Option #3. Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and
describe that influence.
I'm not a fan of this prompt because of the wording: "describe that influence." A good essay on this topic does more
than "describe." Dig deep and "analyze." And handle a "hero" essay with care. Your readers have probably seen a lot of
essays talking about what a great role model Mom or Dad or Sis is. Also realize that the "influence" of this person
doesn't need to be positive.
Student Teacher
Anthony was neither a leader nor a role model. In fact, his teachers and his parents were constantly chastising him
because he was disruptive, ate too much, and had a hard time staying focused on a task. I met Anthony when I was a
counselor at a local summer camp. The counselors had the usual duties of keeping kids from smoking, drowning, and
killing each other. We made God’s eyes, friendship bracelets, collages, and other clichés. We rode horses, sailed boats,
and hunted snipe.
Each counselor also had to teach a three-week course that was supposed to be a little more “academic” than the usual
camp fare. I created a class called “Things that Fly.” I met with fifteen students for an hour a day as we designed, built,
and flew kites, model rockets, and balsawood airplanes.
Anthony signed up for my class. Anthony stood out from my other students for many reasons. He was larger and louder
than the other middle school kids. He was also the only African American in the class. The camp was located in a wellto-do and predominately white neighborhood. In a questionable effort to promote economic and racial diversity, the
camp organizers developed a strategy of busing inner-city kids out to the burbs. But despite the best efforts of the
organizers and counselors, the inner-city kids and suburbanites tended to stick to their own groups during most
activities and meals.
Anthony was not a good student. He had been kept back a year at his school. He talked out of turn and lost interest
when others were talking. In my class, Anthony got some good laughs when he smashed his kite and threw the pieces
into the wind. His rocket never made it to the launch pad because he crumpled it in a fit of frustration when he couldn’t
get the fins to stay on.
In the final week, when we were making airplanes, Anthony surprised me when he drew a sketch of a sweep-wing jet
and told me he wanted to make a “really cool plane.” Like many of Anthony’s teachers, and perhaps even his parents, I
had largely given up on him. Now he suddenly showed a spark of interest. I didn’t think the interest would last, but I
helped Anthony get started on a scale blueprint for his plane. I worked one-on-one with Anthony and had him use his
project to demonstrate to his classmates how to cut, glue and mount the balsawood framework. When the frames were
complete, we covered them with tissue paper. We mounted propellers and rubber bands. Anthony, with all his thumbs,
created something that looked a bit like his original drawing despite some wrinkles and extra glue.
Our first test flight saw Anthony’s plane nose-dive straight into the ground. His plane had a lot of wing area in the back
and too much weight in the front. I expected Anthony to grind his plane into the earth with his boot. He didn’t. He
wanted to make his creation work. The class returned to the classroom to make adjustments, and Anthony added some
big flaps to the wings. Our second test flight surprised the whole class. As many of the planes stalled, twisted, and
nose-dived, Anthony’s flew straight out from the hillside and landed gently a good 50 yards away.
I’m not writing about Anthony to suggest that I was a good teacher. I wasn’t. In fact, I had quickly dismissed Anthony
like many of his teachers before me. At best, I had viewed him as a distraction in my class, and I felt my job was to
keep him from sabotaging the experience for the other students. Anthony’s ultimate success was a result of his own
motivation, not my instruction.
Anthony’s success wasn’t just his plane. He had succeeded in making me aware of my own failures. Here was a student
who was never taken seriously and had developed a bunch of behavioral issues as a result. I never stopped to look for
his potential, discover his interests, or get to know the kid beneath the facade. I had grossly underestimated Anthony,
and I am grateful that he was able to disillusion me. I like to think that I’m an open-minded, liberal, and nonjudgmental person. Anthony taught me that I’m not there yet.
Critique
The Topic - This sample college admissions essay was written by Max for personal essay option #3 of the Common
Application: "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence." This option
tends to lead rather predictable essays that focus on the typical heroes of high school students: a parent, a brother or
sister, a coach, a teacher.
From the first sentence, we know that Max's essay is going to be different: "Anthony was neither a leader nor a role
model." Max's strategy is a good one, and the admissions folks who read the essay will most likely be pleased to read
an essay that isn't about how Dad is the greatest role model or Coach is the greatest mentor.
Also, essays on influential people often conclude with the writers explaining how they've become a better people or owe
all of their success to the mentor. Max takes the idea in a different direction--Anthony has made Max realize that he
isn't as good of a person as he had thought, that he still has much to learn. The humility and self-critique is refreshing.
The Title - Max's title is perhaps a little too clever. "Student Teacher" immediately suggests a student who is teaching
(something that Max is doing in his narrative), but the true meaning is that Max's student taught him an important
lesson. Thus, both Anthony and Max are "student teachers."
However, that double meaning is not apparent until after one has read the essay. The title by itself does not
immediately grab our attention, nor does it clearly tell us what the essay will be about.
The Tone - For the most part, Max maintains a pretty serious tone throughout the essay. The first paragraph does
have a nice touch in the way that it pokes fun at all the cliché activities that are typical of summer camp.
The real strength of the essay, however, is that Max manages the tone to avoid sounding like he is bragging about his
accomplishments. The self-criticism of the essay's conclusion may seem like a risk, but I'd argue it works to Max's
advantage. The admissions counselors know that no student is perfect, so Max's awareness of his own short-comings
will probably be interpreted as a sign of maturity, not as red flag highlighting a defect in character.
The Writing - At just a little over 700 words, Max's essay is a good length. The prose is never wordy, flowery, or
excessive. The sentences tend to be short and clear, so the overall reading experience isn't labored.
The opening sentence grabs our attention because it isn't what we expect for this essay option. The conclusion is also
pleasingly surprising. Many students would be tempted to make themselves the hero of the essay and state what a
profound impact they had on Anthony. Max turns it around, highlights his own failures, and gives the credit to Anthony.
The balance of the essay isn't perfect. The prompt on the Common Application tells us to "indicate a person who has
had a significant influence" on us, and then "describe that influence." Max's essay spends far more time describing
Anthony than it does describing Anthony's influence. Ideally, Max could cut a couple sentences from the middle of the
essay and then develop a little further the two short concluding paragraphs.
Final Thoughts - Max's essay takes some risks. It's possible an admissions officer would judge Max negatively for
exposing his biases. Also, Max skirts some touchy issues when he talks about race. The essay could easily stray into a
rather uncomfortable display of hierarchical racial positioning if Max were to present himself as the white kid from the
suburbs who became the mentor of the poor minority kid from the inner city.
I believe Max avoids these traps and writes an effective and compelling essay. In the end, Max presents himself as
someone who is a leader (he is designing and teaching a class, after all) and as someone who is aware that he still has
much to learn. These are qualities that should be attractive to most college admissions folks.
6 Tips for Option 3:
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that
influence.
1. Push the Language in This Option
I've never been a fan of the wording of essay option #3, for if you followed the guidelines too literally, you would end
up with a bland essay. The words "indicate" and "describe" suggest that your essay does not need to demonstrate any
critical thought. However, a good response to #3 does far more than "describe" a person's influence on you. You should
examine why the person was influential to you, and you should analyze the ways in which you have changed because of
your relationship with the person.
2. Think Twice About Essays on Mom or Dad
There is nothing wrong with writing about one of your parents for this essay, but make sure your relationship with your
parent is unusual and compelling in some way. The admissions folks get a lot of essays that focus on a parent, and your
writing won't stand out if you simply make generic points about parenting. If you find yourself making points like "my
Dad was a great role model" or "my mother always pushed me to do my best," rethink your approach to the question.
Consider the millions of students who could write the exact same essay.
3. Don't Be Star Struck
In most cases, you should avoid writing an essay about the lead singer in your favorite band or the movie star who you
idolize. Such essays can be okay if handled well, but often the writer ends up sounding like a pop culture junkie rather
than a thoughtful independent thinker.
4. Obscure Subject Matter is Fine
Max writes about a rather unremarkable junior high kid he encountered while teaching summer camp. The essay
succeeds in part because the choice of subject matter is unusual and obscure. Among a million application essays,
Max's will be the only one to focus on this young boy. Also, the boy isn't even a role model. Instead, he's an ordinary
kid who inadvertently makes Max challenge his preconceptions.
5. The "Significant Influence" Need Not Be Positive
The majority of essays written for option #3 are about role models: "my
Mom/Dad/brother/friend/teacher/neighbor/coach taught me to be a better person through his or her great example..."
Such essays are often excellent, but they are also a bit predictable. This essay, however, is about a "significant"
influence, not necessarily a "positive" influence. Max’s essay focuses on a kid who is explicitly not a role model. You
could even write about someone who is abusive or hateful. Evil can have as much "influence" on us as good.
6. You Are Also Writing About Yourself
When the prompt asks you to "describe that influence," it is asking you to be reflective and introspective. While an
essay for option #3 is partly about the influential person, it is equally about you. To understand someone's influence on
you, you need to understand yourself -- your strengths, your short-comings, the areas where you still need to grow. As
with all the essay options, you need to make sure a response to #3 reveals your own interests, passions, personality
and character. The details of this essay need to reveal that you are the type of person who will contribute to the
campus community in a positive way.