauty, not character.

When we undervalue sex, we dehumanize the other. When we overvalue sex, we dehumanize
ourselves. These paradoxical forces are creating isolation and alienation in Western culture.
What is the solution?

Secular experts evaluate why we are obsessed with beauty and sex.
o Psychologists – We are obsessed with outward beauty because we are afraid of what is
on the inside. We don’t really believe we are beautiful on the inside.
o Evolutionary biologists – We want to live forever and by focusing on youth and beauty;
we are running from the fear of aging.

To break its power, we need to know that we are beautiful and we will live forever.

Apostle Paul: you won’t understand the power of marriage and sexuality until you understand
that Jesus, your lover died to make you beautiful. God made us to be his beautiful lovers.

We have turned our hearts to other things. He comes back in the person of Christ to get back
his bride. Our lover returns but he has no beauty (Isaiah 53) that anyone would outwardly
desire him. He came to a world obsessed with power and beauty but he had neither.
Ephesians 5 says that he lost his beauty so we could be beautiful.

Only when we see that he makes us beautiful can we manage the power of beauty broken.
17
7. Sex: The Temptation of Beauty
Proverbs 5:15-19; 11:16, 22; 30:18-20
To have wisdom, you must understand and manage the power of sexuality
Proverbs 5:15 Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16
Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17
Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. 18 May your fountain be
blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love
Proverbs 11:16 A gracious woman attains honor, And ruthless men attain riches.
22 Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.
Proverbs: 30:18 There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not
understand: 19 the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a
ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden. 20 This is the way of an
adulteress: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, 'I've done nothing wrong’.
1. What new insights did you have during this talk? Or perhaps if you had good sex as a result of
this sermon, you may want to tell us all about it….and again, maybe not!
2. Openly discussing the pleasures of sex they way Proverbs does seems so unspiritual, like we
are going on the Jerry Springer show. Is our prudishness because of poor theology or do you
think our restraint is generally good form?
3. Keller makes the point that the combination of celebrating sex AND keeping sex within
marriage is not upheld by either conservatives or liberals. What are the practical ways that we
can be people who combine these two?
4. How do we teach our children about the Biblical view of sex and keeping a high view of both
celebratory sex and marriage?
5. Does Keller’s discussion about society becoming more commodity (transactional) based rather
than relationship based resonate with you? Where do you see it in your interactions? How do
we fight this trend?
6. How affected are we by society’s obsession with the outward? How do we fight it? How do we
teach our kids to fight it?
7. The Bible says we are the bride of Christ. Do you think of yourself as Christ’s lover? How
difficult is that and what are the implications?
18
8. Money: Scattering Gathers; Gathering Scatters
Proverbs 10:15-16, 22; 11:1, 4, 24, 26; 13:21, 23; 30:8b-9
Money is a spiritual power and to control it, rules are not enough. You need wisdom.
Power of Money

Proverbs and the Bible are very positive about wealth creation and prosperity. (10:22)

Genesis starts with a garden that was beautiful and for enjoyment. We were given a material
garden to tend. We were made to enjoy the material world.

BUT, it is also a dangerous spiritual power.
o Power to corrupt your integrity - 11:1 “the Lord abhors dishonest scales”

Honest people lose their integrity in the presence of money.

When you withhold or hide information that your customer would want, you
have been corrupted.
o Power to magnify self absorption

11:26 “People curse the man who hoards grain” (not illegal but ruthless)

God is condemning businesses with profit as the only bottom line.

Righteous (11:10)– They make it in a way that builds the community and
spends it in a way that benefits community.

Unrighteous – makes it regardless of its impact and spends it on themselves.

Paul Krugman, Princeton economist and columnist for the NYTimes “The
explosion in executive pay represents a social change rather than a change in
supply and demand, more like the sexual revolution of the 60’s.
Permissiveness has moved from the sexual to the economic – the
individualism unleashed in the area of sex has washed into the economic.”

Proverbs condemns what has become normal business practice. It has the
power to make you think it is normal.
o Power to distract you from what’s really important

11:4 Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath (judgment day)

Wealth makes you ignore the “what is my life worth” question.

Wealth pushes you into a frantic cycle of consumption.
o Wealth makes you proud

The more money you have, the more you think you deserve.

“To see a man humble under prosperity is the greatest rarity in the world

Proverbs view of money doesn’t fit into any categories
o Conservative view (13:21): poverty is due to a lack of hard work
o Liberal view (13:23): poverty is due to unjust social structure
o Proverbs embraces both. It does not fit into either socialism or capitalism. It is too
positive about wealth creation and too concerned about legal exploitation.
What is the reason for the power?

Wealth of the rich IS their fortified city (10:15). Cities were places of safety and society.

Wealth offers significance and security – money makes you feel important and safe

Money is a alternative for God who is the ultimate source of significance and security
How do we break the power?

Assume you are in denial
o the Bible says that materialism is as offensive to God as sexual sin
o It is more dangerous because it is hidden. Nobody knows they are doing it.
o Materialism is like an addiction – in denial because you confuse needs and wants.

Grasp the scattering principle
o From agriculture – unless you scatter seed, you cannot gather crops
o Proverbs: you are an addict unless you see your money as seed. The way to turn
money into real riches is by giving it away.

Paul in II Corinthians 8: doesn’t go after the will or emotion but after their hearts. “Though he
was rich he became poor so through his poverty you may become rich.”

Jesus was broken to pieces (scattered) so that we could be gathered up.

What about the tithe? The tithe is a rule but the cross is wisdom. Jesus didn’t save us by
tithing his blood but the cross means sacrificial giving.

If your giving is not making an impact on the way you live, then you need to ask if you are
scattering enough.
19
8. Money: Scattering Gathers; Gathering Scatters
Proverbs 10:15-16, 22; 11:1, 4, 24, 26; 13:21, 23; 30:8b-9
Money is a spiritual power and to control it, rules are not enough. You need wisdom.
Proverbs 10:15 The wealth of the rich is their fortified city, but poverty is the ruin of the poor. 16
The wages of the righteous bring them life, but the income of the wicked brings them punishment. 22
The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, without painful toil for it.
Proverbs 11:1 The LORD abhors dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight. 4 Wealth is
worthless in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death. 24 One man gives freely, yet
gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. 26 People curse the man who
hoards grain, but blessing crowns him who is willing to sell.
Proverbs 13:21 Misfortune pursues the sinner, but prosperity is the reward of the righteous. 23 A
poor man's field may produce abundant food, but injustice sweeps it away.
Proverbs 30:8b Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. 9 Otherwise, I
may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the LORD?' Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
II Corinthians 8: 8 I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by
comparing it with the earnestness of others. 9 For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that
though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become
rich.
10 And here is my judgment about what is best for you in this matter. Last year you were the first not
only to give but also to have the desire to do so. 11 Now finish the work, so that your eager
willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. 12 For if the
willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does
not have.
1. Since money is a central part of all our lives, this sermon cannot help but either challenge or
irritate (or both) all of us. Were there any new thoughts or ideas that came out of the talk?
What parts did you disagree with or find irritating?
2. Keller talks about the Bible’s positive view on the material world and wealth. How does this
differ from the so-called prosperity gospel? How much does God really care about us “enjoying
the good life?”
3. Money is more than money. It is a spiritual power. Do you tend to agree with those
statements? How do you see it impacting you in a way that is more than simply a store of
value or medium of exchange?
4. Exercise: Of the four ways that money distorts reality, we all are affected differently by
money. Spend some time force ranking the four of them in the ways they affect you and be
prepared to discuss why you ranked them the way you did.
5. Keller says some things that challenge what most of us learned in Economics 101.
a. Market information - Do you think it is moral issue to withhold information from a
business counterparty? Think of situations where you may face this dilemma.
b. Compensation – shouldn’t pay simply follow the law of supply and demand? Should
executive compensation and Wall Street style compensation follow some sort of selfimposed restraint or should market forces dictate the level?
c. Market power – Assuming that monopolistic laws don’t apply, what is the moral limits
of using your market power to increase profits. At the extreme are suppliers after
Katrina but there are far less egregious examples that may touch our lives.
6. Money represents significance and security. Which one is more powerful for you?
7. What are practical ways that we can “watch out for materialism?” How do we avoid the
addictive behaviors of materialism?
8. How do we know if we are being generous enough?
9. Read II Corinthians 8:8-12: What is Paul saying to all of us about how we view our money?
20
9. Envy: The Evil of Envy
Proverbs 23: 17-18; Psalms 73: 1-3; 20-26
If we want to change, to redirect, to rechannel the deepest currents of our hearts with regard to
money, pride, our sexuality and envy, we need wisdom.
How to




understand envy (Psalms 73:3)
Envy is wanting someone else’s life (or at least part of their life)
Instead of rejoicing in their good, you are unhappy that you don’t have it.
Being unhappy at other people’s happiness.
Reverse – being happy when they become unhappy.
Why should we deal with it?

Envy is a really big deal and should not be looked at as a small matter because
o It hides itself – you don’t want to believe that its true. David Epstein in his book
“Envy” says “Most of us could still sleep decently if accused of pride, anger, lust or
even greed. But to be accused of envy would be the worst because of is pettiness.”
Being envious is so small. It is humiliating to admit you are envious.
o It sucks joy out of our lives – Envy is a vacuum pump on joy. Epstein: “Giving into
sloth is rather pleasant. Giving into temper is to give into a release that is not without
its small delights. Lust, greed and pride bring quite a bit of pleasure for quite a long
time. Only envy is no fun at all, draining all joy from the very first moment.”
o Poisons your ability to enjoy life – Envy is comparisonitis. When envy has you in its
grip, nothing is good enough – your job, your marriage, your money, your body. You
lose the ability to enjoy the moment because you are comparing it to everyone else. It
poisons us psychologically and socially.
o When you understand your envy, you will understand your heart – Epstein: “Envy is a
great Rorschach test. Understand what you envy and you will understand who your
are.” Kierkegaard: God called us to center our lives on him and we look to other things
to center our lives on. We will tend to envy those things that we are centering our
lives on.

Admiration for someone or something is happy self surrender. Envy is unhappy self
justification.
What do we do with envy so it doesn’t destroy us? (Proverbs 23:17-18)

Take yourself up into the experience of the fear of the Lord
o The fear of the Lord is worship. It is awe and wonder before the beauty and
magnificence of God.
o Ps. 63 “I have seen you and beheld your power and glory.” It is not just knowing but
having a sense of the heart that God loves you. It is not like watching a great story,
but like being part of a great story.
o The solution of envy is worship. V. 21-24 the Psalmist realized he lived terribly and
found that God had not forsaken him. Jesus lived perfectly and the Father did forsake
him.
o When we experience this transformationally, envy begins to fade away.

Look for the hope for the future that will cure all envy
o Christ’s resurrection shows us that there will be a new heaven and earth.
o The objects of our envy are not always bad. Soliary was envious of Mozart because he
loved music and Mozart reminded him of how far short of perfection he was.
o There is nothing wrong with wanting good things but if you know that a day is coming
where the incompleteness of this world will be made complete, you can conquer your
envy. You will have contentment in the things you have when you understand that
perfection will someday be yours.
21
9. Envy: The Evil of Envy
Proverbs 23: 17-18; Psalms 73: 1-3; 20-26
Proverbs 23:17 Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of
the LORD. 18 There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.
Psalms 73:1 A psalm of Asaph. Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in
heart. 2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. 3 For I
envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. 20 As a dream when one
awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, 22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you. 23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right
hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. 25
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 26 My flesh
and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Envy has the potential to suck all the joy out of our lives. We need wisdom to conquer this.
1. Are there any insights that were new for you in this sermon? What did you find most
challenging, disagreeable or irritating?
2. We all wrestle with enviousness to some degree or another. If you are perfectly honest with
yourself (and us), what are the things that make you most envious? How has that jealousy
altered any of your behaviors or decisions?
3. Can you give any examples of how envy sucked the joy out of your life or someone you know?
4. One of the points was that envy robs you of the ability to be content with what you have. Do
you agree with this and if so, where you have you seen it in operation.
5. So much of our retail marketing, especially premium brands requires envy to have maximum
impact. How much are we affected by this? Does this matter and how should we think about
it?
6. Epstein essentially says that whatever you envy is a Rorschach test for what you value most.
Can you provide a personal example of why that may or may not be true.
7. Why would worship be an antidote for envy?
22
10. Pride: Haughty Eyes
Proverbs 11:2,12; 13:10; 15:25,33; 16:18-19; 21:4; 28:26
One of the most critical character traits to becoming wise is humility. The Bible constantly says that if
you think you are wise, you are a fool. Only when you understand your foolishness do you become
wise.
The diagnosis of pride (what it is)

Pride needs to feel better than others in some way (v. )
o CS Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure in having something, it only has pleasure in having
more of it than the next person. It is pleasure of being above the rest.”
o Arthur Miller from his play “After the Fall”: “For years I looked at life as a case at law,
a series of arguments. When young, you prove how brave or smart or a good lover
you are. Later what a good father and finally how wise or powerful. But underlying it
all was an assumption that a person was moving on a path toward being justified or
condemned—a verdict. Then I looked up one day and saw the bench was empty. No
god, no judge in sight and all that remained was the endless argument with myself,
the litigation of existence before an empty bench. “
o Every human being is amassing a resume, accruing an argument that we matter. The
easiest way to argue is by comparing yourself with others.

Pride needs to take God’s place in your life
o The Hebrew word for pride can also be translated majesty. It is wanting God’s place.
o Louis Smeed: “Pride, in the spiritual sense, refuses to let God be God. You grab God’s
status for your own self….the idea we can make it on our own leaves us empty at the
center. It is why we feel fear and detached all the time.”

The proud self is constantly aware of itself (13:10)
o Example – we aren’t aware of our elbows unless they don’t work.
o The ego calls attention to itself all the time. Something wrong with our identities.
o Low self esteem is really a sense of pride. You are still constantly thinking about self.
You may be losing the trial but you are still in the courtroom.
The destructiveness of pride (what it does) “Pride goes before destruction”

Practical reasons (13:10) – a proud person does not learn from mistakes. Pride colors and
distorts everything you see.

Cosmic reason – important theme of the Bible is that God loves the people who have lost the
struggle for power and position. Why important? God is a trinity and each have been giving
glory to the other. At the heart of God is self-giving love. If you are in the business of getting
glory rather than giving glory you are on a collision coarse with the fabric and being of God.
The antidote for pride (15:33)

Get the glory that comes to the humble.
o God gives glory to the lowly. The younger brother, the girl nobody wanted, the poor,
the powerless. It is through the humble that the world was changed.
o Does this sound like a good strategy to become the person who changes the world?
The wisdom of God is foolishness to man.
o What if God’s strategy would have been to produce a great philosophy? Then only the
intellectually strong would “get it.” What if it was about being a good person? Then
only the morally strong would “get it.”
o Rather, it is a glory that can only come through humility. It doesn’t matter who you
are or what you’ve done.

How do you get this glory?
o Some gifts can only be accepted by admitting something bad: e.g. mouthwash.
o You need to be humble to get the glory. You need to admit that you are so sinful that
nothing less than the death of the Son of God could save you. Do you have the
humility to accept that gift?

Get out of the courtroom (or how do you keep from begin sucked back into the courtroom?)
o Courtroom process: performance leads to verdict
o Apostle Paul: “I quit connecting my performance to the verdict” Why? Because God
justifies me. The verdict is in.
o The redeemed process: Verdict of Christ leads to our performance.
o We can be out of the courtroom because Jesus went into the courtroom for us.
23
10. Pride: Haughty Eyes
Proverbs 11:2,12; 13:10; 15:25,33; 16:18-19; 21:4; 28:26
11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. 11:12 A man who
lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. 13:10 Pride only
breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. 15:25 he LORD tears down the proud
man's house but he keeps the widow's boundaries intact.
15:33 The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. 16:18 Pride
goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. 16:19 Better to be lowly in spirit and among
the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud. 21:4 Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp
of the wicked, are sin! 28:26 He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept
safe.
1. What idea or concept stood out to you the most? Where they any new insights that you had?
2. Reflect on CS Lewis’ quote of only getting pleasure about having more of something than
others. Where do see this in the world around you? Where do you see it in yourself?
3. How much do you think you live in the courtroom? Where do you see it show up in your life?
4. There is so much focus on building our children’s self esteem. Do you agree with Keller’s
comment about low self esteem is just like pride in that it is focused on the self?
5. We all know some very proud people who don’t seem to fall (“pride goes before a fall”). How
does that square with this passage?
6. Our community is mostly one of society’s winners. Does that make us ineligible for the glory
that Keller is talking about?
7. What are the practical ways that we can get God’s glory that identifies with the lowly.
8. How will we know if we are “performance leads to verdict” or rely on “Christ’s verdict leading
to our performance?”
24
11. Work: Sluggardliness
Proverbs 8:1-4; 10:4-5; 12:10-11; 15:19; 22:29; 27:18
Today there is more pressure on and less boundaries drawn around the topic of work. Proverbs talks
positively (diligence) as well as negatively (sluggardliness) about work.
Do your work (10:4-5)

Hebrew term for lazy is like a poorly strung bow that shoots arrows inaccurately. Diligence is
not so much hard work as it is smart work, targeted and strategic.

Proverbs mentions servants being honored (27:18)—even the most menial work has dignity.

No other religious text associates work with dignity and honor the way the Bible does.
o Greek view – Pandora’s box – bad things came out including work.
o Genesis has God with his hands in the dirt. Adam and Eve tending a garden. Jesus
came as a carpenter.
o God came to renew the face of the earth. Yes, he saves souls but he takes great
delight in caring for the wellbeing of creation. God as artist and investor in creation.

Application
o If you are not doing work or work that you are proud of, you are losing touch with
your humanity.
o The work you are doing is as spiritual as a pastor’s. Work is a spiritual exercise.
Love your work – getting to the motives of your heart

Choose our work in response to human community (10:5).
o You should choose and do your work more for how it affects others in community than
what it profits you.
o Dorothy Sayers - during WWII men found they were more satisfied in their work. “For
the first time in their lives they found themselves working not for the pay or status but
for the sake of getting something done for us all.”
o Proverbs doesn’t give you rules on what jobs to take, rather wisdom to decide.

Chose our work in response to God’s calling
o Your gifts and abilities are not random. You are called and given the gifts to do your
work. If you start to do things for others and for God’s sake you will have a whole new
approach.
Renarrate your work (8:1-4)

Everyone has a master narrative of their life, a way of explaining how everything fits together.

Society’s current master narrative - individual fulfillment and personal freedom trumps
everything. Financial profit is the only bottom line.

God’s master narrative – “I am coming back into the world to reweave the fabric of
society.”

Our society tends to co-opt your work and put it into our society’s master narrative. But God
says “no.” Put your work into God’s master narrative.
o How? Create multiple bottom lines. How does my work fit into what God wants?
o Example: Over a 30 year period, Christians in 18th century Britain worked to abolish
the slave trade at tremendous economic cost to themselves. Historians called it
voluntary econocide but Christians worked for what they believed to be right.
Redeem your work

Why is this so hard?
o We don’t have the hope. It seems too idealistic to think of our work in this way.

By the time we get old enough to make a difference, we lose our idealism and
begin to compromise.
o We don’t have the inner rest.

Village Voice/fashion week – “…while hoping that nearness to a runway will
purge that nagging sense of soullessness.”

Its not about fashion or money but we all have this sense that we need to
prove we are worth something.

When Adam and Even disobeyed, God told them they would have thorns.

Galatians 3 – Christ came to be a curse for us. He has the thorns so that we could avoid them.

Matthew 11 – “Come to me and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy and burden is light.”
There is work but it is a work that creates a heart level rest.
25
11. Work: Sluggardliness
Proverbs 8:1-4; 10:4-5; 12:10-11; 15:19; 22:29; 27:18
8:1 Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice? 8:2 On the heights along the
way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand; 8:3 beside the gates leading into the city, at the
entrances, she cries aloud: 8:4 "To you, O men, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind.
10:4 Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth. 10:5 He who gathers crops in
summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.
12:10 A righteous man cares for the needs of his animal, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.
12:11 He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment.
15:19 The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway.
22:29 Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will serve before kings; he will not serve before
obscure men.
27:18 He who tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and he who looks after his master will be honored.
1. Did you have any new insights from the sermon? What part challenged you the most? What
part did you find the most difficult to accept?
2. “What do you do?” is a common discussion starter. Is this simply a question of curiosity or is
there more packed in that question?
3. Keller says that our choice of work should reflect a response to human community and to
God’s calling. Has this been true in your life? Are you willing to share how you determined
what you would make your life’s work?
4. How could your work fit into God’s master narrative? Why do you think God has you in the
profession you are in?
5. What pressures can we identify that force us to put our work into society’s master narrative
instead of God’s? What do you wrestle with?
26
12. Self-Control: A Broken Wall
Proverbs 18:10; 23:19-21; 25:28; Titus 2:11-14
A man or woman without self control will not live a wise life. They are like cities without walls.
The problem of self control (23:19-21)

If you eat or drink too much, you lose the ability to focus. This passage is not referring to an
individual instance, rather a life characterized by failure to control these appetites.

“City whose walls are broken down” metaphor
o In ancient times, cities without walls had no protection. The wall provided economic
security, judicial protection and general protection to civilization.
o A city without part of a wall was as bad as a city with no walls.

Definition: The ability to recognize and choose the important thing over the urgent thing at
any given time.

Examples
o Eat – if you eat the urgent rather than the important, your body will deteriorate.
o Tongue – if you can’t control it, your relationships break down.
o Sex – if you satisfy urges which will end up with broken relationships.

A person who cannot control these is like a city without walls – totally unprotected.
Principles of self control (18:10,11)

The city represents security. It provided protection. When armies came, people ran to the city.

Everyone runs to something for security. The wealthy run to their money. They view it to be
unscaleable.

Running to anything other than God for your ultimate purpose creates an addition pattern.
o “All additions begin when we use something we believe will relieve the stress, then
eventually additions create their own stress and finally addicts spiral down when they
try to cure their additional pain with the thing that caused it.” - Neil Plantiga
o “Making money made me feel like a man, made me feel significant. Then the family
fell apart I needed to make more money to keep the family together.” - From the
movie “Dad”

The heart of addiction is a tolerance effect. You need more to get the same high and end up
destroying the things that matter most.
The practice of self control

Telling your mind the truth – name of the Lord is God’s nature. Forcefully remind yourself of
God’s power. Luke 8 – “where is your faith?” not “you have too little faith.”
o Jane Eyre – She loved Mr. Rochester but wouldn’t give in to what she knew to be the
truth.
o You need to have self dialog. You need to be able to ignore the voices of desire and
our culture and tell yourself the truth.

Convert the soul to love
o Ultimately self control comes from converting what you most love.
o Jonathan Edwards – you never do anything you don’t want to do. The will is just the
exercise of the heart.
o Genesis 29 – Jacob worked for Rachel for 7 years but it seemed like only a few days.
The focus of his heart was changed.

The purpose of prayer
o Living to give rather than to get. Prayer is our “yes” to God.
o If you go to God to get things, you will probably always have problems with self
control
o But if prayer is glorifying in what God has given you and seeking to do his pleasure,
this convert the soul to love.

Titus 2:11 – “Grace teaches us to say ‘no.’” Do we teach our kids through grace? In the long
run it doesn’t produce self control.
o The name of God is the glory of God. Jesus was run out of the city so that we could
have refuge in the city, so that we could be safe.
o The greatest act of self control was Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. He could have
left but he stayed. Why? “for the joy that was set before him.” What would motivate
his endurance? We were the treasure that he was after.

The Gospel says you are loved. The more you know this the more you will have self control.
27
12. Self-Control: A Broken Wall
Proverbs 18:10; 23:19-21; 25:28; Titus 2:11-14
18:10 The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.
23:19 Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. 23:20 Do not join those
who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, 23:21 for drunkards and gluttons become
poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.
25:28 Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.
Titus 2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 2:12 It teaches us to
say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this
present age, 2:13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and
Savior, Jesus Christ, 2:14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for
himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.
1. What new concepts or ideas did this sermon provide? What did you find most challenging or
radical?
2. How do we know if we simply make some bad choices or if we have a loss of self control to an
addiction pattern?
3. Where is your self control the weakest? (Who will be bold enough to open up and share?)
4. What are your walled cities? What are the things that you run to for security?
5. Converting the soul to love is a tough concept not only to understand but to practice. Have
you been able to do this and if so, how?
6. Of the two practices of self control –telling your mind the trust and converting the soul to love,
which one is the easiest for you to practice and why?
28
13. Emotions: The Wounded Spirit
Proverbs 12:25; 13:12; 14:10,13,30; 15:4,13-14; 16:2; 18:14; 28:1
We all need wisdom to deal with our difficulties with our inner feelings, our psychological life.
Priority of the inner life

Hebrew word for spirit is wind, the human spirit, the emotional energy and passion for life.
o A “crushed spirit” is to look at life and have no joy in it, not wanting to be part of it.
Degrees can be listlessness to depression to suicide.
o Proverbs highly values healthy emotions. “A broken body can be sustained by a strong
spirit but a crushed spirit cannot be carried by the strongest body of all.”

Humans are convinced that our happiness is determined by our external circumstances.
o The Bible says “NO.” Happiness is how you deal with your circumstances.
o Paul writes to churches in great difficulty and prays for strength during the tough parts

Proverbs says you need to understand how critical the spirit is. Are you more concerned about
depositing grace in your spirit than dollars to your bank account?
Complexity of the inner life

What do you do to keep your spirit from being crushed?

Biblical answer – it’s complicated. There could be many reasons for a crushed spirit.
o Physical aspect (14:30) – there is a relationship of body to emotions. Bodily weakness
can lead to the spirit being crushed.
o Emotional/relational element – an outside word of love and support is important
o Moral aspect (“wicked flees though no one pursues”) – Things can go wrong in your
life because you aren’t living right. Having guilt when you should have it.
o Existential – (“even in laughter the heart is sad”) – Deep down we all know that all
good things come to an end. All things will eventually be gone.

If you don’t believe in God, then your origin is insignificant and your death is
insignificant. You should have the guts to admit your life is insignificant.

Unless you ascribe meaning to your life, your spirit is crushed.
o Faith aspect (15:13) – Heart is your core commitments. Your heart needs to be set on
something. If you put your heart on something and it is gone, you are devastated.

Most other views of dealing with emotions is reductionistic. Some schools of thought treat you
as only a body, others as only emotions while others always prescribe a moral element to it.
Solitude of the inner life (“each heart knows its own bitterness”)

The movements and emotions of your heart are so hidden that there is no one who really
understands you. You are so unique.

You don’t even really understand yourself

Point: You are alone. There is no one who can really help you interpret your inner life.

If God is only an abstraction, if he is not a friend, if you don’t have a personal relationship with
God, you are utterly alone in the world.
How to heal a crushed spirit

The tree of life – The Garden of Eden represents the fullness of life BUT we lost it when we
decided to be the masters of our own lives.
o When we get something new, it promises something that it cannot deliver. Music –
looking for a song that you have never heard. Love – looking for arms you never had.
o CS Lewis – “Most people if they learned how to look into their own hearts would know
they acutely want something that cannot be had in this world. The longings that arise
in us when you first fall in love or first visit a foreign country or first take up a subject
that excites us are longings that no marriage, no travel, no learning can really satisfy.
I’m not speaking of unsuccessful marriages. I’m speaking of the best possible ones.
There is always something that we grope at that fades away in reality.”

When people realize it doesn’t deliver they a) need a new experience, wife, etc. or 2) get mad
at self or 3) become cynical.

In the New Testament, Jesus died on a tree. In the Garden of Eden God said “obey me about
the tree and you will live” and they didn’t. In the Garden of Gethsemane God said to Jesus,
“obey me about the tree and I will crush you” and he obeyed.

The cross is the tree of death for Jesus but the tree of life for us.

Use the gospel on your spirit. He is the only one who can see you to the bottom and loves you
to the skies.
29
13. Emotions: The Wounded Spirit
Proverbs 12:25; 13:12; 14:10,13,30; 15:4,13-14; 16:2; 18:14; 28:1
12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
14:10 Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy. 14:13 Even in laughter
the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief. 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones.
15:4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. 15:13 A
happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit 15:14 The discerning heart
seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.
16:2 All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.
18:14 A man's spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?
28:1 The wicked man flees though no one pursues,
but the righteous are as bold as a lion.
1. What ideas or thoughts in this sermon were new to you?
2. We all know that circumstances are not supposed to determine our level of happiness but
for most of us they do. Do you have any stories of where it either did or did not?
3. Keller asks “Are you more concerned about depositing grace to your spirit than dollars to
your bank account?” How do we deposit grace to our spirits?
4. How do we as Christians reconcile a non-Christian view of mental health with the Bible?
5. How should Christians think about engaging non-Christian counselors?
6. On the discussion of the solitude of the inner life, Keller makes the argument that no one
really understands you and you don’t even understand yourself. 1) does this resonate with
you and 2) if so, how do we interact with God on this since he is the only one who truly
understands us.
7. There are many non-Christians who seem quite happy in life who apparently haven’t
figured out that their lives are supposed to be missing something. There are many
Christians who seem to be chronically depressed. What gives?
o
30
14. Your Plans; God’s Plans
Proverbs 11:3; 12:5,15; 15:22; 16:1-4,9,25,33; 21:5; 27:1
Life is made or lost on the basis of choices. We all want God’s will for our lives but we need to make
choices where we may not be sure of God’s will. How do we know?
The Guidance God Does

God guides paradoxically
o If you plan ahead, your life will go better. (11:3)
o 16:33 – the lot is cast (coin flip) but decisions are from the Lord. Even the smallest
things are fixed by God’s plan.
o Paradox: In the Bible, we are absolutely free and absolutely determined—at the same
time! What you do is controlled by you BUT what happens is absolutely fixed. (16:3,9)
o Popular culture favors a view that we determine our futures.

Dr. Brown to Marty McFly (Back to the Future) – “Your future is whatever you
make it so make it a good one!” Popular culture tells us we control our future.

Because if you believe everything is fixed, you will be totally indifferent to
choices. Because if your choices and outcomes are not directly connected, you
will be depressed.
o But Keller argues that we don’t want to live in a world where outcomes are determined
by our choices

75% of things I wanted at age 10 were really wrong for me.

50% of things I wanted at age 21 were really wrong for me.

What is my percentage now?
o Biblical understanding is practical

God relates your choices partially to your destiny but he is the one who fixes
everything.

Therefore you are responsible and free, yet you can relax, God is in control.

God guides non-obviously
o God will weave bad and evil choices into his plan. Ex. Story of Joseph “You meant it
for evil but God meant it for good.”
o Never think God is not working just because you cannot see him but also don’t think
that you will be able to figure out the plan.
o Even when God’s work is not obvious he is working.
o God’s guidance is more something God does than what God gives.
The Guidance God Gives

Pay the price (16:5)
o Commit your deeds, not your plans, to the Lord. This is the opposite of what we think.
o Unconditionally trust God and you will begin to make wiser plans.
o Elizabeth Elliott – “The more we pay for advice, the more likely we will be to listen to
it.” We usually don’t ask for God’s advice, rather we ask for his will.
o The price: “From this moment on I will obey whether I understand it or not.”

Develop the wisdom
o Joseph – was suffering necessary? Couldn’t God just make Joseph better and his
brothers kinder?
o No one learns God loves them by being told. You need to be shown. You need to think
you were abandoned and then see that God was there all the time.
o God does not so much provide guidance as he teaches us to become people who are
guidable.
The Guidance God purchases

When something is withheld from a child and that child says, “you don’t love me,” you blow
up. We as parents have given up so much for our children and we have done things they will
never know and sacrificed so much for them. How can our children be so ungrateful?

This is a picture of how God sees us. He was guiding us when we were unaware of it. Even
when we had no idea, God sacrificed his son on our behalf. He guides us whether we are
aware or not.
31
14. Your Plans: God’s Plans
Proverbs 11:3; 12:5,15; 15:22; 16:1-4,9,25,33; 21:5; 27:1
11:3 The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
12:5 The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful. 12:15 The way of a
fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.
15:22 Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
16:1 To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. 16-2
All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD. 16-3 Commit to the
LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. 16-4 The LORD works out everything for his own
ends— even the wicked for a day of disaster. 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD
determines his steps. 16:25 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to
death. 16:33 The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.
21:5 The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.
27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
1. What idea or concept struck you as you listened? What was a new or different thought?
2. The concept of God leading paradoxically is difficult to handle. How can we be free while at the
same time God be determining our future?
3. “What you do is controlled by you but the future is absolutely determined.” Then why does it
really matter what we do?
4. Do you have a story of where you could not see or imagine God working and when you look
back you see God’s hand at work?
5. “God’s guidance is more something God does than what God gives” What does this mean?
6. What does it mean to commit our deeds but not our plans to the Lord?
7. Where are you needing to trust God now that he is in control?
32
16. What Kind of Fool are you?
Proverbs 1:22, 32-33; 8:27-32; 14:15; 15:5; 16:25; 19:25; 21:24
God makes foolish the wisdom of the world. When you grasp the baby born in the manger,
the things that looked wise will look foolish. It will forever change what you see as wise and
what is foolish.
What is a fool?
 Someone who is a) seriously out of touch with reality and b) should know better.
 Bible outlines two basic facts about avoiding foolishness:
o There is a physical, psychological and spiritual order to the world. Failing to
follow this order leads to breakdown. You cannot follow your own way or
make your own path.
o The world is fallen. Sin and evil have broken things such that even if you
follow the order of the world, things could still go badly.
What kind of fools are there?
 Simple fools – Not referring to unsophisticated people. To be simple means to be so
unformed intellectually that you cannot discern between good and bad ideas. Too
easily led, too easily influenced. You need affirmation and approval such that
decisions are driven by this need. Not moved by the best arguments but by the most
spectacular. Devastated by criticism, believes everyone.
 Obstinate fools – “A fool spurns his father’s discipline.” You cannot take criticism, you
believe no one. Opinionated. Too inflexible.
 Gerome Kagan from Harvard on a study across 36 cultures found that there are
three basic temperaments that children have.
 Anxiety – let’s get out of here
 Aggression – let’s get it before it gets us
 Optimism – things will probably get better on their own.
o None of these are right all the time.
 Anxious types survive better in dangerous situations. Like alarm clocks
signaling danger when its not there but never missing it when it is.
 Aggressive types do better in moderately dangerous situation where it
is realistic to solve problems.
 Optimistic types do best in the least dangerous and most stable
situations.
o “Modern parents have been taught to let children find themselves. This could
be the worst thing for kids. A child’s temperate will dominate unless they
learn how to adjust to situations. Good parents will show kids to have a
greater range of responses, challenging the anxious to be bold, the bold to be
anxious, the pessimist to have hope and the chronically sunny to worry a bit.”
 Ruthless fools (“mockers, scoffers”)
o They aren’t devastated by criticism or reject criticism but pays you back for
criticism
o Look savvy on the outside but inside are driven to only look out for
themselves.
o They are fools because human need relationships. In the end they are alone.
How we can be fools no more
 Paul says that through the foolishness of our preaching people are saved. The cross
represents the upside downess of the kingdom of God. Jesus was born in weakness,
he died in weakness. His life looked like foolishness to the world’s standards.
 Only to the degree that you grasp the foolishness of the cross can you become wise.
 Everyone is a fool: a simple fool, an obstinate fool, a ruthless fool or God’s fool.
33
16. What Kind of Fool are you?
Proverbs 1:22, 32-33; 8:27-32; 14:15; 15:5; 16:25; 19:25; 21:24
1:22 "How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight
in mockery and fools hate knowledge? 1:32 For the waywardness of the simple will kill
them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; 1:33 but whoever listens to me will
live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm."
8:27 I was there when he set the heavens in place, when he marked out the horizon on the
face of the deep, 8:28 when he established the clouds above and fixed securely the
fountains of the deep, 8:29 when he gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not
overstep his command, and when he marked out the foundations of the earth. 8:30 Then I
was the craftsman at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his
presence, 8:31 rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind. 8:32 "Now then, my
sons, listen to me;
blessed are those who keep my ways.
14:15 A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.
15:5 A fool spurns his father's discipline,
but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.
16:25 There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.
19:25 Flog a mocker, and the simple will learn prudence; rebuke a discerning man, and he
will gain knowledge.
21:24 The proud and arrogant man-"Mocker" is his name; he behaves with overweening
pride.
1. What new ideas came from this sermon? Were there any ideas that were new or
different?
2. The types of fools described are extreme cases. All of us have tendencies toward one
or several types of foolishness. Which one represents your tendencies and how does
it affect you?
3. What type of temperament do you have? Does Kagan’s analysis on the environment
where that temperament type thrives resonate with you? What about your kids?
4. What are the things that the world calls foolish but represents God’s wisdom? Do you
see this distinction in your day to day life?
34
17. Creation Care and Justice
Proverbs 3:18-20, 27-32; 11:10-11; 19:17; 29:7
At the core of what it means to be wise is a concern for social justice. You aren’t wise unless you are
living a life passionately committed to justice.
Why do we need justice? v. 3:17-19

Shalom – the world was made in justice, peace; all parts working together in harmony, in
order. Ps. 102 – God created the world like a fabric – threads need to be woven, to be
interdependent to make the fabric strong and useful. The Bible calls this Shalom.
o Your body works together in harmony (physical Shalom), when your conscience, emotions
and desires are all consistent (psychological Shalom) or when your neighborhood is
interdependent (social Shalom).
o Broken Shalom leads to breakdown – war, crime, poverty, bitterness, selfishness
o “Shalom is what God made the world for. The webbing together in equity, fulfillment and
delight.”

Human wisdom is the art of discerning the interdependence of life and acting accordingly.
o Telling the truth – weaving; lying – unraveling; investing in the poor – weaving; hording
money – unraveling.
o Not just a moral issue, wisdom. Justice is weaving back the way that God meant it to be.

Challenge of the text–If there is no God, if the world is an accident, no definition of justice.
o MLK Jr. – Letters from a Birmingham Jail (1963)–“You ask how you advocate breaking
some laws and following others. There are two types of laws—just laws and unjust laws. A
just law is a man made law that squares with the moral law of God and an unjust law is
one that is out of harmony with the moral natural law of God. In the terms of Thomas
Aquanius, an unjust law is a human law not rooted in eternal divine and natural law.”
o Nietzsche – If there is no God, there is nothing wrong with grabbing for power from
others. The people who protest against power plays are themselves trying to get power
over others. All moral outrage over power plays is itself a power play.
o If there is no God, there is no justice, only power
What is justice? v. 3:27-32

Don’t withhold good from your neighbor. It is your responsibility to provide whatever your
neighbor needs to thrive and flourish.

When you see others falling out of the fabric, you need to thread yourself into it.

This seems too extreme. But kids grow up in the intercity where they become functionally
illiterate and by 16 have no real prospects. What is the cause? Because they were not born in
a home that provided what they needed. It is not their fault.

If you don’t share, it is not just stinginess, it is injustice.
Who does justice? v. 11:10-11

There are people who have prospered. But others are not resentful of their prosperity, rather
rejoice in it. The city feels like it is a victory for them all.

Sadik-Keem- the Hebrew word for people who disadvantage themselves to advantage their
community, who put the community’s needs above their own.

Are we a church or a people such that people may not believe what we believe but they
shutter to think what the community would be like with you or the church?

The Sadik-keem have two goals: to prosper and to reweave the fabric that is breaking.

That is what the Christian church is called to be and until we are, we should not complain
about our image.
How can we be someone giving justice? v. 19:17, 29:7

Feeling guilty? Stop! Guilt puts pressure on the outside without changing you on the inside.

In the Bible, God identifies with the poor. Matt 25 – “I was hungry and you did not feed me.”

Don’t be middle class in spirit – “God owes me.” Understand you are poor in spirit, that you
are saved only by grace. If you are poor in spirit you can’t feel superior to the poor.

The way you know if you are saved by sheer grace is how you relate to the poor.

Elaine Scary, Harvard professor wrote book “On Beauty and Being Just.” – When you see
beauty in art, literature or nature, it gets us out of ourselves and heals self centeredness.

If you see Jesus taking the condemnation for you, as the ultimate beauty, it will turn you into
Sadik-keem.
35
17. Creation Care and Justice
Proverbs 3:17-20, 27-32; 11:10-11; 19:17; 29:7
3:17 Her ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are peace. 3:18 She is a tree of life to those who
embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed. 3:19 By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's
foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; 3:20 by his knowledge the deeps were
divided, and the clouds let drop the dew.
3:27 Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.
3:28 Do not say to your neighbor, "Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"—
when you now have it with you. 3:29 Do not plot harm against your neighbor,
who lives trustfully near you 3:30 Do not accuse a man for no reason—
when he has done you no harm. 3:31 Do not envy a violent man
or choose any of his ways, 3:32 for the LORD detests a perverse man
but takes the upright into his confidence.
11:10 When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy.
11:11 Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is
destroyed.
19:17 He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done.
29:7 The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.
1. “You aren’t wise unless you are living a life passionately committed to justice” is a bold
statement. How is your initial reaction to this?
2. Where are you experiencing Shalom in your life? Where is it breaking down?
3. “Human wisdom is the art of discerning the interdependence (the Shalom) of life and acting
accordingly.” Do you find this to be true? How does this show up in your everyday life?
4. Think about the section that talks about our responsibility to help those around us who need
it. This does seem extreme. What is an appropriate response?
5. In helping others, how do we differential between needs and wants? Do you have some rules
of thumb about helping others?
6. On the Sadik-keem meter, where do you think our church rates? Why? Where do you think
your personal meter would register?
7. “The way you know if you have been saved with sheer grace is how you treat the poor.” Why
is this such an important barometer?
36
18. The Two Great Tests
Proverbs 3:9-14; 10:16, 25; 24:10-12
Does wisdom come primarily from education or learning? No, wisdom comes primarily through
experiences. Two experience tests present both spiritual dangers and spiritual opportunity.
What are the tests? v3:5-6

It is inevitable that we will experience both prosperity and adversity
o 3:9,10 – Prosperity. If you follow God, you will have success.
o 3:11,12 – Adversity. “those he loves” will receive discipline.

Most of the time we will be in the middle between success and adversity. When times of
success and adversity come, they create great spiritual danger.

During these times, things that you didn’t know were in your heart come out.

When these unknown things in your heart come out, you can learn from it and become wise or
you can repress or deny it and become more of a fool.

CS Lewis – if you want to know if there are rats in the basement, you need to surprise them.
Success and suffering both surprise the rats. They won’t leave you where you are. You will
either become wiser or more foolish.
Why do the tests work? v10:16, 25

V16 – If you are wise, prosperity will make you wiser (the term “righteous” means those who
disadvantage themselves for the sake of the community). But if you are a fool, prosperity will
make it worse. It is the worst thing for a fool to become successful.

V25 - Adversity reveals the foundations of your life. It does not shake you if God is central.

Success and suffering show you the evil in your heart in general
o Atlantic Monthly article by Jonathan Rauck – Why do normal people get caught up in a
mob mentality (e.g. Bosnia) and are able to do terrible things? When bad behavior has
no consequences, to peoples’ own shock they join in.
o Ray van Leuen (wrote commentary on the Proverbs) wrote that his family lives in Nazi
occupied Holland and as people saw their Jewish neighbors being carted away, they
rationalized that nothing too bad was happening to them.
o When bad behavior has no consequences, people join in and when good behavior has
consequences, people don’t intervene. The default mode of the heart is evil.

Success and suffering show us the idols of our hearts in particular.
o Suffering reveals an extraordinary attachment to something. It shows your idols.
o Example – broken dating relationship. Some will have true sorrow but get through it
and become wiser. Others become bitter about life or towards a gender or a race.
o Cynthia Hymal, Village Voice – “I pity celebrities. Stalone, Willis and Streisand were
once perfectly pleasant human beings. Now their wrath is awful. I think when God
wants to play a trick on you he grants you your deepest wish and then giggles merrily
when you realize you want to kill yourself. Sly, Bruce and Barbara wanted fame. They
pushed, worked and the morning after they became famous they wanted to take an
overdose. Because that giant thing they were striving for and provide them personal
fulfillment and happiness had happened and they were still themselves. The
disillusionment turned them howling and insufferable.”
o The vacuum of the soul is so big that fame and fortune will not satisfy. Only God.
How can we pass the tests?

Two principles: Humble yourself out of the spiritual danger of success with the Gospel and
affirm yourself out of the spiritual danger of suffering with the Gospel.

A moralist reacts to success and suffering in this way:
o If feels he has been living up to standards, feels confident but not humble
o If feels he has not been living up, feels humble but not confident

But the Gospel tells us that we are wicked yet loved; we can be humble and confident.

Success red alerts: when you begin to take too much credit for your success, use the Gospel
on your heart. In front of God my resume doesn’t count. I am no different than anyone else.

Adversity red alerts: when everything is going wrong you must still believe God is there. You
need to use the Gospel to remind yourself that God loves you so much he suffered for you.

Why do parents discipline? a) for the good of the child; so they grow up to be honorable, b)
for our own good; we just lose patients and feel better.

God is the ultimate perfect parent who disciplines us only for our good, not to make himself
feel better. He endured suffering on our behalf so that we can avoid the ultimate suffering.
37
18. The Two Great Tests
Proverbs 3:9-14; 10:16, 25; 24:10-12
3:9 Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 3:10 then your barns will
be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. 3:11 My son, do not despise the
LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, 3:12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as
a father the son he delights in. 3:13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains
understanding, 3:14 for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.
10:16 The wages of the righteous bring them life, but the income of the wicked brings them
punishment. 10:25 When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm
forever.
24:10 If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength! 24:11 Rescue those being led away
to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. 24:12 If you say, "But we knew nothing about
this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he
not repay each person according to what he has done?
1. The whole sermon focuses how times of success or suffering present the greatest spiritual
danger. Have you found that to be true in your life? What spiritual dangers have you felt?
2. Success and adversity both surprise the “rats” and show us things that we didn’t know were
there. What surprises has success or suffering brought about for you?
3. How has success shaped you? How has suffering shaped you?
4. What idols of your heart has either success or suffering revealed to you?
5. It is natural for us to feel either confident or humble, but not both at the same time, when
times of success or suffering occur. Are there any practical ideas or thoughts on how to use
the Gospel on your heart during these times?
6. There are times of suffering that seem so random and not connected to a lesson. Keller seems
to gloss over the huge issue of suffering by saying that God is in it for your benefit. Any
thoughts?
38
17.
Words
Proverbs 10:18-19, 31-32; 12:13-14, 17-18; 15:1, 4; 16:23, 28; 18:13, 21; 24:26; 25:11, 15
After wisdom, our speech and the words we use are the most commonly discussed topics in Proverbs.
How we speak will make or break our lives.
Power of our words

To the listener
o Power to wound (12:18) – Words can damage and once uttered, cannot be taken
back. Life a sword wound, word wounds leave their mark.
o Power to kill (18:21) –

Physically – words are the cause of murder, suicide and wars

Psychologically – words name things. If you are “named” as a child, you will
spend your life trying to reverse that name.

Communally (16:28) – A lie begins to destroy relationships. When you lie, you
take away the other person’s right to make an informed decision. When you
lie, you are destroying the thing that you most need to live – relationships.

To the speaker (18:13,21) – words cloth and embody our thoughts.
o Once you say something negative, it strengthens the thoughts and can take you into a
negative spiral. Positive words can create a positive spiral.
o But if you don’t express negative thoughts (“conceal your hatered”), you have “lying
lips.” (10:18)
o What should you do with the negative thoughts? Talk to God about it (confession) and
when you talk to God, it will cloth the issue.

We need words from both the inside and the outside
o Inside – We need to be known, understood.
o Outside – We need to know that someone values us or our work.
Character of our words

Truthful speech (not deception) – (15:4) We need to be honest in our speech. Even if our
words are technically true, if we mean to deceive it is the same as lying.

Gentle and kind speech (not harsh) - (15:1) Gentle speech can be pointed, direct and even
argumentative. Harshness means to inflict pain and our language needs to be motivated by
love, yet true. Gentle speech must be kind in tone, purpose and voice.

Wise and apt speech (not careless) – (10:32) Choose words to fit the sensibilities of the
hearer.
o Apt refers to good timing.
o “Kiss on the lips” (24:26) refers to the tradition that people who were socially equal
would kiss on the lips rather than the cheek. To speak to someone as “kiss on the lips”
refers to coming down to the level of the hearer and provide communication where
they need it.

Direct speech (not gossip) – (10:18) While words need to be gentle, wise and apt, they also
need to be direct. The hearer needs to understand the truth.

Economical speech (not impulsive) – (10:19) The more you speak, the greater the chance of
hurting someone. You need to be careful with your words and choose them carefully.
Healing of our words

The first reaction of someone wanting to have good speech would normally be to get this list
and to diligently work on these items. However, while people may make progress, it will not
ultimately change things.

The only thing that can truly change your words is a change in your heart. The heart is the
control center of your desires—what you look to for your significance. To truly change, you
need to a change the control center.

Solution? Pentecost! In Acts 2 when the spirit descended on the church the first thing that
was healed was their words, their tongues. This was the opposite of what happened at the
Tower of Babel where people’s words became less understandable.

On the cross, Jesus received the ultimate silent treatment so that we didn’t need to. He did
not hear God’s words so that we could hear the outside words we need to hear.
39
19. Words
Proverbs 10:18-19, 31-32; 12:13-14, 17-18; 15:1, 4; 16:23, 28; 18:13, 21; 24:26; 25:11, 15
10:18 He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.
10:19 When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. 10:31 The mouth
of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out. 10:32 The lips of the
righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.
12:13 An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk, but a righteous man escapes trouble. 12:14 From the
fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him. 12:17
A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies. 12:18 Reckless words pierce
like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. 15:4 The tongue that brings
healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
16:23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. 16:28 A perverse man
stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.
18:13 He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame. 18:21 The tongue has the
power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
24:26 An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.
25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. 25:15 Through patience a ruler
can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.
1. I think we would all agree that words have the power to wound or kill physically,
psychologically or communally. Where have you seen this happen? Any stories?
2. Keller says that words cloth and embody our thoughts such that they create a cycle. Does that
idea resonate with you? How has this idea hurt or helped you?
3. Of the five characters of our words, which one is easiest for you? Which one is most difficult?
4. How do these five character traits affect into your everyday life?
5. A change of heart can change our words. Does this mean you should not try to work on the
list and count on your heart to drive the change? How does a changed heart and commitment
to push yourself to change work together?
6.
40
20. Friendship
Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 25:17,20; 26:18,19; 27:5,6,9,14,17; 28:23; 29:5
You won’t live a wise life unless you are good at choosing, forgiving and keeping terrific friendships.
Uniqueness and necessity of friendship v18:24

Friends can be better than a sibling, fairly radical thing to say in a family culture.

A friend is someone who chose you. “Commitment out of a passionate love”

Friendship brings something into your life that family, romance and neighbors can’t bring.

Liberal cultures – erotic, sexual love is the highest value; Conservative culture – family is the
highest value; Socialistic culture – civic duty is the highest value

All cultures put friendship in the second seat. Why? Not a biological or sociological necessity. It
is only love that is deliberate.

Friendship is the least instinctive…of all our loves (CS Lewis) The foolish perish due to a lack of
poorly chosen friends.

You don’t choose who you want to be
o Early life – you are who your family makes you
o Rest of your life – you are who your friends make you.
How to discover friendships v27:9

True friends – not that many

“pleasantness” – real friendship is like a sweet food. Back then, sugar wasn’t yet discovered.
You discovered sweetness, you didn’t make things sweet.

Friendship creates a common love, common vision that is discovered, not created.

Poem by Emerson – friendship doesn’t ask “do you love me?” as much as it asks if you see the
same things that I see.

CS Lewis – Lovers talk to one another about their love. Friends never talks about friendship.
Lovers are face to face absorbed with each other. Friends are side to side absorbed in the
same common interest. “This is why those people who want friends can never make any. The
very condition for making friends is that you want something besides friends.”
How to forge a friendship

Constancy v17:17, 18:24
o Friends love in good times and bad
o You cannot be a friend without availability
o Most people want to know you because you are useful to them. They are companions.
A friend sees you not as a means to an end but an end in yourself.

Carefulness v26:18,19, 25:20
o Friends give the gift of emotional connection. They can’t be happy when you’re sad
o Emotional connectedness is a gift; Friends are committed to your emotional flourishing

Candor v27:5-6
o Friends need words that will be painful yet they need to hear them.
o V5 – “hidden love” – someone who thinks they are loving by not telling the truth. But
is compared to the work of an enemy.
o If you say “I love you too much to tell you the truth” you really mean “I love myself
too much to have to go through it.”
o V29:5 – flattering neighbors spread a net. If you don’t help them see the world the
way it really is, you are hurting them.

Counsel v27:9, 17
o Aspects of counsel: earnest – from the heart; pleasant, reassuring; sharpening iron
o If conversations are always pleasant or challenging, you are not threading the needle.
o A friend always lets you in and never lets you down.
Power for friendship

We long for the perfect friend. Today friends are taken away faster than we can forge them.

The list is crushing – when you measure yourself against these standards you realize you don’t
have the depth of friendships because we aren’t good friends to others.

The paradox of friendship -you need friends that are really like you and really unlike you.

Jesus – “I no longer call you servants but I call you friends…I lay down my life for my friends.
I am the ultimate friend whose wounds are the wounds of love.”
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20. Friendship
Proverbs 17:17; 18:24; 25:17,20; 26:18,19; 27:5,6,9,14,17; 28:23; 29:5
17:17 - A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
18:24 - A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a
brother.
25:17 – Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house— too much of you, and he will hate you.
25:20 – Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who
sings songs to a heavy heart.
26:18, 19 – 18 Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows 19 is a man who deceives his
neighbor and says, "I was only joking!"
27:5-6 - 5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an
enemy multiplies kisses.
27:9 – Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from
his earnest counsel.
27:14 – If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.
27:17 - As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
28:23 - He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.
29:5 - Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.
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21. Repairing Relationships
Proverbs 10:18; 11:12-13; 17:9; 24:17-18, 28-29; 25:7b-10, 21-22; 27:5-6
Right relationships will make or break your life. You won’t make it unless you know how and why
relationships break down and how you can repair them.
The Need for Relationship Repair

V10:18 - The Bible defines hatred as ill will which is when you find happiness in someone
else’s unhappiness.

V24:17,18 – We conceal our hatred from others and ourselves. But that hatred is an acorn
that has the potential to grow into a forest.

Hatred goes into slander. Slander is any communicate that is designed to diminish the person
in the eyes of the listener.

Process is this – hatred to slander to (v. 24:28,29) helping someone to get what you think
they deserve. The evil done to you begins to shape you and you turn into the thing you hate.
Components of Relationship Repair

Resist the superiority
o V.11:12 “derides his neighbor”…looking down on them. You cannot stay angry at
someone unless you feel superior to them.
o Where does superiority come from? A better translation of “who lacks judgment” is “a
man without a heart” The heart is the core of who someone is. Superiority comes from
something core that is wrong with all of us.

Every human wants to control over their lives

Everyone knows that is putting ourselves in the place of God

Therefore every human is in need of self justification to prove to others that
we are OK.
o When this happens, you turn others into a cartoon. You name people by what they did
(e.g. “he is a liar”) but when you lie, the causes are more complicated.

You exaggerate your own situation

You exaggerate the other person’s failings

You exaggerate the group to which that person belongs (e.g. racism)

Release from liability
o V24:28,29 – don’t pay people back
o V. 17:9 – don’t repeat the matter

When you repeat things to yourself or to others (in the guise of warning
others), you are making them pay.
o When you don’t pay people back or when you don’t repeat a wrong, it hurts you—you
cover the offense.
o Forgiveness is first acted out. Don’t bring it up. Don’t repeat it to yourself and others.

Overcome evil with good
o V25:21,22 – If you just pull away and ignore the situation (“I just feel sorry for
them!”) you still have ill will. You cannot escape until you positively will their good.
o You need to get to the place where you are hurt more for them than by them.

Confront in love (only after you have achieved the first three)
o It is wrong to let someone who is doing wrong to you and other to let them continue.
o Only after you’ve done the inner forgiveness can you start to help others.
The Heart of Relationship Repair
o This is spiritually and psychologically impossible
o Becky Pippert (author) recounts a psychology class at Harvard where she asked how
psychotherapy can help us to forgive to which the professor said that psychology can only
teach you how to deal with issues. “If you are looking for a changed heart, you are looking in
the wrong department.” Psychology can help you understand your hate but it cannot help you
to forgive. Forgiveness takes spiritual power.
o V.24:17,18 – Bruce Waltke – these verses are not saying we hope for God’s wrath. Rather,
when you hate someone for an evil, God is as angry at your hatred as he is at the evil.
o “Vengeance is mine says the Lord” When we hold a grudge, we are putting ourselves in the
place of God.
o God take the vengeance that we deserve. He is the superior who becomes a servant.
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21. Repairing Relationships
Proverbs 10:18; 11:12-13; 17:9; 24:17-18, 28-29; 25:7b-10, 21-22; 27:5-6
10:18 - He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.
11:12-13 - 12 A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his
tongue. 13 A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
17:9 - He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close
friends.
24:17-18 – 17 Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice,
18 or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him.
24:28-29 - 28 Do not testify against your neighbor without cause, or use your lips to deceive. 29 Do
not say, "I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did."
25:7b-10 – 7b What you have seen with your eyes 8 do not bring [a] hastily to court, for what will you
do in the end if your neighbor puts you to shame? 9 If you argue your case with a neighbor, do not
betray another man's confidence, 10 or he who hears it may shame you and you will never lose your
bad reputation.
25:21-22 - 21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.
27:5-6 - 5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an
enemy multiplies kisses.
Questions:
1. What are the things that create the most anger in you toward another person? What do you
do with that anger?
2. How often are you guilty of slander? How do we keep a check on slander?
3. “You cannot stay angry at someone unless you feel superior to them.” Do you agree? Can you
recount situations where they may or may not be true?
4. “Forgiveness is first acted upon” Do you agree? How do we practically do that? Do you have a
situation where you can share that it did happen?
5. Do you know of any situation where you or anyone else became more hurt for someone than
by the things they did to you?
6. Do you agree that the first three steps need to be taken before the fourth? What happens if
they don’t? Any stories of when you did or didn’t?
7. What is the best way to get the power to forgive?
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22. Family
Proverbs 2:16-17; 3:11-12; 5:18-20; 12:14; 13:4, 21-22; 17:2; 18:22; 20:20; 22:15; 23:22-25
In the area of family, unwise choices can be devastating.
Spouse to Spouse Relationships

Marriage is a covenantal relationship (v.2:16-17)
o A wedding is not a declaration of present love but rather a promise of future love.
o Vows are not about feelings but rather about promised behavior

Marriage should have a ministry mindset (5:19)
o V.5:19 – Hebrew is literally “drunk with love” – spouse as both lover and friend
o Traditional societies – marriage for family security and status with sexual aspect
satisfied elsewhere. Women and men would not consider friendships between them.
o Modern societies – marriage for personal fulfillment with a consumer mindset. I will be
the spouse I should be as long as you are the spouse you should be.
o The Proverbs approach of marriage becomes Gospel re-enactment.

Commitment to journey toward that person’s future potential, future glory.

As a Christian, not only attracted to the person but to what God has prepared
for them. “I see flashes of the future and I want to be part of that journey.”

Ministry – I will be the spouse I should be because God treated me that way.
Ephesians 5:22 “Husbands love your wives the way Christ loved the church.”

But doesn’t this allow a spouse to walk all over you? The most unloving thing
you can do is to allow a destructive person to continue. You must confront.

The more you minister to your spouse when you don’t like them, the deeper
your love will grow.

CS Lewis – “Love is…a deep unity maintained by the will, strengthened by
habit, reinforced by will….A husband and wife can have this love for each other
even when they don’t like each other. It is on this love that the engine of
marriage is run. Being in love was just the explosion that ignited it.”
Parents to Children Relationships

Traditional societies – main goal of child rearing is control.

Modern societies – main goal is love and affirmation. Stanley Hauerwas of Duke responds to
Carnegie Report (the job of parenting is to affirm and build self esteem and let the experts
shape them) saying in the area of right and wrong there is no such thing as an expert.

Proverbs – main goal and purpose is to make your children wise. (v. 23:22-25). Parents need
to teach kids how to determine right from wrong, good from bad and wise from unwise.

The key to parenting (v.3:11-12)
o Have a clear understanding of good and bad, right and wrong and wise and unwise.
o Practice it consistently
o Discipline your kids accordingly (they are consequences)
o Underneath it all your kids need to know you delight in them

Children are naturally unwise (v.22:15). You need to intervene to teach them.
Children to Parents Relationships

v.23:22 – the opposite of despise is to honor. The 10 Commandments require honor.

We are not commanded to love, have affection for, obey or like our parents but to honor.
o In your culture, find the appropriate symbols – remembering birthdays, etc.
o Allow parents to see themselves replicated in you – say a positive trait came from
them or you learned something from them, this honors them.
o Don’t stereotype them - Allow them to change
o Forgive them – If you stay resentful, your life will be distorted.
o Be liberated from them – As adults, you honor them by not seeking their approval.
How Jesus Gives us Help

How do I stay in a journey with a difficult spouse? – v.2:17 Jesus made a covenant with the
Father for us and we crucified him. Jesus was in the worst marriage and he stayed with us.

How can I handle the journey if I want to be married but I’m not? – Unless you are relatively
happy as a single, you won’t be a decent spouse. Your wedding day with Jesus is coming.

How can I look at my parents and be free enough to not resent them or have an unhealthy
desire to please them? – Jesus lost the father’s delight so that we can have his delight. We will
be free to honor and forgive when we understand we have the ultimate parent.
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22. Family
Proverbs 2:16-17; 3:11-12; 5:18-20; 12:14; 13:4, 21-22; 17:2; 18:22; 20:20; 22:15; 23:22-25
2:16-17 - 16 It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive
words, 17 who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.
3:11-12 - 11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent his rebuke, 12 because
the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father [a] the son he delights in.
5:18-20 - 18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A
loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her
love. 20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's
wife?
12:14 - From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands
rewards him.
13:4 – The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.
13:21-22 - 21 Misfortune pursues the sinner, but prosperity is the reward of the righteous. 22 A
good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the
righteous.
17:2 - A wise servant will rule over a disgraceful son, and will share the inheritance as one of the
brothers.
18:22 - He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
20:20 - If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.
22:15 - Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
23:22-25 - 22 Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is
old. 23 Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding. 24 The father of a
righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. 25 May your father and mother
be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice!
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