Option #5. A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and
life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your
personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what
you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an
encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Realize that this question defines "diversity" in broad terms. It's not specifically about race or ethnicity (although it can
be). Ideally, the admissions folks want every student they admit to contribute to the richness and breadth of the
campus community. How do you contribute?
Give Goth a Chance
When I sat down to write this essay, I tried, as my high school English teacher always instructed, to imagine the
audience for my writing. The more I thought about it, the more I pitied the college admissions screeners who would be
reading a thousand essays on diversity. Along with the expected takes on race and ethnicity, how many of those essays
would present their authors as outcasts, loners, kids who didn’t fit in at his or her school? How could I present myself
as someone unique and interesting—strange, even—without falling prey to the cliché of the self-pitying social misfit?
Let me be direct: in some ways, I am the antithesis of what one might picture as a student who contributes to campus
diversity. I am white, middle-class, and heterosexual; I have no physical handicaps or mental challenges apart from a
tendency towards sarcasm. But when I receive college brochures picturing smiling, clean-cut teens dressed in the latest
from Abercrombie & Fitch and lounging on a blanket in the sun, I think, those people are not like me.
Simply put, I am a Goth. I wear black, lots of it. I have piercings and ear gauges and tattoos. My hair, naturally the
same sandy blonde that the rest of my family shares, is dyed jet, sometimes highlighted in streaks of purple or scarlet.
I rarely smile, and I don’t do sun. If I were inserted into those brochure photographs of typical college students, I would
look like a vampire stalking her wholesome prey.
Again, I am imagining my reading audience, and I can almost see my readers’ eyes roll. So you’re a little weird, kid.
How does that contribute to campus diversity? Well, I think I contribute plenty. Diversity goes beyond the physical;
race or ethnicity might be the first things one thinks of, but really, it is a question of what makes someone the person
that he or she is. Diversity might be considered in terms of economic or geographical background, life experiences,
religion, sexual orientation, and even personal interests and general outlook. In this respect, my Goth identity
contributes a perspective that is far different from the mainstream. Being Goth isn’t just about physical appearance; it’s
a way of life that, like any other, includes not only individual tastes in music, literature, and popular culture, but also
particular beliefs about philosophy, spirituality, and a range of other human issues.
To give just one specific example, I am planning to major in Environmental Studies, and while it might seem odd to
picture a ghoulishly-dressed girl who adores the natural world, it was my Goth outlook that led me to this academic
interest. I read voraciously, and am drawn to subject matter that is somewhat dark; the more I read about humanity’s
impact on the planet and the near-apocalyptic dangers posed by global climate change, pollution, overpopulation, the
manipulation of the food supply and other environmental threats, the more interested I became, and the more
determined that I should become involved. I, along with other members of my school’s Environmental Club, started a
campus recycling program, and lobbied our superintendent to install in all classrooms power strips that are used to
easily shut down equipment such as printers and computers at the end of the day, thereby conserving energy and
generating significant savings for our school. I was drawn to this dark subject matter of environmental crisis, not to
wallow in it or savor the Schadenfreude, but to change it and make the world a better place.
I know Goths look a little funny, as we wear our ebony trenchcoats in seventy-degree weather. I know we seem a little
odd as we gather in shady nooks to discuss the latest episode of True Blood. I know professors may sigh as we swell
the enrollments of poetry and art classes. Yes, we’re different. And we—I—have a lot to contribute.
Critique –
The diversity topic on the Common Application presents a writer with specific challenges that are
discussed in these writing tips. In broader terms, however, all college admissions essays must accomplish a specific
task: the admissions folks will be looking not just for good writing skills, but also evidence that the writer has the
intellectual curiosity, open-mindedness and the strength of character necessary to be a contributing and successful
member of the campus community.
The Title -
In general, Carrie's title works fine. It clearly captures the subject of the essay -- approaching Goth
with an open mind. Also, the allusion to John Lennon's Give Peace a Chance is appropriate given the song's message
about acceptance and understanding. It's not a title that is highly original, and it isn't the best hook for grabbing the
reader's attention, but it is still a solid title.
The Topic -
Carrie takes a risk in her essay. When you read advice about college admissions interviews, you'll
often be told to dress somewhat conservatively, get rid of the pink hair and remove all but the most innocuous
piercings. The danger of looking too far out of the norm is that you may encounter an admissions officer who isn't
open-minded or who feels disturbed or uncomfortable with your appearance. While we don't want to cater to people's
biases, we also don't want to diminish our chances of getting into college.
Carrie, however, isn't one to tone down her identity during the admissions process. Her essay blatantly states "this is
who I am," and she makes it the job of the reader to overcome his or her preconceptions. There is a slight danger that
she will get a reader who refuses to accept the "Goth" culture Carrie describes, but I think most readers will love the
way Carrie approaches her topic as well as her straight-shooting style. The essay has a level of maturity and selfconfidence that the reader will find attractive. Also, the reader is likely to be impressed by the way that Carrie imagines
her audience's reaction. She has clearly encountered prejudice before, and she preempts it when she imagines the
admissions folks reading her essay.
Essay option #5 is a smart choice for Carrie's topic, for the essay certainly is about diversity. Carrie clearly shows how
she will add an interesting and desirable element to the campus community. The essay demonstrates that she has
thought about identity and diversity, that she is open-minded, and that she has a thing or two to teach others about
their preconceptions and biases. She weaves in enough details about her passions and accomplishments to debunk any
knee-jerk assumptions a reader might make about a Goth.
The Tone -
Carrie's essay approaches her topic seriously, but it also has a pleasing smattering of humor. Little
phrases like "I don't do sun" and "a tendency towards sarcasm" capture Carrie's personality in an economical manner
that will also get a nice chuckle from her readers. In general, the essay has a great balance of seriousness and
playfulness, of quirkiness and intellect.
The Writing -
The quality of the writing in this essay is superb, and it is even more impressive because Carrie
is going into the sciences, not the humanities where we might expect to see stronger writing. The essay has no
grammatical errors, and some of the short, punchy phrases reveal a high level of rhetorical sophistication. If you take
apart the essay sentence by sentence, you'll notice a huge variety in sentence length and structure. The admissions
officers will immediately recognize Carrie as someone who has a mastery of language and is prepared for college-level
writing.
The length of the essay is also excellent. At 650 words, the essay manages to pack a lot of information into a short
amount of space. Carrie writes economically; every word counts.
Final Thoughts -
Think about the impression you have when you finish reading Carrie's essay. We feel that
we have gotten to know her. She is someone with an offbeat appearance, but she is wonderfully comfortable with who
she is. The self-confidence and self-awareness demonstrated in the essay will certainly impress her readers.
Carrie's essay teaches her reader something, and the mastery of language is remarkable. Admissions officers are likely
to finish the essay thinking three things: 1) they want to get to know Carrie better; 2) they think Carrie would make a
positive contribution to the campus community, and 3) Carrie's reasoning and writing skills are already at a college
level. In short, Carrie has written a winning essay.
5 tips for Option 5
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to
the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that
illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an
encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
1. Diversity Isn't Just About Race
The prompt for option #5 explicitly states that you should define diversity in broad terms. It isn't just about skin color.
Colleges want to enroll students who have a diverse range of interests, beliefs and experiences. Many college applicants
quickly shy away from this option because they don't think they bring diversity to a campus. Not true. Even a white
male from the suburbs has values and life experiences that are uniquely his own.
2. Understand Why Colleges Want "Diversity"
Option #5 is designed to give you an opportunity to explain what interesting qualities you'll bring to the campus
community. There are check boxes on the application that address your race, so that isn't the point here. Most colleges
believe that the best learning environment includes students who bring new ideas, new perspectives, new passions and
new talents to the school. A bunch of like-minded clones have very little to teach each other, and they will grow little
from their interactions. As you think about this question, ask yourself, "What will I add to the campus? Why will the
college be a better place when I'm in attendance?"
3. Be Careful Describing Third-World Encounters
College admissions counselors sometimes call it "that Haiti essay" -- an essay about a visit to a third-world country.
Invariably, the writer discusses shocking encounters with poverty, a new awareness of the privileges he or she has, and
greater sensitivity to the inequality and diversity of the planet. This type of essay can too easily become generic and
predictable. This doesn't mean you can't write about a Habitat for Humanity trip to a third-world country, but you want
to be careful to avoid clichés. Also, make sure your statements reflect well upon you. A claim like "I never knew so
many people lived with so little" can make you sound naive.
4. Be Careful Describing Racial Encounters
Racial difference is actually an excellent topic for an admissions essay, but you need to handle the topic carefully. As
you describe that Japanese, Native American, African American or Caucasian friend or acquaintance, you want to make
sure your language doesn't inadvertently create racial stereotypes. I've seen a lot of essays in which students
simultaneously praise a friend's different perspective while using stereotyping or even racist language.
5. Keep Much of the Focus on You
As with all the personal essay options, #5 is asking about you -- what diversity you will bring to campus, or what ideas
about diversity you will bring. Always keep in mind the primary purpose of the essay. Colleges want to get to know the
students who will become part of the campus community. If your entire essay describes life in Indonesia, you've failed
to do this. If your essay is all about your favorite friend from Korea, you have also failed. Whether you describe your
own contribution to campus diversity, or if you talk about an encounter with diversity, the essay needs to reveal your
character, values and personality. The college is enrolling you, not the diverse people you've encountered.