Social skills group vocabulary:
Flexible: to make a change and be okay. This can refer to objects,
thoughts or ideas and a person’s personality or identity. Flexibility is
one of the most important qualities of a good group member.
Perspective: to “take someone’s perspective” is to try to figure out
their thoughts and feelings in a situation. Also called “putting
yourself if their shoes”, or “putting yourself in their place”.
Identity: The things that make you YOU. Your identity may include
facts: how you look, what you do (student, occupation), activities
you participate in, etc. It also includes others’ perspective of you –
what they think/feel about your actions and choices. Good choices
= good thoughts in others = good identity.
Expected behaviors: “Good” social behaviors and choices. Doing
the right thing, in the right place, at the right time. These actions
result in others having GOOD or positive thoughts about us. They
help create a GOOD IDENTITY.
Unexpected behaviors: “Negative” social behaviors and choices.
Actions that are:
 not socially acceptable
 not age appropriate
 done in the wrong place
 done at the wrong time
These choices result in others having negative or “WEIRD” / “WACKY”
thoughts about us. They may result in a negative identity.
Thought bubble: When you keep an idea, statement, question or
comment in your head, instead of saying it out loud. It is important
to use your thought bubble when your idea may hurt others’ feelings
or result in “weird/wacky” thoughts. The though bubble is GREAT
because no one can read your mind! You can think ANYTHING and
it will not have negative consequences. Positive or negative
consequences occur only when you choose to speak or act on your
thoughts.
Using your “Social fiter”: When you make a choice to keep thoughts
or ideas in your head that may cause hurt feelings or bad/weird
thoughts in others.
“Good” Questions: to ask a good question – first ask yourself:
 Do I already know the answer? If you do… usually not a good
question
 Is the question on topic, or related to the topic in some way (if it
is not – you need to warn the listener?
 Will it get me the information that I need OR show other that I
am I am interested in what they have to say?
“The Social Fake”: Showing others that you care about their
thoughts/feelings (perspective) by showing interest in and/or respect
for what they think or have to say, even when you are not very
interested. You do NOT have to agree with their perspective. The
social fake is not a lie. You do not tell them that you like things that
they like if it is not true. The social fake is an essential listening skill
and is helpful when sitting in a boring class, meeting new people,
and showing those you love that you care about their thoughts and
feelings. Using the social fake can help you develop good
thoughts/feelings in others (good emotional response). It can be
used when trying to find out if you DO have anything in common.
 You can “fake someone out” by: nodding head (not too
much), keeping your eyes on them when they are talking,
responding to their statements (yes, hmm, “that’s
interesting”), and asking GOOD questions.
 Examples of the social fake:
o In a class – you can show the teacher that you
respect them and care about their feelings by sitting
up in your chair and keeping your eyes on them (or
the board), even if you’re not interested in the
subject.
o At home – you can show your mom, dad, sister,
brother, etc. that you care about them by how their
day was (even if you are not interested)
o Meeting a new person – you can show that you are
interested in the person by asking about what they
like, what they do, what they think. This often leads
to finding that you have some interest in common
that you can both enjoy talking about!
The “Hidden Rules”: are social rules that we need to follow to
keep others from having weird thoughts about us.
Following the “hidden rules” helps us fit in better with our
peers, make and keep friends, and be a good
group or team member.
 They are not like “real rules”. If you break a REAL rule –
the consequence is to “get in trouble”.
 If we break a “hidden rule” the consequence is usually
that others will have bad, weird or gross thoughts about
us.
 The number of hidden rules and the importance of
following the hidden rules changes as you grow up.
There are fewer “hidden rules” in Kindergarten than
there are in 4th, 5th or 6th grades.
 To follow the “Hidden rules” we need to be able to
take the PERSPECTIVE of others.