MIDDLE SCHOOL ENGLISH INSTRUCTION: Unit 6, Lesson 3
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Focus of the lesson: SOL writing domains and definitions—
written expression; revision
This lesson will focus on the Written Expression domain.
SOL Writing: Domains and Features
Written Expression
This domain is focused on during the drafting and revising stages of the writing
process.
Features:




Information
Voice
Tone
Rhythm
The Written Expression domain includes choice of information that clearly
communicates the point of the writing; authentic voice; purposeful tone;
and structurally varied, effective sentences that help to create a flow to the
writing.
1.
Information
The paper contains a purposefully crafted message that the reader remembers,
primarily because its precise information and vocabulary resonate as images in the
reader’s mind. Highly specific word choice and information also create tone in the
writing and enhance the writer’s voice.
2.
Voice
In writing, voice is the way your writing 'sounds' on the page. It has to do with the
way you write, the tone you take--friendly, formal, chatty, distant--the words you
choose--everyday words or high-brow language--the pattern of your sentences, and
the way these things fit in--or not--with the personality of the narrator character
and the style of your story.
Read the article on pp. 2-4 of this lesson that explains the concept of
a writer’s “voice.”
MIDDLE SCHOOL ENGLISH INSTRUCTION: Unit 6, Lesson 3
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Finding Your Voice
Susan J. Letham
Novice writers tend to feel awed by the concept of "voice."
Once you understand
what writers mean by voice, it becomes
easier to grasp.
You wouldn't mistake
Oprah's voice for Britney Spears’,
even if you couldn't see their faces, would you?
And if I
were to give you a text to read, you wouldn't confuse a
mobster’s with
that of a Washington lawyer. Not only do
they sound different, they also use
different kinds of
language: words, tone, sentences, forms of address.
Here are
three voice examples:
Example 1: I love the heady cruelty of spring. The cloud
shows in the first weeks
of the season are wonderfully
adolescent: "I'm happy!" "I'm mad, I'm brooding."
"I'm
happy--now I'm going to cry ..." The skies and the weather
toy with us,
refusing to let us settle back down into the
steady sleepy days and nights of
winter.
Example 2: I believe I have some idea of how the refugee
feels, or the
immigrant. Once, I was thus, or nearly so. ...
And all the while I carried around
inside me an elsewhere, a
place of which I could not speak because no one would
know
what I was talking about. I was a displaced person, of a
kind, in the jargon
of the day. And displaced persons are
displaced not just in space but in time; they
have been cut
off from their own pasts. ... If you cannot revisit your own
origins-reach out and touch them from time to time--you are
for ever in some crucial
sense untethered.
Example 3: Privacy in the workplace is one of the more
troubling personal and
professional issues of our time. But
privacy cannot be adequately addressed
without considering a
basic foundation of ethics. We cannot reach a
meaningful
normative conclusion about workplace privacy rights and
obligations
without a fundamental and common understanding
of the ethical basis of justice
and a thorough understanding
of individual and organizational concerns and
motivations.
Different backgrounds and distinguishable voices -
Do you think the
examples were written by the same person?
Of course not. Anne Lamotte
(example 1) is a contemporary US
Writer and diarist. Penelope Lively (example 2,)
is a British
author who spent her childhood in Cairo in the 1940s. Laura
Hartman
(example 3) is an academic who writes about ethics
and technology. They are
people with different backgrounds
and distinguishable voices.
MIDDLE SCHOOL ENGLISH INSTRUCTION: Unit 6, Lesson 3
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Voice is the way your words "sound" on the page
In writing, voice is the
way your writing 'sounds' on the
page. It has to do with the way you write, the
tone you
take--friendly, formal, chatty, distant--the words you
choose--everyday
words or high-brow language--the pattern of
your sentences, and the way these
things fit in--or not--
with the personality of the narrator character and the
style
of your story.
The voice I'm using to write this is friendly, familiar,
and
direct, at least I hope it is. I'm writing more or less the
way I would speak if
we were chatting face-to-face. When I
write poetry, fiction, or social policy
articles, my voice
is quite different. I don't talk straight to my reader as
I'm
doing to you, I move back a step, become more distant,
choose other words and
different sentence structures.
You might be surprised to know how many
beginning writers
write out of character, that is, they choose the wrong voice
and
tone for the purpose they have in mind. Your New England
preppie won't chew on
her words like someone with a Texas
drawl or talk sexy, like a Detroit hooker. A
Hickville
street sweeper is unlikely to speak like a Harvard graduate,
at least not
unless he really is a Harvard graduate... but
that would be story, not voice.
Voice is a reflection of experience
Voice is a reflection of how your character
experiences the
world of your story. Invest time in developing your figures
and
getting to know their background. When you've done that,
tell your story out loud,
as if the characters in your story
were speaking. Let your characters tell you the
story,
listen carefully to how they do it, then start writing your
story down. If you
can 'hear' your characters, it's likely
that you'll get the voice of your story
right.
How to develop your voice
Write as much as possible. Keep a journal.
Imagine you are
writing your journal for a friend, perhaps in letter style.
Write
about your day, the things you see and experience, the
thoughts that go through
your head. Watch the news or read a
newspaper and write your thoughts on
current events. Writing
about your views is good voice practice, because it
forces
you to think of new things to say and new ways to say them.
We don't
stop to think too much as we write letters, we
don't weight up every word--we tell
the story. That's
exactly what you need to do when you write your drafts.
When
you start to worry about the way you're going to sound, you
quickly lose
your voice.
Ask friends to describe your style
Once you have a stock of personal writing,
ask a friend to
read it and tell you how you come across on the page.
- Is your
personal writing literary? funny? romantic?
poetic? factual? upbeat? depressing?
straightforward?
flowery? How do you sound?
- Do you write your mind?
Express opinions? Or are your
words over-polite and politically correct? Writers
get to
call intimate interpersonal relations 'sex' and digging
implements
'spades.'
- Is it stilted? Does it flow? Do you sound like YOU?
- Does your writing
have a rhythm?
- Do all your sentences sound the same? Are they varied?
- Do
you have 'favorite' words and phrases that you repeat
often? If so, which ones?
Can you find alternatives?
We have to go deep inside to find our real voices, the
ones
that hide beneath the social veneer, and that means finding
out who we are
and what we think about the world. It's
important that you get to know your
MIDDLE SCHOOL ENGLISH INSTRUCTION: Unit 6, Lesson 3
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natural voice so you can
stay in style, and so you can adapt to fit your
characters
in the right way.
A long, long letter to your reader
When you move from your journal into
your story, think of
your manuscript as a long, long letter to your reader,
and
remember that we rarely have problems writing letters and
journals.
It
takes time and a lot of writing to develop a voice, and
impatient writers love to
skip that part of the process. But
writing before you're ready won't cut it in most
cases. You
run the danger of having no real voice to speak of (or
with.)
3.
Tone
Tone is the writer’s attitude toward the reader and toward the subject of the
writing. For example, someone writing about the tragic death of a father would
probably adopt a melancholy or angry tone, while someone writing about the
escapades of Paris Hilton might write sarcastically.
4.
Rhythm
Rhythm in writing results primarily from well-constructed sentences with varied
structures.
Click on the link below for a discussion of rhythm, as well as a good
and bad example of rhythm.
Writing with Rhythm
_______________________________________
ACTIVITY 6.3.1
Now you are ready to begin revising your paper.
Initially, you will
revise for relevance and specificity of information and details.
Read the article on the next page that provides information about
revision strategies.
MIDDLE SCHOOL ENGLISH INSTRUCTION: Unit 6, Lesson 3
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REVISION STRATEGIES
Global Revision
Always begin the revision process by turning your attention to the larger, or global,
elements of writing: focus and organization. If you begin by making sentence level
changes, or local revisions, you run the risk of overlooking or ignoring the more
serious issues. In addition, you may find that the sentence you spent twenty
minutes rewording into beautiful and fluid prose isn't really relevant to your thesis
statement and you have to delete it after all. When you begin the revision process
by looking closely and honestly at the overall focus and organization of the paper,
then you save yourself a lot of needless proofreading.
Global revision does not mean simply moving paragraphs. Revising can be difficult
and may call for substantial rewriting of the paper. You might discover, for
example, that your central idea is much too broad for the length of your essay.
When you narrow the central idea, you may then find that you need to cut out
paragraphs that are no longer relevant to your point and that you need to expand
on other sections instead.
Sharpening the Focus
A draft is clearly focused when it concentrates the reader's attention on one idea
without straying from it. You can test whether or not your paper is well-focused by
mapping the paper. In the margins, list the main points of each paragraph. When
you are finished, make sure that each of these main points is relevant to your
central idea. If the information seems to stray, you must decide whether your
whether some information in the body of the paper needs to be deleted or reworked
to be relevant to your central idea. You can sharpen the focus of a draft by deleting
any information that seems to stray from your main point.
Adding Text
When you find a section that seems to need development, perhaps because there
are not enough examples, you will need to return for a moment to the beginning of
the writing process. List specifics, brainstorm ideas, and review your prewriting for
relevant support for your central idea. Think about what you are assuming the
reader knows. Have you omitted important information?
Deleting Text
Look for paragraphs and sentences that seem repetitive. Can they be deleted or
combined with other sections? Have you strayed from your point or included
information and details that are interesting but not necessary?
MIDDLE SCHOOL ENGLISH INSTRUCTION: Unit 6, Lesson 3
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You can access an important revision resource by clicking on the link
below.
Show, don't tell: THE FIRST RULE OF WRITING
After reviewing your information and details and making additions,
deletions, and alterations as necessary, you are ready to move on to
SENTENCE LEVEL REVISION in Lesson 4.