Forgiveness
Rev. Ann Schranz, Interim Minister
UU Fellowship of Santa Cruz County
October 16, 2005
The relationship of accountability and forgiveness is a major
religious theme. The Jewish Days of Awe emphasize this theme.
In Christianity, accountability and forgiveness are framed as sin
and grace. The relationship of accountability and forgiveness is a
major religious theme because human beings often feel guilty
about inflicting harm on others and often are guilty of inflicting
harm on others, intentionally or unintentionally. Accountability
and forgiveness are not reconciled at the level at which they
surface. Accountability and forgiveness are reconciled at a more
expansive, integrated level. They are reconciled at the level of
wisdom.
I have felt intense rage and the desire for vengeance at least three
times in my life. The first time, my fury was directed at the
Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza. I have been to Nicaragua
three times. The first time was in 1977, when I spent three months
there, tagging along with newspaper reporters as they worked. In
the years that followed, my rage increased the more I learned about
the regime. Anastasio Somoza was eventually assassinated. The
2
second instance of blinding fury occurred in a college classroom,
when a professor treated the students like children.
The third instance occurred when a friend betrayed me. I went
through the house, gathering up everything he gave me. I threw
everything into the trunk of my car and drove to the closest
convenience store. I was chucking everything into the dumpster at
the convenience store, when a young couple drove up. “Are you
throwing those things away?” they asked. “Yes,” I said, “And you
can have all of it, if you want.” So I chucked everything into their
trunk instead of into the dumpster. I later told a friend what I had
done, itemizing some the belongings that were now gone forever,
including my coffee pot. “I gave you that coffee pot!” she said.
“If I ever give you anything again, I’m going to put my name on it
so you do not throw it away!”
These three life experiences have taught me this about vengeance:
First, sometimes the person we hate ends up being assassinated,
but we cannot count on it. ;) Second, though we are treated like a
child, we do not have to act like a child. Third, if we have ever
loved a person or a group, we must not let that relationship go
without stretching ourselves to find a way to keep it alive. Love is
precious. Betrayal is often more complicated than it appears on the
3
surface. Vengeance prevents us from appreciating the fullness of
what is going on.
These three life experiences and others have taught me this about
forgiveness and accountability: Sometimes we need to forgive,
and other times we need to hold accountable. It takes wisdom to
know what to do. How do we gain the wisdom to know when to
emphasize forgiveness and when to emphasize accountability? We
gain wisdom primarily through observing those who we admire,
through observing those who we dislike, and through trial and
error. Therefore, it matters who we admire, it matters who we
dislike, and it matters whether we have the courage to experiment
with a new attitude and new behavior. This religious congregation
is a place where we find it all – people we admire, people we
dislike, and support for experimenting with a new attitude and new
behavior.
Privately, internally, it is almost always best to forgive. Publicly, I
suggest that there is no one right way to act. It depends on the
circumstances. Perhaps you heard in the news that two more
people won a Nobel prize for game theory. I believe this brings to
four the number of people who have won a Nobel prize for game
theory. I do not intend to reduce spirituality, humanism, or
4
religious development to game theory, but I cannot argue with the
core principle of game theory: What we should do in a given
situation often depends on what others do.
Philosophically, it may make us nervous to have a disconnect
between how we respond privately and how we respond publicly
when attempting to find a wise way to integrate forgiveness with
holding accountable. Such a disconnect can be, in fact,
reprehensible. Such a disconnect can be practical or neutral. I
believe that such a disconnect can also be progressive. I believe
that liberal religion can support the progressive level of this
apparent disconnect. It is possible to privately – that is,
emotionally -- forgive while publicly holding perpetrators
accountable.
It is true that our enemies can be our teachers. It is also true that
our enemies can be our enemies. ;) We are on a quest for wisdom,
not forgiveness. We are on a quest for wisdom, not accountability.
Some of the wise ones from many cultures and many times speak
of a sense of self where the victim and victimizer are not two. The
Buddhist teacher Thicht Nhat Hanh expresses this remarkable
sense of self in this poem, entitled “Call Me by My True Names”:
5
“Don't say that I will depart tomorrow -even today I am still arriving.
Look deeply: every second I am arriving
to be a bud on a Spring branch,
to be a tiny bird, with still-fragile wings,
learning to sing in my new nest,
to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,
to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.
I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,
to fear and to hope.
The rhythm of my heart is the birth and death
of all that is alive.
I am the mayfly metamorphosing
on the surface of the river.
And I am the bird
that swoops down to swallow the mayfly.
I am the frog swimming happily
in the clear water of a pond.
And I am the grass-snake
that silently feeds itself on the frog.
I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,
my legs as thin as bamboo sticks.
And I am the arms merchant,
selling deadly weapons to Uganda.
I am the twelve-year-old girl,
refugee on a small boat,
who throws herself into the ocean
after being raped by a sea pirate.
6
And I am the pirate,
my heart not yet capable
of seeing and loving.
I am a member of the politburo,
with plenty of power in my hands.
And I am the man who has to pay
his "debt of blood" to my people
dying slowly in a forced-labor camp.
My joy is like Spring, so warm
it makes flowers bloom all over the Earth.
My pain is like a river of tears,
so vast it fills the four oceans.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can hear all my cries and my laughter at once,
so I can see that my joy and pain are one.
Please call me by my true names,
so I can wake up,
and so the door of my heart
can be left open,
the door of compassion.”
******************
Those are the remarkable words of Thicht Nhat Hanh. In rare
moments of forgiveness, we may identify with the arms merchant
and the sea pirate. Yet it is wisdom to hold the arms merchant and
the sea pirate accountable. May we call ourselves and each other
by our true names. We have many names. We have many facets
of identity. We are not called to be Thicht Nhat Hanh. We are
7
called to stretch ourselves, to stretch our empathy, to stretch our
compassion, and to stretch our wisdom. May it be so.
************************
The theme of this service is “Faces of forgiveness.” Some of the
faces are yours. At this time in the service, I invite you to come
forward and share with us a brief reflection about the influence that
has forgiveness had in your life – either forgiveness that you have
asked of another or forgiveness that another has asked of you.