M.S. Parent Connection
January 13th, 2009
The Roller -Coaster Years
Chapters 5 and 6
Roger Jones and Carol Botty discussed the different changes that take place during
the Middle School Years.
Chapter 5: Three-Ring Circus
Middlers can be described as:
1. DISTRACTED; “not hear you” indifferent to their surroundings, having low
academics
“Research shows that between the ages of twelve and fourteen, a child’s ability to
learn slacks off.” (Page 92)
What to do: (Page 93)
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Parents need to let go, step back on homework, but need to be “an overseer’.
Learning issues often show up at this age.
Check for roadblocks to learning: language difficulties, spatial orientation,
memory, fine motor control, sequencing, ADD,ADHD (Pages 95-100)
Carol Botty mentioned that sometimes many learning disabilities may be “masked”
in Lower School. There is new research happening that will help with testing in
Lower School that can give them keys and tools to how best teach your child.
Having a learning disability is no longer considered a stigma.
2. DISORGANIZED; constantly forget things, messy room, loses things,
underestimates the amount of time it takes to complete a task, does homework,
but fails to hand it in, seems oblivious of time.
What to do: (Pages 101-104)
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pare down his/ her schedule
arrange a good place for him/her to work
know when your child likes to study
make a list
use visual reminders
use verbal reminders
use a timer
break down tasks into manageable pieces
Roger and Carol mentioned that being organized is such an important element to
teach in Middle School. The plan book is designed to help your child get organized.
Parents may need to help set the framework by providing the setting for homework
and looking at the planner. You know your child and know how much involvement
is needed on your part. If your child is receiving homework citations, you may need
to help coach them until they get the routine down. Middle Schoolers tend to have
the attitude of “No matter how hard I try, I’m still not going to do well.” They feel
they aren’t good enough. Don’t give fake self-esteem, but start with positive
statements. As your child demonstrates success, give more independence.
Your child won’t change overnight, but you need to look at the long view.
3. DISINTERESTED; Some children seem to shut down. (Page 105-106)
 don’t panic
 rekindle the interest
 “Girls in particular experience a crisis of confidence as they approach fullblown adolescence.”
Master Middle Speak (“fine”, “nothing”, “I don’t know”) and remain in
communication with your child.
What to do: (Pages 109-111)
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STOP asking many questions, giving a lot of advice
LOOK for cues from your middler, when they want to talk (bed time, car ride)
LISTEN without jumping in to offer advice and criticism
Strategies: Don’t retreat - Your child needs you to show them how to get
organized or find a new interest.
Control your reactions - “…blowing your top won’t find the paper...”
Be an advocate -You may have to assume a more active role with the school.
Middle Schoolers become more private in their world which is normal. Volunteer to
drive your kids whenever possible as they tend to forget you are there and talk
more.
Chapter 6: Ringing the Bell
Note the theme to the introduction to this chapter – as students move into the
Middle School, the role of the parent with respect to their level of involvement
changes, but it is equally important.
Good Middle Schools have:
 educators that are “middler experts.”
 an agenda that is both academic and “developmentally appropriate.”
 teaching methods that are flexible.
 counseling as a focus.
Strategies: Think of yourself as an Educational Consultant
 Become a Middler expert.
 Help your young adolescent develop many skills.
 Make homework hands-on.
 Evaluate more than grades.
 Make the home-learning environment a positive, nurturing one.
Roger and Carol ended the discussion by saying how the anticipation of entering
Middle School is actually worse than the reality. They put a lot of thought into
choosing your child’s Advisory in M.S. They look to see which teacher would most
benefit your child. Carol Botty pointed out that the most important factor in
reducing risky behaviors is for a child to have close communication with a trusted
adult. The faculty always have their eyes open to see the day to day interactions at
school…at lunch, talking in the corridor, etc. It’s important if you feel something
isn’t right, to let them know as they have systems in place to help. Bancroft offers a
lot of support as they want your child to feel connected to school.