Play 3: Bob’s Got It [Rebecca Manson Jones]
A Tiny Play - For 2 actors
A rooftop installation somewhere in the conservation area of Brockley. The time is
as soon as you can imagine.
Bobbie
Bob
Bob?
Hang on a sec there, Bob
Bobbie
Chuck us your Makita
Bob
What’s wrong with yours?
Bobbie
Battery. Pass us it then.
Bob
Bobbie
Bob
No, I told you to bring a spare.
Come on Bob, - lot to do
Yeah I know, whole street
Bobbie
Half the street – look at her still not happy….
Bob
When this lot’s done you can charge your Makita from up ‘ere.
Bobbie
And the rest.
Bob
Bobbie
Must’ve cost them a bit.
Bulk order, group purchase (shouting at the woman in room opposite) It’s the
future today….
Bob
Stop it, don’t wind the residents up. Odd though, I mean, not wishing to be
rude - but the even the ones that look a bit, well to use a technical term – a bit shitty
Bobbie
Bob
the ones in need of modernisation
yeah – anyway, even them, they’ve gone for it
Bobbie –
local co-operative – the ones who can afford it subsidising the others, until
they make it back – everyone gets a vote and everyone gets the pay back when they sell back
to the grid… or something
Bob
I see – / you know a lot
Bobbbie
stronger together and all that
Bob
(gestures at the woman over the road)
Bobbie (laughs)
except her
yeah except her
Bob
She’s got a point. It’s ugly - ain’t it
Bobbie
You reckon – the view from up here – Canary Wharf, Canada Water, that park
Bob
But she’s not up here – she’s staring at it from her living room. Poor bastards
on the other side of the street gotta look at in the
Bobbie
Plant trees, Bob
Bob
Bobbie
Seriously? Bob?
‘scheme innit. Tree wardens and stuff. All pukka, Buy a tree - 240 quid, bosh,
done - they plant, you water, it – make a screen something else to look at.
Bob
Bobbie
Yeah but she’ll be dead by the time it ….
And my kids will die of lung disease if we don’t cut out the carbon. Sod her and
her view.
Bob
Bobbie
` but it’s these old houses, they’re kinda…
badly insulated, fuel eating – just because they’re pretty & I wouldn’t mind
living in one….
Bob
Dream on
Bobbie
too right – but point is
(she overbalances)
Bob
Easy Tigerlilly,
Bobbie
yeah just getting a bit excited about the subject, forgot where I was
Bob
Like you forgot to charge your Makita. Important & urgent – you get em mixed
up, I keep telling you
Bobbie
point is – it’s in a conservation area – so what – what exactly are they trying to
conserve and who for? We cover up a tiled roof, a street of them and what changes? –
all that changes is they save some money and reduce their carbon footprint.
It should be compulsory.
Bob
Oh, I didn’t realise, you’re a true believer
Bobbie
Yes, actually, This isn’t just a job – I’m in – I’m part of the ownership scheme -
you should give it a go – and yeah, I see London like this, you know, and
Bob
You’ll be moving in next
Bobbie
….
Bob
you’d come south? (shocked) BOB
Bobbie
Good schools, lovely park, shops, market, 20 is plenty
Bob
Do what?
Bobbie
Miles an hour 20 – safe for the kids, cycling and all that….They need a new
Mayor, though…
Bob
Sounds like I’m looking at her
Bobbie
all right
Bob
You’ll need to win the lottery
Bobbie
there’s an affordable housing scheme
Bob
and I bet their shit doesn’t stink either
Bobbie
Ok - where would you rather live, in an area full of traffic and noise or
somewhere the kids walk to school, where there’s stuff like this (what we’re doing)
happening and they haven’t turned it into
lattelalaland.
Bob
Give it time.
Bobbie
You can still get a bacon butty by the station. People like this, doing this stuff,
keeping you in work
Bob
Bobbie
Ok – its just South, that’s like, ….
it’s the happy postcode, people say hallo, everyone says it’s the happy
postcode….
Bob
Except that old bloke in no 54 and her over the road
(gives her a wave)
Bobbie
ok they’re a bit miserable but
Bob
So we’d better crack on
Bobbie
Pass us the Makita then
Bob
Can’t
Bobbie
Come on, Bob, stop pratting about
Bob
I can’t – Little Bob’s got it
Bobbie
Bob! Bob! Nip over ‘ere with Bob’s Makita will you?
Bob
Brockley Solar, designed by engineers, built by Roberts
Bobbie
What?
Bob
It was a joke in the last century.