An Envious Decision
Esmeralda Santiago had always “wanted to be a jibara more than anything in the world,
but couldn’t because they were mocked for their unsophisticated customs and peculiar dialect
(Santiago pg. 12).” In the compelling story, When I was Puerto Rican, Esmeralda writes about
going through life confused, while trying to figure out who she is and who she is trying to
become.
In the beginning, one could believe she was living the true jibara life. Especially from
the way she describes the perfect guava. She, without a doubt had definitely found the pure
essence of happiness. But if she is not allowed to be a jibara, then who can she be? A jibara is
what she has always known. So does she stay true to herself? Or change for the sake of others?
Esmeralda is constantly faced with those two questions when she is forced to move to New York
with her family.
Throughout her journey in New York, she encounters many new experiences which
ultimately challenge herself as a person. However, envy was the one thing which had the most
influence not only for herself, but for her family as well. Did the Americanos have a major part
in mami’s decision to move to New York? Or did mami decide to move because she truly
wanted a better life for her and the family.
In 1898, Spain offered Puerto Rico to America (Santiago pgs. 72-73). As soon as this
happened the people of Puerto Rico knew things were never going to be the same. Esmeralda
mentions many changes the Americanos were placing on them. The Americanos first went to
teach “all about proper nutrition and hygiene (pg. 64).” Many of the Puerto Ricans concluded
that all of these changes and nice gestures, such as giving the kids shots and free breakfast, were
only because it was an election year and wanted the dads to vote for them. (Santiago, pgs. 65-71)
Once Esmeralda heard about this, she made it clear to her father that she was not going to
conform to the Americano culture by speaking English and eating their food. (Santiago pg. 73)
But she quickly learned it was more complicated than that when her father said, “They expect us
to do things their way, even in out country (Santiago pg.73).”
But are the Americanos truly to blame for Esmeralda’s move to New York or any one
else for that matter? Mami knew she needed to make a change from the beginning but did not
know how. Her main concern was achieving money to support her family. It had always been
an issue and she was constantly in fights with papi (Santiago pg. 21). More importantly because
Papi “leaves before the sun comes up and shows up until all hours, smells like his puta” and
doesn’t care that he is handing out advancements, especially while his children go barefoot and
hungry. (Santiago pg. 23-24) Mami already had a reason to leave; America just opened the door
so she could change her life.
This also happens in the American fiction, The House Behind the Cedars by Charles W.
Chesnutt. Rena had “all sorts of vague dreams floating through her mind, as to what the future
might bring (Cedars pg. 26).” When she is given an opportunity to leave her origins for a new
life she does. Mis` Molly was also excited about Rena’s new adventure. She believed “her
daughter was going to live in a fine house, and marry a rich man, and ride in her carriage (Cedars
pg. 28). She was envious of the American life. For her to say her daughter is going to marry a
rich man is high hope.
Mami too, was envious of the Americano people. She liked how they were able to work
because Puerto Rican women did not. “For extra money women in the barrio took in laundry or
ironing or cooked for men with no wives (Santiago pg. 122). But now “mami twisted and
sprayed her hair, powdered her face and spread lipstick (Santiago pg. 112). Mami wanted a
better life, “but the women in the neighborhood turned their backs on her (Santiago pg. 122)”
and the family. Once again, Esmeralda remembers it is not acceptable for them to be jibara or
part of the working Americano culture.
Once they moved to New York, money was only the beginning of Esmeralda’s envy. In
the beginning, she was satisfied with her life in the barrio where she “imagined a world of
fascinating creatures…drawing squiggly patterns on the dirt (Santiago pg. 7).” Now, since living
in America her past life once again was not acceptable. Many people made fun of her and said
many Puerto Ricans including herself were “ignorant jibaras (Santiago pg. 139).”
She wished she had the same things as the girls in her school. They lived in fancy houses
with wrought iron porch railings and flowery gardens. They had large rooms with lamps instead
of bare bulbs which hung sloppy. Plus, their mothers dressed simple and waited lovingly for
their daughters. Esmeralda always came home to a missing mother who worked. (Santiago pg.
140) Now she feels she has no choice but to change just for survival. Esmeralda really wants to
be accepted by those around her. However she thinks she has betrayed her jibara roots because
she “wanted to learn English, liked pizza, and studied the girls with big hair (Santiago g. 230).”
Does envy make us do things for ourselves or for others? In The Great Gatsby by F.
Scott Fitzgerald, Gatsby’s actions only seem to validate his desire for Daisy. In the beginning
the first thing Gatsby does is “stretch out his arms toward the dark water (Fitzgerald pg. 20)”
Where in fact there is a green light which signifies his goal and dream to be with Daisy.
Throughout the novel all his actions are only to get closer to Daisy.
”Jibaras were rewarded by a life of independence and contemplation, a closeness to
nature coupled with a respect for it’s intractability, and deeply rooted and proud nationalism
(Santiago pg. 12)” When Esmeralda was younger she “wanted to be a jibara, then a cartographer,
then a topographer (Santiago pg. 257).” She had many dreams but did not know who to be
because none were acceptable. Does she keep envy in her hear and try to be as others want her
to or stay true to herself, which was also wrong? By learning to stay strong she was able to
succeed and push through life. In the end she attended Harvard University and wrote many
successful novels. By believing in herself she has become a true jibara and Americano. Who is
to say she cannot be both.
An Envious Decision
Tara Fernelius
Diversity In American Literature
English 2610-003
Instructor: Leslie L. Biebau
Works Cited
Chesnutt, Charles W. The House Behind the Cedars. Boston and New York: Houghton
Mifflin and Co., 1900.
Fitzgerald, F. Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1925.
Santiago, Esmeralda. When I Was Puerto Rican. New York: Da Capo Press, 1993.