Edwin Friedman: Systems Theory
In his book, A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix (2007),
Friedman expanded the concept of anxiety by helping us understand how it has
deeply affected our society.
Friedman (2007) used the term emotional system to mean:
. . . any group of people who have developed interdependencies to the
point where the resulting system through which they are connected
(administratively, physically, or emotionally) has evolved its own principles
of organization. The structure or resulting field therefore tends to
influence the functioning of the various members more than any of the
components tends to influence the functioning of the system . . . The
essential characteristic of systems thinking is that the functioning of any
part of the network is due to its position in the network rather than its own
nature.
Friedman’s concept expanded on Murray Bowen’s understanding of an emotional
system to include any system of emotional, physical or administrative connection
that affects how anxiety travels within the system.
“We’re living in a society that’s more focused on safety than adventure.”
Friedman (1985) – before 9/11
Friedman (2007) used five key characteristics as he examined chronically
anxious families or emotional systems. He believed this is how systems get
stuck:
1) Reactivity: the vicious cycle of intense reactions of each member to
system events and to one another.
2) Herding: a process through which the forces for togetherness
triumph over the forces for individuality and move everyone to
adapt to the least mature members.
3) Blame displacement: an emotional state in which family members
focus on forces that have victimized them rather than taking
responsibility for their own being and destiny.
4) Quick fix mentality: a low threshold for pain that constantly seeks
symptom relief rather than fundamental change.
5) Lack of well-differentiated leadership: a failure of nerve that both
stems from and contributes to the first four. (pp. 53-4)
Friedman (2007) described leadership as “essentially an emotional process
rather than a cognitive phenomenon” (p.13).
His definition of a well-differentiated leader means:
1) Someone who is clear about his or her life goals;
2) Someone who is unlikely to let another person’s anxiety affect his or her
own well-being;
3) Someone who can remain self-differentiated while maintaining emotional
connection with others even in the midst of challenging situations;
4) Someone who can resist automatic reactivity of others and as a result
stands firm in his or her own convictions.
Friedman (2007) asserted that “no one does this easily.”
Friedman commented on the specific effects of family systems theory on clergy
and how self-definition of clergy is of particular significance. Friedman (1985)
wrote:
. . . all clergymen and clergywomen, irrespective of faith, are
simultaneously involved in three distinct families whose emotional forces
interlock: the families within the congregation, our congregations, and our
own. Because the emotional process in all three of these systems is
identical, unresolved issues in any one of them can produce symptoms in
the others, and increased understanding of any one creates more effective
functioning in all three.
Friedman pointed to the importance of self-definition over expertise in our
leadership as ministers.
 Society has focused on the importance of expertise and encourages an
ongoing and endless cycle of knowing more which is becoming
increasingly impossible to attain.
 Drawing from Friedman, strengthening and clarifying our own selfunderstanding within our three families: family of origin, congregational
family, and the families within the congregation is of great value.
Friedman suggested that differentiation implies:
1) Separating and defining one’s own life goals apart from pressures of the
surrounding system;
2) The capacity to manage one’s own anxiety in the midst of the system’s
anxiety;
3) Taking responsibility for one’s own direction and emotional process; and
4) The ability to effectively and non-anxiously respond to crisis within the
system.
For Friedman (1985), “Differentiation means the capacity to be an ‘I’ while
remaining connected” (p. 27). In terms of the particular significance for clergy,
Friedman noted:
Generally speaking, anyone who works to gain more differentiation of self
in his or her family of origin will find that the way one thinks and functions
within his or her vocation is affected. This is because in the process of
becoming better defined, we become more clear about our life’s goals.
For the clergy, however, the connection is deeper and more direct. There
is no other profession on this planet where the ideals, the values, the
principles, and the professional commitment are so much part and parcel
of one’s work. Doctors, lawyers, and politicians are affected by their belief
systems, but the work of the clergy is belief systems. Since beliefs are the
essence of self, to the extent we work to gain differentiation in our families
of origin, we directly affect the context of our professional existence.
Friedman (2007) offered five aspects of functioning that he aligned with
successful leadership in times of societal regression. These concepts include:
1) A leader’s presence (emotional being) is most important for effective
leadership.
2) Understanding self is the leader’s primary job.
3) Communication depends on variables such as direction, distance, and
anxiety.
4) Anxiety is the result of being responsible for the relationships of others.
5) Hierarchy is a natural systems phenomenon and therefore an important
aspect of the emotional system
He asserted that our chronically anxious civilization holds back well-differentiated
leaders from emerging because “western society places higher value on being
the expert than on effective emotional processing.” (Friedman, 2007)