“Epode 8”
Horace
Original
Rogare longo putidam te saeculo,
viris quid enervet meas,
cum sit tibi dens ater et rugis vetus
frontem senectus exaret
hietque turpis inter aridas natis
podex velut crudae bovis.
sed incitat me pectus et mammae putres
equina quales ubera
venterque mollis et femur tumentibus
exile suris additum.
esto beata, funus atque imagines
ducant triumphales tuom
nec sit marita, quae rotundioribus
onusta bacis ambulet.
quid? quod libelli Stoici inter Sericos
iacere pulvillos amant,
inlitterati num minus nervi rigent
minusve languet fascinum?
quod ut superbo povoces ab inguine,
ore adlaborandum est tibi.
Literal
That [you] ask long [age] rotten you by age
Manhood what weakens my [manhood],
When there is for you tooth black, and with wrinkles old age
Your brow old plows,
And a gaping foul [asshole] between your scrawny butt cheeks
An asshole just like a sick cow.
But incites me your chest and withered breasts
Equine1 [udder] of what kind as an udder
And your soft belly and thigh swollen [calves]
Skinny [thigh] with calves tacked on.
Be blessed, funeral and ancestral portraits2
May lead [your funeral] with triumphal distinctions3 your [funeral],
Nor may there be a wife/matron, who rounder [pearls]
Weighed down by pearls walk.
What? That little books Stoic4 among the silken [pillows]
To lie little pillows like.
Do illiterate [word indicating question with expected negative answer] less sinews5
stiffen
Or does the phallic necklace droop less?
That thing, so that proud [groin] you may call it forth from my groin,
With your mouth6 is to be worked hard by you.
1
i.e. Droopy.
Figures of noted ancestors accompanied a wealthy Roman’s funeral.
3
i.e. Some ancestors of the women had been granted triumphs.
4
Referring to the actually philosophy, popular among upper class Romans at the time. The obvious joke
that a modern reader would perceive about a Stoic woman having sexual appetites is also intentional.
5
Meaning sexual organs.
6
Romans considered fellatio a particularly demeaning act for someone to perform.
2