Kathmandu's Delightfully Dirty Temple Carvings
September 10-26, 2014
Everywhere I look in fascinating, fabulous Durbar Square, the World Heritage heart of
Kathmandu, there's PORN! I love it!
Kuma Sutra carvings dating back to the 1500s decorate many temples...but let's not be in a hurry
to get to them...this is about romance, after all....
Let's pretend I'm single again...set the mood. Light some candles....
And meet in the garden where, incidentally, I'm writing this Blah Blah. This is the view from my
room at the Kathmandu Guest House, my home here since 1982 when I did the first of several
collecting trips for museums. Then, this old Rana palace was in a marvelous state of decay, but
still bursting with character. Now it's been spiffed up. I loved it then. I love it now.
But when the "beetles" stayed here in '68 during their Maharishi period, it had to have been
downright grotty. But if it was good enough for the beetles, it's good enough for me. Now that
you've seen my digs, for our date how about we go out on the town, one of my favorites?
In '82, like everyone, I fell in love with this enchanting doll house of a city and its wonderful
diminutive denizens, intelligent, polite, well grounded, respectful and sensitive. I wrote an article
about it then, describing its 300,000 population and how the drive in from the airport was past
fields that looked like scenes from Brueghel paintings. Well, now it's approaching 3,000,000 and
those fields are gone with the monsoon.... (This was the king's view centuries ago BTW.)
The city itself, largely built by the Newari between the 12-18th centuries, was a magical,
magnificent work of art, like this marvelous building. Much of it, sadly, was so in danger of
collapse that it's gone. Sadly too, some of the magic dissipated with it but the Nepalese are as
great as ever, along with the Turks my favorite people. Lemme show you around my old haunts.
But first to my publishers in Nepal and India as I need to pick up my royalties so I have
something to blow on our day on the town. And to keep the income tax people in Ottawa happy.
Pilgrims was one of the great book stores in the world, one of those wonderful eccentric places
of rare books and manuscripts, antiquities and rare art. And then a disastrous fire in May 2013
destroyed 30 years of loving collecting. It was a disaster for Rama and his family. The ruins
smoked for 18 days afterwards. They've done an amazing job of recovering but it'll never be the
same. Daughter Kahani Tiwari now efficiently runs it on a day to day basis but the long bearded
Rama still is around.
An estimated 20% of my inventory went up but fortunately most of it was in Veranasi where the
main warehouse is. The cover photo is of Tengboche Monastery up by Everest where the
adventure tale begins.
,
With pockets stuffed with rupees - royalties are paid in cash here - let's head out. Second stop is
the Thamel triangle, the heart of the tourist area.
The famous Rum Doodle, a must stop for mountaineering expeditions for decades.
Its interior festooned with yeti footprints bearing the signatures of countless expeditioneers,
famous and not so, as well as trekking parties. The original Rum Doodle was a grubby hole and
Scot McBeth, my sponsor into The Explorers Club, one of its founders. The new location is more
upmarket and on three levels to handle its success.
Includes a rooftop patio.
Named back in the '60s when long haired, smelly, hippy freaks like me arrived over the old Asia
Overland Trail from Istanbul. Grass and hash weren't illegal then but the Yanks put an end to
that, as they did everywhere if any country wanted a handout in aid. I didn't care. All the stuff
did for me was make me paranoid and stupid. I'm a Scotch guy.
Toothache? No problem. Just nail a coin to the Toothache Tree and you're cured.
Though modern Nepalese now go to more modern dentists. I said "more," not modern.
Next stop is to another Rana palace, in part for the magnificent gardens.
But really to pay a visit to the Kaiser Library inside, its ambience only equalled by the Trophy
Room of The Explorers Club in New York. This fabulous old library reeks of 19th century
British Raj atmosphere, even if the Brits didn't conquer Nepal like they did India. The tens of
thousands of musty books are mostly from 1920-64 when the owner, a son of a Rana dynasty
prime minister, croaked.
A block away is the royal palace. A year before I was last here in 2002 the royal family in 2001
was massacred by the crown prince and subsequently the monarchy abolished and the palace
turned into a museum. The sites of the massacre are well described, though the building in which
it largely took place was razed to the foundation. The living quarters look like something right
out of 1948. The walls are lined with photos of the usual pompous types, full of themselves
because of accidents of birth, in their ridiculous costumes festooned with meaningless medals
they struck for themselves. In one display case I counted over a hundred.
At least the fake fakirs of Durbar Square are genuine in their chicanery, eager to have their
photos taken for baksheesh. You gotta love 'em. They add to the color of this most colorful of all
cities
.
Not far from the palace is the 1905 Cafe, a one time residence for concubines with its pleasure
gardens and now a popular ex-pat hangout.
Why, just the day before I linked up with many of them here thanks to Maura Moynihan, stuck in
Personhattan, New York, back in the "United Mistakes" as she not so fondly terms it. Tyhoon
Maura has significant footprints there, The Big Mango and here in Kathmandu. Here we send
our greetings to her back in New Yawk.
Kathmandu is a fascinating confusion of narrow lanes.
The last big shaker was in 1934 and the next is overdue. Tremors are weekly, even daily.
Because of the age and brick construction, often poorly done, of many buildings it's estimated
that 40,000 will be departing for their next reincarnation in the first few minutes of the Next Big
One. Note the cracks from past shakers and that the surrounding buildings are made of concretewith-rebar, more earthquake resistant Many ex-pats have Go Bags by their beds.
But I know you're eager to get to the sexy stuff, so let's hurry through the next several shots, uh,
places.
And happy kids from good homes and with good futures.
And kids with no homes and 10,000 yard stares into bleak futures. He accepted my 1000 rupee
note, about $10, with nary an emotion. Kathmandu is not without its beggars too. You expect
that, but it's kids like this that break your heart. What did I say about accidents of birth? I thank
the lucky constellation I was born under that it was in Canada.
But enough of this. We're on a date and I know you're getting weary of all this squeezing through
crowds and the incessant horns and motorcycles. Let's follow this comely lass back into Durbar
Square.
On the edge is a huge rectangle given over to vendors. Back in the '80s it was incredible what I
could find here for a couple of bucks - old masks, 300-year-old monastery locks, Tantric temple
banners at least as old. That was back during the Golden Age of ethnographic collecting for
museums. Now it's mostly touristo stuff but I was surprised how much old stuff there still is.
Some are very old... ammonites, which once lived in shallow seas but now have been thrown up
miles into the sky along with the Himalaya, are common.
Forgot to take my fish eye off before doing this panorama. Kinda works though, this being funky
Kathmandu.
Wait. I tried my iphone and its pan welds better than Olympic Toughs'.
There's 2500 temples and shrines in the Kathmandu Valley, it's said one for each corner but that's
a bit of an exaggeration. A bit, but not that far off. I'm happy I brought the Olympic instead of
that damned Nikon. When I shoot a picture of a temple, I get a picture of a temple and not some
damned semi naked sexy girl's ass like in so many Blah Blahs that were spoiled because of it.
That's the new wing of the old royal palace built around 1906. It backs onto the even earlier one,
centuries old, which is a museum. Just to the right is the rectangle where the vendors gather.
We'll get there. Don't worry. There's some interesting sights along the way. Just keep your
knickers on. For the moment.
I want to show you around Durbar first. The first time I wandered in here it blew my mind. I set
a scene or two in Thai Gold here. Or in Nepal Gold as it's published here.
Now let's head over to my smutty faves.
We hafta pass a few places first.
White Bhairab. You wanna bully Buddha in the schoolyard? You gotta mess with him first. This
is the first time I've seen this particular and splendid 200-year-old mask, as it's only displayed for
a few days each September during the Indra Jatra festival. And this is my sixth time to Nepal.
Here he is in all his glory, standing on a corpse, holding severed heads and wearing a garland of
dozens more. Black Bhairab is also one of the forms of Shiva, the destroyer. Himalayan Tantric
Buddhism is a delicious curry of Hinduism, Buddhism and the ancient animist Bonpo religion all
stirred together.
Okay, okay, let's get down to the gritty nitty. Ironically, right on the edge of the dirty temples is
the residence of Kumari, the Virgin goddess of Nepal.
On the one hand they worship lust, on the other virginity. But this is Asia, ying and yang. The
moment she has her first period she's shown the door and a new one is installed.
Now, to the main event. See those angled struts holding up the roo...? Huh? You're hungry and
want something to eat first?
Sure. I don't blame you. This has been a long day of pushing through crowds, and the aroma of
curry and spices everywhere does drive up the appetite. And a romantic dinner first would indeed
be in order.
We can share a tumba, the national drink of Nepal - a treat of hot water poured over fermented
millet seeds, the yeasty nectar drawn through wooden straws.
(Steve LeClerc shot)
Oh, you want an Everest beer instead? Okay. Helluva good beer. The curries are incredible in
Nepal. (Especially at The Curry Kitchen, a couple doors down from the Kathmandu Guest
House. That it's been around over a decade is a tribute to its delicious success. Our favorite curry
place in the world.)
Now that we've been fed and watered, let's finally check out the local porn channel. The dirty
carvings you've been waiting so very long to see are at the bottoms of the struts. Here's where
our date heats up.
A
Looks like it was truly a family affair in those days.
Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends...crooned the beetles.
Talk about double tasking. Washing her hair...?
Don't know what it is about washing hair but it's got the whole family randy in this one. Several
like this are reoccurring themes around the valley.
Now I like this. Doesn't keep the little woman from her work. You go right ahead dear, I have
things to do around the house.
This theme reoccurs as well, here with both smiling. I think they're saying, put sex ahead of
everything, even work. I like this culture. This had to have been the most sexual culture in the
history of mankind, now sadly lost in the mists of time.
At the same temple south of Durbar an old crone, really old, sunken cheeks, ribs, deeply sinewy
legs, literally gets it on with a young man while a nubile to her left masturbates. I'm all for
geezers having sex of course, har har har. And lots of it.
How do you do. Nice to meet you.
They should audition for Cirque du Soleil. I saw another where they were standing on their
hands! But I forgot my connector ring for my long lens and it was too high for a clear shot.
The Kama Sutra was a celebration of sex as well as a manual. Why it was associated with the
Hindu and Buddhist gods no one really knows to read the scholarly literature, but it certainly
portrays a very different and much more open and healthy attitude than that born of the three
desert religions, two of which afflict the West directly. And the third is moving in and causing
more problems. That Islam 's the most repressed and violent is no surprise. That sexual
frustration has to find expression somewhere and it ain't gonna be pretty.
You can't get a healthier and more open expression than when it's associated directly with
religion, the traditional arbiter of morality. Can you imagine how different Western Civilization
would be if the Vatican was festooned with images depicting a morality like this instead of their
dour, ascetic saints? Instead of associating sex with shame to create guilt - the powerful tool the
Vatican used throughout its nefarious history to manipulate its masses. Talk about an Evil
Empire. The ultimate Italian Mafia.
That it's associated with religion here isn't surprising to me. Hindu religion has since its roots
thousands of years ago revered the lingam-read-erection as the symbol of Shiva and the
manifestation of his energy. It's at the heart of Hinduism.
Shiva was a stud.
And his consort Pavarti (they didn't bother with marriage, what a fantasy that is) was a hot babe.
Great pair of boobs. You can imagine they spent a lot of time banging their brains out - and that
set the tone for the whole culture.
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His dick is everywhere. To be worshipped.
And his dick is often put together with Parvati's publics. Only in the West would you call them
privates. Here, they are very public.
Here's where I shot this, where these dick-and-pussy things will soon flow with blood during the
most bloody of Nepalese rituals, the Deshain. Hundreds of thousands of sacrifices are made to
Durga, the goddess of victory and might and black Bhairab. It's the biggest festival in Nepal,
families come home, blood flows. It's the equivalent of the US Thanksgiving, he laughs.
Unfortunately I'll be in Tibet when this all happens, dammit.
His dick is sticking up at the four corners of Thailand's most famous shrine, Wat Arun on the
river flowing through town. Lee Rivers in Thai Gold/Nepal Gold/The Bangkok Collection
crashes a small plane here. Sexual energy - lust - is seen as something divine, the source of
creation, and that it is. Ahem, that women worship the lingam is wholly fitting, I wholly agree.
What's more central to one's life and life itself than one's sex drive?
But Christianity and the other desert religions, as I say, got it all, literally, screwed up. I shudder
when I think back to the repressed 1950s and early '60s when I was a kid. It's no wonder my
whole Baby Boom generation revolted: we were revolted.
There's dozens more images in an orgy of positions and really the most artistic and graceful are
from India and in stone. Google "nepal erotic carvings" and "India erotic carvings" and hit
Images. With this exception: on the royal palace in Kathmandu.
On the left is the 1906 neo-classical addition. On the right is the older one dating back to the
1700s and earlier, even to the 1400s.
The artistry is incomparable. Let's zoom in closer.
Now, on the left that's the worst case of penis envy I've seen, On the right, I don't know how they
did it, but I'm willing to learn.... Can you imagine this on Buckingham Palace? You have to go to
India and particularly at Khajuraho to find its equal. And, actually, there is the penultimate.
Here's examples:
This one in particular looks like fun....
Some could get you arrested in the West these days though....
Though there is a tradition of it, sort of, in the West. But with a...goat...? And, of course, there's
Kiwis and Aussies with their sheep, but, Jesus? A goat? They stink!
Otherwise we've been pretty normal going back to the Greek Bronze Age. Same with the
Japanese who can be bizarre. There didn't get to be 130,000,000 of them without enjoying eating
sashimi. Christ, there's 35,000,000 in greater Tokyo. That's more than the entire population of
Canada.
Interesting how morality and its resulting laws are merely a reflection of the particular culture.
What's porn to one culture is divine to another. What's profane in one is sacred in another. And,
of course, the East Indians are now as repressed as the worst of them. All thanks to that chubby,
dour midget who ruled the British Empire in the 19th century and who cast such a long shadow
into the next. It's only in the last few decades that we've ripped ourselves free of all that
disgusting prudery in the West, but India is still in its grip.
Now, I see by your panties down around your ankles that all this divine porn has gotten you
primed, as it's meant to do, but, damn, I should have known this was going to happen. I have to
apologize. Dinner and a drink always does this to me and as everyone who knows me knows, I'm
sacked out by 9:30pm. All this squiring you around town has also got me knackered. So, sorry,
please pull your knickers up, sorry, and perhaps we'll try another day. So, til then, this is...
...the end!