QUESTIONS FREQUENTLY ASKED
ABOUT DEATH AND FUNERALS
Produced by The Churches’ Funerals Group
Introduction
Most people at some time will arrange a funeral or will assist in the arrangements. Just over
600,000 people die in the United Kingdom every year. Each individual death and the funeral
that follows can be a critical event in the life of the family involved. This leaflet is to help
you be more prepared for the funeral so that it may be of maximum value and benefit.
Many people find themselves bewildered and perplexed when face to face with
bereavement, particularly when the death of a loved one is sudden and unexpected.
Questions without immediate answers quickly fill the mind: feelings of panic often cause
confusion. Preparations for funerals are best made in advance when you have more liberty
and less pressure to discuss them. This leaflet has been produced by the Churches’ Funerals
Group. Much of its content is equally relevant to people of other faiths, but they will need
to consult the leaders of their own faith communities about the religious aspects of the
funeral.
A funeral for Christians is a religious occasion when bereaved people thank God for the life
just ended, ask for God’s forgiveness for the one who has died and support for those who
grieve. The Christian hope for life in Christ beyond death is affirmed, and the meaning of
death for the Christian is expounded. This all takes time both in the preparation and at the
funeral itself. The purpose of this leaflet is to provide information and suggestions that can
help you make these decisions wisely and with more confidence. The funeral is a ceremony
of proven worth and value for those who mourn. It provides an opportunity for relatives,
friends, neighbours and others who share in the loss to express their love, respect and grief
and enables us to face openly and realistically the many problems and questions that death
presents. Through the funeral bereaved relatives, friends and colleagues take that first step
toward adjustment to their loss. It is because we believe that the tense moment of committal
emphasises the fact of death that the Churches’ Funerals Group discourages family-only
committal services immediately preceding public services of thanksgiving.
This leaflet is designed to help. It takes nothing for granted. It offers answers that to some
may be obvious, but to many may be new. In a society that often seems to shun the reality
of death this guide is offered for support and information. Practical decisions need to be
made: burial or cremation; what to do with the ashes; the length and location of the service
at church, cemetery or crematorium; who should preside at or participate in the service; the
arrangements for the post-funeral meal. Preparations are especially sensitive these days
when funeral congregations can include people of different faiths and of none. Christian
people try to see death as a gateway to ‘another country’. It is our conviction that Christ has
overcome death through His cross and resurrection. We therefore offer this publication
with hope in our hearts that it will help many people to approach a difficult subject with
some knowledge.
1. What should I do when someone dies?
If death occurs at home, call your doctor. The majority of deaths (three-quarters) take place
at a hospital or a residential or nursing home. When death occurs, call your minister and a
funeral director, who is ‘on call’ 24 hours a day every day of the year. If you wish, the funeral
director will contact a minister on your behalf. If a friend or relative will promise to be your
companion during the next few days, it would help you.
2. Who makes the funeral arrangements?
The next-of-kin, or sometimes the executor appointed by the person who has died, is
responsible for the funeral. The funeral arrangements will be co-ordinated by the funeral
director, and the initial meeting to begin to make the arrangements can be made at the
funeral director’s office or at the family home. Be aware that not all arrangements discussed
at the initial meeting can be finalized there. There are a number of practical details that will
need to be negotiated with others – not least access to burial ground or crematorium and, if
this is requested, the availability of church and minister for a service in the church, or of the
minister for a service in the burial ground or crematorium. However, the funeral director
will take responsibility for following up these matters with care and efficiency. The
responsibility for any church or religious service lies with the minister concerned. The
funeral director will be able to offer guidance, sometimes in the form of written material
supplied by local churches, as to the shape and content of these services, but the local
minister will be the one who will agree the details of the service with you.
Where a church or religious service is requested, the funeral director will make contact with
the minister concerned, and arrange for them to meet with you. However, you are not
obliged to seek the help of a funeral director [see also 14 below]: There are a number of
guides available for DIY funerals, for example Nicholas Albery et al, The Natural Death
Handbook, although, if you want to do without professional support, you are strongly
advised to make preparations in advance.
3. Should we hold a funeral service?
A funeral acknowledges that a death has occurred and that a life has been lived. For
Christian people there is the hope of eternity, both for the bereaved and the deceased,
which is expressed through the prayers, scripture and music. The role of a funeral service is
to enable people to come to terms publicly with the fact and the meaning of death. The
service helps mourners whether it is a religious or non-religious event. Where a person has
died in Britain and the body is being sent overseas for burial, a funeral service may be held
also in Britain, with or without the body present.
4. Should a funeral service be a public or a private event?
The funeral is not a private event, because the person who has died has always been a
member of one community or another. Private funerals are not usual, although they can be
arranged. Whilst a family is often too sad to appreciate the funeral fully, the presence of
friends at the funeral can do a great deal to provide support and confirm belief. As you
remember your loved one, others will remember as well. Death touches and affects relatives,
friends and others in a variety of ways. The funeral can provide everyone with an
opportunity to acknowledge and to respond to the change that death has brought about.
Experience indicates this will not be accomplished by getting the funeral over as quietly as
possible.
5. How can a funeral service help me?
The minister can give understanding support to those who mourn and help you in
preparing the service. Arrange to speak with the minister in good time before the funeral.
The fact of death will not be avoided but placed in the wider perspective of eternal life.
Talking together at this time may enable you to accept the reality of what has happened. It
helps ministers in preparing for the funeral if you can take time to tell the life story of the
person who has died. This should make the service personal to you and your family.
6. If a family has no church affiliation, who will officiate at the service?
The funeral director will normally use your local minister; if he or she is unavailable, another
minister, perhaps retired, can be arranged by the funeral director. If you require a nonreligious service, he can also put you in contact with Humanist or secular celebrants.
Whatever your beliefs, it is always a good idea to choose your minister or celebrant in
advance.
7. May children attend a funeral service?
A death in the family is always a sensitive time for children. More and more children are
now attending funerals. It is thoughtful, when discussing with children the likelihood that
someone they love is about to die, to ask if they would like to join the rest of the family at
the funeral. Children of any age can certainly attend funeral services, but the child must be
prepared well in advance so they know what to expect. Make time to answer their questions
both before and after the funeral. Some churches, for example the Roman Catholic Church,
provide opportunities for a range of services which can involve children, both in the church
and at home, acknowledging their role and need for support. There are also post-funeral
rituals in which they can take part.
8. What type of clothing is usually worn to a funeral service?
Remember that funerals will usually involve some standing about in the open air, so dress
warmly. Whilst there is a lot of freedom about dress these days, a funeral is still a dignified
occasion. Take your lead from the family involved. To minimise any danger of giving
offence, dress conservatively.
9. Who issues a Death Certificate?
A death certificate is a legal requirement and may be obtained from the Registrar of Births,
Marriages and Deaths. The Registrar’s number is usually in the telephone book. Your
funeral director, doctor, hospital authority or coroner’s officer can also tell you what to do
and where to go. Most Registrars now operate an appointments system. If there is to be a
post-mortem there may be a delay, but the Coroner will advise you.
10. What is a Coroner?
A Coroner’s responsibility is to investigate sudden or unexplained death, and every county
has to appoint one or more Coroners who are experienced lawyers or doctors. A death
occurring in these circumstances is usually reported to the Coroner by the police or by a
doctor. Sometimes this is done by the Registrar. If the death is not due to natural causes the
Coroner is obliged by law to hold an inquest. The majority of post-mortems do not involve
an inquest.
11. What is embalming, and is it necessary?
Embalming is a form of treatment to enable the preservation of the body. The body must
be embalmed for transporting to most countries and for long distances within the UK. In
the absence of specific instructions on the part of the family most funeral homes will
embalm. If the family wishes to view the body, or if a long period of time is to elapse before
the funeral, the funeral home will usually require embalming. If you are uneasy about
embalming, ask your funeral director for more information.
12. What does an average funeral cost?
A quoted average can be misleading and does not give all the answers. Biennial surveys of
funeral costs are published by various consumers’ organisations. All funeral directors are
obliged by their associations’ Codes of Practice to have price lists available and to give
written estimates. You should note that there are considerable variations in funeral costs,
both between funeral directors, different cemeteries and different crematoria. It is most
important that a family selects the funeral that suits their wishes and circumstances. It is
always wise to make enquiries in advance.
13. How can I obtain a simple funeral?
All funeral directors provide a range of funeral services to meet the wishes of all their
clients, whatever their circumstances. They are bound by their associations’ Codes of
Practice to offer a simple, or basic, funeral, which should at least include the making of
arrangements, collection of the body from a local address, a simple coffin, hire of a hearse
and attendance at the funeral at a cemetery or crematorium.
14. Can a family arrange a burial or cremation directly with the cemetery
or crematorium?
Yes. It is always a good idea to seek professional advice in advance and to visit the cemetery
or crematorium of your choice so that it is familiar. Funeral directors are increasingly willing
to advise on DIY funerals.
15. Is there a difference in cost between burial and cremation?
There are usually significant differences between fees for burial and cremation, the former
being the more expensive. It is important to bear in mind, however, that fees for cremation
do not include any costs which might arise in connection with the burial of ashes. There are
also considerable differences in ‘disbursements’ – those items of funeral expenditure on
doctors’ fees, clergy fees and the use of the cemetery or crematorium.
16. What is the cost of a grave?
There is a great variation in the prices of graves from one area to another. Cemeteries are
operated by private companies or (usually) local authorities. If you choose to be buried in a
local authority area other than your own, you may need to pay more. Churchyards are
owned and managed by the Church of England; some other churches maintain burial
grounds. All may follow different rules and pricing structures from local authorities.
Cemeteries have both consecrated and non-consecrated areas. There will be a charge for the
opening of a grave already in your family’s ownership. Some cemeteries will permit two or
more interments in a single grave. Most cemeteries have regulations which govern the size
of headstones or ground level markers. Most publicly owned cemeteries only grant limited
tenure to the owner of the grave, but this can be renewed.
There are now over 100 green or woodland burial sites. The Natural Death Centre can
supply a list of these. The funeral director can give you the costs for the various burial
grounds in the local area and can give you advice.
17. What are the funeral arrangements for a stillborn or newly born baby?
[For definitions, see Appendix] Most churches provide appropriate services and prayers for
such funerals. Generally, the hospital will be able to provide a funeral for non-viable
foetuses, stillborn children and neo-natal deaths, through the Chaplain, free of charge.
Parents can, if they wish, arrange the funeral themselves with a local funeral director: the
charges will then depend on the services required. Cemetery and cremation fees, if
applicable, will be a separate charge; fees and charges are often reduced and sometimes
waived according to locality. The majority of churches do not make a charge for the funeral
of a child.
The hospital is not allowed to retain a baby’s organs without the parents’ permission.
Permission may be sought because of uncertainty about the cause of death or for medical
research purposes.
18. Can funeral arrangements be made in advance?
Pre-arrangement has been offered by funeral directors for many years. It does not
necessarily include prepayment. Most funeral directors will take instructions for prearranged funerals. Remember that funeral instructions can be made in wills, or with your
executor, or by the appointment of a funeral guardian as recommended by The Dead Citizens
Charter. It is a good idea to make your wishes known to your family, but do not make
unreasonable requests that will be difficult for them to meet. It can be important for your
family to have some say in your funeral arrangements to meet their needs at the time when
they mourn your death.
Instructions given to funeral directors are filed with them until required, and you may, of
course, keep a copy, but such instructions are not legally binding. For practical purposes it
may not prove possible to carry out instructions to the letter. Most families prefer to prepay
the funds necessary to carry out the terms of the agreement. A range of Prepaid Funeral
Plans is now available, details of which may be obtained through funeral directors or from
the Funeral Planning Authority, the regulatory organization. Funeral prepayment plans are
covered by the Financial Services and Markets Act 2000. The services to be provided are
usually guaranteed against inflation but it must be remembered that funds committed in this
way will no longer pay interest to the client, and if the plan is cancelled the original payment
may not be refunded in full.
19. Who can claim help from the benefits system?
If you are responsible for arranging a funeral and you have insufficient money to pay, you
can make a claim on Form SF200. The form and further information can be obtained from
your pension centre or local Social Security office. You can find the address of your local
office in the telephone book under Social Security. You may get help if you or your partner
are claiming Income Support, Housing Benefit, Council Tax Benefit, Family Credit or
Disability Working Allowance.
In recent years the Benefits Agency has capped and limited funeral support available. There
are, however, new Widows’ and Widowers’ Benefits. The Benefits Agency of the
Department of Work and Pensions (formerly the DSS) will give further information
regarding conditions attached to claims and payments. Payments have to be paid back to the
Social Fund from any estate of the person who died. Family and friends may pay for items
which the applicant cannot pay for from the Social Fund.
20. Can a funeral director arrange for a funeral at a distance?
Yes. All arrangements can be made for transporting and preparation through your local
funeral director, who can also arrange for repatriation if the death has taken place abroad.
21. What procedure should be followed if a death occurs whilst away from home
or abroad?
Contact your chosen funeral director, who will assume responsibility for the return of the
deceased person’s body. He may also engage the services of a funeral director where the
death has occurred, who will act as his agent: arrangements made in this manner will usually
be less costly to the family involved. Funeral directors will advise on choices according to
the religions or customs of the families involved.
22. Do cemeteries and crematoria have chapels for services?
All crematoria have chapels, but many cemetery chapels are no longer in use. Many families
may prefer to use their local church for the main part of the service even if it is followed by
burial or cremation elsewhere. There is sometimes a charge for the service in church.
Although it may cost more to have a service in church, holding the major part of the funeral
in a local church provides more time and enables more people to attend.
23. Can I choose any kind of music?
Remember that a funeral is usually a religious occasion, so the choice of music can be a
sensitive issue. If a family wants a particular piece of music played, it would be helpful to
consult with the minister first. Your funeral director will make arrangements for you with
the crematorium manager if you need to provide special tapes or printed music.
24. Do all Christian Churches allow cremation?
Most churches allow cremation. This now includes the Roman Catholic Church, whose rites
allow either for cremation following a Funeral Mass celebrated in a church, or following a
Liturgy of the Word celebrated in the crematorium chapel. However, some churches,
especially the Orthodox Churches, insist on the tradition of burial.
25. Is it necessary to have a coffin for cremation or burial?
All cremation authorities require that the body must be placed in a combustible coffin
which is then cremated. For burial, coffins are usual, but some cemeteries permit shroud
burial.
26. Does anyone have to witness the cremation?
No, but mourners may witness the cremation by arrangement with the crematorium.
27. What is done with cremated remains?
You should discuss the choices with your family as well as with the funeral director.
Increasingly, families are now taking ashes away from the crematorium for burial or
scattering elsewhere. The Churches prefer and many families choose to have the remains
buried, after suitable prayers, in a family plot or specially designated sections of a cemetery
or churchyard. You should speak with clergy and crematorium managers if you wish to
place ashes on their land. Cremated remains may be left with the crematorium for reverent
disposal. Alternatively, most clergy and funeral directors are willing to officiate at the burial
of ashes.
28. How can I express my sympathies to the family?
There are several ways of expressing your sympathy, for example:

Sending flowers. The presence of flowers is always helpful during the funeral. The
memory of flowers often remains for days or weeks with the family. Some families give
friends a choice of sending flowers or making a donation to a charity.

Making a memorial donation. To some families, the idea of a memorial contribution to a
specific cause or charity is as much appreciated as flowers. Remember requests can be
misinterpreted as dictating to friends the manner in which they should express their
sympathy. Your funeral director can assist you with the wording to be used in the
newspaper notice which will express your preferences with tact.

Sending Mass cards. The offering of prayers for the soul of someone who has died is
one of the most valued expressions of sympathy to Roman Catholic and some Anglican
families. A card indicating that a Mass for the Dead has been arranged is available
through any Catholic Church.

Visiting the family later. Bereavement counsellors often remark on how often a bereaved
person can feel neglected after a funeral. Remember that the phrase ‘We must keep in
touch’ may in fact mean ‘goodbye’.
29. What is a memorial service?
A service conducted by a minister or lay person in a church or chapel where the deceased
person’s body is not present. The family is usually present at this service, which is
customarily held some time after the funeral. This usually permits a greater number of
people to attend because of the greater period of notice given. There are different kinds of
memorial service. Where the body of someone who died in Britain is to be sent abroad, a
family may choose a memorial service with or without the body being present. Catholic and
Anglican churches now offer a series of rites for the various stages of mourning, and the
Month’s Mind and the Year’s Mind, when prayer is offered for the dead, are being revived.
Some churches and crematoria hold an annual memorial service for families who have had a
funeral during that or the previous year. Most recently, the internet is being used for posting
memorial information.
30. How can I give my body for medical research?
Those considering a donation of their body to a medical school should contact the specific
school and ask for a Bequeathal Form and should understand the requirements of the
school and what costs may be involved. Consideration should also be given to what effects
the donation may have upon the family survivors. The Professor of the Department of
Anatomy reserves the right to refuse the offer of a bequeathal due to circumstances at the
time of death. There is no guarantee of acceptance of any body at any time. Relatives who
desire to reclaim the body for private burial or cremation may do so by making written
request on the Bequeathal Form at the time of death. In this case all expenses concerned
with burial or cremation must be borne by the estate of the deceased. Usually this is
approximately eighteen months to three years following receipt of the body by the
university. (It should be noted that not all universities allow the body to be reclaimed for
private burial or cremation.)
31. Can I donate organs?
As a result of the advance in medical transplant knowledge and techniques it is now
possible for more and more people to be restored to health. While there is a continuing
need for organ donors there is also an acute shortage of donors. Most organs need to be
removed within eight hours of death and so there needs to be minimum delay. Organ
donation cards are available from doctor’s surgeries and pharmacies. It is imperative that
your family is aware of your wishes in this matter and it helps if they can counter-sign
your donation card. It is also helpful if you join the NHS Organ Donation Register (Tel:
0845 60 60 400) so that your wishes can be fulfilled in the event of your not having your
card with you.
32. Can bodies or ashes be exhumed to be interred elsewhere?
Not as a general rule. This requires permission of the Home Office and is normally
conducted by a funeral director. If the body has been buried in consecrated ground in a
churchyard or cemetery, you must obtain a Faculty from the Chancellor of the Church of
England diocese. Because burial is understood as placing the body or ashes in a final resting
place, permission is only granted in very exceptional cases.
33. Where can I go for bereavement support?
In times gone by most people were supported by their family, relatives and neighbours. In
the changed circumstances today, there has been a growing demand for bereavement
support after a funeral. A number of organisations now offer bereavement support from
experienced counsellors. Some organisations particularly cater for those grieving after
premature or violent death, or for the deaths of children. See addresses below.
Some concluding thoughts
It should be clear from reading this leaflet that there are many options available to
personalise the funeral and make it serve the specific needs of those involved. People
discussing their own funeral are often clear about what they want and sometimes these
arrangements can cause difficulty for the survivors. A funeral is a unique event, has value
and is not purely an ordeal to be endured. The funeral of every person is important. By
preparing for it with care, we can do our best to help ensure that the funeral has maximum
value both for survivors and for the memory of the one who has died. A well conducted
funeral, with its attendant ceremony, not only recognises that a death has occurred but also
that a life has been lived and, according to Christian belief, is to be followed by a dimension
of existence far greater.
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Appendix
A miscarriage refers to a baby delivered before 24 weeks gestation. Sometimes the baby is
referred to as a ‘non-viable foetus’, because it is unusual for a baby born before 24 weeks to
survive. Babies in this category have no legal status, and the law does not require the death
to be registered. Often the hospital where the mother is a patient will arrange, through the
chaplain, for a funeral service for the baby. This may take the form of a joint service and
cremation for all miscarried babies delivered during that month: parents do not, as a rule,
attend these services. The parents can arrange through the chaplain for an individual burial
or cremation where the parents and others can attend. This is more likely to happen if the
delivery is very near the 24 weeks gestation.
A still birth is where a baby is born dead after 24 weeks gestation up to full term. When this
happens the parents will be given by the hospital a Medical Certificate of Still Birth. This
certificate will have to be taken to the Registrar of Births and Deaths within six weeks of the
still birth for registration. A burial or cremation will follow. This can be arranged in
conjunction with the hospital chaplain. Normally there is no charge for this service. It is
possible for the parents to make private arrangements for the funeral. In this case there
may be costs involved.
A neonatal death is where a baby is born alive but dies within 28 days of birth whatever
the stage of gestation. The parents will be given a ‘Special Medical Cause of Death
Certificate. This must be taken within five days to the Registrar of Births and Deaths for
registration. The baby can be buried or cremated, and the hospital chaplain will help the
parents to arrange this. If organised through the hospital, there is not normally a charge.
It is, of course, possible for parents to make their own arrangements, when there may be
a charge. Most hospitals will have chaplains of Anglican, Roman Catholic and Free
Church traditions, so the service can be according to your beliefs.
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The Churches’ Group on Funerals