Getting at the “heart-truth”
Personal essay, round two
We’ve been focusing on two major ideas this week: writing in “slow motion” and writing to reveal the “heart
truth.” The goals for your second essay are to try to mimic O’Brien’s techniques in your essay. How can you make
moments from the past “re-happen” for your reader? How can you use vivid, sensory details to make your stories
come alive? How will you develop the essential, heart truth of your essay by changing (or omitting) certain
unnecessary facts?
As always, I’m giving you a few different prompts. Write what is “real” to you, for that is what is interesting and
that is what you know. And, remember, you are only 17 or 18 , so don’t write like you have everything figured out.
Write like you still have lots to learn… .
PROMPTS:
1. “Twenty yards. I could’ve done it. I could’ve jumped and started swimming for my life. Inside me, in my
chest, I felt a terrible squeezing pressure. Even now, as I write this, I can still feel that tightness. And I
want you to feel it — the wind coming off the river, the waves, the silence, the wooded frontier” (56).
 Write about a time you made a difficult decision. It should be a decision that profoundly affected your
life in some way.
 Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge,
a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale.
Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
2. In his address to Brown University, O’Brien states, “What I was crying about, you see, was - was not selfpity. I was crying with the knowledge that I'd be going to Vietnam, that I was essentially a coward, that I
couldn't do the right thing, I couldn't go to Canada. Given what I believed, anyway, the right thing would
have been to follow your conscience, and I couldn't do it. Why, to this day, I'm not sure, I can speculate it.
Some of it had to do with raw embarrassment, a fear of blushing, a fear of some old farmer in my town
saying to another farmer, "Did you hear what the O'Brien kid did? The sissy went to Canada." And
imagining my mom and dad sitting in the next booth over, overhearing this, you know, and imagining their
eyes colliding and bouncing away, and-uh, I was afraid of embarrassment. Men died in Vietnam, by the
way, out of the same fear-you know, not out of nobility or patriotism; they charged bunkers and machine
gun nests, just because they would be embarrassed not to, later on, in front of their buddies. Not a noble
motive for human behavior, but I tell you one thing, one you'd better think about in your lives, that
sometimes doing the hard thing is also doing the embarrassing thing, and when that moment strikes, it hits
you hard.”
 O’Brien writes of his decision to go to war as a sort of failure to do the right thing, the courageous
thing as he sees it. “The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an
incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the
experience?” (Common App)
 In this passage O’Brien challenges the belief that it takes courage to go to war. Though he didn’t act,
think about a time when you challenged a belief or idea and did, indeed, take action. “What prompted
you to act? Would you make the same decision again?” (Common App)
 Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to
adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
This essay should include:
 A significant title
 A strong beginning and ending – begin and end with a story that makes a moment “re-happen.” Don’t end
with a solution or a neat ending — you can conclude your essay without neatly wrapping everything up.
 Details that, as O’Brien states, “make things present” or make it “re-happen” throughout the essay. Use
“slow motion” writing when necessary.
 Distinction between plot and purpose
 Layers of meaning — this essay should show several aspects of your identity, personality and/or values
To hand in:
 You must have a first and second draft.
 The first draft should be marked up and the changes from draft to draft should be substantial
 Highlight your slow motion writing on your FINAL DRAFT
 Your name should only be on the rubric
 Staple the rubric to the back of the essay. (Order: Final draft on top, first draft, rubric)
DUE:
NAME:
“A” honors essay
B Honors essay
A ACP essay
C Honors essay
B ACP essay
D Honors essay
C ACP essay
Plot vs.
Purpose
Author has a clear and
meaningful distinction
between plot and
purpose. Author deftly
uses plot as a means to
support his/her purpose.
Author has a distinction
between plot and purpose.
Author uses plot as a
means to support his/her
purpose.
Author’s distinction
between plot and
purpose isn’t clear and
recognizable. Author
focuses mainly on plot.
Title
A title that is interesting,
clever and clearly relates
to your essay
The opening line(s)
is/are imaginative, and
interesting and original.
The opening hooks the
reader and makes
him/her want to read on.
A title that is interesting
and relates to your essay
Author works to
distinguish between plot
and purpose but this
distinction isn’t totally
clear or convincing.
Focus tends to be more
on plot than purpose.
A title that relates to
your essay
The opening line (s) is/are
interesting and hook(s) the
reader.
The opening line(s)
begin(s) the essay
clearly, but lacks
imagination or
originality. A better hook
is needed.
The opening paragraph
makes a moment “rehappen” and hooks the
reader. It strategically
sets up both the plot and
purpose of the piece.
The essay moves clearly
and purposefully from
one paragraph to the
next.
The author uses vivid
details, descriptions and
anecdotes to make
several moments “rehappen”
The ending of the essay
leaves the author
thinking. It is vivid and
memorable. We end
with a new and profound
understanding of the
author.
The opening paragraph
makes a moment “rehappen” and hooks the
reader.
The opening paragraph
needs work making the
past moment become
present.
The opening line is
confusing, jarring or
distracting. The opening
line doesn’t hook the
reader or encourage him
or her to continue
reading.
The opening paragraph is
not an anecdote.
The essay moves clearly
from one paragraph to the
next.
The essay doesn’t
necessarily move clearly
from one paragraph to
the next.
The author uses details,
descriptions or anecdotes
to make at least one
moment “re-happen”
The essay discussion
lacks organization and
needs a clearer
progression of ideas.
The author does not use
slow motion writing
The ending of the essay
leaves the author thinking.
It is somewhat vivid and
/or memorable. We end
with a new understanding
of the author.
The ending of the essay
leaves the reader with a
relatively new
understanding of the
author. Ideas here could
be repeated or too
overtly stated.
Essay has little to no
errors in mechanics,
grammar and/or spelling.
Essay has clearly been
proofread.
Essay has very few errors
in mechanics, grammar
and/or spelling. Essay has
clearly been proofread.
Essay has some errors in
mechanics, grammar
and/or spelling. Essay in
need of further editing.
The ending of the essay
does not really leave the
reader with a new
understanding of the
author. The ideas could
be repeated, confusing,
awkward and/or too
overtly stated.
Essay has some errors in
mechanics, grammar
and/or spelling. Essay in
critical need of
proofreading and editing.
Opening
line(s)
Beginning
paragraph
Logical
progression
of ideas
Slow motion
writing
Endings
Polish
DILWORTH’S COMMENTS:
The author uses details,
descriptions and/or
anecdotes to make several
moments “re-happen”
A weak title or no title at
all
Below ACP
standard
First complete draft with clear editing:
Final draft:
/ 10 —
/ 30 —