Carly Schmidt
On the Friday before the most difficult few weeks of my academic career to date, I
decided to treat myself to a mini-vacation to the great nation of Canada for the Olympics!
Though the trip was intended to be an escape from the extensive—though admittedly selfinflicted—stresses of school, I was surprised at how often my thoughts kept drifting back upon
that very subject. Surprisingly, it was not because I was stressing over the piles, nay the
mountains, of schoolwork that awaited my arrival home; but rather because I kept being
reminded of all of the delicious morsels of wisdom the core community, texts, clips, movies,
etc. had opened my mind to. I was able to relate almost everything and everybody I
encountered to human services, whether I was passing a person who was homeless and
wondering what their stories were, or observing what one could euphemistically call interesting
interpersonal relations occurring between Canadian and American hockey fans. This
phenomenon has become a normal occurrence for me. The applicability and utility of my
human services education to virtually every aspect of my life is a large reason why I value it so
greatly. In this essay, I will explain how the knowledge and skills I gained about interpersonal
relationships are important to me as a developing human services professional; however, the
knowledge and skills are also invaluable to me as a friend, an employee, a family member, etc.
Over the course of this core class, I noticed a general theme emerging from the concepts:
the importance of respect in interpersonal relationships. Coincidentally, this subject emerged in
a game of questions my friends and I used to pass the time on the trip to Canada. The question
emerged of what the one trait we would choose to bestow on every person in the world would
be if we were omnipotent. My friend almost immediately stated that she would choose respect.
She wisely pointed out that if people respected one another, other valuable traits such as
empathy, kindness, and generosity would be more prevalent. She believed that this, in turn,
would help with many of the problems the world faces today (E. Swartz, personal
communication, February 26, 2010). I thought this to be incredibly insightful and, not
surprisingly, very applicable both human services and my everyday life. After pondering her
statements, I realized that all of the concepts I found most interesting throughout this course
related to the importance of respect in interpersonal relationships. This is because respect is
paramount in acknowledging that everybody has different perspectives, understanding these
different perspectives, valuing people despite their differences, and resultantly being able to
effectively communicate with and build helping relationships with others.
One of the first concepts that I found particularly interesting was the power of
perspective. In order to lay a solid foundation for respect in interpersonal relationships, it is
important to acknowledge the diversity of perspectives held by others. Everybody is going to
have different opinions, perceptions, beliefs, etc.; thus, as human services workers we are bound
to encounter many people who we will disagree with. Standard 20 of the CSHSE National
Standards (2009) stated that human services workers should be aware of their personal values
and characteristics. This is important to diversity awareness because by acknowledging and
reflecting upon personal characteristics, human services workers are better able to acknowledge
the different perspectives of others. Zaiss (2002) discussed the importance of such awareness
and respect of the different perspectives of others in creating successful relationships, which he
referred to as true partnerships. He discussed how everybody has different opinions, beliefs,
and values because of their differing perspectives of the world, but that it is important to
understand that “someone else’s perspective of the world is the truth for them and is as
legitimate and valid for them as our truth is for us” (Zaiss, 2002, p. 64). Thus, it is important to
respect the different perspectives of others and to not “rank those differences as superior or
inferior, right or wrong” (Zaiss, 2002, p. 83) in order to form successful relationships. Thus, in
acknowledging that everybody is going to have different perspectives of, human services
workers can build a foundation of respect for future successful relationships.
The next prominent concept, and one that I found particularly important, occurs after one
has acknowledged the significance of different perspectives. It is the importance of truly
respecting others by fully understanding and valuing them despite their differences in order to
create healthy interpersonal relationships. This directly relates to Specification D of Standard
19 of the CSHSE National Standards (2009), which stated the importance in recognizing the
“worth and uniqueness of individuals including culture, ethnicity, race, class, gender, religion,
ability, sexual orientation, and other expressions of diversity.” In this course, this important
concept was learned through extensive exposure to the stories of others who had disabilities;
notably, Nathaniel Ayers and Evelyn Glennie. Because these two incredible people have
“disabilities,” people all too often fail to fully understand, respect, and/or value them for who
they fully, actually are as individuals. Lopez (2008) noted this problem when he discussed the
importance of “recognizing the person before the condition” (p. 81): “Nathaniel is not a
mentally ill musician, as I’ve been referring to him, but a musician with mental illness. It’s a
subtle but significant difference…” (p. 81). Once Lopez began to really get to know Mr. Ayers
and understand his condition, he was able to fully respect and value him as an individual with
unique characteristics and talents. Evelyn Glennie (n.d.) also discusses her frustrations with
people perceiving her for who she actually was as secondary to her disability. She points out
that that it is often the influential perceptions of those who are disabled that is often the greater
handicap: “How we categorise ourselves and where we fit in to our own framework of
understanding leads the vast majority to the belief that they are unable to achieve the highest
levels of attainment in their chosen field of endeavour” (Glennie, n.d.). Because of this, I feel
that it is important for human services workers to view everybody as having some disabilities
and some abilities in order demand respect for those who are labeled as “disabled” or different
in any way, to truly understand them, and value them for who they are as unique individuals.
This understanding of, respect for, and recognition of the uniqueness and value of others
despite their differences will, in turn, greatly contribute to the building of successful
relationships. This concept is best illustrated by Lopez’s (2008) explanation of the difference in
the relationship between himself and Mr. Ayers before and after their very negative altercation
(pp. 257-60). It was only after the altercation—when Lopez (2008) learned to truly understand,
respect, and value Ayers by “accepting him as he is” (p. 284) rather than constantly trying to fix
him—that they were able to create a more healthy, successful relationship. Thus, it is important
for human services workers to truly understand, respect, and value clients despite their
differences in order to truly connect with them and build a successful helping relationship.
After such a foundation of respect, understanding, and valuing is created, effective
interpersonal skills are also crucial to creating and maintaining a successful interpersonal
relationships with clients. Specification C of Standard 17 of the CSHSE National Standards
(2009) discussed the importance of effective interpersonal skills in establishing the rapport
necessary to build such relationships. The skill of effective communication is paramount to this
concept; as Zaiss (2002) stated, “Communication is the fundamental building block of
relationships” (p. 62). In this course, I learned of many different important factors that play a
role in effective communication from my fellow classmates and their Area of Interest
presentations. For example, nonverbal behavior (A. Dwyer & T. Jenkins, personal
communication, February 2, 2010), proxemics (J. Vanderpool & M. Brenaman, personal
communication, January 26, 2010), and code-switching (C. Van Wingerden & C. Schmidt,
personal communication, February 2, 2010) are all important concepts for human services
workers to understand because they all provide insights into the different ways clients
communicate and what their chosen method of communication reveals about themselves and
their thoughts. All of this information is crucial in understanding clients, and resultantly being
able to effectively communicate, build rapport, and create successful relationships with them.
Another group of interpersonal relationships that I considered to be beneficial to me as a
developing human services professional are those between colleagues in the human services
profession. As in any other interpersonal relationship, respect for those with different
perspectives is integral in such a community Smith and Smith (2008) discussed the importance
of community members being open to the different perspective of others in order to “see
connections and discover meanings” (p. 71) by learning from and/or expanding upon the ideas
of others. Such a professional community has several other important functions; Smith and
Smith (2008) discussed how it helps “to promote and maintain good standards of work” (p.
127), it “fosters reflection, understanding and discernment and, hence, the ability to respond
well to different situations (an educational function)” (p. 128), and it provides members with a
support group and “a sense of belonging to something significant” (p. 128). This quarter I had
the opportunity to become part of such an open-minded, respectful, and empathetic learning
community in Core; as a result, I was able to learn so much through the stories, opinions, and
thoughts of my classmates. Within this larger community were the smaller interpersonal
systems of dyads, another hugely beneficial relationship for me. Smith and Smith (2008)
included a quote by Aristotle on friendship that effectively illustrates my dyadic relationship
with C. Van Wingerden: “friends must enjoy each other’s company, they must be useful to one
another, and they must share a common commitment to the good” (Aristotle, as cited in Smith
& Smith, 2008). Due to the mutual respect and care in the partnership, my dyad partner and I
were able to have fun, help each other learn and grow, and help keep each other motivated and
excited about human services. Both professional interpersonal relationships—my dyad group
and the Core community—greatly helped me develop intellectually, socially, and professionally
as a human services worker and as an individual.
Once such successful relationships—based ultimately on respect—have been established,
they can be used in order to help a client, a community, or to create social change. This
inspirational concept relates to Specification E of CSHSE (2009) Standard 19, which stated that
a key human services value is the “belief that individuals, services systems, and society can
change,” as well as Specification G of CSHSE (2009) Standard 12, which noted the importance
of advocating for social change in all levels of society. These are the types of undertakings of
people such as Steve Lopez, inspirational programs such as LAMP (Lopez, 2008), and the
incredible people in the film Common Threads (Couterie, Epstein, & Friedman, 1989). Lopez
(2008) discussed the huge impact helping relationships can have in helping a person cope with
mental illness: “If Nathaniel is going to get better, it won’t be because of a correct diagnosis
and textbook treatment program, but because he develops enough trust in me and others to
pursue his own recovery” (p. 57). The organization LAMP also adopts a similar ideology based
on respect and support for client self-determination; they believe that the best way to help
people suffering from mental illness and homelessness is to “build a welcoming place without
judgment, a place where clients could be themselves in a setting without expectations or rigid
rules” (Lopez, 2008, p. 46). This approach is more respectful of clients than many means-tested
programs that can sometimes result in victim-blaming; moreover, Lopez (2008) suggests that
the approach LAMP employs is likely more effective in helping people such as Nathaniel. I
was amazed by the resilience, patience, and heart the LAMP employees Lopez (2008) described
who, despite the constraints of a severely stressed system, remain passionate about helping
people experiencing homelessness. Finally, the inspirational people Couterie, Epstein, and
Friedman (1989) depicted in the film Common Threads provided an example of a community
utilizing relationships in order to attempt to create social change. Their friends, family
members, and/or significant others were dying due to the government’s failure to adequately
address AIDS because it primarily affected the homosexual population; as one interviewee
famously stated, people were dying of “red tape.” In order to address this social injustice,
friends and family members utilized their relationships with fellow community members
grieving the loss of their own loved ones in order to come together, draw attention to the
subject, demand respect and empathy for their deceased loved ones, and advocate for social
change through the creation of the AIDS Memorial Quilt. It was learning about these actions of
inspirational people and organizations such as Lopez, LAMP, and the communities in the film
Common Threads that were most beneficial to my development as a human services worker.
To sum, I share my friend’s belief that respect is one of the most important virtues for
people to possess in human services as well as in their everyday lives. This is because
acknowledging the diversity in perspectives that exist and respecting these differences can lead
to increased understanding of, effective communication with, and valuing of others. This, in
turn, results in the creation of successful relationships that can then be used to help others and
create social change. In this intense focus on respecting others, however, I realized this quarter
that it is possible to forget to respect yourself. Specification D of CSHSE Standard 20 (2009)
on the importance concept of self-care as well as Parent’s (1998) discussion of his personal and
professional journey illustrate how important it is for human services workers to remember to
fully understand, take care of, and value themselves and their work. After one particularly
difficult case, Parent (1998) describes the burnout that can occur if one fails to do this: “I’m
falling—I mean the very bottom. You don’t come back—you hit that and you don’t come
back” (p. 335). However, what I really valued about Parent’s book was its insights into
methods of overcoming such burnout. At one point, he mentions that he had “lost perspective
on the power to effect change” (p. 350). In sharing how he regained this perspective by
“uncovering a mind-set that invigorates all of us to continue to fight this battle” (p. 369), Parent
(1998) provided me with an important concept to remember. This concept is hugely important
and inspirational to me as an individual as well as a future human services professional; it is the
value in seeing life “for what it is—a chance to cause a change for the better—an opportunity
that’s so real and true it’s staggering to fully comprehend” (Parent, 2008, p. 352).
References
Council for Standards in Human Service Education. (2009). National Standards.
Retrieved
from http://www.cshse.org
Couterie, B., Epstein, R., & Friedman, J. (Producers), & Epstein, R., & Friedman, J. (Directors).
(1989). Common threads: Stories from the quilt [DVR]. United States: New Yorker
Video.
Glennie, E. (n.d.). Disability essay. Retrieved from
http://www.evelyn.co.uk/Evelyn_old/live/disability_essay.htm
Johnson, M. (2009, May 1). Playing for change explained [Video file]. Retrieved from
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6zQG4cJqzo
Lopez, S. (2008). The soloist: A lost dream, an unlikely friendship, and the redemptive power
of music. NY: Berkley Books.
Parent, M. (1998). Turning stones: My days and nights with children at risk. NY: Fawcett
Books.
Smith, H., & Smith, M. K. (2008). The art of helping others: Being around, being there, being
wise. London, England: Jessica Kingsley.
Zaiss, C. (2002). True partnership: Revolutionary thinking about relating to others. San
Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler.