‘Begin at the beginning,’ the King
said, gravely, ‘and go on till you
come to the end; then stop.’
-Lewis Carroll
Grammar & Flow 3: Cohesion & Coherence
From J.M. William’s Style, 6th ed.
Cohesion:
There is a general rule in writing that says avoid passives. The standard advice says to
choose the active verb instead. For example, Bob saw Claire is easier to understand and
more concise than Claire was seen by Bob.
However, if you always followed this advice, you would choose the ACTIVE VERB in
sentence 1A over the PASSIVE in 1B:
1A.
The collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than a marble creates a Black
Hole.
1B
A Black Hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger
than a marble.
So, why does 1B seem like an easier sentence to understand that 1A? Why is 1A a
complex sentence? Because the last four words in sentence 1A introduce an important
new character – black holes in space. A Black Hole may be somewhat more familiar to a
reader than the process by which they are created. So, you want to put topics/characters
that are already known (given topics) at the beginning of a sentence. Likewise, topics
that were introduced in the previous sentences, should appear at the beginning of new
sentences.
2
A Black Hole is created by the collapse of a dead star into a point perhaps no larger than
a marble. So much matter compressed into so little volume changes the fabric of
space around it in puzzling ways.
On the other hand, topics that are completely new and/or not familiar to the reader
should appear at the end of the sentence, such as the definition of a black hole in sentence
1B. These principles in general are known as Given to New. Sentences should start with
the given information (information already known to the reader either through
common knowledge or introduced in previous sentences). New information should be
introduced towards the end of the sentence, using the given information to explain the
new information.
3
Some astonishing questions about the nature of the universe have been raised by
scientists studying [black holes in space. A black hole] is created by the collapse of
a dead star into [a point perhaps no larger than a marble. So much matter
compressed into so little volume] changes the fabric of space around it in puzzling
ways.
When you are revising your own drafts, everything will seem like old information to you.
So even though you will probably find it difficult to distinguish old information from new
in your own writing, you must try, because you have to begin sentences from your
readers’ point of view, with what they know, either from information you provided in
previous sentences or from knowledge they bring with them.
Many a writer seems to think he is
never profound except when he
can’t understand his own meaning.
-George D. Prentice
Revise the following passage to improve its Given-New flow:
Two aims – the recovery of the American economy and the restoration of America into a
military superpower – were in Reagan’s mind when he assumed the office of the
presidency. The drop in unemployment figures and inflation, and the increase in the
GNP testifies to his success in the first. But our increased involvement in international
conflict without any clear set of political goals indicates less success with the second.
Nevertheless, vast increases in the military budget and a good deal of saber rattling
pleased the American voter.
Coherence:
However, Given to New is not the only organizational principle of writing. And, you can
have sentences that tie together but do not make sense, such as the ‘story’ we wrote as a
group in class. From the point of view of the reader, several sentences in a row have to
‘hang together’ to form a coherent passage. The first thing readers want to know about a
sentences is what it is ‘about,’ its topic.
4
And therefore, politically speaking, in Eastern states since 1980, acid rain has become a
serious concern.
This sentence is in some general sense about politics, the East, and 1980, but its real
topic, what it is centrally “about,” is its subject/topic, acid rain.
Readers judge passages to be coherent if they can see two things in the string of
sentences:


5
They can quickly identify the topics of individual sentences and clauses.
They can see how those topics constitute a related but relatively limited set of
ideas.
International cooperation is still the goal of most countries.
In this example, the topic is the subject, but it does not have to be. Consider the
following:
6
It is impossible for your claims to be proved conclusively.
7
In regard to these questions, I believe there is a need for more research.
8
It is likely that our proposal will be accepted.
To practice, look at the introductory paragraph of one of your own papers. Identify the
topic strings of the paragraph and revise the sentences so the topics are easy to identify
and clearly related.