Professor Simon Baron-Cohen’s lecture
Given at the AGM of Relate Cambridge
Thursday 17th September 2009
Couples often seek counselling when at least one person is suffering
from feeling misunderstood. But it isn’t always appropriate or
productive to urge their partners to see things from the other’s
point of
view, especially if one
of them is
suffering from
undiagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome and has genuine difficulty in
reading other people’s feelings.
This was the thrust of Prof Simon Baron-Cohen’s lecture ‘Empathy:
Difficulties in Autism and Asperger's Syndrome: the implication for
Relationships’, given at the AGM of Relate Cambridge on 17
September, 2009.
People with Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a form of autism, can
reach adulthood without it being recognised, especially if they have
a supportive family. ‘It may be only when something goes wrong in
their life, such as in marriage, that it reflects a difficulty in that
person’s neurology,’ he said.
One per cent of the population has a form of autism, which is a
disability
that
covers
a
broad
spectrum
but
is
generally
characterised by social and communication difficulties. Sufferers are
typically male, have narrow interests, are often obsessional, fond
of routines, and resistant to change.
Statistically, four boys for
every girl have autism, and ten boys for every girl have Asperger’s.
There is strong evidence of genetic input.
Those with classic autism usually have below-average IQ and
learning difficulties. People with Asperger’s, however, can be
extremely intelligent high-achievers, often married with children,
without ever having a diagnosis. (Prof Baron-Cohen stressed that
adult diagnosis should only be made if the person seeks it
themselves because they want help.)
Everyday difficulties for those with Asperger’s include: relationship
difficulties, making social small talk, accepting another perspective,
making faux pas, and social isolation and depression.
The key reason for these problems is a lack of empathy, which
Professor Baron-Cohen divided into two areas: cognitive, which is
difficulty identifying another person’s thoughts and feelings, and
affective, which is difficulty responding appropriately to others’
thoughts and feelings.
‘On average, women find it easier to empathise than men, and
researchers are trying to understand if something about the
psychology of Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism is linked to the
differences between men and women,’ he said. These psychological
differences have been shown, in brain-scanning tests, to be
mirrored at the level of the brain. Prof Baron-Cohen’s research at
the Rosie Maternity hospital in Cambridge has also revealed a link
between poor emotional intelligence and high testosterone levels in
the womb, showing that ‘empathy is not just the result of how we
socialise our children.’
But there is also good news: those with Asperger’s have an above
average flair for systemising, which means they excel in jobs such
as engineering, computing, tool-making or library cataloguing. They
often shine at everyday problems that require attention to detail,
such as understanding car engines or coping with wiring problems
at home.
‘It’s important to link autism to talent rather than what people can’t
do,’ said Professor Baron-Cohen, ‘and this includes dealing with
relationship problems.’
He believes that: ‘once we acknowledge these differences, we may
not set the expectations so high. We need to accept that there are
individual limitations in a relationship, rather than insisting that
they must try harder.’

Give allowances for people undiagnosed with AS.

Try to look at the positives rather than the negatives.

This is a recipe for good relationships anyway.
Simon Baron-Cohen is Professor of Developmental Psychopathology at the
University of Cambridge and Fellow at Trinity College, Cambridge. He is director
of the Autism Research Centre (ARC) in Cambridge, which has a clinical service
for diagnosing adults with autism. His books include: The Essential Difference: Men,
Women and the Extreme Male Brain (Penguin UK/Basic Books, 2003).
Report by Belinda Bamber for Relate Cambridge 2009