Interpersonal, January 2011, 1
Communication 304
Interpersonal Communication
Spring, 2011, 11 AM to 12:30 PM
Tuesdays and Thursdays, ASC 231
Michael J. Cody, 326C Annenberg
Office hours: T 1-2; Th 1-3:30
cody@usc.edu, 213-740-3936 (o)
310-376-8565 (h)
Katrina Pariera, Doctoral Student
Office hours: Wed 1:30 to 3:20
pariera@usc.edu, 202-492-3574
Final examination: Tuesday, May 10, 11-1 p.m.
Texts: Canary, D.J., Cody, M.J., and Manusov, V. (2008). Interpersonal Communication: A goalsbased approach. NY: St. Martin’s Press (4th edition). DO NOT BUY THE BOOK. We have 50
copies and these will be distributed on the first day of class.
Publications and other materials on diverse interpersonal topics are included on “Blackboard.”
Copies of popular bestselling books will also be made available (if you are interested):
Strauss, N. (2005). The game: Penetrating the secret society of pickup artists. NY:
HarperCollins Publisher. [Also see “Speed Seduction” documents on Blackboard.]
Fein, E. & Schneider, S. (1995 – original publication of “The Rules”). I have copies of All the
Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. New York: Warner
books/Grand Central Publishing.
Gray, John (1992). Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to
Understanding the Opposite Sex [Paperback]. New York: HarperCollins. People loved it, hated it
and the author really is not an expert. But he sold copies of this book and made a lot of money
giving “advice.”
Course Objectives
This course deals with communication in interpersonal relationships, including friendships (same
sex and opposite sex), dating and romantic relationships, family relationships, and work
relationships. We adopt a “goal orientation,” and organize our discussions around three
overarching goals – how one presents an image to the public (face-to-face, interviews, Facebook,
MySpace, etc.), how to initiate, maintain and terminate relationships (friendship or romantic),
and how to achieve instrumental goals (sell, buy, get into law or graduate school, etc.). Students
enrolled in this course should understand communication processes underlying self-presentation,
relational maintenance and achieving instrumental goals, explanations for why people behave the
way they do and, ideally, improve their own skills.
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The topics we will discuss include friendship formation, self-disclosure, relational growth,
escalation, decay, self-presentation, maintenance of friendships, face-to-face influence, conflict
styles and/or conflict, online relationships, family influences in studying communication patterns
[intergenerational], the effects of divorce (as a “stressor” or “disrupter”), “blended” families,
interracial dating, intercultural relationships, and “social support” derived from intimate
relationships, family members and even strangers.
The instructors will provide a broad-based exposure to research and theory in the area of
interpersonal communication, providing examples along the way (usually from movies or
television). Second, the instructors will advise and assist students in their individual paper/digital
projects and for the production/group projects (described below). In this class, we want you to
understand theories and communication processes draw conclusions that are based on research
findings, and apply the theory and research to practical examples.
Grading
Individual Assignment/paper or wiki page
20% of grade
on analyzing media examples
E-mail as an attachment to cody@usc.edu
[See description below]
by Midnight Friday, February 11
[We will have you do this assignment first, and early in the semester, because you will be in a
group project with students who have similar interests for the group project later in the semester.]
Test 1 (multiple choice, true/false)
20% of grade
Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 14, 15
February 22
Test 2 (multiple choice, true/false)
20% of grade
Chapters 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
April 19
Group project and presentation
20% of grade
Students will work in groups and make a
presentation on specific topics on selfpresentation, flirting, dating, long-distance
relationships, humor, etc. See below.
April 21, April 26, April 28
Final examination
20% of grade
Tuesday May 10, 11 to 1 PM
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Class Organization and Description of Assignments
We will begin lectures in this class on the “fundamentals” in communication (Chapters 1 to 5 in
the text book). The topics include “goals,” verbal messages, nonverbal communication, listening,
and cognitive processes (stereotypes, etc.). We will also discuss family and personality influences
on communication behaviors (Chapters 14 and 15) – because personality and “attachment styles”
cut across various types of goals. After Test 1 (February 22) we will discuss what most of you
will find the more interesting and important topic areas:
Chapter 6, Presenting the self – off line, online, job interviews, celebrities, sports characters,
coaches, etc. Although Erving Goffman’s Presentation of self in everyday life dates to 1959,
online self-presentations are commonly studied today.
Chapter 7, Disclosing the self – Do you reveal personal information, or conceal information? Are
topics taboo? Do you disclose too much? Getting to know others.
Chapter 8, Defending the self – to police, professors, parents, friends, lovers, etc., when our
action is called into question, we have to explain our actions. Some people give excuses for
infidelity, others apologize and hope to re-build their public image and trust from others. In
today’s world, there are always newer examples of Self-presentation and Defending the self
(chapters 6 and 8)[Mel Gibson, Michael Phelps, Michael Vicks, David Letterman, and many
others.] This one, by Kanye West, is a sad, sad moment (Sad in part because Leno tries to ‘help’
by bringing up Kanye West’s mother, but he fails to help the situation):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6YrfGE8J-M&feature=related
There are many effective and ineffective examples of communicating apologies or excuses. For
example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzytivQsPGI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3l-gRHjUNk
Chapter 9, Relational initiation; flirting, dating, communicating interest, attraction, building
relationships
Chapter 10, Maintaining relationships – friendships (platonic, same and opposite sex friends),
maintaining business working relationships, maintaining romance, long-distance relationships,
forms of love.
Chapter 11, De-escalating relationships; often an understudied issue, but some individuals can be
devastated by a breakup, requiring a time to become re-adjusted to life and to relearn one’s
earlier “true identity” of who they were before they changed in a relationship. Also, both online
and offline research indicates that people break up seasonally:
http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/03/using-facebook-updates-to-chronicle-breakups/
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Assignments
Individual Paper. Analyzing popular media examples of interpersonal communication.
There are many reasons why I am distributing the “text book” to class members. Most importantly,
there should be a useable “wiki” digital, multi-media text available online – but none is available
(yet) and book publishers are hesitant to change. I decided to start creating our own USC
“Interpersonal topics” set of links which students here at USC can add to each year. Since links on
You Tube come and go and there are always new examples (relational breakups, apologies, we can
update a set of the content of and the video examples each semester. Examples from previous
semesters can be found on Blackboard (the documents labeled Conflict, Coping with Long Distance
Relationships, Forgiveness, Friendship, Impression Management, Online Dating, and Physical
Attractiveness are written in the classic “wiki page” format).
Every topic we discuss is relevant to daily life, and you should see issues we discuss in popular
media – news, movies, television, online, music and even advertising. Each chapter in our book
starts with one news story about an important area of interpersonal life. But there are a lot more of
these, including scenes from popular media. And celebrities, sports characters and public officials
provide more every week.
Here is what you do:
Select one chapter from the text book on a topic that is personally interesting to you. The topic is
not necessarily the whole chapter; but a specific topic like Flirting, coping with Long Distance
Relationships, Same-Sex and Opposite Sex Friendships, Platonic Friendships, Personalities and
Communication, Online Self-presentation, Self-Disclosure, Deception, Breaking up relationships
etc. Compile a list of video clips (movies, television, music videos, even advertisements, online
viral projects) that can be used to highlight principles from the chapter – examples of messages,
examples reflecting theories or research outcomes (reactions; severing relationships, failed flirting,
successful apologies vs. failed; etc.).
The Paper: Your paper should be a set of paragraphs that “set up” or describe the importance of
each video clip, song, blog page, etc. That is, describe the context, what the message is that is
communicated, why is it used, and then describe the consequences of the action. The example
should reveal an important element of communication principles relevant to the topic. It should
be a good example, or exemplary, of the communication process. Several pages later in this
document provide a worked example in the area of Relational disengagement (see pages 8 – 11).
There is no page limit or limit on the number of examples, and the content of some chapters will
involve more media links (self-presentation, relational escalation, maintenance, disengagement,
self-disclosure, non-verbal communication), etc. The grade is based mostly on your description
of the relevance of the clip to content in the chapter; followed by whether the grader (Dr. Cody;
cody@usc.edu) agrees with you that it is a good example. This paper should be e-mailed to both
instructors by Midnight, Friday, February 11th. Dr. Cody grades this and will give feedback right
away.
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Don’t forget that you can include music (songs, videos), and narratives from any particular
source (blogs on “modern romance”).
You may want to visit the “Wiki Pages First Drafts” folder on Blackboard for ideas, other
examples….
Note: If you vividly remember a scene or music video (or even a passage in a book), but cannot
locate it anywhere, then simply describe the example in sufficient detail so that the reader will
understand the interpersonal communication used, why and the consequences. I say this because I
do not want you to spend too much time searching for materials on You Tube, etc.
Group Project. Developing Wiki Pages or useful web site, or creating a movie
After each person compiles his/her ideas about visual, mediated examples on the content of one
chapter, people who selected the same chapter will work collaboratively on “wiki” pages for that
content, sharing and compiling examples. Certain “wiki” pages can be “linked” – selfpresentation, “apologies,” “forgiveness,” etc. Groups will work in class (and outside of class time
if needed) to create a movie, a website or a wiki page for the chapter or content area (Long
Distance Relationships, Coping with Breakups, etc.). Feel free to use or paraphrase sections from
the text book (cite the book), and references when creating the wiki pages (again, see the first
drafts on Blackboard).
Groups will later present 10 minute “mini-lectures” to the class on April 21, April 24 or April 26.
Copies will be given to both instructors on the day the group presents.
Examples of Wiki-pages for Chapters (appear on Blackboard, an example of a web site for
educational purposes (on Long Distance Relationships) appear here:
http://www.wix.com/ldr2010/comm-304-group-project
Examples of movies appear on my private space on You Tube and we will see some examples of
these on Thursday, January 13.
Grade of “A:” the creation of pages bridging theory and research (from text) with exemplary
cases from diverse media clearly illustrating communication principles.
Here are what groups have done recently in this class: In the spring semester of 2010, students
focused on The Game and Speed Seduction. Groups completed short movies on the following
topics:
Negs and Praises (how “players” mix up praising a person and using negative statements to keep
others off balance and try to lower a women’s self esteem – and to solicit a defensive reaction)
Neutralizing the boyfriend claim
Physical setting of the approach
“The Rules” versus “The Game”
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Pick-up lines
Isolating the woman
Approaching the woman
Appealing to women’s emotions
Most groups in the fall of 2010 focused on “Strategic Self-Presentation,” and the groups included:
Facebook Self-presentations
Grooming and maintaining sports figures public images
Maintaining parasocial interactions with fans on sports talk shows
Flirting (old fashion face to face flirting)
Self-presentations on dating web sites
Long Distance Relationships -- This group created a very good website
Tarnished images of Narcissistic Celebrities (excellent video you will see Thursday January 13).
Schedule
Day 1, January 11
Day 2, January 13
Introductions, overview. What we have placed on Blackboard.
More video/visual examples
Day 3, January 18
Read chapters 1 and 2. Fundamentals of Interpersonal Communication
Fundamentals of Verbal Messages.
Power point slides will contain the highlights of the chapters.
Day 4, January 20
Chapter 3. Fundamentals of Nonverbal Communication. Take the test:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/index.shtml
Day 5, January 25
Science of Sex Appeal (Beauty, liking, attraction, flirting)
Day 6, January 27
Finish Nonverbal, flirting and cultural interactions; Know your Flirting style
http://connect.ku.edu/tests/flirt/
Day 7, February 1
Day 8, February 3
Chapter 4, Listening Skills
Chapter 5. Fundamentals of Social Cognition
Day 9, February 8
Chapter 5 continued. Relational expectations, Attribution theory
Day 10, February 10 Chapter 14. Personality and self construals (discussed previously in earlier
chapters).
Complete this survey before February 1, so I can present class averages on some personality
measures:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/InterpersonalCommunication
Complete this survey to get your Narcissism score:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-03-16-pinsky-quiz_N.htm
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Day 11, February 15 Chapter 15. Attachment styles, family and life span issues
Day 12, February 17 Review for Test 1
Day 13, February 22 Test 1 (no lecture follows)
Day 14, February 24 Test 1 returned. Discuss Group projects, class time allocated for Group
Work
Day 15, March 1
Day 16, March 3
Chapter 6, Presentation of Self
Chapter 6 continued (some class time will be allocated for Group Work)
Day 17, March 8
Day 18, March 10
Chapter 7, Self-Disclosure
Chapter 7 continued (some class time will be allocated for Group Work)
MARCH 14 – MARCH 18 – Spring Break
Day 19, March 22
Day 20, March 24
Chapter 8, Defending the self
Chapter 8 continued (some class time will be allocated for Group Work)
Day 21, March 29
Day 22, March 31
Chapter 9, Relational initiation
Chapter 9 continued (some class time will be allocated for Group Work)
Day 23, April 5
Day 24, April 7
Chapter 10, Relational maintenance
Chapter 10 continued (some class time will be allocated for Group Work)
Day 25, April 12
Day 26, April 14
Chapter11, Relational dissolution
Review for Test 2
Day 27, April 19
Day 28, April 21
Day 30, April 26
Day 31, April 28
Test 2 (no lecture follows)
Return Tests, start Group Presentations
Group Presentations
Group Presentations
Final examination: Tuesday May 11, 11 AM to 1 PM
Students requesting academic accommodations based on a disability are required to register with
Disability Services and Programs (DSP) each semester. A letter of verification for approved
accommodations can be obtained from DSP when adequate documentation is filed. Please be sure
the letter is delivered to the instructors as early in the semester as possible. DSP is open MondayFriday, 8:30 AM – 5:00 PM. The office is in Student Union 301 and their phone number is 213740-0776.
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Example of media clips and analyses for Individual Paper, using “relational breakups” as the
interpersonal topic:
In an episode from the television series Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw is broken up with on a
post-it note. She woke up one morning with the man she was currently dating, Jack Berger, gone
and a post-it on her lap top stating “I’m Sorry. I Can’t. Don’t hate me.” This is an example of a
non-negotiation negative identity management tactic. This type of tactic is used to create
negative emotions that speed up the process of disengagement. Berger’s tactic succeeded not
only because the relationship ended, but also because there were not any negotiations. Carrie was
so insulted that she had no desire to call him or question his decision. Several of the friends point
out “insensitive” ways of breaking up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPhCvyb5jeQ
In Sex and the City, Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) breaks up with Aleksandr (Mikhail
Baryshnikov) because of their inequitable relationship. Carrie is angry and hurt that he ignored
her at the art gallery even though he had originally asked her to sacrifice her own plans to go with
him. She tells him that she didn’t come to Paris to be alone while her boyfriend would rather be
working than spending time with her. However, Aleksander dismisses her by criticizing her as
being overly emotional and irrational. He doesn’t listen to her emotions. This is an excellent
example of the principle of “least interest:” The person least interested in initiating and maintain
a relationship has more power in it. Carrie wants and desires a relationship and sacrifices to get it
started, but he is not going to increase his inputs and commit to the relationship, so it ends:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6DPEpJw6bU&feature=related
In the film, American Psycho, Patrick (Christian Bale) coldly breaks up with Evelyn (Reese
Witherspoon) by disconfirming her belief that she is important to him. Patrick repeatedly tells her
that it’s over but she either ignores him or refuses to believe him. When she tells him that they
can’t break up because her friends are his friends and his friends are her friends, he tells her that
she can have his friends. She finally realizes that he’s serious and to add insult to injury, he tells
her that she’s just not that important to him and storms out, leaving a hysterical Evelyn behind.
This one clip is a good example of “poor listening skills,” “disconfirming” and “relational
breakups.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ440xOiyho
In the film, Good Will Hunting, Will (Matt Damon) breaks up with Skylar (Minnie Driver) by
coldly telling her that he doesn’t love her after she professes her love for him. In the beginning
of the scene, Skylar wants Will to come to California with her but he refuses because he is afraid
that he will lose her to a richer guy. Instead of trying to support the relationship by going with
her or even talking to her about his concerns, Will tells her that he can’t come to California.
When Skylar confronts him about his fear, he becomes angrily defensive and they argue. Skylar
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tells Will that if he tells here that he doesn’t love her then she’ll be out of his life. NOTE: She is
trying to ‘escalate’ the relationship, and he is refusing to escalate (does not want to go to
California with her). At the point where she says “But I want to help you” Matt Damon gets
angry to they break up. [Later, as you know, he realizes he loves her and he leaves Boston to go
after her):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rq0apHW6Ezw
A movie call The Closer contains several break up scenes. After Larry returns from a business
trip, in the film, Closer, he confesses to his wife Anna that he slept with a prostitute. After
finding out about Larry’s infidelity through solicited partner discovery, she tells Larry she is
leaving him and also admits that she has been cheating on him with Dan. As Larry asks for
details of Anna’s affair, they become increasingly angry and obviously neither of them wants to
continue their marriage. Their break-up may be considered direct-bilateral as both of them wish
to disengage, and Larry ends with a very bold statement which plainly terminates the
relationship. They are both “justifying” termination.
5 minute version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgiztemSaQk
[Yes, this is dark and gloomy, but …. Well done]
Slightly longer version (6+ minutes)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RECn39jxNM&feature=related
During an episode titled, “The Promise Ring,” from the television show, That 70’s Show, Eric
(Topher Grace) breaks up with Donna (Laura Prepon) because she refuses to accept his promise
ring. Eric wants them to be together forever but Donna feels tied down. Earlier in the episode, Eric
gives Donna the ring which she initially finds beautiful. However, later at the Hub, Donna shows
off her ring to Jackie (Mila Kunis) who tells her that she has to wear it on her left ring finger or it
will cancel the promise that Eric and Donna will be together. Donna is clearly uncomfortable with
the idea and asks to talk to Eric. Eric wants them to always be together, but Donna tells him that
she doesn’t always see him in her future. She tells Eric that the promise ring is just a stupid high
school object and if they are meant to be together, then they will be together. Eric becomes
frustrated and shouts "If you can see a future without me in it, and if that doesn't just tear you up
inside, then maybe we shouldn't be together." Stunned, Donna asks if he’s breaking up with her, in
return Eric asks if she’s returning the ring. This ultimatum is a poor choice on Eric’s part -- They
break up when they both answer yes. Half way through this clip (3:40 minutes into the clip):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqrl118GBAs&feature=PlayList&p=BAB80BC
In the film, The Notebook, Noah (Ryan Gosling) tells Allie (Rachel McAdams) that they need to
break up when summer ends because she will be leaving. Noah says that Allie should go ahead and
go to New York in the Fall, and they can “see how things work out” – technically a “let’s take a
break” request or a “De-escalation” break. Allie is furious and begins hitting Noah, shouting that
they might as well break up. However, when Noah gets into his truck to drive away, she
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immediately regrets her actions and begs him to change his mind, but he leaves any way.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJnZ_fNCBLY&feature=related
In this scene from CSI: New York , Detective Mac Taylor finds a letter on his desk from Peyton, his
girlfriend. In the letter, Peyton breaks up with Mac because she realizes that she can’t leave her
home in London and he can’t leave his job in New York despite their love for each other. Later,
Mac’s work friend (platonic?) comes out to support him. [Unilateral break up, a “Dear John” letter]
[Unilateral break up; but later he realizes he misses her, loves her; needs to give the relationship
a chance….he drives to California]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IglmQKyoGI4&feature=related
Not here: “I need to marry a Jackie, not a ‘Marilyn’” [Legally Blonde]. This scene is not
currently available.
In this scene from Gossip Girl, Blair (Leighton Meester) confronts Nate (Chace Crawford) about
not coming to her about his father’s arrest. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onBKpEevNkM
She is upset because he doesn’t open up to her and talk. Nate counters that he tried but she’s too
busy with other things like dinner parties and masked balls. Blair breaks up with Nate when she
realizes he does not love her.
In this clip from Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) tells Derek (Patrick Dempsey) that
they should break up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlqNplMkq9s
Derek agrees that he asked for too much too soon. They mutually agree to “officially” break up
but they are still attracted to each other as they begin to consummate their physical relationship.
Right before the character, Christina, walks down the aisle to marry the character, Preston, on the
television show Grey’s Anatomy, the two decide to end their relationship. The scene begins with
Christina realizing she has accidentally washed off her vows she had written on her hand. By
worrying about her vows, the wedding does not start on time, making Preston question what is
happening. Preston leaves the altar to see Christina, where he finds her relatively composed and
about to walk down the aisle. Preston stops her and tells her he knows this isn’t what she wants
and he will let her go. This interaction displays a type of communication used in relationship
disengagement known as justification. There are three main factors that determine if an
interaction is deemed a justification message. First and foremost, the conversation permanently
ends the relationship. In this case, it is made explicitly clear that the relationship is over because
the entire wedding is called off. Second, there is a reason given to justify the decision to end the
relationship and a reason the relationship is not meeting the needs of the instigator. In this
example, the reason why they are breaking up is that Preston realizes that he was making her
marry him. When Christina tells Preston “I can do this,” Preston responds, “But you don’t want
to do this. I know you don’t want to come down the aisle, but you will because you love me. And
Interpersonal, January 2011, 11
if I loved you…If I loved you… not the woman I’m trying to make you be, not the woman that I
hope you become… But you…and if I did, I wouldn’t be up there waiting for you, I would be
letting you go.” Lastly, this tactic implies that the problem cannot be solved. They are two people
who want different things out of life and they should not have to compromise in order to make
the other one happy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZEls1OXMC4
Chris Brown’s song, “Say Goodbye,” is about a relationship that has reached the stagnating stage
and it is up to one of them to terminate the relationship before it further de-escalates. He
addresses their relational dissatisfaction singing: “This thing ain’t been no walk in the park for
us… We just can’t go on pretending that we get along.” Chris Brown gives a justification
message, saying that it is time to “say goodbye” to each other and the relationship because his
feelings have changed. He even continues with a “negative consequence of not disengaging”
when he sings: “There's never a right time to say goodbye/But I gotta make the first move/'Cause
if I don't you gonna start hating me.” The song even has elements of a positive-tone message
with lines such as: “I don’t ever wanna see you cry…But trust me, girl I never/Meant to crush
your world/And I never thought I would see the day we grew apart.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ26gAc7BtU
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Speed Seduction Clips
Ross Jeffries’ program(s):
http://www.speedseduction.biz/index.php
Daytime pickup’s revealed, for example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WieNqP5DAyM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOnafmKuby8&feature=related
A student is successful (why?):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRi_wf2RbwI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vYJyAvotxI&NR=1
[deception is used several times]
(Oh, Alex gets arrested, for good reason)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0n_KMfLupo&feature=related
In the USA, you cannot film strangers in public places without permission.
Narcissist personalities/using “negs”
http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny
There are many more of these videos; websites and businesses (David Wygant, etc.).