2012-10-03-Military Transition Seminars@Hadley Transitioning from the Military to Society Presented by Urban Miyares Moderated by Larry Muffet October 3, 2012 Larry Muffet Welcome to Seminars at Hadley. My name is Larry Muffet. I’m a member of Hadley’s seminars team and I also work in curricular affairs. Today’s seminar topic is transitioning from the military back to civilian society. Your presenter is a familiar one, Urban Miyares. Urban is a nationally renowned speaker, entrepreneur, sportsman and veterans’ advocate. Urban has done many seminars at Hadley and has a major role in Veterans Initiative and in our Forsyth Center for Entrepreneurship. If my bosses knew how much fun I had doing these seminars with Urban ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 1 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition they’d probably cut my salary a little bit. Today Urban is going to discuss the challenges of transitioning from the armed forces back into civilian life. Now let me welcome, Urban and I’m going to turn the microphone over to him. Urban Miyares Hello, Larry. It’s great to be with you again, with all of you out there in Hadley’s Land. We’re going to have a most interesting topic today that I think will surprise many and others will just say “Yep, you’re right.” Are you ready to get going, Larry? Larry Muffet We are. Let’s do it. Urban Miyares Okay, we’re talking about transitioning out of the military. You’ve got to realize when you’re in the military we’re all there together from different backgrounds. We have different personalities and culture. It’s a blend of America, all ethnicities and genders. It really is a melting pot of sorts that the military is. It has always been. When I went in in 1968 I was drafted so I really had no choice. I got thrown ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 2 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition into this melting pot. The melting pot is one that not only affects us that go into the military but our loved ones. Whether they’re our parents, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, who are staying home while we’re in the military. So let’s always keep them in mind as we talk about transitioning out of the military. Now regardless of what branch of service you’re in even whether you’re in the National Guard or reserve, there is a transitioning phase that you will experience. Regardless if you’re in for a short period of time such as I was. I got medevaced out of the Vietnam within two years of my first being drafted or you are in for ten, 20, 30 or more years, there is a tremendous transitioning phase. And it depends on, of course, how long you’ve been in the military will reflect on how the transitioning may change. So let’s tell you a little bit about the military right now and hopefully you can relate and hopefully it, across the board, covers all of you. As I eventually became a drill sergeant where I trained troops just before they went to Vietnam in [Fort Polk], Louisiana, and advanced infantry training there, I’ll give you a little perspective of a drill sergeant. Now, I was army. Regardless if you’re marines, air force, navy, coast guard or one of the National Guard, reserve outfits, the primary role of a drill sergeant was to break you down in boot camp, basic training. ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 3 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition Whatever you brought to the military with you, we had to break it down to its smallest denominator because we couldn’t build good troops until they’ve been trained or developed or molded as the military wanted the molded. You just can’t have a person come in with all of these different characters and personalities all coming from different areas of the country and then develop something without them forming as a team. And a team has to function all for one, one for all type of attitude. You can have a dysfunctional family or you can have a team. Our goal was to break everybody done so they followed orders, did exactly what we said as drill sergeants and would push them, we’d be able to push them beyond what they thought would be even possible. Let’s reflect back to our boot camp days. Remember waking up each morning, what did we do? We’d get out there and did that march or one mile or two mile or three mile run or five mile. We all had different stories depending on what branch of service we were in. And of course when we were in the military. When I got in my dad said “the army’s not the way it used to be. We really had it rough then.” Well, I’m saying that now to the young troops. We really had it rough during the Vietnam era. You’re going to say that to the next generation of troops if you’re a recent military inductee or recently out of the military. So, you started each morning there and then we had a physical ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 4 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition routine and constantly pushing us and then classes and training. Of course the undertone “This is going to save your life one day.” We really didn’t believe it. Some of us would abide by that break down. I remember guys in my outfit crying and eventually they turned out to be wonderful soldiers. But that’s the whole purpose of the drill sergeant is to break you down so that we have something to start from scratch. Don’t bring any of your hang-ups with you, your backpack or anything like that to boot camp because we’ll kick it out of you. That’s the role of a good boot camp instructor on that. Regardless, I understand if you’re male or female or what branch of the service you’re in right now. So with that we mold you. Now, if you’re a troublemaker in boot camp and we had difficulty in breaking you down—anybody remember what we used to do for you? We used to promote you. It seemed like troublemakers, the first thing you do is if they are not workable at all in listening to your orders at all, give them some responsibility of others and it’s amazing what responsibility will do. This is basically the boot camp attitude. From there on we go into, we find out what our MOS is, our main location. In the military, I was 11 Bravo which is infantry so I went on to advanced infantry school but you may have gone on to another vocational training of some sort or service in the ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 5 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition military, what you would do in the service whether it would be technology or being a cook or whatever it may be. Many people have gone on to that. Now for those who have gone on to ROTC and into the military the transition is pretty much the same in that area. Of course, infantry school, I’m sorry, officer candidate school was another one where they too broke you down but in a different way. I trained with Officer candidate in at [Fort Polk], Louisiana or in the shake and bake sergeant school of the 1960s where we trained alongside those who were going to candidate school, going to training one week less than they did. It starts with that area. Once you get into the military and you get your vocation, you get into the military lifestyle and you all know that chain of command. You never understand why they’re doing it, that hurry up and wait attitude, the saying that’s always there. It’s a continuing, molding thing. Now one thing you have to realize with the military, if you’re good, if you’re exceptionally good in what you can do whether it be you’re a sharpshooter, a marksmen or you’re a technology expert, they’re not going to put you in that profession. They’re going to shift you into another career unlike the civilian world; the military’s attitude is you have no one in authority that cannot be replaced because with any military standing once you knock down the leaders or the people who give all the orders, the ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 6 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition people who everybody runs of their back, that team falls apart. In the civilian world you have the boss, the person and usually the company is put together by this one individual or group of individuals and if the boss dies or becomes disabled the company has a tough time going on. But in the military a platoon sergeant could get killed, company commander could get disabled, injured or some reason can’t function or a general could get killed or whatever happens to them. But it keeps on going. Jack Frost said, the poet, you can explain life in three simple words. It goes on. That’s what the military is. It’s a constantly moving, hopefully forward, organizational flow that no matter what happens internally it doesn’t stop the movement forward. You’ve got to realize that’s there. That’s why we’re always giving orders. We’re always changing commands. We’re never at one court or one station too long of a time. The period of time we’re there is quite short. In today’s military two years, three years generally is the go. I until you’re in there for quite a long time, usually a career person, then you may stay at one station for an extended period of time. But then again, you will be replaced and they are already thinking of who is going to replace you. So if you’re an individual who is the military and you’re a self starter or you think everything is wrong, you want to do it your way. You won’t take orders from others; chances are you won’t stay in the military too long. ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 7 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition Now let’s talk about transitioning. You’re out of the military. I’m going to talk in the perspective of someone who is blinded, who came out from Vietnam as a disabled vet. However I think a lot of you, even if you are not military or you are not disabled, will get a lot of perspective on what I am talking about right now. When you get out of the military, regardless of your rank and you’re thrown back into society there is that transition phase. First of all, that routine you’ve been brought up for the past year or years is completely changed. Everything is chaotic. When you wake up in the morning, looking at yourself today if you’re out of the military, you wake up and do that mile run before you have breakfast? The chances are, no. You’ve already transitioned out of the military and probably only keeping the military lifestyle, that part of the military is the lifestyle you like the most. And the other things, which is part of that whole transitioning or that whole military concept, are things you don’t keep with. You don’t stay with it that much longer anymore. For those that do, god bless you. I still have difficulty getting up and walking my seeing eye dog. It’s that transitioning phase that’s really a gap. It’s a big spread between what you used to do and what you do now. You remember all the stories about the past. There is no question about it but where you are today is ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 8 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition completely different. The transitioning thing changes. There is no chain of command. My wife says yes, there is. She’s the general in the house. but there is no one to tell you what your day is set up for. When you back into the workplace the vast majority of you are starting from the bottom up again. You’re a private again. You might have reached the rank of a sergeant or an officer while in the military during your term and now all of a sudden you’re starting at ground zero. You’re at the bottom again, no one is saluting you. No one cares about you in the past. They’re concerned about you being a veteran and “thank you for your service.” But what you accomplish in the military has little to do. In many cases the transitioning, the MOS or whatever your career or profession was in the military needs to transition back into civilian life. Veterans Administration is doing a wonderful job on this, trying to identify job skills related to your military service that you can carry forward into civilian life and getting employment. But in many cases it’s not the same thing. In my case, infantry, there was very little I could do in civilian life and especially without an education. My transition was looking back it probably was the best thing because I had no other option but to go into business and that’s what I went into 45 years ago, self employment. Today there’s a lot more options and even though the workplace is hard or at least difficult ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 9 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition to find employment today for everybody not only veterans. The transitioning phase often has more to do with you, your personality, your attitude from the military and how you’re bringing it forward than it does really on your ability to do a job function. In my experience in counseling with literally thousands of veterans over the years, it’s often a character or personality. Let’s reflect back a second just remember whenever you’d gone on vacation, you were away from home for a couple of weeks, maybe you went on a cruise somewhere, maybe you went to Europe. Then you came out and wanted to get back in, you just couldn’t get back into it again. There is that delay. You might even be typing a little bit differently when you get on the keyboard because you’ve been away from your computer for a few weeks. Your mental state is still where your vacation was, not where you are today in reality. That’s a big transitioning for you and that’s a mild transitioning so just imagine what the military has done and then transitioning out of that. Compare that to a recent vacation trip. If you have other disabilities, such as PTSD and all, this transition is even more dramatic because you’re constantly remembering about what happened while you were in the military, whether you saw a combat or not. Not everybody that’s in the military sees combat. A lot of people don’t realize this but ten or 20% are actually involved in ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 10 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition combat on a day-to-day basis. A vast majority of those in the military are in a supportive type professions. However, they hear about stories. They have friends in the military who have personally experienced or have not come home or are disabled because of something and that could affect you also psychologically, dramatically if they’re discovering today. So the transitioning back in is a thing where you almost have to forget about it. Now with that I’m going to take a break, see if there are any questions and we’ll go into some of the steps on how I transitioned and how I counsel other veterans who are now transitioning. Larry Muffet One question I would throw out here to start is did you find, making your transition, did you find the veterans organizations like the VFW or the American Legion helpful or something that you took advantage of? What’s your feelings on those organizations? Urban Miyares Good question, Larry. People forget what military service organizations, the primary role of what military service organizations are. To answer your question ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 11 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition better, in my case in 1968 when I returned home I did not join any military service organizations. Vietnam was not a popular war and as a matter of fact many of us vets, as we talked about previously, maybe wouldn’t say they were veterans. For years people would say “Were you always blind?” “Yeah, I was born blind.” We just used that so we didn’t bring up the word “veteran.” Of course, as you know, I did have one job when I came back from Vietnam and I got fired because I was a Vietnam veteran. That was the attitude of the country back then. However, knowing what I know today I would have joined the military groups right away then. Military service organizations and not all of them are the same, so you have those organizations which are chartered by US Congress and there’s a limited number. Blinded Veterans Association being one. Paralyzed Veterans of America being another one. Disabled Veteran Americans. VFW, American Legion, the others go on are charted by Congress. Meaning if you have a claim against the military or veterans affairs for a disability, they can represent you in a claims court where a lot of the other service organizations are just nonprofits that are created without the blessings of congress. I just want to distinguish the two. However all the veterans groups are good if it meets what your expectations are? And the purpose of a veterans group is for veterans to talk ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 12 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition to one another. I never told my wife what happened to me in Vietnam until 1992 and I came home in 1968. But if I was part of a veterans group I wouldn’t have to keep this battlefield experience a secret all that time, at least that guilt and shame that I felt back then about it. It wasn’t until I started telling her and others about it that I started being proud that I was a Vietnam veteran. The main purpose of a military service organization is to meet other vets to help you decompress in a way, to help you share stories, to find out you’re not alone, to know that “Hey, I thought I had it bad. I heard this other guy and oh my god. I wonder if I was in the same war as him.” You even start realizing you’re just one of many, many other stories of veterans who have all proudly served. Then of course the other thing is you have to decide are you a taker or a giver and this is part of the transitioning. I joined organizations that I can be active with and give them something back, participate with them. I’m just not going to see what I can get out of it and if you join, sign up as a life member if you can and help the organization on their roles and all. But yes, service organizations are a valuable psychological and socialization tool. It’s also a way of regressing, I don’t mean regressing in a negative way but regressing in a positive way to that lifestyle you once had when you were in the military. Because then all of a sudden the ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 13 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition jargon words start coming out and remember this acronym and that acronym again. You start talking differently, shall I say, then you were at home with your friends and in social life in the civilian world. It’s a valuable tool. I tease everybody that every January I have to put a mortgage on my home to pay all of my veteran organization memberships on that one. I’m probably a member of half a dozen, ten or more. And for you younger vets out there, join the organizations whether the Iraq/Afghanistan veterans groups or one of the established charter groups, you’re going to find value out of it regardless of your medical condition or what your beliefs are now. I strongly urge you to join as many of the groups that you can afford or feel comfortable with. Larry Muffet I’m going to ask Ellen and Alice if they have any questions, if not I might have another one and then we’ll transition back to Urban’s presentation. Ellen or Alice, do either one of you have a question for Urban? Alice Yeah, I did, sir. When you came home in ’68 you probably didn’t experience the hatred and hostility that ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 14 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition was presented to our boys that came home from Vietnam later, did you? Or at least I hope not. Urban Miyares Thank you, Alice. I did. I grew up in New York City and I came back home to a wife that was waiting. She had tremendous transition to go through. We got married just before I went to Vietnam. It was a lady. We’d known each other since we were 13 from a neighborhood in Manhattan. We got married just before I went to Vietnam. So I came home a totally disabled veteran not the knight and shining armor that she thought I would be. I remember I wore my uniform once in New York City and I got spit on and was called [Hodee] Murphy and all that sort of stuff. That as the last time I ever wore my uniform. So yes, the hatred was there and I was six months in the hospital at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania and at that time they’d turn on the TV set and you’d hear about all of the hatred on the news. A lot of times when the news came on we would shut the TV off. Yes, I did experience it. It’s so rewarding to see what America is doing for our veterans today. I get tears. I’ve been at the airport when people have applauded. I feel like I’m one of them and I feel like those of us who have come back, whether we came back from Korea, the forgotten war or Vietnam or conflicts in-between or around that time were never recognized. I feel like ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 15 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition they’re applauding for a service I did to this country too. Part of the phase I had to realize, it’s all proud of it. Thank you, America for what you’re doing today for our veterans. Larry Muffet I’m not sure I want to ask this question yet. Maybe I’ll wait until the end. You had talked about coming back and starting a business. Could you talk about, I’m sure you’ve talked about other people that made a different sort of transition and walked off an army base, let’s say, and walked on to a college campus. That’s really got to be a different sort of transition because you go from one very structured organization, very rigid to something with basically it has no rigidity. That’s basically everyone is doing what they think they ought to be doing. Any comments on that sort of transition because a lot of people do it with a GI bill and that sort of thing. Urban Miyares Yeah, Larry. In March, this past March I spoke in Hawaii for the National Science Foundation on transitioning from military into colleges for people in the academic arena at Hawaiian Hilton Hotel. They ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 16 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition don’t realize the transitioning that’s coming in right now and how to handle it. First off, the estimate is the number of veterans returning from recent wars, of all the veterans returning as combat and noncombat, at least one in five had PTSD. Of combat disabled vets, some statics are showing 40 and 50% have PTSD. The veterans coming back, for various reasons the transition is a bigger shock and I think it has a lot to do with today’s communications, emails and internet going on. To tell a quick story, just recently with Colonel Jay [Barvis] metal of honor winner, we were talking about this. I was telling the Colonel. I said “You know, Colonel, when I take my platoon out in Vietnam we call up and right away I want to know if there was mail call when we got back there. If we had to go out on a night ambush that night or an operation early the next day I told them to hold mail call. I did not want the guys on my platoon reading letters from home and then us going right out immediately into a possible combat experience. That’s how you get that in combat is when you’re not paying attention. Your mind is not on your duty. And I don’t know how your troops today are doing it where you can get on Skype and 15 minutes later you’re in a combat area or sending emails instantly, instant messages. I don’t know how you do it.” ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 17 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition Believe me, I’ve talked with many, many troops who have just come back, most of them were disabled. The colonel and I had just gone over what a differences the wars are. Of course we decided it’s the same, war is war. There was other recently injured veterans at this gathering, shall I say, that we were having this conversation with. It was interesting. But school right now is not prepared and nor are the professors. I’m based out of San Diego State University where I work on vocational rehabilitation masters program as well as teach business courses around the country, universities and colleges. The classroom is not prepared yet for many of our veterans. Tell professors right now “Don’t be surprised if your veterans, especially combat veterans are sitting all the way in the back of the classroom or around the doorway. This is a common military training tactic. You’ve got to look at everyone around you, no one behind you and have an exit plan where you can get out of there quickly, a backup plan. Whether it’s getting out of their early to cut a class or if something happens that you’re uncomfortable with. And don’t be surprised if you get these veterans all of a sudden getting up and walking around or walking out and coming in. They’re not going to the bathroom. They just have to get their mind clear. The room, if it’s a low ceiling, as an example, that’s compression. The atmosphere is not right. Your ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 18 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition language, how fast you’re talking. They might look at you and nod their head “yes” but they’re not listening to you. Their mind is drifting into something else. It’s the whole thing. Also, the veterans coming back and it’s a symptom of post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, is you take on more than you can handle. They’re signing up for full courses rather than transitioning slowly. We are now starting to get a lot of veterans who are dropping out of school who are under the GI bill. Of course they say “I’ve just got to take a semester off. I got to take a break.” Chances are they won’t go back to school. At least not immediately. The only reason they went to school in the first place was because of that GI bill money. They’re not yet prepared for the classroom. The professors aren’t ready for them. They may talk with them in a language that’s not appropriate to them. “Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not my drill sergeant.” Type of attitude many veterans would have. It is awful difficult in the classroom and college professors as well as administrators, faculty need to understand these things. The color of the classroom is an example, it has a lot to do. What are the walls painted with? How high are the ceilings? Is it an auditorium or is it a small classroom? How crowded is the classroom? You’re really pushing someone who is conditioned and trained in the military lifestyle and especially if ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 19 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition they’re in a combat. That’s an enhanced repeat military lifestyle where you’re relying on the person next to you for your life and you throw them into this classroom and it doesn’t generate. They’re not ready yet. They haven’t decompressed. They haven’t transitioned well enough to jump in the classroom environment right now. It’s a weakness in an area in my opinion, Larry. It’s already showing. We predicted this a couple of years ago. If the GI bill ever was reinstated or those going back to school working with veterans who are students for many years, it’s just now extenuated because of the GI bill and a number of veterans which is a record number that are going to school and they need to go to school. But how it’s being done by many and by counselors advising them on what courses to take is really, it’s shameful in a way and I think history will prove me right on this one. Larry Muffet Again, I’ll open it up for just second here, see if any of you in the audience have a question for Urban and if not I’ll just go ahead and turn it back over to him and let him carry on. Any questions from the group? All right, hearing none I’m going to turn the microphone back over to Urban. ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 20 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition Urban Miyares Okay, Larry, thank you. Let me tell you a little bit about how my transition went and it was a force transition in that really as we talked about in 1968 there were few if any options that were available to me or that I even knew about not being a member of any military service organization, not really counseling anybody although I did go to VA Voc rehab after I got fired from my first job. They told me that with my educational level, a high school equivalency diploma, I had to go to summer school to get a general diploma to get out of high school. And the severity of my disabilities given a life expectancy of, at best, 20 years—they only predicted that I would live, the doctors at that time, 20 more years and that was 1968 when they said that. Voc rehab basically told me that they didn’t feel it was worth their time to train me in any trade because I was too disabled. That’s when I started in business and I found self employment as an option I had, as the only viable option whether you consider it an accidental entrepreneur or not. My first three businesses didn’t work. My fourth one before I finally realized what it takes for someone with catastrophic disabilities, the VA calls it catastrophic, to make it in the sighted and able body world of business. It was a rough transition and of course during this whole transition thing, and I emphasize for ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 21 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition anybody listening in right now that is in the transition phase and having difficulty, you’re not alone with it. Your loved ones are with you. They too have to transition just as my wife had to transition with me not knowing why I was acting bizarre, why I was different. These are things that had to go. Now because I had no resources I had constant self evaluation of myself. What am I doing right? What’s wrong? The first thing I had to do was forget communication. I had to forget the way I spoke in the military, had to drop all of the acronyms, all the jargon, the military jargon and just completely forget about it, especially some of the vocal language that was common place in the military that was no appropriate in society I quickly discovered. I had to almost throw away my military association in that when you talked with me or looked at me, I didn’t look like I was a veteran to society. For me that worked good. I still had my jungle boots. That’s the only thing that came back with me; Again, I was medevaced out of Vietnam but I kept them in the closet and only put them on when I was doing gardening work around the house or something of that nature. I generally didn’t do that. I threw all of the military stuff away. I had to do to that for my own psychological society. I had to forget about it. When I first came back from Vietnam, now mind you I had only been away, away from my friends I grew up with ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 22 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition my whole life in New York City, for less than two years. I went back to see them and it’s as if my maturity or experience was so much greater in years than theirs was. Some of them had gotten married in that two years. Some of them were still doing the same stuff we did when we were 14, 15 and 16 years of age but I felt like I was so much older than them. It matured me more than I had ever realized and also I realized you can never go back home. It’s never the same when you go back. I’ve seen so many veterans, I live in San Diego and they’re getting out of the military out of San Diego which is one of the largest if not the largest place for veterans getting out of the military and they’re going to go back home to their towns, going to move in with mom or the girlfriend that they’ve loved since junior high school or whatever it is, they’re going to get married. It’s not going to be the same. Nothing is the same. Life goes on. You’re just going to have to accept that now and that those that you grew up you can feel as if you’re older. You’re going to look in the mirror and you can see. You’ll say “Do I have grey hairs and they don’t? What’s going on here?” There’s a difference from the girls I dated to the guys I grew up with, played football with, did rattail with the towels in the shower with and all. Things have changed. We were not the same and of course Vietnam was different but I find it especially true today, all the vets going back home to expect life to ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 23 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition continue, it’s like it’s been on hold waiting for them to jump back in and start moving again. It’s not going to happen. This is an awakening. It’s almost as if you lived in a time capsule and jumped however long you’ve been in the military, whether it’s two years, five years or 30 years you’ve jumped that far ahead, you’re back into society again, into your community and things have changed. People have died. People have gotten sick. Businesses have closed. New businesses have opened. The hamburger you once liked in your favorite spot doesn’t taste the same. It’s that dramatic. I found this especially true when I talk to the troops now and they call me from their hometown and say “Urban, you were right, damn it. Then I found out while I was gone that girl I dated, she got married on me.” Not a dear John letter but “Dear John, this is what happened.” These are things you have to accept in the transition. I did that and for me it was great because I realized I could never go backwards. Interestingly 50 years later, not 50 years it was 43 years later at my 50th junior high school reunion. 50 years junior high school, 7th, 8th, 9th grade reunion I went back to New York for the reunion and most of the kids I grew up with were there and you know what? They still haven’t changed. I’m still older than them. ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 24 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition Those girls that I was in love with in those early years, I’m so happy I didn’t marry them. It’s just different. Everything has changed and I think the military definitely advances you, not only in one year or more years matures you but you have a different way of thinking and to me it’s more analytical and better. I’m so upset with so many veterans getting out and having all of this mature experience and way of thinking and they’re not using it right now. I really get upset when I hear that “What can I do now?” and they don’t look at themselves in the way that they should and say “What can I do now with this new training and experience?” We’re not talking about a skill trade or vocation. I’m talking about personally, internally, mentally, way of thinking, attitudes. It’s amazing how much one will change even with the short military involvement in that area. For me it was good. I had to forget about the past and start over with my new wife. I had issues with post traumatic stress as many of you know. I thought about suicide a couple of times. My wife got pregnant so I figured I needed to live for a reason and then things just started falling into place with business and being able to control my future. The biggest thing I had to change was my communication. How I looked, how I’d stand, I didn’t always have to have my heels together when I stood up, things like that. I didn’t have to always say “Yes, sir. No, ma’am.” I do sometimes ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 25 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition out of respect but I don’t in any way, shape look or act like , I try not to at least, like I’m in the military accept when I’m around military buddies at a military service organization and then I’ll curse with the best of them if need be. It’s just one of those things. That was the first transition phase that I had. I went from one lifestyle into a new lifestyle and did the best I could with this new lifestyle not carrying any of the baggage over with me. How many veterans do you know that are maybe years out of the military and they’re still wearing their military t-shirt or something related to the military in public. They talk the language of a military person. They act the character, the mentality is that of a military person and they’re always thinking in military terms. Putting the guys together, it’s their guys, that type thing. Instead of we’re all going to do this together. It’s a whole attitude thing and to me that’s the biggest issue with the high unemployment rate amongst veterans. It’s interesting the unemployment rate amongst veterans they’re not now saying is 11, 12% whatever the percentage is currently. That doesn’t include disabled vets. Vets like me and our unemployment rate, I know in the blind community, blinded veterans has to be 80% or more, has to be. If the general blind population they say only 1/3 of us are employed, in other words 70 or more percent of us are unemployed. For those blinded veterans that ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 26 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition number has to be greater of the unemployed in that arena. It’s mainly due to our attitudes and character. Not due to our blindness and other disabilities that we have. In my experience, not opinion, experience and in working with many and hopefully here at Hadley we can get many of these blinded veterans through the blinded veterans initiative as well as others who have sight loss or are legally blind to look at the programs and try to expand, go beyond living blind, as an example. I like to call it living blind. They train us how to be blind and living blind. We’ve got to go beyond that. We live in a sighted world. We’re not in the military anymore. If we were in the military we’d live the military. Now we’re in society, we’ve got to live society and the society we’re in right sound is a society able bodied world. Although a majority of people do have hidden disabilities for whatever the reason. The transitioning phase is good. Take the military life had to learn even though mine was short, is it use it to your advantage when need be but don’t carry it with you as your calling card. Unless it’s appropriate. If I’m going to go see someone that’s in the military I’ll try to get out of them in communications that they were in the military where I can just jump in and say “I was in the military too.” And go into that communication of military ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 27 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition related communication whereas I don’t just walk in and say “Hey, I understand you were an officer in the Navy. I was a sergeant in the army.” That’s pushing. Marketing is push/pull. I don’t like to push myself on anybody. I would rather pull. Get the information out of them, pull it out of them and then jump into the conversation if I can compliment it not supersede it. I was a sergeant. So if I’m talking to a general, I’d say “Yeah, I was just a sergeant” type of thing and of course as a general if they have communication, they’ll say “You weren’t just a sergeant. You were the workers.” I say “Yeah, I guess we were.” I compliment the conversation. I don’t try to “I was a sergeant. I did this. I did that.” I don’t do that in the communication when I’m talking about military. I often, with military, I like to listen more than I like to talk unless questions are asked specifically of me or there is a reason I’m talking, such as in a public speech when I’m talking for the veterans administration or military service organization. Then of course I’ll bring up my military background. The communications s critical. Next is your relationship with your spouse and then children you have or plan to have. Please, please, please don’t make that the barracks. You’re not the drill sergeant in that family. When you’re giving your kids the order and they will do this and that. I find that amazing that we want our kids to be independent and as they’re growing up we tell them what they can and ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 28 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition can’t do. We set the guidelines, the rules. We don’t give them any freedom. We bring that military to us. I’ve see that so much by our friends and have seen their children grow and mature in what professions there in and some of them have done very well. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not negative but I’ve also seen the other way where children have, shall I say, taken the wrong path in life. And they say “Yeah, my dad or my mom—always had this order to follow or that order to follow. I just couldn’t take it anymore.” Again, they haven’t been drafted by you. You have created them and sometimes it’s not best to create them in your own image because they’ll never turn out as you want them anyway. So give them the love and respect that they deserve and you’ll get it back towards you. This is one of the things I did and maybe I was too passive. When our son was born I got to the point where I eased up on my drill sergeant role as he grew older and let mom take over more. Today we have a loving son. I just had a talk with my son about our four grandchildren when we were at a dinner a few weeks ago. And he started, went off on our oldest granddaughter and I said ‘Tone down.” He was acting like a drill sergeant. So maybe accidentally I created in my own image but I can’t remember giving orders like that and demands. I said “Tone down. This is not the military.” He said “Dad, you don’t ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 29 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition understand what she did. She just aggravates—“ I said “Maybe you’ve got to show her another side of you and let’s see what happens.” This is part of the transition. We tend to get upset with society more than we do in the military. When people do stupid things we get upset, we blow out of proportion rather than just accept. Just don’t do the same mistake twice is what I’ve learned, especially with employees. I’ll put up with one mistake even though it cost me money but you do the same thing twice I’m sorry, you’re going to see the HR person. You’re not going to be with this company much longer unless you change immediately. These are some of the transitioning things. We have to change everything about us when we come out of the military. You’re going to have to look in the mirror and reflect on your own personality, lifestyle how you look, how you dress, how you talk. We’ve talked about this at Hadley before, about the presentation that you give. It starts out with what other people see and then it comes out what other people hear. How you talk and what you say; sometimes not saying anything is more powerful than saying something. These are things—how you stand, your posture, your facial expressions. These are all so critical with that. One of the things I’ve found especially with the combat savvy veterans who have realized this, they always have a smile on their face. Colonel [Vargas] ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 30 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition as I said earlier a metal of honor winner. If you walked by him, if you read the story it’s not the same guy. Two different personalities; he’s like that and people look at me and they find it hard to believe that I was a combat veteran. I lead a platoon. You’ll see that across the board from veterans returning who may or may not have PTSD. They’ve learned how to use the PTSD positively and it’s changed or transformed their whole lifestyle. “Yes, I was in the military it was a great experience.” That “Now what do you want to do today” attitude and “Life is great.” It’s that transition. And you’ll find those veterans who have difficulty in transitioning, have that sourpuss, that frown on your face, the wrinkle in their brow that nothing is going right for them, they wish they were back in the military. It’s a dramatic change that has to be done. It may even require you to go into a completely different profession, occupation or trade then what you thought you’d like or thought you would do best in or train best in. Now for those that are blind, this is where the opportunity comes in where that the whole world is open to you. Of course Hadley’s entrepreneur program—Forsyth Center of Entrepreneurship is great tool to find out if starting your own business or being self employed is a viable option to earn a few extra bucks or to do a whole new lifespan. I’ve taken up the business or ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 31 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition entrepreneurship lifestyle. That’s my lifestyle and what I’m truly enjoying. Any questions, Larry? Larry Muffet Well here is the question that I had earlier that I’ve been kind of holding. If you had to put your finger on the single most difficult issue, either for you yourself or when you talked to other veterans going through the same sort of thing, what is the single most difficult thing to deal with? Is it a blindness? Is it the PTSD? Is it just the general sort of transition we talked about, making changes from a very regimented organization to a less regimented one? If you had to put your finger on one thing what would it be? Urban Miyares That’s a tough one, Larry. One item, each has its own challenges and rewards. Or if they are a challenge it’s up to you to make them a reward. I think when you’re mentally not feeling well, an example, I have severe chronic pain. I have spinal cord injury. They put me on medications that I was getting forgetful, like I was sleepy all the time. I wasn’t able to do—being blind I wasn’t able to even handle things that I had trained myself to do being blind. Cutting a chicken, is an example, with a bone in it. I was constantly dropping the knife. I felt sloppy. So to me it’s psychological. ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 32 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition PTSD is the worst because of the depressive side and you know my Thursday at two o’clock, that’s when I get depressed. That’s what I’ve learned to do. I build up all of my depression for the week until Thursday at two o’clock and then I decide how depressed I am and generally it’s not that bad. At the moment it feels like you’re in a dark hole and can’t get out of it and no one cares. That’s part of it. I think the most difficult thing was the psychological. Blindness is definitely difficult. Would I like my sight back? Well, in many cases, yes and in some cases no. I’m often asked, with all of this technology what happens if you got your sight back? I said “If you look at my life my big question would be what would people expect from me now if I got my sight back?” I tend to be an A+ personality. I’m always looking for that new challenge, that new experience, new thrill. There are some things I won’t do. I won’t jump out of planes. For all of you blind people that like jumping out of planes, god bless you. Go do it for me, will you? I won’t do that but I will do some strange and bizarre things that some would say are life threatening. But on the other hand I look at the advantages or have created advantages in blindness. One of my speeches, it’s a comedy I do about all of the advantages of being blind and I enjoy that in a way. There’s other ways I just hate being blind. There is no question about it. But the single thing for me ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 33 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition coming back from Vietnam was PTSD which no one knew about. Back then they diagnosed you as bipolar or manic depressive and put you on Lithium if you had these symptoms of PTSD. I was already diagnosed with battle fatigue while I was in the service before I was medevaced out. I would say PTSD and then chronic pain and then if there was a category blindness would be third on the list. However, it would be real close to first too. All three of them really are in one package as far as I’m concerned with that. Of course blindness creates depression instinctively. Anybody who is blind and hasn’t been depressed—first you get frustrated and then you get depressed, in my experience. Everybody I’ve talked to has had—and of course, we’ve talked about depression at Seminars at Hadley and depression really is one of the—everybody gets depressed. It’s a mechanism, the body’s self defense mechanism and there we have to all contend with. Those who are transitioning right now, depression is even more because you don’t know where to go, where the outreach is. Take a course with Hadley. Keep your mind moving. Keep active. That’s one of the things. I always want people to look at disabled veterans in transitioning. Give somebody work. Give them something to do. Something where they have some control, reward, satisfaction with the ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 34 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition challenge involved. Too many veterans getting out are so difficult in transitioning they wind up working for a government organization such as the Department of Defense and Veterans Administration, even Military Service Organizations. They’re getting work. It’s good but they’re not changing. They’re not transferring that much. They’re not transitioning that much. They’re going from the military into a quasi or semi military organizational structure. So they’re still in the military. They still have that chain of command. They still get their orders. They have to be at their desk, or their assignment, or something. They still have quotas or whatever the military asked them to do. They’re pretty much doing that again. There’s nothing wrong with that. They’re staying active. To me being active is more important than getting out of the military lifestyle. Some of those veterans are just doing some wonderful things for other veterans as well as society in general. Again, I want to emphasize that not everybody has the same transitioning experiences. Some people can transition from the military back to society and go great. There’s many I know that have done that well. Generally they’ve stepped in a business that maybe their parents owned or they were partners with before. Or they were able to get their job back that they had before or the family support, which is so critical, is there and ready for them in their new state. There ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 35 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition always seems to be a little caveat with those who transition well. And then those who transition by themselves tend to isolate from family, friends and everybody. The only friends they have are others who have the transitioning problem. We all hang around people who have the same issues we have. If you’re at the poverty level generally most, if not all of your friends are at the poverty level too. If you’re a religious person generally all of your friends are of your same denomination. We put ourselves in these little circles of influence or contacts or friendships intentionally. We all do. The things is we’ve got to expand that. Not make that circle bigger but add other circles to our life and again, I bring up Hadley. If you’re transitioning take one of the courses from Hadley. I’m taking a course on diabetes from Hadley right now. I have diabetes. I’ve had it for 45 years and I came back from Vietnam with diabetes. So I’m taking a course. You figure I know everything there is to know about diabetes. Well, I’m looking for that one little bit I could know a little bit better. Well, actually I’m checking Hadley to see if they got it right. No, that’s not the real reason. That’s an example. Take something else “Well I haven’t got time to do something.” Well, none of us have time so keep it that way. And of course when you’re blind you even have less time because it often takes us a little bit longer to ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 36 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition do things that if we had sight you would do quicker. But that’s part of it. The thing with transitioning is transition into a new lifestyle. Anybody who has gotten a divorce has gone through transition. Anyone who has had someone pas away on them, there is a transition phase. The phase goes denial, then guilt whatever that psychological flow is, we all go through that. But so do veterans transitioning. But he veterans getting out of the military go through the TAPs program- that training assistance program or transitions assistance program, whatever the acronym stands for—jump right into school right away on a fulltime curriculum through the GI bill. They have no time to decompress and realize what they’re jumping into. This is where they’re getting into trouble. I had the advantage in that I was in the hospital for six months when I came back from Vietnam. So there was a transitioning. Although I was still in the military form and all I met with the general public on a regular basis. I didn’t have orders to follow other than clinical appointments. There was no one I was in charge of or responsible for. I just had to get healthy again. To me it was great. World War II they came back on ships from being out at sea two weeks or longer. They had time to be prepared to be welcomed when they arrived in the United States. Today, again, ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 37 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition amazing—our troops today, they can be in the battlefield in the morning and be in their hometown literally that afternoon, literally. It’s like going to another planet. It’s like watching Star Wars or something where they go from planet to planet or see aliens and you walk right into it. You’re out of sorts. You really are. Larry Muffet Well, I’d love to continue this on but I know you have another engagement so I’m going to unfortunately have to start wrapping this up. I’m going to tell everyone that this seminar, like all of our seminars, will be archived on our site and available for your use any time around the clock. Also each Hadley seminar is not made available as a podcast which you can download to your computer or mobile device. If today’s seminar has got you thinking about this issue or interested in hearing more, please check out the veterans initiative page on the Hadley website, check out the seminar archives and Hadley’s course list. Urban and I thank you for your participation. Your questions were outstanding and really added to the value of this seminar. We value your feedback. Please let us know what you thought about today’s seminar and please give us suggestions for future topics. There’s a couple of ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 38 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition different ways you can do that. One way is by dropping us an email to feedback@hadley.edu F-E-ED-B-A-C-K @hadley.edu. Another way to share is by completing a short onscreen survey that I’m going to post as we conclude today. You can go ahead and do the survey and it will take you right on out of the website. I’m going to head the microphone back to Urban for just a couple final comments. Urban Miyares. The only comment I’d like to make is picture a person, male or female, standing up or sitting down and on their back they have a backpack and that backpack says “military.” That’s their whole military lifestyle and experience in that backpack. And then holding in one hand they have an attaché case and in that attaché case in new experience, new lifes, new hopes. You decide which one of them you, transitioning or the transitioning veteran want to carry with you. You want to carry that backpack on your back all the time or you want to leave the backpack at home or a military service organization and walk around society with that attaché case with new hopes, dreams, aspirations and experiences. Thanks, Larry. A pleasure like always. Larry Muffet ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 39 of 40 2012-10-03-Military Transition Certainly, Urban. I always appreciate it. I have such a good time doing these with you. I look forward, we’ve got a couple more of these coming up this week that we certainly want people to take advantage of also. I want to personally thank all of you for taking the time to be a part of this today. Your questions and comments added a lot to it. Thank you very much for attending. [End of Audio – 1:00:36] ©2012 The Hadley School for the Blind Page 40 of 40