Improving Verbal Skills
Communication Methods
Experts say that communication is composed of different methods: words, voice, tone and
non-verbal clues. Of these, some are more effective in delivering a message than others.
According to research, in a conversation or verbal exchange:
Words are 7% effective
Tone of voice is 38% effective
Non-verbal clues are 55% effective.
Non-verbal clues include:
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Body language (e.g., arms crossed, standing, sitting, relaxed, tense),
Emotion of the sender and receiver (e.g., yelling, speaking provocatively, enthusiastic)
Other connections between the people (e.g., friends, enemies, professional similarities
or differences, personal similarities or differences, age similarities or differences,
philosophical similarities or differences, attitudes, expectations).
In other words, WHAT you say is not nearly as important as HOW you say it!
A dull message delivered by a charismatic person, filled with energy and enthusiasm will be
accepted as brilliant.
An excellent message delivered by someone who is not interested in the topic, will not engage
the enthusiasm of its intended audience.
One of the classic examples of great verbal communications is Dr. Martin Luther King's I
Have a Dream speech.
Why was it such a great speech? It was filled with powerful visual images that provoke strong
emotions, delivered with passion by someone who captured the dreams of an entire race. Over
time, the speech has transcended its original message to be a message of hope for all people,
regardless of race.
Communication Elements
Elements of speaking:
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Body language
Voice quality
Intention
Manner: directness, sincerity
Dress and clothing (style, color, appropriateness for situation)
Visual aids, animation
Eye contact
Emotional content, energy, strength
Self-concept
Concept of others
Listening, hearing the underlying message
Speaking from the heart
Energy
Setting, time, place, timing
How the messenger holds the message
Sensitivity
Rhythm and pacing
Attitude and confidence
Rapport
Agenda
Purpose of communication - knowing what you want to communicate
Clarity
Silence, centering, looking
Elements of Listening:
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Attentiveness to speaker
Eye contact
Intention be fully awake and aware
Openness: to other person and your own
Paying attention
Listening to yourself
Feedback
Body language
Change in pattern
Expectations about person speaking, about their message, about their agenda
Distortion in Sending and Receiving Messages
Notice that between the sender and the receiver the path appears to be straight. However, this
is rarely the case. There are many different ways to distort the message or to filter it (both in
delivering the message and in receiving the message). All of the distortions can occur for both
the listener and the receiver.
Improving verbal communications requires first that we understand that communication is
rarely perfect or clear in and of itself. We must learn to listen better and speak more clearly.
We must also check whether our message is delivered correctly and whether we have heard a
message clearly.
Listening Skills - A key element to learning to communicate well
Carl Rogers, in On Becoming a Person, notes that, "The whole task of psychotherapy is the
task of dealing with a failure in communication. . . . the major barrier to mutual interpersonal
communication is our very tendency to judge, to evaluate, to approve or disapprove, the
statement of the other person, or the other group. . . . Real communication occurs when we
listen with understanding - to see the idea and attitude from the other person's point of view,
to sense how it feels to them, to achieve their frame of reference in regard to the thing they are
talking about."
Techniques that help achieve such understanding include the use of "perception checking"
questions. Try this exercise with a friend or someone you trust.
Person 1. Start talking about any subject for 4 or 5 sentences
Person 2. When the first person stops talking, repeat back to them what you thought you
heard, starting with phrases like:
I want to be sure I understand what you are saying. It sounds like . . .<your interpretation of
what they said>
Is part of what you are saying . . . <your interpretation of what they said> ?
What I hear you saying, if I understand you correctly is . . . <your interpretation of what they
said>
I want to make sure I am hearing what you are saying . . . <your interpretation of what they
said>
What I heard was . . . <your interpretation of what they said. Was that accurate?
Then, reverse the roles and the second person speaks for 4 or 5 sentences, then the first person
asks perception checking questions.
By practicing such techniques, you are giving respect to the person speaking and showing that
you understand what they are saying. If you misunderstand what they are trying to say, you
can both work to clarify the message.
By practicing your listening skills, you will also develop better speaking skills. If you listen to
where people misinterpret what you say, you will find ways to make it clearer. Your
frustration at being misunderstood will disappear and you will assume less about what you
hear because you have confirmed it with the speaker.
Remember, listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing is using the ears to acknowledge the
sound of something. Listening means understanding from the perspective of the speaker.
Don Gabor, in his book Speaking Your Mind in 101 Difficult Situations, gives these examples
as ways to boost your listening skills:
Person 1. "I'm not all that crazy about it." < - - - underline indicates key words
Person 2. "Tell me exactly what you don't like about it."
———————
Person 1. "It ought to be pretty clear what I think about that great idea of yours."
Person 2. "I have no idea what you think of my idea. Do you like it or not?"
——————Person 1. "You know what I'm trying to say!"
Person 2. "No, I don't know what you are trying to say. Please tell me exactly what you
mean."
—————Mr. Gabor offers these tips for using TACTFUL conversations:
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T = Think before you speak
A = Apologize quickly when you blunder
C = Converse, don't compete
T = Time your comments
F = Focus on behavior - not on personality
U = Uncover hidden feelings
L = Listen for feedback
Other DOs and DON'Ts to Accompany T-A-C-T-F-U-L Strategies
DO be direct, courteous and calm
DON'T be rude and pushy
DO spare others your unsolicited advice
DON'T be patronizing, superior or sarcastic
DO acknowledge that what works for you may not work for others
DON'T make personal attacks or insinuations
DO say main points first, then offer more details if necessary
DON'T expect others to follow your advice or always agree with you
DO listen for hidden feelings
DON'T suggest changes that a person can not easily make.
Could You Just Listen?
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do - just hear me.
Advice is cheap; 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same paper.
I can do for myself; I'm not helpless - maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's
behind this irrational feeling.
When that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice..
Irrational feelings make more sense when we understand what's behind them..
Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people - because God is mute, and
He/She doesn't give advice or try to fix things.
"They" just listen and let you work it out for yourself.
So, please listen and just hear me.
And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn - and I'll listen to you.
. . . Author Unknown
Improving Presentation Skills
Making effective presentations to groups or key individuals is a regular part of an executive's
job. Delivering a clearly understandable message that gains the support of the listeners
obviously requires expertise in public speaking. Less obviously, it requires that you
understand the perspective of your audience and be willing to adjust your presentation based
on feedback during the session.
Experts tell us that public speaking ranks highest on the list of situations people fear most
(followed by death!). Overcoming this fear requires education and practice, practice,
practice!
Few of us are born to be excellent public speakers. We offer encouragement to those who feel
insecure — don't give up! Organizations such as Toastmasters (and many others) offer proven
techniques for overcoming fear and assistance in mastering master speaking skills. We have
seen many, many people become accomplished speakers, who in the past became speechless
when asked to speak in public.
A personal experience: Many years ago, I (Barbara Taylor) worked for a boss who recognized
that a co-worker and I would not progress well in our careers if we did not learn to overcome
our fear of public speaking. The boss was program director for a national professional
association and scheduled us to speak at their upcoming convention (a year away). We
(naturally) were horrified when he told us his plan for us to speak there!! He explained that he
would spend the year teaching us and coaching us how to speak in public. We were quite
skeptical at first. After several months of coaching, we had lost our intense fear of speaking in
public. By the time the convention came, we were excited and confident. We felt that we
could talk about anything to anybody - because we had been doing it in so many different
ways as part of our training. It was a wonderful learning experience for both of us and helped
us both immensely as we progressed into management.
Some tips for improving presentation skills:
1. Know your subject! This is most important.
2. Prepare for the speaking situation (outline, writing the entire presentation, delivering it
to friends or whatever works for you). Even professional public speakers take time to
prepare themselves.
3. Prepare outlines and overheads to help develop your confidence in your presentation
(part of knowing your topic well).
4. Have your outline (or overheads, slides or note cards) with you to refer to as you make
the presentation and to trigger your thoughts as you speak.
5. In the early stages of your preparation, ask someone you trust to listen to your
presentation and give you honest feedback in a one-on-one situation. Ask them what
works well and what needs improvement. The more important the results of your
presentation are to you, the more important it is to get help in refining your
presentation.
6. Take classes where you are able to develop presentations and have them critiqued
(e.g., classes in public speaking or verbal presentation skills, Toastmasters).
7. Tape your presentation (videotape is best) and ask others to critique your presentation.
Watch yourself and learn to look for subtle body language clues to your confidence or
insecurity.
8. Talk to people you respect about how they learned to speak well. Ask them to coach
you (if that is appropriate) or try to find someone you admire who will work with you.
9. When you are confident, relaxed and enthusiastic about your topic, that comes through
strongly to your audience. Remember how much comes through non-verbal clues.
10. Ask for feedback from your audience about your presentation and pay attention to
what they say.
11. In workshops, ask the participants to introduce themselves, state why they are there
and what they hope to gain from the presentation. (This is most appropriate if you are
making a speech or giving a class to strangers). Based on the participants' needs and
expectations, you may adjust your presentation as you go through it.
12. In a management presentation especially (e.g., to present your new budget or present
sales information), stop occasionally to ask if people understand what you have said.
13. If you have an executive coach (or someone who can play that role), have them sit in
on your presentations and help you pick up clues from the group. (We did this very
effectively with one of our clients who had been promoted to department manager. We
used hand signals and other cues to let her know when she was going too fast, too
slow or missing the body language of an executive group where she gave regular
presentations.)
14. And, most of all — Practice, practice, practice!
An aside about written communications:
The disparity in methods of delivering messages is why it is so difficult to write something
that is clearly understand by large audiences - only 7% effectiveness is achieved by the
words alone!
That is why good visual presentation — using graphics, color, balanced design layout — adds
so much to a written message. These additional "clues" can help compensate for the nonverbal aspect of a written message by triggering emotions on the part of the reader. Without
such non-verbal clues, the Internet would fail miserably as an effective communication tool.
Notice the difference in these two graphics (one animated and one plain) and the word by
itself.
...
. . . Click.
Which one gets your attention? Keep this little example in mind as you develop overheads,
handouts and other written material for your presentations.
Leadership Communications Skills
Leaders, executives and managers need to be very clear about what they expect from others.
One of the best exercises we have seen to assist in this area is from the book, The Leadership
Challenge by James Kouzes and Barry Posner. One of their suggestions for setting an
example and behaving consistently with your stated values is to write a "Leadership Credo."
How to Write a Leadership Credo
1. Imagine that you are being sent on an assignment to a remote post for nine months.
You will be unable to communicate in any way with your team during the time you
are away.
2. After nine months, you will return and resume your present responsibilities.
3. You are allowed to leave behind a one page guideline (your business beliefs,
philosophy, values, credo) on how people should conduct business in your absence.
4. Write a memo with your guidelines to your team members and others.
5. These guiding principles will be given to everyone who works in the organization you
lead.
6. Take the time to do this exercise.
7. Treat it as real.
8. Share it with the people on your team.
9. Read it to them and give it to them in written form.
10. Ask them if they understand it.
11. Ask them if they can adhere to the values you have given them.
12. Review and revise your statement as necessary.
This "simple" exercise is a very powerful way to measure your effectiveness in clear
communication. It forces you to create a document that is clear, powerful and succinctly
captures your business philosophy. It is also a strong measure of your ability to translate what
you feel into succinct communication that others can use, understand and learn from.
One example of a leadership credo actually put into practice is shown below.
If you are willing to do this exercise, it will forever change you for the better. It may lead to
pleasantly surprising results with your team members.
Example of a Leadership Credo
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Trust yourself and your own instincts
Respect others at all times
Keep smiling
Love yourself
Share and stay together
Enjoy what you do
Always learn new things
Accept responsibility for yourself and your actions
Leave the world a better place than you found it
Ask "why" and "why not"
Look at "problems" as "challenges"
See everyday as a gift
Be grateful, always
And, most of all, remember that I love you.
(Comment: the last line was suggested by the team members)
This exercise was part of Barbara Taylor's class in "Leadership in the Ministry" at Ernest
Holmes College.
I HAVE A DREAM
[Excerpts - Dr. Martin Luther King, August 28, 1963, Lincoln Memorial, Washington, DC]
I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of
today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in
the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true
meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men
are created equal.'
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, sons of former
slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down
together at the table of brotherhood....
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation
where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the
content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day down in Alabama little black boys and black
girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as
sisters and brothers....
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with....
With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to
struggle together. . . knowing that we will be free one day . . .
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with
new meaning, 'My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I
sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every
mountainside, let freedom ring.' And if America is to be a great nation,
this must become true.
So let Freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire; let
freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York; let freedom ring from
the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania; let freedom ring from the
snowcapped Rockies of Colorado . . .
Let freedom ring from every hill and mole hill of Mississippi. 'From every
mountainside, let freedom ring.'
And when this happens, and when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it
ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city,
we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men
and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics will be able to
Join hands and sing in the words of that old Negro spiritual, 'Free at
last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last!'
Internet Resources
Links updated 3/21/2003
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American Communication Association - a wealth of information and resources
Communications - (SmartBiz.com) Articles, Reports and Checklists (a few gems
buried in lots of fluff)
Interesting Organizational Communication Sites (Marymount University)
The Art of Communicating Effectively - tips and techniques
Higher Education communication course directory
National Speakers Association - for the great ones or wanna-be's
Toastmasters International - for the rest of us
Virtual Presentation Assistant - excellent web site!
"What is non-verbal communication" - a new source of the % attributed to words,
verbal tone and physical clues for the communication process
"Assess Your Personal Image Before You Start Your Job Search"
"Communication--A Key to Excellent Customer Service"
"Body language speaks the loudest"
"Avoiding Breakdowns in the Communication Process"
"Let’s get physical"
Could you just listen?
Books
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Genderspeak: Men, Women, and the Gentle Art of Verbal SelfDefense. Suzette Haden
Elgin, Ph.D. John Wiley & Sons Inc., 605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 101580012.
1993. Suzette Elgin has written several books on communication. ISBN:
0471580163
How to Read a Person Like A Book, Gerald Nierenberg. Original 1971. Pocket
Books; Reissue edition (December 1982) ISBN: 0671735578
On Becoming a Person, Carl Rogers. Houghton Mifflin. 1961
Speaking Your Mind in 101 Difficult Situations. Don Gabor, Simon & Schuster, New
York. 1994 ISBN 0-671-79505-8
That's Not What I Meant! How conversational style makes or breaks relationships.
Deborah Tannen. Ballantine Books; Reprint edition (January 1991) ISBN:
0345340906
The Leadership Challenge: How to Get Extraordinary Things Done in Organizations,
James Kouzes, Barry Posner. Jossey-Bass; (May 1990) ASIN: 155542211X
(excellent and practical ways to improve our ability to work with people)
The Viscott Method, David Viscott. Pocket Books; Reissue edition (September 1990)
ISBN: 0671729942
When I say no, I feel guilty (bestseller on Assertiveness Training). Manuel J. Smith.
Bantam/Non-Fiction; Reissue edition (February 1, 1975) ISBN: 0553263900
Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?: 25 Guidelines for Good Communication. John
Powell, Thomas More Publishing; Reprint edition (June 1995) ISBN: 088347316X
You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. Deborah Tannen.
Original 1990. Quill; (July 24, 2001) ISBN: 0060959622