The following guide is adapted from Yale University’s Handbook For
International Students and Scholars. We are immensely grateful to our colleagues in the Office of International Students and Scholars at Yale for their generosity in allowing us to modify the material for the Brandeis community. You can view the original Yale Handbook at http://www.oiss.yale.edu/students/handbook.htm

Table of Contents
Section One .............................................................................. 3
Getting to Know Americans ............................................................ 3
1) Individualism ............................................................................. 3
2) Freedom.................................................................................... 4
3) Work Ethic ................................................................................. 6
4) Privacy ...................................................................................... 7
5) Directness ................................................................................. 8
6) Equality ..................................................................................... 9
7) Time ........................................................................................ 10
8) Informality ............................................................................... 10
9) Politeness ................................................................................. 11
10) Friendliness ............................................................................ 11
11) Friendships and Relationships .................................................... 13
12) Talking ................................................................................... 13
13) Women’s Roles ........................................................................ 15
14) Gay and Lesbian Life ................................................................ 16
15) Tolerance for All and Nonsexist Language ................................... 17
16) Sexual Harassment .................................................................. 19
17) Making Friends ........................................................................ 19
18) Parties ................................................................................... 23
19) Behaving Responsibly – Drinking ............................................... 25
20) Understanding Your Rights and Responsibilities as a Member of the
Brandeis Community ...................................................................... 26
Section Two ............................................................................ 27
Adapting to a New Culture and How to Cope ................................ 27
Six Stages of Culture Shock ............................................................ 28
Adjustment and Coping .................................................................. 31
Seven Cross-Cultural Lessons to Consider ........................................ 34
Typical Symptoms of Culture Shock That You May Experience ............. 35
Section Three ......................................................................... 36
U.S. Academic Life ........................................................................ 36
U.S. Classroom Culture .................................................................. 36
TABOOS ....................................................................................... 37
Section Four ........................................................................... 39
Leaving Brandeis and Re-Entry Shock .......................................... 39
Section Five ............................................................................ 41
An Informal Guide to Surviving Winter in New England ............... 41
Bibliography ........................................................................... 46

Who are these “Americans”? What makes them act the way they do?
How can you tell whether or not puzzling American behavior is because of cultural or individual differences?
There are no simple answers to these questions. So many factors determine individual diversity — ethnic background, regional differences, religious, sexual or political orientation, socioeconomic class and more. However, we can examine mainstream American values and culture in order to better understand some Americans, some of the time. This brief exploration of some of the most influential American values should help you better understand
Americans and their way of life.
A bit of advice: Consider this information carefully. Sometimes it will apply and sometimes it won’t. As you read through it, do so with an open mind. A discussion of cultural values is not about right or wrong.
It’s about different ways of doing things. Remember, different can just be different.
U.S. CULTURE & VALU
One of the most pervasive values in U.S. American culture is individualism, and understanding its effects can help illuminate many aspects of the culture. As noted by Evelyn Wanning in Culture Shock
USA, for more collective cultures, it is unthinkable that one might make a decision without first taking into consideration the welfare of
3

the group. The loyalty in such cultures is first to the group, rather than the self. Accomplishments or successes would be foremost considered an honor to one’s family or team, whereas in American culture, they are likely to be attributed to one’s own hard work, perseverance, or abilities. Because we focus on the individual, we consider “getting ahead” – in business, in education, in life – to be a matter of personal choice and effort, and not the result of family background or the mentoring of others, or luck. The idea that “anyone can do it” is deep in American culture and forms the foundation of “The
American Dream,” which is that anyone at all, no matter what his or her circumstances can achieve great things.
In an individualistic culture, decisions made to benefit the self, such as moving far from one’s parents to go to your preferred choice for college would not be considered selfish, but would be supported. In fact, independence is encouraged in American culture. Teenagers of all socioeconomic classes might be expected by their parents to have an after-school job to promote independence and responsibility. After graduation from high school, a child is considered a ‘young adult’ and could be asked to pay rent, or move out of the family home.
2)
“It’s a free country!” is an exclamation you are likely to hear in defense of one’s individual actions. This expression describes the notion of rights, which filters into many aspects of the way Americans conduct their lives. An individual’s rights have been handed down by
The Declaration of Independence which asserts that all, “…are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights…” As long as one’s actions don’t interfere with or harm anyone else, or break any

laws, one has the ‘right’ to do as one pleases in order to live life in a free and satisfying way.
Applying the ideal of freedom will help you understand why not only young children, but the elderly remain as independent as possible and make their own decisions wherever possible. It is not uncommon for young children to be given choices about even the most mundane matters such as what they might like to eat, or what activity they might like to engage in during their free time. An elderly person will generally live on his or her own as long as possible, and might prefer assisted living over living with younger family members in order to maintain independence and not burden others.
There is an emphasis on freedom of choice in American life — from courses in school and career paths to how you would like your food prepared in a restaurant. Often elective courses begin in high school, and the first years of college are weighted towards a liberal arts education. School children of all ages are as likely to be asked by their teachers to share their opinion as they are to be asked what they know. A waiter will not be surprised if a customer asks for a dish to be cooked in a different way, such as grilled instead of fried, or served with a different side dish, such as a salad instead of a potato.
Americans praise those who take initiative and do what they want. If you want to put on your jogging shoes and run non-stop across the country from South Carolina to California and back, that’s great! Quit your job as an executive and sail around the world with your family?
Pursue a college degree at age 60? Why not? That doesn’t mean that

all Americans live such daring lives, but they often admire those who do and highly value individual differences.
3)
Because of our emphasis on the individual, Americans can be quite competitive. There is a more fluid class system in the United States than in other more traditional cultures. Hard work, when coupled with greater earnings, is rewarded with a rise in social class. We share the belief that it is possible to work one’s way to the top in America, and we tend to minimize the barriers to success and believe, instead, that you can achieve anything you want through your own hard work.
Americans value action and generally keep a very busy schedule. To not be busy could be considered strange. Even routine, social or recreational activities are likely to be scheduled. As well, Americans have fewer holidays from work and spend less time on vacation than other industrialized countries. As a result, Americans may seem hurried, running from one thing to the next — unable to relax and enjoy themselves. To a newcomer, the pace of life may seem very rushed.
Achievement is a dominant motivation in American life. As Evelyn
Wanning writes, from the first English settlement in 1607, history is viewed as a “record of progress: from wilderness to jet planes in a few centuries.” Without the efforts of many dynamic individuals who never stopped looking for a better way, America would not be where it is today. To be called a high achiever is quite a compliment. This emphasis on achievement can lead to not-so-friendly competition but it also leads to teamwork.

One of the good things about these high achieving Americans is that they can also have a good sense of teamwork, cooperating with others toward a common goal. In the school setting, this team spirit is perhaps best exemplified by the popularity of study groups where students enjoy working together on a project or exam preparation.
4)
The right to privacy is a notion that runs deep in American culture.
One’s privacy is something to be both respected and defended and is considered fundamental to a free society. While Americans are often very warm and welcoming hosts, the home is considered to be a bastion of privacy. Time alone is considered important in order to think and recharge one’s energy (Althen). It is inappropriate to visit even close friends without calling ahead, and although Americans often tell a guest, “Make yourself at home,” it is a friendly statement that must be carefully interpreted. Some Americans may have difficulty understanding those who always want to be with others or who dislike being alone (Althen).
Because U.S. culture is rather informal, it is sometimes difficult to know where privacy boundaries lie. Three questions that seem to violate the privacy rule are: How old are you?, How much money do
you make?, and How much do you weigh? Generally, Americans will only ask these questions to close friends in private, and even then, they might be considered too forward. Other personal questions about family or leisure time are quite acceptable.

Although it may seem contradictory to the American sense of privacy,
Americans are raised to be open and direct. Americans may feel that if you aren’t willing to be open and honest, then you must have something to hide. They may be quite uncomfortable when faced with a more reserved approach. Directness equals trustworthiness in
American culture.
One comforting aspect of the straightforwardness of Americans is that, unlike other cultures where what is said can be quite different from what is meant, in the U.S., no usually means no and yes usually means yes (Wanning). Americans will often speak openly about things they dislike (Althen). However, they will try to do so in a manner they call constructive, that is, in a way the other person will not find offensive or unacceptable.
In the end, unlike in many communitarian cultures, being honest is usually more important than preserving harmony in interpersonal relationships (Althen). Unlike some other countries, Americans are not taught to mask their emotional responses (Althen). It is not improper to display feelings, at least within limits. If someone is tired or unhappy, you may hear the emotion in their voice, or see it in their face.
Americans can be very warm, exuberant people. They often speak fairly loudly compared to other cultures, because it is important to be assertive. To international visitors, it may seem as if they are angry.
They may be simply expressing their opinion as clearly and directly as possible. Anger is more acceptable in American culture than in some

other cultures (Wanning). If someone feels wronged, it may be necessary to let one’s feelings show.
America is known as the land of opportunity, and this has helped perpetuate the idea stated in the Declaration of Independence that “all men [and now women] are created equal.” Although there are many differences in social, economic and educational levels, in theory, everyone should have an equal opportunity for success.
Because Americans do not accept that each person has a fixed position in society, a theme of equality runs through social relationships as well. Social differences are often not acknowledged, even if they are recognized, in social interaction. Americans tend not to show as much deference to people of greater wealth, age, or higher social status as people in other cultures do. International visitors who hold higher social positions sometimes feel that Americans do not treat them with proper respect and deference. On the other hand, Americans find it very confusing to be treated differently because of their status when they visit other countries (Althen).
This is not to say that Americans make no distinctions among themselves as a result of such factors as sex, age, wealth, or social position; they do (Althen). But the distinctions are generally acknowledged in subtle ways: tone of voice, order of speaking, choice of words, or seating arrangement at a meeting or a formal dinner.

Efficiency is a virtue in the U.S. Americans are apt to become impatient with slow moving lines in supermarkets and banks, especially if the teller or checkout person is slowing down the line by chatting with the customers. Even a customer may be looked upon impatiently if, at the end of a line, he or she doesn’t have the bank deposit slip filled out, or the money out of the wallet quickly enough.
To Americans time is money. It should be valued, saved, and used wisely.
Americans also place considerable value on punctuality. You should arrive at the exact time specified for meals or appointments with professors, doctors, and other professionals. You can arrive anytime between the hours specified for informal parties, receptions, and cocktail parties. If you arrive late, your lateness can be interpreted as disrespect or disorganization, especially in business settings. Plan to arrive a few minutes before the specified time for public meetings, plays, concerts, movies, sports events, classes, church services, and weddings. If you are unable to keep an appointment, you should always call the person to advise him or her that you will be late or unable to arrive.
The notion of equality leads Americans to be quite informal in their general behaviors and relationships with others (Althen). The informality of American speech, especially the common use of first name, casual dress, and relaxed posture can be quite shocking to some international students and scholars – especially when professors ask you to call them by their first name. An invitation to a party or an

event will often be delivered verbally in a very casual manner. Don’t expect a written invitation or a follow-up phone call. If you are interested in going to a party, and don’t have all of the details, such as where to go and what time, it is customary to phone the host of the party to get more information.
Even though Americans can be quite informal, visitors usually find them to be quite polite. As Wanning explains, Please, thank you, and
you’re welcome are used for almost every transaction, even in cases where service is not optional such as giving change after a purchase.
A person who doesn’t say please or thank you appears rude to an
American. “You’re welcome,” is an expected response to “Thank you,” even when the action you are being thanked for doesn’t seem worthy of thanks.
English is a polite language. Words such as would, could, can, may, and might are used to soften requests and ask for permission. “Open the door,” or even “Open the door, please,” which may be perfectly polite in other languages, sounds harsh in English. Americans will soften requests with would, as in, “Would you open the door, please?.”
When asking for permission, it is better to soften it by asking, “May I have one of these?” rather than using a direct form such as, “I want one of these.”
When people visit the U.S., they usually notice immediately, the friendliness and openness of Americans and the extreme ease of social relationships. Casual American friendliness should not be mistaken for

deep or intimate friendships, which are developed over a long period of time, as in any culture. If you wish to deepen a friendship, it may be necessary to make the first phone calls or visits. It is polite to call someone on the telephone before visiting, unless you live in a dormitory where things are more casual. It is also acceptable to call a new acquaintance to see if she or he would like to go to a campus or community activity with you.
Even if they don’t know you, in the U.S. people often say, “Hi, how are you?” or “How are you doing?” and then do not wait for a response.
This is a polite phrase, not really a question. You can respond by saying “Hi”, or “Fine, thanks.” You may also hear an American say,
“Drop by anytime” or “Let’s get together soon.” These are friendly expressions, but they may not be meant literally. While they may be sincere, people are busy and do not always follow through on the invitation.
Casual social life is especially evident in college and universities, because everyone is there for a relatively short period of time to pursue studies or research. The ease of casual relations are sometimes troubling to international students and scholars who have left their own friends and family at home and are learning to live in a new place. They naturally are looking for new friends and may sometimes find it very difficult to develop close relationships with
Americans because they cannot seem to get beyond a very superficial acquaintance.

To Americans, a friend can be anyone from an acquaintance to a person they have known for a long time. Americans often have friendships that revolve around school, work, or sport activities. You need to make an effort to meet people so that friendships can develop.
The key to developing friendships is to participate fully in the activities you enjoy and to take some risks by asking someone casually to get together, for coffee, or to attend a campus event together.
Americans often have friends who are associated with different aspects of their active lives — a friend from the study group, a friend from the softball team, or a friend from the volunteer project. If you are uneasy about your English, do not let it keep you from seeking out friendships. Be flexible, and above all, don’t be discouraged by a few disappointing experiences you may have. With some effort, you will meet Americans, including those who have lived abroad, who share an understanding of what you are experiencing, as well as individuals who share your interests, academic and otherwise.
“Stand your ground” is common advice in an unfair situation. An outof-control temper tantrum is never acceptable, but is it expected that an individual will not be afraid to strongly stand by a point. Arguing about ideas is considered normal in American universities; disagreeing with other students and even with the professor is acceptable, even expected – as long as it’s done in a respectful manner.
As part of the warmth of the culture Americans will often speak in an exaggerated way. Enthusiasm can sometimes rise to the level of

being unbelievable, “Great to see you! You look fabulous. Let’s have lunch soon!” (Wanning) The American is not being insincere in this common style of expression. The meaning of this is probably something like “It is pleasant to see you and have this exchange on the street and it would be pleasant to see you again.”
Humor can be very challenging for international students to understand. Often, Americans will joke with each other by exaggerating and often they can mean the opposite of what you hear.
For example, an American introduced himself to a new student from
China. He asked her name and where she was from. She said,
“China.” And he said, “Never heard of it!” For the American, that was a joke because China is such a large and influential country, the whole world knows about it, yet to an international student, such a strange response can sound rude. An appropriate way to respond would be to say back: “Yes, it’s just a small place; not many people live there” which would also be a joke, since everyone know it is one of the most populous places. Many time Americans will tease each other with such exaggerated statements so when you are listening to other students and they laugh, see if you can tell why, and if you can’t, don’t be afraid to ask.
To show honesty, Americans are taught to look into someone’s eyes while speaking. Looking down, or elsewhere, is seen as a sign of being dishonest or untrustworthy. Still, the speakers do not stare continuously into one another’s eyes — they actually look away from time to time. Also, when being reprimanded by a superior, such as a parent, boss or teacher, it is considered disrespectful to look down or away while being spoken to.

One thing that Americans are not comfortable with in conversation is silence. Research has shown that Americans are uncomfortable with silences longer than three seconds (Smith, Meyers, Burkhalter), whereas other cultures may take up to seven seconds or more to respond. Even after asking a question, if there is a prolonged silence, an American will normally begin talking again without waiting for a response.
The three-second rule does not apply when the participants of the conversation are involved in a non-verbal activity together, such as working on a lab experiment, playing sports, or doing household chores (Smith, Meyers, & Burkhalter).
Since the 70’s there has been an active feminist movement, or women’s liberation movement, in the U.S., which aims to insure that women have equal responsibilities and opportunities to those of men.
Although there are still aspects of society in which women have not yet achieved equality, women play a public and visible role in the political, economic, cultural, and social affairs of this country.
Men and women in the U.S. may associate more freely with members of the opposite sex at work and in social situations than in many other countries. You may also find that the dress and behavior of women in social situations here are quite different from those of your country.
While in your country it may be the man’s responsibility to ask a woman out for a date, while here it is acceptable for a woman to ask a

man out for a date as well. Whether the man or the woman offers the invitation, often both share the expenses.
Some international students and scholars have difficulty adjusting to situations in which a woman is in a position of authority because of their experiences in their own countries. American women may appear too assertive or aggressive if judged in another cultural context.
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and queer people (LGBTQ) have been publicly advocating for equal rights and responsibilities within US society since the late 1960’s. Same sex sexuality is now legal in every
US state, marriage between persons of the same sex is legal in one state, and legal civil unions are legal in a number of other states.
Overall, LGBTQ issues have emerged as a major social and political issue nationally. Representations of LGBTQ people and issues are increasingly visible within US media and popular culture, and as a consequence are becoming increasingly accepted within American culture.
On campuses all across America, many LGBTQ people willingly talk about their sexual orientation with their friends, their colleagues, their professors or their students. Some LGBTQ people will talk about their partners or gender identity as part of their every-day conversation in the same way a heterosexual student would talk about their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives. Other LGBTQ people will prefer to keep their sexuality private. In American society, it is likely that both LGBTQ and non-LGBTQ couples will be seen displaying affection for one another.

For some international students, the terminology in the LGBTQ
(lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered and queer) culture can be confusing. For example, the more historically established categories of
lesbian and gay—female and male directed same sex sexuality respectively—are now nuanced by other categories like bisexual,
transgender and queer. Bisexual signifies an erotic interest in both sexes, while transgender implies a partial or complete refusal of one’s born biological sex, including but not limited to, surgical sex reassignment. The term queer, once derogatory, has been reclaimed as an identity that refuses any simple polarity between gay and straight, arguing instead that human sexuality is far too complicated for such stark oppositions.
In its relatively short history, the U.S. has undergone many changes, and some of the most recent and sweeping social changes have occurred over the last 40 years. From the 1960s onward, the civil rights movement, the women’s movement, and the gay rights movement fought for greater equality for blacks, women and gay and lesbian people in the legal, social, and economic arenas. Most recently, in the ‘80s, the Americans with Disabilities Act recognized disabled persons as deserving public accommodations for their differences, whether it is putting in a wheelchair ramp to offer equal access to a building or forbidding discrimination in employment.
Overall, these changes have increased our emphasis on equality and respect for all people, regardless of differences in sex, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion or physical ability.

These movements have affected not only the access to jobs, housing, and advancement for previously marginalized groups, but also has influenced workplace and classroom cultures, changing school curricula and textbooks, the use of sexist language and even Americans’ attitudes towards each other. Because these changes have been such a powerful one, international students may be surprised by some of the attitudes or expectations that have come with this change. One example you might notice on campus is the acceptance American students offer each other, despite their different cultural backgrounds.
Another example is that many professors and students intentionally use what is called “nonsexist language,” a term which refers to avoiding using the pronouns “he”, “him” or “his” when referring to both men and women. Instead they use “he or she” or “their” to avoid referring only to the male gender. For many, using only “he” to refer to both sexes is to elevate men over women and thereby show disrespect, so they avoid that usage.
Because this new emphasis on equality, particularly in terms of appropriate speech, upsets long-held traditions in the U.S. including our dearly held “right to free speech,” this change continues to evoke controversy. Those who uphold these new notions of nonsexist language do so because they believe that with such care in speaking, one is less likely to offend or impose one’s values on others. Critics of this movement, which they call “political correctness,” believe that it endangers the most fundamental rights of free speech and free choice by dictating how things should be stated or presented. If you listen carefully, you will notice that some people will use this speech and others will not.

Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination that violates U.S. law. Whether in the workplace or in the classroom, it is important to behave in a respectful manner towards others - whether the same or opposite sex. Any unwelcome sexually oriented behavior could be interpreted as sexual harassment. Details regarding Brandeis
University’s policy on sexual harassment can be found in the Rights and Responsibilities Handbook available at the following link http://www.brandeis.edu/studentlife/sdc/rr/RNR0708.pdf
Students often ask about how to improve their social life, and in particular, how they can meet and get to know Americans. One of the hardest things about being abroad is that you are separated from the social support network you have developed over many years.
Such closeness cannot instantly be replaced, but there are things you can do towards building a successful and satisfying social life. This section contains suggestions for making cross-cultural friendships, and organizing a social support network within and beyond the Brandeis community.
Before coming to the U.S., you may have developed expectations of making new American friends. Who those friends would be, and what they would be like was probably shaped by your notions of what a more or less typical American is. As you may have discovered by now, a typical American can be rather difficult to define. So who will your friends be? There is no ready answer. You will meet so many different kinds of people in the U.S.

Here are some suggestions that other international students have found helpful: a) Keep an open mind and try not to be judgmental.
A friend could be one of those typical Americans. You will also get to know international students from other countries, or students from your own country. Or maybe you will meet an American-born person who is unlike any American person you have ever met, imagined or seen in films or on T.V. In fact, since our “TV idea” of another country is always a limited perspective, you most likely will find most of your friends don’t match your preconceptions.
b) Be patient. Take this advice from a fellow international student
“Initial social contact plants the seeds for a friendship.” Remember that going from friendliness to friendship is a gradual process and takes time. Invite someone to study with you for a class you share, or ask another person for lunch. In America, we engage in “small talk,” where we talk about ourselves and ask questions of each other to get to know each other. Ask your new friend your questions about what your professor expects in an assignment or what he or she usually does on a weekend. Your friend will love to help you out.
c) Be yourself. Because of the emphasis on individuality in American culture, it is expected that everyone will be different. Be confident about who you really are. Also, don’t be afraid to be open when you are not sure of the norms of behavior. Ask, “How do you do this in the
U.S.? In my country we do it this way.” Most Americans will be pleased to teach you about their culture.

d) Look and listen. A word, phrase or gesture that means something in your home country may mean something very different in the U.S.
Watch people’s reactions in their conversations with you or with others: How close do people stand when they talk? How do people greet each other? Do people tend to agree with you or do they express differing opinions freely? What makes you feel dissatisfied or uncomfortable when communicating with someone? How do
Americans change their communication styles when talking with a professor? A student? A friend? A family member? A stranger?
e) Look for the universal. As different as we can be across cultures, there are also many ways in which we are the same. A good place to begin seeking out the commonalities between you and others is through conversation. Talk about family, school, childhood, and favorite things - like music, books, and leisure activities. What do you find funny, embarrassing, sad or inspiring? As naïve as it may sound, there is some truth in the statement, people are people everywhere.
f) Beware of stereotypes. A stereotype is an idea about a person’s characteristics or personality, which is incorrectly assumed to be shared by all members of the same group. Possible stereotypes in the
U.S. might be that all Chinese are polite and good at math, or all
Italians are emotional. A stereotype about Americans might be that they are all arrogant and outspoken. Try not to act on any preconceived ideas you may have about someone you meet. It may be impossible to forget stereotypes, but it is possible to be aware of them and ready to find the exceptions.

g) Take initiative in meeting others. This is one of the most important elements. Because of the academic work load at Brandeis, it is possible to fall into the rut of all work and no play. Don’t wait for a social life to come to you. Make time each week to go out and attend events, take part in sports activities, invite a friend for a meal or a movie. Be active in building your social network. Remember too, that Americans could be shy about making friends with people from other countries. Many of them have been raised in a socially and linguistically isolated atmosphere. Don’t be afraid to begin conversations, extend invitations and if necessary make the first move.
h) Be persistent. Some social interactions may be superficial and you may experience disappointments in your attempts to form new friends. Learn to distinguish between friendliness and the deeper bond of friendship. Most of all, don’t get discouraged. As we say in English,
“There are many fish in the sea,” and finding true friends takes time and effort. i) Have a list of topics you are ready to talk about.
Examples: cultural differences, slang terms, American food, family members, gestures, wedding customs, etc. Some of the most common questions new international students and scholars have about life at Brandeis concern meeting people and making friends.
As in all relationships, it will take effort on your part, and taking initiative and getting involved will help you build a healthy and satisfying social network. It will also make your time at Brandeis a far

richer, more memorable experience. This section of the guide offers some suggestions for where to start forging new friendships.
Americans often form friends around the activities in their busy lives.
Seek out your interests, and get involved in extra-curricular, and offcampus activities. At the very least, sign up for an e-mail group, and consider joining a club. You can search the Brandeis website for clubs or your specific areas of interest for more information. You will receive regular emails from the International Student and Scholars Office as well as other departments at Brandeis giving details of social events that are planned throughout the year.
An invitation to a party can be in writing, over the phone, or casually given in person. Never arrive early to a party unless it has been prearranged with the host. Normally you should arrive within ten to twenty minutes after the starting time. If you are going to a dinner party, or a more formal affair, and you are going to be more than 20 minutes late, it is expected that you will call to say when you will be arriving. Once you have accepted an invitation, you are obligated to come. If you suddenly cannot make it for any reason, make sure you notify the host immediately, as he or she has gone to a lot of trouble to prepare for the party.
Once at the party, you may or may not be formally introduced. It is perfectly acceptable to introduce yourself to the other guests by shaking hands and saying something like, “Hi, I’m Yin Chen. How do you know the hosts?” It also serves as a good icebreaker for having a conversation with someone you don’t know.

Dinner Party - If it is at someone’s home you should ask the host if you can bring anything. Even if he or she says no, it is customary to bring some flowers or perhaps a box of chocolates.
After-dinner Party - These normally begin after nine or ten p.m. and often the guests don’t really arrive until much later. Dress can range from casual to dressy, and there may or may not be food. An afterdinner party is normally an excuse to bring together as many people as possible, but you should always make sure it’s okay before inviting other guests. Since they tend to be very informal affairs, it is okay to arrive within the first one to two hours of the starting time, and sometimes much later.
Reception - A reception generally includes drinks and hors d’oeuvres
(a French word meaning small appetizers or finger food) and may be a party for welcoming or honoring something or someone. It could be an important guest or host, a new baby, or even to honor the completion of the construction of a new building. Dress is often on the more formal side. However, some receptions may be held directly after work, in which case you may attend in your less formal work attire. Generally finger foods are served at receptions and are not meant to be eaten as a meal. It is proper to take several small plates of food instead of one large portion.
Potluck - A potluck is a dinner where each guest contributes a dish.
The host will often tell you what category to bring, such as salad, meat dish, or dessert, and you will be expected to prepare something in that category. You should bring enough food to comfortably feed 6 - 8

people. If it’s a very large party, you may want to bring a bit more. If the host says you can bring anything you want, then the choice is truly yours. It would be nice to bring a typical dish from your country.
Normally informal dress is acceptable at a potluck party.
Alcoholic beverages, such as beer, wine and hard liquors (gin, rum, vodka, etc.) may be served at parties in the U.S. (You must be 21 or older to consume alcoholic beverages in the United States.) It is important to behave responsibly should you choose to consume alcoholic beverages. Never drink more than you can handle, and do not allow your guests to become overly intoxicated. The rule is,
‘Everything in moderation.’
Besides, recent statistics show that the higher the average number of drinks per week, the lower the G.P.A. (grade point average). In
Alcohol: Decisions on Tap, a pamphlet published by the American
College Health Association, you are reminded that it is your own decision about when, where and why you drink, and it should not be dependent on the habits of others. It is okay to refuse a drink and very important to stick to your own limits. Some of the people who could urge you to drink might have drinking problems themselves.
The best way to stay in control is not to drink. However, should you choose to drink, here is some helpful advice:

Limit the amount you drink. Have at least one large glass of water
(or another non-alcoholic choice) between drinks.
Sip drinks slowly. Don’t guzzle or take big gulps.
Eat heavy meals or dairy products before or while drinking. (These foods slow down alcohol absorption.)
Drink diluted alcoholic beverages such as beer and wine, rather than straight shots.
Avoid carbonated mixers or sparkling wines— they speed the alcohol into your blood stream.
Avoid “spiked” punch and other drinks containing unknown amounts of alcohol.
Each year, the University publishes the Rights and Responsibilities
Handbook. It is important that all members of the Brandeis community are familiar with its contents. You can download your own copy of the handbook http://www.brandeis.edu/studentlife/ or you can collect your own copy from the Department of Student Life.
This student handbook addresses many of the issues touched on in this information packet including information on academic integrity, sexual misconduct, and alcohol and drug education.

Source: Beyond Language: Cross-Cultural Communication; Levine,
Deena R. and Adelman, Mara B., Prentice Hall, 1993.
When moving to a new culture, you will eventually experience a period of ups and downs as part of the adjustment process. This disorientation is called culture shock, the loss of all that is familiar and the sense that you understand what is expected of you and how to belong. The onset of symptoms can occur almost immediately or sometimes it can take up to a year before the individual in the new culture feels the effects of culture shock. Moreover, the severity of symptoms can vary from person to person. A newcomer may go from elation to depression in a short period of time, or one may simply feel a general sense of discomfort — sometimes emotional, sometimes physical.
We describe this discomfort as being like a fish out of water — you are in a completely new environment where you’ve lost your familiar everyday markers that assure you the universe makes sense. You are suddenly involved in a work of translation, making sense of attitudes, interactions, classes, and customs which are unfamiliar to you. To be occasionally confused or disoriented is to be expected. Some students and visiting scholars, in their struggles with the new language and culture, have expressed the feeling of being like a child. In some of the more difficult moments of the cultural adjustment period, an individual may have unusually strong emotional reactions to what, in the native country, would be everyday, normal frustrations.

A person may go through periods of extreme loneliness. Sometimes students will have physical reactions and may cry, or feel like crying, or there may be other symptoms such as stress, fatigue, headaches, stomach problems, or difficulty with sleeping. The important thing to remember is that even though everyone experiences culture shock in some way, it will be different for each person. Some people find it more difficult to adjust than others.
Culture shock is to be expected. It is a normal part of the adjustment process, and with time, the symptoms will dissipate as the newcomer integrates into the new culture. However, if you feel you are having difficulty coping, or are experiencing severe symptoms of culture shock—inability to sleep, strong anxiety, trouble with homework or missing classes, you should seek counseling immediately. Unlike many other cultures where friends and family live nearby and can offer support, in the U.S., it is normal to seek counseling services in times of emotional distress. At Brandeis, we have several highly qualified professionals such as social workers (LICSW or MSW), psychologists
(Ph.D. or Psy.D), or psychiatrists (M.D. in psychiatry) who have excellent training in mental health services. More information can be found at the Psychological Counseling Center’s website http://www.brandeis.edu/pcc/index.html
or contact the Counseling
Center directly on 781-736 3730.
Source: Beyond Language: Cross-Cultural Communication; Levine,
Deena R. and Adelman, Mara B., Prentice Hall, 1993.

In Beyond Language: Cross-Cultural Communication, by Levine and
Adelman, culture shock is described as having six stages.
After arrival in the new country, everyone normally experiences two low periods (stages 3 and 5) before finally adjusting to the new culture. Some people may skip some of the stages or move through them rather quickly. It depends greatly on the individual’s personality and previous experience. Change is more difficult for some than others, especially if this is your first time living in another culture. It is important to be patient and with time, you will find a way to integrate yourself and feel at home in your new culture—everyone does!
Stage 1 - Anxiety about leaving home and what you will find in the new country.
Stage 2 - Sometimes referred to as the “honeymoon” stage.
Everything is so exciting and fascinating. You may feel elation in this period. Everything is new and different. You can’t believe you are really here. Wow!
Stage 3 - The first low symptoms of culture shock.
You realize that everything is quite different in the new culture. There are so many things to cope with: a new language, setting up house, shopping, transportation, classes, homework, lab work, and more.
You may feel lonely, or you could feel exhausted from constantly struggling to understand a new language and culture.
Stage 4 - Initial adjustment period. You begin to feel better as you learn to cope with everyday routines and problems. Language may or

may not still be a problem, but you can now handle basic interactions, and have no problems conducting daily business such as shopping, banking or going to the post office. You should feel initial satisfaction and a sense of overcoming problems.
Stage 5 - This second stage is normally the most severe stage
of culture shock. The individual typically experiences a loss of selfesteem. The language is not as easy as you thought, and you may
feel like a child. Your sense of loneliness and isolation has deepened as you have been away from family and friends for a long time now.
There is often the feeling of being an outsider, and everything may be viewed in a negative light. You don’t like the new culture. People are unfriendly. You are not what you were before, and you may feel angry and resentful.
Stage 6 - Your sense of well-being and humor begins to return as you establish comfortable routines and learn to understand the habits, customs, foods and characteristics of the people in the new culture. You have made some friends, and are beginning to enjoy things about your new life. You realize that the problems and negative aspects of the new country are not reserved for foreigners, but that even natives find certain things difficult. Your perspective becomes more balanced as you have now begun to see that there are good things and bad things about your new life. Some things you may never like, but you accept it as part of life, the same as we accept both the positive and negative aspects in any relationship.

Developing cultural sensitivity and adjusting to a new life in a new land takes time and effort. Here are 14 suggestions for adjustment and coping in your new life at Brandeis.
1. Gather information. You might begin by observing the new culture as much as possible. “When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” is a common saying in English. Watch how the natives do or don’t do things.
2. Get to know the community. Learn about your environment through exploration. Get a map and find out what’s beyond the campus. Take a walk in the park. Do some window shopping. Try a local restaurant. Go to the movies. Sit in a local coffee shop near the window and people-watch.
3. Ask questions, and don’t be afraid to try. To experience a new culture and learn from it, it is important to be open to new experiences, try new things, and be curious about the way things are done. If you are confused by something, ask how it is done in the
U.S. Most people will be pleased to teach you about their country and customs.
4. Find a balance. Cross-cultural adjustment and integration means adapting to the new culture while retaining your own identity.
Extremes of completely giving up one’s own culture or refusing to accept anything about the new culture and clinging fearfully to old ways are unhealthy. Learn to recognize cultural differences and modify the behaviors that are necessary to live comfortably in the new culture.

5. Find people to interact with. Don’t live in isolation from others.
Give them a smile or a small gift. Invite them to have coffee or take a walk outside. By taking an interest in other people, you shift the focus from yourself to the outside world.
6. Put your situation in perspective. Many international students and scholars have come to Brandeis and not only survived, but have learned to be quite happy here. With time, you will adjust too.
7. Talk with experienced members of the international
community. They have been where you are and can offer advice and support. Ask them what has helped them the most, and what they have found to be most difficult. The International Student and
Scholars Office (ISSO) at Brandeis run host programs where you can go home with a local family for dinner or social events throughout the year and will connect you to community members who are happy to talk with you. Please contact isso@brandeis.edu
.
8. Establish a routine. There is comfort in the familiar. Eat and sleep normal hours. Have regular mealtimes. Join a sports club or a discussion group or do at least one activity you look forward to on a regular basis at the same time each week.
9. Get physical exercise. A healthy body promotes a healthy mind.
The gym at Brandeis offers a track for running, a pool, weight rooms, and many clubs which offer sports. The following link shows some of the many activities on offer at Brandeis. http://www.brandeis.edu/sports/index.html

10. Take it easy. Slow down and make your daily tasks as simple as possible. Don’t overwhelm yourself with too many details. Get used to all the newness. Take things one day at a time.
11. Work on improving your English. Small successes with the new language can boost your confidence. The English as a Second
Language Program (ESL) offers weekly tutorials and classes in oral and written English that are tailored to what you need—help with writing an essay, preparing for assignments, learning how to make oral presentations or simply how to improve your understanding of everyday speech and customs in the U.S. For graduate students, especially in science and business, you can join your peers and learn what is expected in the lab and on the job in classes developed for your needs.
American academic customs are very different from those in other countries. The American classroom is often focused on discussion, and your success may depend upon your active participation. Professors want to hear your ideas and expect you to argue for them which contrasts with the norms in other cultures in which the mastery of new information is the goal. If you need help with a large writing project, such as a research paper, tutors are available through this office. If you think you might want a weekly tutor, to attend ESL classes or just want to learn more about ESL services, you can contact Nancy Nies, the director, at nies@brandeis.edu
or you can call 781-736-3991.
12. Visit the International Students & Scholars Office (ISSO).
The ISSO staff is here to help answer your questions and concerns

about everything that has to do with being an international student at
Brandeis. This is your office for information about visas, immigration benefits and procedures, working possibilities and restrictions, acquiring health care, and resources to help you succeed academically and socially. For more information call 781-736 3480 or visit them on the web at http://www.brandeis.edu/isso/
13. Visit the Intercultural Center (ICC).
The Intercultural Center, an umbrella group for 15 student organizations, offers events that focus on issues of ethnicity, culture, and social justice. This is an excellent resource for all international students and a great place to meet other students. Many clubs hold discussions here on issues of interest to international students. The mission of the ICC states that it is “dedicated to creating a haven of respect, education, and celebration” of the many cultures at Brandeis.
For more information call 781-736 8580 or visit them on the web at http://www.brandeis.edu/studentlife/icc .
14. Get to know the Office of Global Affairs (OGA).
Another excellent resource on campus is the Office of Global Affairs.
Created in 2007, the OGA mission is to enhance collaboration between the Brandeis community and support international activities, programs, research and service.
Visit their website www.brandeis.edu/globalbrandeis/office/ to join a mailing list and discussion forum for all things “international” at
Brandeis.

In his book Cross-Cultural Dialogues : 74 Brief Encounters With
Cultural Difference, author Craig Storti highlights the following seven
lessons:
1. Don’t assume sameness.
2. What you think of as normal or human behavior may only be cultural.
3. Familiar behaviors may have different meanings.
4. Don’t assume that what you meant is what was understood.
5. Don’t assume that what you understood is what was meant.
6. You don’t have to like or accept “different” behavior, but you should try to understand where it comes from.
7. Most people do behave rationally; you just have to discover the rationale.
Excerpt from: Beyond Language: Cross-Cultural Communication,
Levine, Deena R. and Adelman, Mara B., Prentice Hall, 1993
· Homesickness
· Inability to work well
· Too much eating, drinking or sleeping
· Anger towards the members of the new culture
· Glorifying the old culture and emphasizing the negative in the new culture
· Withdrawal and avoidance of contact with people from the new culture
· Lack of ability to deal with even small problems

Source: Beyond Language: Cross Cultural Communication, Levine,
Deena R. and Adelman, Mara B., Prentice Hall, 1993.
The first time studying in the U.S., most students will experience multiple culture shocks. Educational expectations in other countries may be quite different.
Normal classroom behavior in another country might be that students should remain absolutely silent and obedient, whereas in the U.S. or other cultures, students are not only allowed, but expected to comment on, ask questions about, and even challenge or contradict the professor’s lecture. Being a newcomer and having cultural differences is why, in the beginning, most international students face adjustment issues.
Active class participation is expected. In most courses, professors expect the students to ask questions and use critical reasoning.
Americans value independent and creative thinking so student contributions to class discussion, even when they disagree with the professor’s viewpoint, are strongly encouraged. In most American classrooms, discussion is seen as central to the learning process. A student’s complete silence may be viewed as a lack of interest or preparation. When preparing for class, jot down a couple of questions that you might ask. Be ready to ask questions as well. Some courses

will even include a specific discussion session where students are expected to participate in an open discussion on a particular topic.
Taking initiative. In some courses, you may be asked to do most of the work yourself and the professor may have only a managerial role, especially in graduate seminar courses. It is common for teachers to serve as a guide in the student’s learning. Students pursuing advanced degrees are particularly encouraged to critique theories, formulate models and interact with the professor.
Diverse teaching styles. The teaching style of the professor can determine the amount of student participation in each class. Some instructors prefer a more formal style of lecture with a possible question and answer period at the end. Others prefer a more conversational style and encourage interaction throughout the class.
When expressing your views in class, be ready to defend your ideas.
Hands-on involvement. Classes can sometimes have a practical as well as a theoretical component. Lectures account for the theoretical, and workshops, labs, or study/work groups take care of the practical.
Instruction in science and mathematics tends to be of a more formal lecture style, but applied courses or even theoretical courses, can include hands-on projects that actively involve the students.
Social protocols are quite relaxed in the U.S. so there are very few taboos. Here are some things that are unacceptable in American culture (Wanning):

 Cover your mouth when you yawn, sneeze or cough. Americans are careful not to spread germs. It is considered unsanitary to not cover one’s mouth.
 Americans are offended by strong odors, and normally bathe daily (sometimes twice daily in hot weather), and use underarm deodorant. Strong smelling perfumes or colognes are applied sparingly because they may not be pleasant to others.
 Do not belch loudly in public. Flatulence should be controlled as discreetly as possible.
 Do not spit. You may see people spitting on the streets, but it is considered very rude.
 Do not pick your teeth or nose in public.
 Do not stare (gaze continuously) at someone you are talking to.
 Do not whistle at women.
 Do not talk while chewing your food and don’t make loud noises either chewing or eating noodles or drinking soup.

Returning home to one’s native culture after having lived overseas typically carries with it a period of adjustment, known as re-entry shock, or reverse culture shock. It results from the changes that have occurred during your time overseas, not just back in your home country, but more significantly, the personal changes you have experienced while living abroad.
If you have been at Brandeis for an extended period of time, you likely experienced culture shock symptoms when you first arrived, but now you are at home here in New England; what was once quite unfamiliar and new has become comfortable and familiar. You have well established routines and a circle of friends, and all of the places where you work, study, do your shopping, seek out recreation or other aspects of daily living are well known and comprise what you now consider home. You have changed and adapted to your life in the
U.S., which may understandably affect your return to your home country.
While making preparations to depart, you may feel a mixture of excitement and fear, similar to what you felt when you first planned to come to Brandeis. You are probably looking forward to being together again with family and friends, and there may be some aspects of life in your home country that you missed, and you can’t wait to enjoy again.
However, you may also worry about the uncertainty that lies ahead, and leaving behind your life here. It is also not uncommon to have the feeling that you have finally gotten adjusted at Brandeis and now it’s

time to pack up and go back. Don’t be surprised if your relationship to your family or friends has shifted in some ways; this occurs frequently because you have taken in ideas from your new culture and these ideas may have shifted your perspective on your home culture.

Surviving winter is an art, especially if you are a summer person. New
England winters are typically very cold, dark, and often quite snowy.
You’ll want to stay warm and healthy and learn to enjoy winter. It’s a great time for indoor activities, such as studying, and once you get acclimated, you can bundle up and enjoy a brisk winter walk, or other outdoor pursuits – winter-style of course. Here are lots of tips on how to not just survive, but ENJOY your New England winter!
Don’t be a slave to fashion when it comes to your outerwear.
Weatherproof and warm are the first things you want to look for when choosing a winter coat. Down filled and “thinsulate” are two of the warmest linings. The longer in length your coat or jacket is, the warmer you will be. Try to find something that falls comfortably down over your hips or even longer. For maximum warmth, a hood or hat help keep the wind from rushing up sleeves or bottoms will be much appreciated on cold days. Warm, waterproof boots are best for walking on slippery slushy sidewalks. Ask other students where to purchase this clothing locally and at inexpensive prices.
Layers – Layers – Layers!!! Start with a t-shirt and then pull on a sweater and then a fleece vest and then your winter coat over all for example. This way you can peel off layers to cool off or put on layers to warm up. It’s sometimes hard to know just how cold it will be that day, and if you plan to be out for a long time, the temperature will drop considerably at night. Always carry with you or wear a knitted

cap, scarf and warm gloves or mittens. Refer to the “Winter Shopping
List” for everything you’ll need to stay warm.
Watch the weather forecast. The good news is that you may not need to bundle up everyday as if you were planning to spend the day on your snowmobile. Some winter days can be quite pleasant and some years offer up very mild conditions overall, so get to know your weatherman. Don’t be deceived by a clear blue sunny day; even the brightest of days can be frightfully cold. It’s a good idea to check the weather forecast before venturing outside.
Dark glasses aren’t only for looking cool in winter. On snowy days, the light can be very reflective and you’ll want to have a pair of sunglasses that block at least 90% of the ultraviolet light.
Watch out for sunburn and windburn. Lip balm, sunscreen and moisturizers for your hands and face are a must. If you don’t apply them frequently, and even if you do, you might be surprised to find your lips to be so chapped that they crack and bleed, or that you have a sunburn after a day of ice skating. A bright, snowy day reflects light everywhere, so you don’t want to forget your sunscreen. Moisturizers soothe dry hands and face throughout the day.
Moisturize as often as possible. The winter is very dry and hard on your skin, especially if you already have dry skin. It also dries out your sinuses, which can be very uncomfortable. For your skin, you’ll want to you have a good moisturizer to put on your body and your face after your shower or bath, and a humidifier for your bedroom.
You’ll be especially glad that you do when you have a cold or flu in the

winter and your sinuses are crying to be soothed. Make sure you clean your humidifier regularly (at least once per week) according to the manufacturer’s directions, so that it doesn’t get moldy or clogged with minerals from the water. It also helps to drink plenty of water throughout the day.
Practice cold and flu prevention. Prevention is easier than cure of course. Two of the most important things you can do are to wash your hands often and eat and sleep regularly and healthfully.
Drink hot soups and fluids and get plenty of rest, if you do get a
cold or flu. Besides tea or coffee, some other warm beverage options include mulled cider or spiced wine. Hot chocolate or chai is great too.
How about steamed milk with a hint of vanilla flavoring (called a
“white angel” at coffee shops)?
Play in the snow. Many Brandeis students will go sledding near the
Goldfarb Library’s big hill. Other ideas include making a snow person or a snow angel or simply throwing snowballs (gently and playfully, of course) at someone you think is cute. To make a “snow angel”, lie down on your back in the new-fallen snow and sweep your arms up and down and your legs open and closed across the snow. Then stand up carefully to observe your creation.
Get plenty of natural light to help combat the “winter blues.”
As the days shorten and you begin to suffer from sunlight withdrawal, some believe that natural light, such as sunlight, can lift low spirits. In the middle of winter, most people go to work when it’s still dark and

come home when it’s dark. Take your lunchtime out, and at least go for a walk.
Occasionally give in to the impulse to hibernate. Human beings really weren’t designed to go around as if winter didn’t exist and the sun weren’t setting at 4:15pm. Every now and then, spend the day snuggled up in your favorite warm flannel pajamas, napping, snacking and relaxing with your favorite indoor activity.
Have a winter project other than your studies or work. This would be a good opportunity to start reading (or maybe writing) that big fat novel you’ve been putting off. You might want to try knitting a long wooly scarf. If you feel the urge get creative, go to a local arts & crafts store to see what the possibilities are. Go visit museums—find their websites and see when they are open. Brandeis and local libraries often offer free passes.
After winter comes spring. Remember that it will get warmer and lighter and greener again, so refer back to this list as often as necessary and make the most of winter while you can!
OUTER CLOTHING
WARM SOCKS (natural fibers like wool or cotton are good choices)
GLOVES (mittens or gloves; should be waterproof if meant for throwing snowballs; look for cashmere or thinsulate lining)
SCARF (very fashionable and functional)
WARM HAT
EAR MUFFS

WARM COAT/WATERPROOF WARM JACKET (down-filled and thinsulate are two of the warmest linings; a longer coat is warmer)
WARM BOOTS/WATERPROOF BOOTS (look for good grip soles)
INNER CLOTHING
TURTLENECKS or LONG-SLEEVE SHIRTS
SWEATERS
FLEECE SHIRTS
FLEECE LINED PANTS
THERMAL/LONG UNDERWEAR/TIGHTS (to wear underneath jeans; silk thermal-wear is lighter and less bulky than cotton ones; NOTE: long underwear or “long johns” are unisex, but tights are for women)
FLEECE/FLANNEL PAJAMAS (to be snuggly warm at night)
ESSENTIAL ITEMS
CHAPSTICK (also called lip balm; voted #1 essential item)
HAND/BODY LOTION (try Curel, Eucerin or Nivea brands)

Althen, Gary; American Ways: A Guide for Foreigners in the United
States; Intercultural Press, 1988.
Levine, Deena R., Adelman, Mara B.; Beyond Language: Cross-Cultural
Communication; Prentice Hall, 1993.
NAFSA: Association of International Educators; NAFSA’s International
Student Handbook: A Guide to University Study in the USA (AT&T),
Washington, D.C. 1996.
Smith, Jan; Meyers, Colleen M.; Burkhalter, Amy J.; Communicate:
Strategies for International Teaching Assistants, Prentice Hall, 1992.
Storti, Craig; The Art of Coming Home, Intercultural Press, 1990.
University of Iowa , Office of International Education and Services;
Handbook for Foreign Students and Scholars: A Guide to Life and
Culture in the United States and at the University of Iowa: 1997 -
1998; Iowa City, Iowa, 1997.
Wanning, Esther, Culture Shock!: A Guide to Customs and Etiquette
USA; Portland, Oregon; 1999.