Matthew Danielson
February 6, 2014
Essay #1: Reflective Commentary
Kaitlyn Teer
Part I
1. After reading Sommers’ and Tompkins’ essays, I saw a connection between learning and
preservation. I wondered if learning resulted from preservation, which led me to query
how. I wanted to dissect preservation so that I could figure out what is worth preserving
and why. Preservation also interested me because I love conservationism. My essay
attempts to answer by claiming that important things are preserved in order to find what
their meaning and purpose is.
2. Mountain and Sea: When a writer points out the details of an example. The writer
analyzes the details to draw conclusions about the meaning of the example.
Joining the Conversation: When a writer want to engage the reader into the subject of his
or her writing. Engaging the reader will feel a sense of connection and understanding
about the subject.
Representative Example: Writers use representative examples as supporting evidence for
their subject by illustrating other relative ideas that the reader may be more familiar with.
Representative examples help portray a story or subject the writer is telling about by
describing other ideas.
3. Mountain and Sea: I used mountain and sea technique when I described the forest. I
wanted to explain forest’s history and preservation, as well the details of what it looked
like. After describing what Larabee State Park’s forest was like, I pulled away from it to
ask questions and analyze why the forest, along with other things, are preserved.
“Massive, mossy hemlocks that had escaped the loggers’ axes towered over drooping red
cedars. Did they breathe a sigh of relief when the loggers were not allowed to make a
profit from their wood anymore? I wanted to know why Washington created Larabee
State Park as its first state park” (1). Here I described the details of the forest, and then
stepped out of it to think about it critically.
Another example of when I used mountain and sea is when I would dive into
other essays I pulled from (Sommers and Tompkins) and contextualize my citations from
the other writers. The citations were specific, and I worked them into my essay to further
illustrate my ideas by stepping away and analyzing them.
Joining the Conversation: By quoting Sommers and Tompkins I was adding them to my
thesis. I wanted the reader to feel involved and connected to my essay so I used words
such as “we”, “our”, “us”, and “humans” to include the reader in my discussion. Since
most of my audience and revising peers are form Bellingham, Washington, I thought it
suited to use it and Larabee State Park as examples in another effort to involve the reader
in my thesis. For readers that may not be outdoorsy, I included other establishments that
work to preserve in my essay such as art galleries, museums, monuments, and libraries.
That way readers could relate more to my essay than they would have if I had just used
the forest as an example.
Representative Example: My largest use of representative examples was using the forest
versus Bellingham as an example of preserving what was once all forest. I described
details about the forest so the reader could comprehend the age of the old-growth forest.
“The ages of the stumps are evident. Lichens, mosses, fungi, and plants protrude out of
their fragile, wet wood. Some of the logs even have full grown trees that have sprouted
from the nutrients the stumps provide during decay” (3). In other words, the forest
modeled the effects and importance of preservation.
The cited essays are examples of ideas I have. Art galleries, museums,
monuments, and libraries represent other institutions that preserve things. I used the
Conservation Corps to model the early conservationists.
4. After my one-on-one, I was able to extend my essay and revise it a lot. I completed
citation packages which extended the length of my essay. Clarifying my thesis,
rearranging sentences, restructuring sentences, and simplifying some of my explanations
extended my essay and made it much more organized. There were a few grammar
mistakes that I fixed, and some words I replaced with better ones. Some of the loose ends
of my thesis that made my examples unclear were also rewritten so they made more
sense.
Part II-1,2, and 5
1. a) Writing my essay was like hiking up a trail with switch-backs.
b) It took a long time, but I saved a lot of energy by lengthening the time it took me to
complete it.
2. Sometimes when I got a little lost about what I should write about, I just had to look at
what my thesis was and orient myself again.
5.
The idea is there. In fact, my idea is all around me. I just need to stop and look.