Speeches and Workshops by Michael G. Thompson Ph. D.
"Best Friends/Worst Enemies: Friendship Development, Popularity and Social Cruelty
in Childhood"
ABSTRACT: Children don't want adults to be involved in their social lives. They hate it when teachers "interfere."
Yet teachers are witnesses to the exclusion of low-status children in elementary schools and the popularity wars of
middle school and they must act to protect the weak. Parents also see the friendship difficulties of their own
children. Some take their children's social ambitions to heart and worry that their children are not popular. Other
parents hope the school can protect their children from all social pain.
Social cruelty among kids is one of the most difficult things that adults have to confront in raising or educating
children. Experienced teachers can be confused about how to protect a child in class, for fear of putting a rejected
or controversial child in "the limelight." They can also feel defensive when parents of neglected or victimized
children come to the school for help.
This presentation walks teachers and parents through the complex social world of childhood and addresses a
number of questions: What do social relationships in school predict about happiness in adult life? What is the
normal sequence of child friendships, from the parallel play of the two-year-old to the intimate self-disclosure of the
adolescent? Why do cliques form and what are the differences between boy and girl groups? Why are children
scapegoated and how can their parents and school protect them? Dr. Thompson will draw on research to highlight
the differences between friendship and popularity. He makes suggestions about the management of social
problems in schools and makes the case that while all children yearn for popularity, it is friendship that helps
children survive and thrive.
"Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys" also entitled "The Nature of
Boys"
ABSTRACT: What's the matter with my son?" Why is he an underachiever in school?" Why are boys so violent?"
"Why won't boys talk to adults?" Educators and parents in the United States are engaged in an important debate
about the way we raise and educate boys. After twenty years of illuminating research on girls and debate about
gender equity in schools, it is time to consider some of the risk factors that afflict the lives of boys. They are four
times more likely than girls to be sent to a school psychologist; they are diagnosed with 60-80% of learning
disorders. Their areas of strength, physical activity and visual-spatial perception, are not as important as verbal
skills in the feminine, quiet, word-dominated environment of schools. Boys do not do as well in school as girls, from
elementary school through college and they are at risk for concluding that schools don't work for them and
becoming withdrawn and bitter.
In early adolescence most boys begin to attach their sense of status to mastery and achievement. They are
subjected to a powerful "culture of cruelty" which may require boys to adhere to a narrow ideology of masculinity:
avoidance of feeling, avoidance of anything feminine, fear of personal weakness. The result may be a boy who is
or appears closed and often angry. In this talk, Dr. Thompson gives suggestions to teachers, fathers and mothers
about how to support a boy in the early years of school and how to help a boy remain emotionally open in
adolescence.
"Dealing With Difficult Parents"
ABSTRACT: Ninety-five percent of parents are loving and concerned people who only want their child known and
well taught. Though they may become anxious or angry at times, teachers should be able to handle their concerns.
Five percent of parents, for reasons of their own mental disorders or troubled lives must act their difficulties out on
the school and on teachers. It is essential that teachers be able to distinguish between these two groups and
request administrative help for dealing with the tough minority. Dr. Thompson gives suggestions for managing the
aggressive-intimidating parent, the anxious-incompetent parent and the denying-unresponsive parents.
"The Pressured Child: Helping Your Child Find Success in School and Life"
ABSTRACT: "The Pressured Child" is, in fact, a presentation for "pressured parents" who have forgotten what
school is actually like. It is a talk for parents who are gripped by worries and misapprehensions about their
children's life in school. In the presentation, Dr. Thompson describes the psychological journey that children
experience during their thirteen years in school. He reminds parents that children are almost never judging
themselves by grades: they are always monitoring their own development and constantly searching for three
things: connection, recognition and a sense of power. He illustrates how children find those in many different
arenas of school life. There are three kinds of children in school: 1) those whose journeys are characterized mostly
by success, 2) those whose journeys are characterized by a chronic but manageable struggle, and 3) those whose
journeys are characterized by fury and despair. Each journey has its own different pressures. Every child is
constantly developing strategies for coping with the pressures that he or she feels.
In order to write the book, Dr. Thompson went back to school, following students, seventh graders through seniors,
in independent, Catholic, and public schools. In the book and in this talk, he shares stories from the trenches,
taking parents and teachers into the school day experience of children, illuminating how they manage their school
careers and how the best educators and wisest parents can support them along the way.
"How to Raise Responsible Children"
ABSTRACT: Dr. Thompson mixes anecdote and clinical experience with research on the outcomes of different
parenting styles and comes up with a warm-hearted recipe for providing children with an internal foundation for
moral behavior. Early in life every child needs a "secure base;" later a child needs a "framework" around him. Only
when he feels securely anchored and contained will a child be able to follow rules consistently. How can a parent
provide consistency and how can he or she successfully communicate with his or her child around issues of
responsibility? What do we know about the different outcomes of democratic, authoritative and authoritarian
parenting? Which method of parenting produces the most competent child? Many parents have heard this talk and
felt affirmed and challenged by it. Many teen-agers have heard it and have had to admit that it probably
is....well...right.
"Adolescence is Hard Work"
ABSTRACT: There are five developmental challenges which every adolescent must meet. There are no shortcuts
and no exemptions, and these challenges are, from a psychological point of view, very strenuous. At the same
time, most adolescents meet them with grace and ingenuity. Despite the images of rebellious and antisocial
adolescents in the popular media, fully two-thirds of children have smooth or stepwise patterns of growth during
the teen-age years, only one-third a tumultuous pattern. This humorous talk, illustrated with cartoons and
drawings, provides useful perspective for parents of adolescents and calming preparation for parents of about-tobe-adolescents.
"College Admission: A Failed Rite of Passage"
ABSTRACT: This talk is an emotional survival guide to the college admissions process for high school juniors and
seniors, as well as their parents. The end of high school and the transition to college confront both child and
parents with numerous developmental challenges. To the extent that people think the process is just about the
RIGHT college, or worse yet the ONE AND ONLY GREAT college, both parents and child are at risk for alienation
from one another and disappointment in themselves. Everyone survives the college application process, more or
less gracefully. Dr. Thompson gives a number of suggestions regarding how families can develop a philosophy
about the process and enjoy it more.
"Going Beyond Fear in the Parent-Teacher Relationship"
ABSTRACT: Even in the closest of school communities there is a latent fear that infects the working relationship
between parents and teachers. Parents can come to school conferences feeling amateurish, anxious and exposed.
Teachers often feel devalued and defensive and they experience parents as potential critics. In a talk filled with
humorous anecdotes, Dr. Thompson describes the seven fears on each side of the parent-teacher equation and
gives suggestions to both teachers and parents that will help them improve their communication. Better
relationships between teachers and parents improves the education of children, because children thrive
emotionally and are in less conflict about school when the adults in their lives are in agreement about them.
Boys





"Raising Cain: understanding the nature of boys"
(speech or full-day workshop with video clips)
"Coming to Grips with Boy Underachievement"
(60-minute speech for teachers with video clips)
"It's a Boy: the development of boys from birth to eighteen"
(for parents with video clips)
"Top Ten Suggestions for Teaching Boys"
(60-minute presentation for teachers)
"The Impact of Technology on the Lives of Boys."
Child and Adolescent Development



"Adolescence is Hard Work"
(90-minute presentation and slide talk for parents)
"Distinguishing Normal from Abnormal Development"
(120-minute presentation and case discussion for teachers---elementary/middle version and secondary
version)
"Perfectionism and Eating Disorders in Adolescent Girls
College Admissions



"College Admissions in Perspective"
(75-minute presentation and discussion for seniors)
"College Admissions: a failed rite of passage"
(75-minute presentation with Q & A for parents)
"College Craziness"
(75-minute presentation for teachers)
Parenting


"How to Raise Responsible Children"
(90-minute presentation for parents)
"The Importance of Fathers in Children's Lives"
(fathers-only talk)
Parent-Teacher Relationships (Full-day Workshop or individual talks)



"Raising Cain: understanding the nature of boys"
(speech or full-day workshop with video clips)
"Going Beyond Fear in the Parent-Teacher Relationship"
(for teachers or parents)
"Understanding Family Styles"
(a slide talk for teachers)
Parent-Teacher Relationships (continued)



"Dealing with Difficult Parents"
(for teachers, one-hour or three-hour versions)
"The Paradoxes of the Anxious Parent"
(one-hour presentation for teachers)
"The Rational and Irrational Expectations of Administrators, Teachers and Parents"
Pressured Children


"The Pressured Child"
(75-minute presentation for parents or teachers)
"The Impact of the Loss of Play in Childhood"
(75-minute presentation with video)
Psychological Aspects of School Leadership for Heads of School

"Still Crazy After All these Years: reflections on long-term headship"

"Bearing Other People's Pain as a Head of School"

"Myths and Realities of a Head's Life"

"Surviving, Enduring and Thriving as a Head of School"

"The Life of the Spouse of a Head of School"

"The Soul of Leadership"
School Culture

"Understanding School Culture and the Shadow Life of Organizations"

"The Psychological Experience of Students of Color in Independent Schools"

"The School Romance"
(with thanks to Dan Frank, Ph.D.)
Social Lives of Children


"Best Friends, Worst Enemies"
(middle-school version, grades 4-8 & high-school version)
"Best Friends, Worst Enemies: friendship, popularity and social cruelty in the lives of children"
(parent and teacher versions)
A Sample Day with Michael Thompson
(and other helpful information)
A Sample Day with Michael Thompson
Schools and other organizations often ask how to use Dr. Thompson’s time when he is
visiting. Dr. Thompson has over thirty topics on which he has spoken or written, all of
which are described on the Workshops page of the website. However, schools have
found a small group of topics to be particularly relevant for their teachers, parents and
students.
Below are three samples of how schools or conferences have used Dr. Thompson’s time
during a visit. Please note that Dr. Thompson is willing to make five presentations and/or
meetings in a continuous ten-hour day, often addressing all three constituencies in a
school. (He will not work a split day that lasts twelve or fourteen hours. Please do not
ask).
1. Sample Pre-K through Grade 12 School Schedule:
11:00 a.m.-9:00 p.m.
Middle School Assembly, grades 4-8 (50 minutes): Best Friends, Worst Enemies.
Upper School Assembly: grades 9-12 (50 minutes). “The Nature of Boys” or
“Coming to Grips with Boy Underachievement” (with video clip from Raising Cain) or
“College Craziness.”
Administrative or counseling team meeting (60 minutes): various topics: on school
Culture, dealing with difficult parents, teaching boys.
Faculty workshop (90 minutes): various topics.
Evening Presentation for parents (90 minutes with Q & A): Best Friends, Worst
Enemies; Raising Cain; How to Raise Responsible Children; The Pressured Child and
others.
2. Sample School Schedule: Professional Day
8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.
9:00-12:00 “Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of
Children” or “Raising Cain: The Nature of Boys”
Break
1:00-4:00
“Understanding Families and Working with Difficult Parents” or
other topics.
5:00 -6:00
De-brief with administrators
3. Conferences
At conferences, Dr. Thompson usually gives a keynote speech of 45 minutes and
two additional break-out sessions from 60-90 minutes each. All of the major
presentations listed on the Workshop page of the website have been keynote
presentations in the past.
WORKSHOPS TO ADDRESS SPECIFIC SCHOOL CHALLENGES
Dr. Thompson is willing to conduct a day-long workshop with discussions devoted to
school culture or to address particular challenges that a school may be facing. Schools
wishing to have Dr. Thompson make observations or assessments need to discuss those
with him directly.
TRAVEL DAYS
Dr. Thompson typically travels on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. During the
academic year, he needs to be back in Boston on Thursdays to work at Belmont Hill
School where he is the supervising psychologist. Occasionally, Dr. Thompson will
schedule Friday presentations at conferences.
FEES
Dr. Thompson charges a flat fee (plus travel expenses) for a full day (10 consecutive
hours) of presentations. He has a varying fee structure for independent, public and
international schools as well as lower fees for half-day and evening presentations within
driving distance of Boston. Please contact his assistant, Elizabeth Diggins, for a specific
fee quotation (digliznow@gmail.com).
AV
Dr. Thompson often shows video clips with sound; he only rarely uses Power Point. He
requests a lavaliere or hand-held wireless microphone if the room is large enough to
warrant the use of a microphone.
BOOKS
If you are hosting a visit by Dr. Thompson and would like to have a book signing/sale
you are welcome to order books though your local bookseller or you may contact
Ballantine Books/Random House directly. The Special Sales Department can be reached
at 1-800-733-3000. Please tell the Customer Service Representative that you are hosting
a visit by Michael Thompson and you will receive a 40% discount on all books ordered.
All books not sold at your event can be returned to the publisher. Dr. Thompson does not
bring books with him to events.