College Essays That Worked
Writing an admissions essay for college can be a scary process. The goal of this kind of essay is to show a
college admissions committee that you're an individual—that you're more than just grades, test scores, sports,
and activities.
What does a successful college essay really look like? Two of the essays that follow are real examples of
exactly what a great college admissions essay should be. The writers present themselves in a positive way and
find something unique about themselves or their lives to write about. The third essay is a satire of an
admissions essay that portrays its author in a superhuman way.
I Couldn't Imagine Wanting to Dye My Hair Blond
By Christina Mendoza
Growing up in a small, conservative community, it's easy to be shoved into your own category if you don't
look or act like everyone else. My hair and eyes, instead of being blond and blue like all of my Czech
classmates', were chocolate and espresso. My last name had a "z" in it, and my grandmother called me "mija."
By the time I was in grade school, the teasing began, and I was hurt and confused. Didn't all grandmothers
call their grandchildren "mija"? Why did everyone except me have blue eyes?
After an afternoon of teasing and tormenting from my classmates, I asked these questions to my mother,
between sobs. By this time, she had become extremely good at giving me the "you're unique and beautiful"
speech, but it was hard for her to truly empathize with me because neither she nor my father knew how I felt.
She was a Caucasian who grew up in California; he was a Mexican American who grew up as the majority in
San Antonio. I was the product of the two—the "half-breed" daughter who was raised in the small town of
Seymour, population 2,800.
My other family members didn't seem to have any trouble fitting in. My father's ethnicity is well respected. He
is the only doctor within a fifty-mile radius who can speak Spanish. My sister was the beauty queen of our
town—her sleek, glossy hair and olive complexion were the envy of every girl. My little brother received the
recessive genes (fair skin, blue eyes), so he looks like everyone else in Seymour. I felt I was stuck somewhere
in the middle of my siblings, stuck in the middle of two cultures, and not accepted by either.
Time does have a way of healing things. I didn't just wake up one morning and think, "I'm proud to be
Hispanic," but as I have matured, I have learned not to be ashamed of my ethnicity. Instead of hiding who I
really am, I have embraced my Mexican heritage and have become proud of it. Finding out about the many
opportunities that are available to students of Hispanic descent has motivated me even more to delve deeper
into my culture.
Looking back, I couldn't imagine wanting to dye my hair blond to feel better about myself. The blond girls are
unique in their own way, but diversity makes the world go round. I absolutely love being different and not
walking the same path as everyone else. The last racist comment I received was after I was named a National
Hispanic Scholar. My assailant said in a mocking tone, "I wish I could be a smart Mexican." Feeling sorry for
his cultural ignorance, I smiled and replied, "Yeah, I bet you do."
Chunky Peanut Butter
By James Gregory
To really understand who I am, remember your childhood. Remember the pleasure that eating a great big
peanut butter and jelly sandwich delivered? How it seemed to just slide down your throat and ease into your
stomach? That sandwich is the result of the perfect combination of ingredients, all working together to create
a satisfying experience. If any one ingredient were missing, the whole sandwich would fall apart. In fact, I
would argue that the world is very much like one large PB&J, filled with many different ingredients. People
can be classified according to their personality and similarity to these ingredients. I am like the chunky
peanut butter. Although I may not be as showy as the jelly or as visible as the bread, I am the heart of the
sandwich. I am essential to the sandwich's success. I work behind the scenes, holding it all together, keeping
all the ingredients organized and focused on their task. I lead through example, but I am flexible. I am able to
work with any kind of jelly. I am slightly shy, so I do not need to be at the center of attention; I am content in
leading without recognition. However, you always know I am there. You taste all my chunks, all the little
quirks that set me apart from the rest. Whether it is my dry sense of humor, my volunteer work at a summer
day camp for kids, or my fervent school spirit, each unique piece guarantees that your experience will not be
mundane or bland. With every bite you take, you taste more of me: my excellent grades, my size 15 feet, and
my dedication to Student Council. I am more fun than creamy peanut butter; you never know what to expect,
but you know that it is going to be good. However, my most important attribute is my willingness to sacrifice
to help others. I have unselfishly stepped aside on the basketball court to let the team as a whole shine, and I
enthusiastically devote time to service projects through Junior Civitans that help the community. This desire
to help is ingrained in my personality, and drives my plan to become a physician and continue my service to
others. I refuse to give up before I attain this dream; I have the persistence of the little glob of peanut butter
that sticks to the roof of your mouth. No matter how many times you smack your mouth, I will not go away.
This drive has enabled me to achieve academic success, success that I will continue into my higher education,
and into my life. I am fun, I am good for you, and I am more than the sum of my pieces. I am the chunky
peanut butter.
Essay 3A
By Hugh Gallagher
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations
on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I write award-winning operas.
I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with
unflagging speed. And I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran
in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon
Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello. I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject
of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban
hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original
line of corduroy eveningwear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller
number nine and have won the weekend passes. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame
in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby
Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I
know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for
the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully
negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in
full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made
extraordinary four-course meals using only a mouli [food grater] and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning
clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
Kremlin. I have played Hamlet. I have performed open-heart surgery. And I have spoken with Elvis. But I
have not yet gone to college.
"I Couldn’t Imagine Wanting to Dye My Hair Blonde" by Christina Mendoza from Real College Essays That
Work by Edward B. Fiske and Bruce G. Hammond. Copyright © 2006 by Christina Mendoza. Published by
Sourcebooks, Inc. All rights reserved.
"Chunky Peanut Butter" from "Essay" by James Gregory from College Essays That Made a Difference: Second
Edition edited by Erica Magrey. Copyright © 2006 by Princeton Review Publishing, LLC. Published by
Random House, Inc. Reprinted by permission of Princeton Review Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved.
Adapted from "Essay 3A" by Hugh Gallagher. Copyright © 1990 by Hugh Gallagher. All rights reserved.