STAGE 2 ENLISH COMMUNICATIONS
Assessment Type 1: Text Analysis
Student Response
‘Walbia Gu Burru’
Persuasive Speech
Page 1 of 8
Stage 2 English Communications student response
Ref: A209016 (August 2012)
© SACE Board of South Australia 2012
RED- Indicates the use of voice and vocal techniques to persuade the audience and
panel of judges.
Hello and welcome to the annual Eyre Writers Awards. My name is Marnie Picken and
today I am here to justify the rationale behind why up and coming, published,
indigenous author Dylan Coleman should be the recipient of this prestigious award.
Before I begin I would like to show my respect and acknowledge the Traditional
Custodians of the land, past and present, on which this meeting takes place. I would
also like to acknowledge the judging panel and the comprehensive knowledge they
hold regarding short story form and literary conventions within this short story genre.
(Clear and concise, relatively fast pace) Dylan Coleman is of Aboriginal heritage and
has aptly expressed her deep spiritual connections with the land on the Eyre Peninsula
around Kooniba Mission, which is where her narrative’s setting is based. Dylan
Coleman has articulated, to her target audience, connections with the land and
historical events on behalf of her family and Aboriginal people.
Coleman has utilised the short story genre with purpose to translate local indigenous
historical experience (Emphasis on ‘without’) without seeming didactic. (Slight Pause,
regular pace) Stories told to Coleman by her mother have been fictionalised and
published with purpose to depict a period of history post early colonisation, exposing
“some of the issues relating to indigenous people and also some things that happened
to us –my grandmother, and the environment my mother grew up in, on Kooniba
mission”1. Coleman effectively sets the initial scene within this prize winning narrative
to (Pace slowed over ‘gather and harness’) gather and harness the audience’s empathy
of the indigenous experiences in the early 1940’s. (Pause)
With efficient use of figurative language such as powerful and evocative similes and
metaphors which “convey a lot of information for a small amount of words”2
Coleman’s target audience can visualise and empathise with the indigenous plight.
(Change of voice/pace slowed for quote eg. Storytelling) “All crops need rain to grow,
she thought. And grow she did, like the Walga with its thorny stem and smooth inner
skin that splits to release its ripe fruit. And beneath its tasty flesh, at its core dozens of
little black seeds are nurtured. Ada held her child close.”3 (Pause) Composing
juxtapostioned images with deep indigenous references to objects of non-indigenous
culture and context has potential to thrust the less informed audience to experience
and empathise with indigenous plights. An interview with Coleman qualifies this by her
statement that (Change of pace) “Using the sermon and the story of the righteousness
coming from the pastor and then, kind of, almost cancelling out or juxtapositioninglike turning it into an opposite image of one of righteousness to one of something that
Knowledge and
Understanding
Demonstrates a detailed
and comprehensive
knowledge and
understanding of ways
speeches are shaped by
conventions including a
clear introduction which
fluently states a purpose
and acknowledges both the
judging panel and the
traditional custodians.
Analysis
Demonstrates
comprehensive and
analytical understanding of
the ideas, experiences,
values and beliefs related to
indigenous experiences in
the early 1940s that are
explored in the unfamiliar
text.
Knowledge and
Understanding
Demonstrates knowledge
and understanding of a
range of language
techniques including the
figurative language
techniques and juxtaposed
images used by Coleman.
1
Coleman, D, 2011, Interviewed by Streaky Bay Area School Stage 2 Class of 2011, Streaky Bay,
25th February
2
I BID
3
Coleman, D 2004, The Body An Anthology, “Walbia Gu Burru” pg 45, Wakefield Press, Kent
Town.
Page 2 of 8
Stage 2 English Communications student response
Ref: A209016 (August 2012)
© SACE Board of South Australia 2012
has happened that’s oppressive”4 (Pause, pace normalized) A wide range of literary
conventions are utilized by Coleman in producing effective imagery. (Emphasis) The
audience are transported into Ada, the main character’s, position and are able to
visualize, with textual references, the position she is placed in by her people. (Change
of voice/pace slowed for emphasis on Quote eg. Storytelling)
“White cotton dresses billowed under a gust of wind as a whirly whirly
dissipated into the crowd like the crack of a whip. Rocks shuffled beneath the
feet of those who gathered in front of the old sandstone church. Then in
stillness, a multitude of eyes bored into a young woman standing alone. A
figure of solitude, baby held close to her breast. Crows shrieked from a eucalypt
tree whose leaves hushed the shaded whisperings.”5(Pause for emphasis,
quotes meaning given time for audience to comprehend Ada’s experience)
(Emphasis on first sentence) Such intricate imagery immediately exposes the author’s
disdain of a period of racist history in a literary form. (Pace normalized) The audience
are transported or positioned into the early 1940’s where racism and bigotry towards
indigenous women was ubiquitous. This era has characteristic dark disposition and
tone created by Coleman in ‘Walbia Gu Burru’, one of tension and conflict exposing the
bigotry of women and the ever present conflict between colonial Christian missionary
and its clash with indigenous culture. (Slight pause)
Themes in this short story are Coleman’s own family’s experiences; however reflect
the treatment of indigenous people, especially women, and the dynamics of two
opposing culture’s values and religious beliefs. Coleman noted in an interview “Those
western ideas which would have been very different to Aboriginal traditional ideas
because some men had several wives in a traditional setting because it was about
survival as well, and it was about community existing together in a way that they can
survive. Those ideas were thrown out the window with the mission system and the
western ideas.”6(Pause)
Knowledge and
Understanding
Demonstrates detailed
knowledge and
understanding of the theme
of the short story including
the treatment of indigenous
people, especially women,
which is heightened by the
use of authentic indigenous
language.
(Pace normalized, emphasis on ‘little’) Readers with little knowledge regarding the
intricate history and cultural context explored in ‘Walbia Gu Burru’ instantly gain an
insight with Coleman’s authentic use of indigenous language infused within the
narrative (See appendix 1 for glossary). This is her strength as a contemporary author.
(Change of voice/pace slowed for emphasis on Quote eg. Storytelling)
“‘Anyways, I reckon she ain’t nothin’ but a biggy biggy knunchu, sloppin’ from
old farmer William’s trough. And that bastard kid is nothin’ but William’s
minya piglet...and always will be, just sloppin’ in his trough.’ Maggie spat at
Ada, ‘You ain’t nothin’ but walbia gu burru,’ then bent down and scooped up
4
Coleman, D, 2011, Interviewed by Streaky Bay Area School Stage 2 Class of 2011, Streaky Bay,
25th February
5
Coleman, D 2004, The Body An Anthology, “Walbia Gu Burru” pg 40, Wakefield Press, Kent
Town.
6
Coleman, D, 2011, Interviewed by Streaky Bay Area School Stage 2 Class of 2011, Streaky Bay,
25th February
Page 3 of 8
Stage 2 English Communications student response
Ref: A209016 (August 2012)
© SACE Board of South Australia 2012
two small sharp stones throwing them in her direction. One stung Ada’s leg
and the other bounced off her baby’s head. The baby began to cry.”7 (Pause for
emphasis, quotes meaning given time for audience to comprehend Ada’s
experience)
Indigenous language is effectively infused in the dialogue exposing context and her
authentic indigenous perspective into the storyline. The use of figurative language
combined with the Koktha language, native to the area around Kooniba Mission, used
within this short story is also influential in positioning the reader and introducing
further underlying context. (Pause, pace slowed for emphasis) An indigenous term of
reference was utilized by Coleman as the title of the short story and throughout the
text, ‘Walbia Gu Burru’. ‘Walbia Gu Burru’ is translated to the English language as
‘White Man’s Meat’. This saying was readily used by fellow indigenous people and also
non-indigenous in the 1940’s to describe Aboriginal women that had been forced, or
went willingly with non-indigenous men, resulting in a sexual relationship for favours
or merely to survive which would have the possibility of the creation of a child that
would be ‘half-caste’ and a signature of shame. (Pause) “That name was used by
Aboriginal people on the mission to call these women that had children to white men
‘Walbia Gu Burru’, ‘White Man’s Meat’. So they are, just basically an object for these
men, it’s an internalised racist term.”8(Pause for audience to comprehend themes)
(Pace normalized) Coleman is able to articulate and give implicit features which
efficiently characterise Ada, the main character, within this narrative form. The
audience are offered the chance to create and visualise Ada within their own context.
(Change of voice/pace slowed for emphasis on Quote eg. Storytelling) “Ada shuffled
back and stooping her shoulders inward, held her baby’s head then sank into her
battered, bruised body, taking her child with her. She imagined herself invisible.”9
(Pause) Ada, not only represents the figure of Coleman’s grandmother, but also
symbolically represents Aboriginal women and the intergenerational trauma that has
been experienced by indigenous Australian women. “Ultimately the trauma from
colonisation is, kind of, passed on from one generation to the next and one of the
things in the story is about, also, internalising racism.”10
Application
Evidence from texts
including direct quotes is
used to support ideas.
“In fact, the worst offender of institutionalized discrimination and
marginalization of Aboriginal people is the government.”11
7
Coleman, D 2004, The Body An Anthology, “Walbia Gu Burru” pg 41, Wakefield Press, Kent
Town.
8
Coleman, D, 2011, Interviewed by Streaky Bay Area School Stage 2 Class of 2011, Streaky Bay,
25th February
9
Coleman, D 2004, The Body An Anthology, “Walbia Gu Burru” pg 41, Wakefield Press, Kent
Town.
10
Coleman, D, 2011, Interviewed by Streaky Bay Area School Stage 2 Class of 2011, Streaky Bay,
25th February
11
Creative Spirits, ‘Racism in Aboriginal Australia’, URL: [
http://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/people/racism.html#top ] accessed 17th May
2011, 2.55pm
Page 4 of 8
Stage 2 English Communications student response
Ref: A209016 (August 2012)
© SACE Board of South Australia 2012
“We are still hearing the same things that my mother was hearing when she
was little.”12
(Pace slowed and emphasis on rhetorical question) Is it not true that each reader will
bring their own values, beliefs and connections to a story determining their opinion on
the themes raised in the narrative? (Pace/voice changed for quote) “When people read
into these stories it actually, can reveal a lot about the readers position because
depending on what they bring to the reading of the story because each reader sticks
within their own point of view and perspective and so each reader will perceive things
in a slightly different way and that will tell a lot about the reader, how they interpret a
story.”13 (Pace normalized) By sharing her experiences and stories passed from
generation to generation, Coleman is also able to influence the audience’s thoughts to
empathise with indigenous dilemmas. (Emphasis on ‘completely’) “Its drawing
completely on my cultural background and family’s experiences and wanting to
position the aboriginal voice at the centre of the narrative.”14
From what has been expressed through this speech, (Expression +slowed on ‘how’)
qualifying how Dylan utilized her position as an up and coming indigenous author to
depict times of racism and discrimination against indigenous women and ‘half-caste’
children. Dylan has utilized the short story genre to position her target audience to
potentially envisage and empathise with the mistreatment and indoctrination of these
women to a white religion. Coleman has aptly expressed, on behalf of her family and
her people some of the conditions forced upon indigenous people after early
colonisation in the short story genre with the use of powerful figurative language. In
doing this Coleman has effectively produced an influential narrative while using short
story conventions. Which raises the question, (Intensify Here) should Dylan be
recipient of this 2011 Eyre writers Award? (Pause)
(Slowed to enhance) Dylan Coleman is a deserving recipient of this 2011 Eyre Writers
Award and is to be acknowledged for her short story ‘Walbia Gu Burru’. Coleman has
effectively used literature, with integrity, which shares family pain and trauma
exposing rich cultural connections to country, to an indigenous and non-indigenous
audience. By winning this award Coleman’s short story will gain a larger audience
which will include a broader cross section of our Australian society who no doubt will
gain valuable insights to the mistreatment of women, (Emphasis on ‘in particular’) in
particular our Indigenous Australian women.
Knowledge and
Understanding
Demonstrates a knowledge
and understanding of a
range of ways of defining
and identifying how a nonindigenous audience may
be influenced by the text.
Communication
Demonstrates fluent and
precise writing using an
appropriately formal style
and logical structure for a
challenging and unfamiliar
audience of judges.
12
I BID
Coleman, D, 2011, Interviewed by Streaky Bay Area School Stage 2 Class of 2011, Streaky Bay,
25th February
14
I BID
13
Page 5 of 8
Stage 2 English Communications student response
Ref: A209016 (August 2012)
© SACE Board of South Australia 2012
Words: 973
Appendix 1
Glossary
Biggy Biggy Knunchu – pig.
Booba – dog.
Gooling – baby.
Goojarb – serve yourself right.
Indie – isn’t that so/yes, it is.
Minya – small.
Tiljip – old man.
Ungerdie – sexually hungry.
Walga – wild bush tomato.
Walbia Gu Burru – white man’s meat.
Whirly Whirly – a gust of spiralling wind.
Additional Comments
This text analysis is illustrative of an A grade.
Page 6 of 8
Stage 2 English Communications student response
Ref: A209016 (August 2012)
© SACE Board of South Australia 2012
Performance Standards for Stage 2 English Communications
A
Knowledge and Understanding
Analysis
Application
Communication
Detailed and comprehensive knowledge
and understanding of the ways in which a
wide variety of texts are shaped by the
conventions of a particular form of
expression or communication.
Perceptive analysis of a
range of ways in which
authors use the
conventions of different
text types to influence
opinions and decisions in
familiar and unfamiliar
contexts.
Use of a wide range of
language skills and
techniques to create
sophisticated and coherent
texts that address the
meaning and intention of the
task.
Fluent and precise writing
and speaking, using
appropriate style and
structure for a range of
mainly unfamiliar audiences
and contexts.
Knowledge and understanding of the ways
in which creators and readers of familiar
and unfamiliar texts use a range of
language techniques and strategies to
make meaning.
Detailed knowledge and understanding of
the ideas and themes in familiar and
unfamiliar texts.
Knowledge and understanding of a wide
range of ways of defining and attracting a
target audience for familiar and unfamiliar
texts and examples of communication.
B
Knowledge and understanding of the ways
in which a range of texts are shaped by the
conventions of a particular form of
expression or communication.
Knowledge and understanding of the ways
in which creators and readers of mainly
familiar texts use some language
techniques and strategies to make
meaning.
Knowledge and understanding of some
ideas and themes in familiar, and some
unfamiliar, texts.
Knowledge and understanding of a range
of ways of defining and attracting a target
audience for mainly familiar texts and
examples of communication.
Page 7 of 8
Analysis of complex
connections between
personal ideas,
experiences, values, and
beliefs, and those explored
in familiar and unfamiliar
texts.
Comprehensive and
analytical understanding of
the ideas, experiences,
values, and beliefs
explored in a range of
familiar and unfamiliar
texts.
Analysis of a range of ways
in which authors use the
conventions of different
text types to influence
opinions and decisions in
familiar, and some
unfamiliar, contexts.
Analysis of some complex
and simple connections
between personal ideas,
experiences, values, and
beliefs, and those explored
in familiar, and some
unfamiliar, texts.
Analytical understanding of
the ideas, experiences,
values, and beliefs
explored in a range of
familiar, and some
unfamiliar, texts.
Detailed and appropriate use
of evidence from texts to
support responses, with
textual references
incorporated fluently.
Appropriate use of
language to convey mostly
complex meaning in a
range of unfamiliar
contexts.
Skills in using the structural,
conventional, and textual
features of text types for a
range of familiar and
unfamiliar contexts,
audiences, and purposes.
Versatile and creative
production of texts for a
variety of familiar and
unfamiliar contexts,
audiences, and purposes.
Use of a range of language
skills and techniques to create
clear and coherent texts that
address the meaning and
intention of the task.
Use of evidence from texts to
support responses, with
textual references
incorporated.
Skills in using some of the
structural, conventional, and
textual features of text types
for a range of mainly familiar,
and some unfamiliar,
contexts, audiences, and
purposes.
Mostly fluent and precise
writing and speaking, using
appropriate style and
structure for a range of
mostly familiar audiences
and contexts.
Appropriate use of
language to convey
complex and simple
meaning in a range of
familiar and unfamiliar
contexts.
Production of texts for a
variety of mainly familiar, and
some unfamiliar, contexts,
audiences, and purposes.
Stage 2 English Communications student response
Ref: A209016 (August 2012)
© SACE Board of South Australia 2012
C
Knowledge and Understanding
Analysis
Application
Communication
Knowledge and understanding of some of
the ways in which texts are shaped by the
conventions of a particular form of
expression or communication.
Descriptive analysis of a
number of ways in which
authors use the
conventions of different
text types to influence
opinions and decisions in
familiar texts.
Use of language skills and
techniques to create texts that
address the meaning and
intention of the task.
Generally fluent and
functional writing and
speaking, using appropriate
style and structure for
familiar audiences and
contexts.
Knowledge and understanding of a number
of ways in which creators and readers of a
narrow range of familiar texts use some
language techniques and strategies to
make meaning.
Recounts of some of the ideas and themes
in familiar texts.
Knowledge and understanding of a
restricted range of ways of defining and
attracting a target audience for familiar
texts and examples of communication.
D
Knowledge and understanding of a limited
number of ways in which texts are shaped
by the conventions of a particular form of
expression or communication.
Knowledge and understanding of some of
the ways in which creators and readers of a
narrow range of familiar texts use language
techniques and strategies to make simple
or factual meaning.
E
Analysis of simple
connections between
personal ideas,
experiences, values, or
beliefs, and those explored
in familiar texts.
Analytical understanding of
some ideas, experiences,
values, and beliefs
explored in a range of
mainly familiar texts.
Reference to some ways in
which authors use a range
of the conventions of
different text types to
influence opinions and
decisions in familiar texts.
Competent use of evidence
from texts to support
responses, with some use of
textual references.
Skills in using some of the
structural, conventional, and
textual features of some text
types for familiar contexts,
audiences, and purposes.
Production of texts for familiar
contexts, audiences, and
purposes.
Use of language skills and
techniques to create texts that
partly address the meaning
and intention of the task.
Some use of evidence from
texts to support responses,
with restricted use of textual
references.
Identification of some of the ideas and
themes in some familiar texts.
Reference to simple
connections between
uncomplicated personal
ideas, experiences, values,
or beliefs, and those
explored in familiar texts.
Knowledge and understanding of a way of
defining and attracting a target audience for
a familiar text or example of
communication.
Analytical understanding of
the ideas, experiences,
values, or beliefs explored
in a familiar text.
Knowledge and understanding of a way in
which a text is shaped by the conventions
of a particular form of expression or
communication.
Reference to the way in
which an author uses the
conventions of different
text types to influence
opinions and decisions in a
highly familiar text.
Attempted use of a restricted
range of language skills
and/or techniques to create a
text or texts that attempt to
address the meaning or
intention of the task.
Recognition of a simple
connection between a
straightforward personal
idea, experience, value, or
belief, and that explored in
a highly familiar text.
Restricted use of evidence
from texts to support a simple
response, with textual
reference.
Knowledge and understanding of the way
in which a creator or reader of a highly
familiar text uses a language technique or
strategy to make factual meaning.
Identification of an idea or a theme in a
familiar text.
Emerging development of knowledge and
understanding of a way of defining and
attracting a target audience for a highly
familiar text or example of communication.
Page 8 of 8
Development of
understanding of the ideas,
experiences, values, or
beliefs explored in a highly
familiar text.
Appropriate use of
language to convey simple
meaning in a narrow range
of familiar and unfamiliar
contexts.
Skills in using some of the
structural, conventional, or
textual features of a text type
for a familiar context,
audience, or purpose.
Achievement of a level of
fluency in writing and
speaking in personally
relevant situations, using
appropriate style and
structure for a narrow range
of familiar audiences and
contexts.
Occasionally appropriate
use of language to convey
simple meaning in familiar
contexts.
Production of a limited
number of texts for highly
familiar contexts, audiences,
and purposes.
Skills in using the structural,
conventional, or textual
features of a text type for a
highly familiar context,
audience, or purpose.
Emerging development of
fluency in writing and
speaking in personally
relevant situations, using
appropriate style and
structure for a narrow range
of highly familiar audiences
and contexts.
Occasionally appropriate
use of language to convey
literal meaning in highly
familiar contexts.
Production of a text for a
highly familiar context,
audience, and purpose.
Stage 2 English Communications student response
Ref: A209016 (August 2012)
© SACE Board of South Australia 2012