Transaction Analysis
• By
–Harshwardhan Singh
Rathoor
Introduction
Transactional Analysis
Ego States
Four Life Positions
Stroking
• Transactions
• Change
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What is Transactional
Analysis?
• A method of dealing with behavioral disorders
• Developed by Eric Berne who believed that the
majority of our life experiences are recorded in our
subconscious minds in an unaltered fashion and
become a part of the way we behave
– The behavior is subconsciously designed to get
reactions and determine how others feel about us.
Transactional Analysis
Penfield, & Berne
• Penfield’s Electrodes
• The Brain is a Recorder
• Feelings are permanently locked to
associated Experiences
• People can exist in two states – in an
Experience and Observing it
• Recorded Experiences & Feelings can be
Replayed & Relived
• Ever hear music or conversations in
your head? Ever felt déjà vu?
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Transactional Analysis
Penfield, & Berne
• Eric Berne
• Transactional Analysis – social intercourse
• Transactional Stimulus
• Transactional Response
• Ego states - Parent, Adult, Child
• Four Life Positions
• Time Structuring
• The Goal is Autonomy
• Release or recovery of:
• Awareness
• Spontaneity
• Intimacy
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Transactional Analysis
• A Language of Psychology
• A Model of Regularities for explaining why and how:
• People think like they do
• People act like they do
• People interact/communicate with others like the do
• A Tool - Parent, Adult, & Child
• A new meaning against traditional ones
• They all apply to every transaction
• Normal people oscillate between them
• Freedom of choice in communicating with people
• Languaging – getting an idea from A to B is as
important as getting an idea
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Transactional Analysis
• Structural Analysis
• Individual personality
• Transactional Analysis
• What people do and say to one another
• Game Analysis
• Ulterior transactions leading to a payoff
• Script Analysis
• Specific life dramas compulsively played
out
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Structural analysis
• Natural child – spontaneous, impulsive,
feeling oriented, self-centered &
pleasure loving
• Adaptive child – compliant, conforms to
the wishes & demands of parental
figures
• Nurturing parent - comforts, praises and
helps others
• Critical parent – finds faults, displays
prejudices, disapproves and prevents others
from feeling good about themselves
• A major goal is to figure out which ego state a
person is using
Transactional Analysis
Transactional analysis - Transactions between
people are seen as having 3 levels:
• Complementary – both people are operating
from the same ego state
• Crossed – the other person reacts from an
unexpected ego state
• Ulterior – two ego states within the same
person but one disguises the other
Transactional Analysis
Game analysis - ulteriorly motivated
transactions that appear complimentary on
the surface but end in bad feelings:
• 1st Degree games – minor upset, played
socially end up with minor discomfort
• 2nd Degree games – more intimate end up
w/bad feelings
• 3rd Degree games - usually involve physical
injury
Transactional Analysis
• Very few games have a positive or neutral
outcome
In these games, people play one of three
positions:
• Victim
• Persecutor
• Rescuer
Transactional Analysis
Script analysis – everyone develops a life script
by age 5 & these scripts determine how one
interacts with others based upon the
interpretation of external events
• A negative life script occurs when the person
receives lots of injunctions by the parents that
used the word DON’T
Transactional Analysis
Common negative life scripts:
• Never – one never gets to do what one wants
• Until – one must wait until a certain time or
until something is done to be able to do
something they want to do
• Always – one must continue to do what one
has always done
Transactional Analysis
• After – a difficulty is expected after a certain
event
• Open-ended – one does not know what to do
after a given time
• Mini-scripts: Hurry up! Try harder! Be
perfect! Be strong! Please someone! These
drivers allow for temporary escape from life
scripts
Transactional Analysis
in Management
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Simple Language
Non-Threatening Self Analysis
Existing Success in Organisations
Built in Humour
Appropriate for “Normal” People
Useful at Work & Home
Personality Theory simplified
Motivation Theory simplified
A Leadership Style
A Training Tool
An aid in dealing with Conflict Problems
Ego States
Parent
Does not mean responsible
Adult
Does not mean mature
Child
Does not mean childish
Ego States
Father
Mother
Parent
Child
Adult
Child
Recording of External Events
Taught Concept of Life
P
P
A
A
C
C
Ego States
Parent
Recording of External Events
Taught Concept of Life
Adult
Father
Mother
Child
Child
Recording of Internal Events
Felt Concept of Life
P
P
A
A
C
C
Ego States
Parent
birth to 5
Adult
10 months on
Child
birth to 5
P
P
A
A
C
C
Recording of External Events
Taught Concept of Life
Recording of Data acquired &
computed through exploration &
testing
Thought Concept of Life
Recording of Internal Events
Felt Concept of Life
Ego States
Critical
Parent
Nurturing
Parent
Adult
Adapted
Child
Natural
Child
P
P
A
A
C
C
Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t
Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of
Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion
Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations
Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel
Ego States
Critical
Parent
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Can’t you turn in a
report on time just
once?
• What? It takes 1
week to answer an
email?
• I’m surprised at you.
The quality of this
work is terrible.
Ego States
Nurturing
Parent
P
P
A
A
C
C
• I’m only trying to
help you
• Let me clean up that
desk for you
• You’ve done a good
job
Ego States
Adult
P
P
A
A
C
C
• What are the
alternatives
• Can’t we reach
some sort of
agreement?
• What consequences
will this action have?
Ego States
• Anything you say
sir.
• Sorry, I’ll try to
improve.
• What would we do
without you?
Adapted
Child
P
P
A
A
C
C
Ego States
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Nobody follows that
rule anyway
• Forget about it. He
is just the boss
• Let’s take off work
today. Who wants to
work Friday
afternoon anyway?
Natural
Child
Ego States
Exteropsychic
Neopsychic
1. Parent
(archaic)
2. Data
Bank
(updated)
Archeopsychic
Computer
3.Child
(archaic)
Decisions
Probability Estimating
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Ego States
Parent
(archaic)
Updated validated Parent data
Updated Adult data
Updated appropriate Child data
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DataBank
Computer
Child
(archaic)
REALITY
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Ego States
Parent
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Child
Adult
Child
Child
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A
C
C
Ego States
• We need all Ego States – dropping one
means 2/3 human potential
• States, and not Roles
• Realities
• Unedited recordings
• What the child understood at the time
– differs from reality?
• TA is like sorting your mind into
drawers
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Ego States – Parent Clues
• Physical
• Furrowed brow, pursed lips, pointing
finger, head wagging, horrified look, foot
tapping, hands on hips, arms folded,
wringing hands, tongue licking, sighing,
patting another on the head, & other
individual ones
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P
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C
Ego States – Parent Clues
• Verbal
• Stupid, naughty, ridiculous, disgusting, shocking,
lazy, poor thing, sonny, honey, ridiculous,
disgusting, now what, not again,
• How dare you?
• I’m going to put a stop to this
• I can’t for the life of me..
• Now always remember..
• If I were you..
• How many times..
• The use of “always” & “never”
• The use of “should” & “ought”
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P
A
A
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C
Ego States – Child Clues
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Physical
• Tears, quivering lips, pouting, temper
tantrum, high pitched whining, rolling eyes,
shrugging shoulders, downcast eyes,
teasing, laughter, delight, hand raising, nail
biting, squirming, giggling
Ego States – Child Clues
• Verbal
• I wish, I want, I dunno, I don’t care, I
guess, when I grow up, bigger, biggest,
better, best, look no hands
• Why, what, where, who, when, & how are
the Adult operating in the little person
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P
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A
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Ego States – Adult Clues
• Physical
• Continual movement of the face, eyes,
body
• Non movement is non listening – cultural?
• Head tilted is listening with an angle
• Adult allows the curious & excited child to
show it’s face
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P
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C
Ego States – Adult Clues
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Verbal
• Why, what, where, who, when, & how
• How much, in what way, true, false,
comparative, probable, possible, unknown,
objective, I think, I see, it is my opinion
Ego States
• Parent
• Prejudicial views (not based on logic or facts) on things
such as: religion, dress, salespeople, traditions, work,
products, money, raising children, companies
• Nurturing views: sympathetic, caring views
• Critical views: fault finding, judgmental, condescending
views
• Adult
• Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based
on objective analysis of information (data, facts)
• Make decisions based on logic, computations,
probabilities, etc., not emotion
• Child
• Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based
on child-like emotions, impulses, feelings we have
experienced
• Child-like examples: impulsive, self-centered, angry,
fearful, happy, pleasure seeking, rebellious, curious,
eager to please
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Ego States
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• All are present
• All have value
• Child – intuition, creativity, spontaneous drive, enjoyment
• Adult – survival, dealing with the world, mediate Parent &
Child
• Parent – parent of children, automatic responses
One is usually dominant
Different States for different communications
Different States for different people
Message sent and received from different States
How people say something (what others hear) is just
as important as what is said
• Parent runs on ‘old tapes’ – 20+ years old
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Four Life Positions
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I’m not OK
I’m not OK
I’m OK
I’m OK
-
You’re OK
You’re not OK
You’re not OK
You’re OK
Four Life Positions
• I’m not OK
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- You’re OK
Every Child – even happy childhood ones
Happens around the age of 2 – first 3 positions
Happens due to on & off Stroking
This position has hope as there is Stroking from the
You’re OK position
The first understanding or equilibrium
Built on the appraisals of others
If this is not confirmed or settled it give rise to the next 2
positions
Unless changed to the 4th position it remains lifelong
People do not shift back and forth
The first 3 positions are non verbal – conclusions vs. the
4th position of explanation
Results in “Mine is Bigger” game for relief of this unjust
position
I’m not OK comes from Adaptive Child
However, everyone is born OK – a baby is in fact perfect
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Four Life Positions
• I’m not OK - You’re not OK
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•
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Slowing Stroking and Increasing Punishments
Longs to be an infant again
Loses interest in living
In Autism this may be the first position
Possibly 1%
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Four Life Positions
• I’m OK - You’re not OK
Abused child
I’m OK comes from being OK when alone
Strikes back when older
No matter what they do the fault is with
Others
• Will not believe future Strokes from others,
as are Not OK
• The ultimate expression here is Homicide
• 4% of Cases, two facing each other a big
problem
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•
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Four Life Positions
• I’m OK - You’re OK
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• People live out their positions
• The 4th position is the only real way forward – only
Hope
• It is a Position not a Feeling
• Includes infinitely greater amount of data than the
others
• Includes experiences and things not yet
experienced
• The only Conscious and Verbal Position
• The only Proactive (not Reactive) Position
• Cannot Guarantee instant OK feelings but can
switch off Feelings from past Positions
• First 3 is Why? 4th is Why Not?
• Can accept uncertainty unlike the other 3 rationalise
• We can change – Thinking is separate from Cause
& Effect
• Data Processing Order – Parent, Child, Adult
• Goal is the Emancipated Adult – Freedom to Choose
Four Life Positions
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OK
You
I’m not ok, you’re ok
-ve Adaptive Child
I’m ok, you’re ok
All states +ve
Get Away From
Introjective Position
Get on with
Ideal Position
I’m not ok, you’re not ok
-ve Adaptive Child &
Critical Parent
Get nowhere
Futility Position
I’m ok, you’re not ok
-ve Critical Parent
Not OK
Get rid of
Projective Position
Me
OK
Four Life Positions
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• About oneself – Higher is Adult, lower is Child
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I can think for myself
I’m worth knowing
I’m stupid
I’m worthless
• About others – Higher is Adult, lower is Parent
•
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•
People can be trusted
Everyone has good points
People are bad
Everyone is incompetent
Four Life Positions
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A
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• You’re OK for children comes from Stroking
• I’m Not OK is also with happy children; happy
children = parents unconditional love
• Knowing the positions does not mean feeling
OK; but you can make bad feelings go away
• I’m OK does not mean I’m perfect
• Treat a person the way they are and they will
become worse; treat them as their potential
and they will be as they should be
Stroking
Need Solitude
• Positive Strokes
• Negative Strokes
• Conditional Strokes
Comfort Zone
Need Strokes
• The types of Strokes you seek depend
on your Okayness
• No Strokes is the worst
• The worst punishment in Prisons is Solitary
Confinement
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P
A
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Stroking
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Positive Strokes
• Praise, complements, recognition, affection,
rewards, sympathy, consolation, self-satisfaction
from job well done
• Negative Strokes
• Put-downs, criticism, degrading, ridicule, scolding,
punishment, discounting
• Conditional Strokes
• Strokes with Ulterior Motives
• Strokes given for what you do, rather than for what
you are:
• Performance oriented strokes
• Accommodation & conformity oriented strokes
Stroking
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Physical from parents, partners
• Psychological from teachers, friends, partners,
acquaintances, managers
• Physical Strokes early in life move to
Psychological Strokes later
• Positive for Being
• “Morning, Karen. Morning, John, you’re looking very
smart.”
• Positive for Doing
• “This report is excellent.”
• Negative for Being
• “Why are you so unhelpful ?”
• Negative for Doing
• “You’re late again.”
Stroking
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Maslow lists ‘optimum stimulation’ with food &
water as a primary need
• Stoking mostly comes from people – charity
baskets do not fill hungry hearts
• We will get Strokes one way or another – like
in the case of starvation
• Most common way getting strokes is Games
• One source is reliving Stroking from the past
– think of a hobby & it will mostly connect to
someone
• People entering a room always have a
question: “How do I get Strokes around here”
• Some people need more than others
• Scientists may need only one a year
Stroking
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Stroking is needed and seeked daily by most
of us
• Relationships get reliable Stroking
• Need to see the whole person to be able to
give Positive Strokes – specially the Child
• However beware of “Peda Throwing”
• While we give Strokes, understand that others
also ‘need’ to give Strokes
• People in grief do not need advice or material
– they need you
• Listening is one of the biggest strokes
Stroking - Relationships
Children
Parent
Friend
Me
Spouse
Colleague
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
P
P
A
A
C
C
Stroking - Forms
1. Eye Contact
look to validate
2. Listen
empathically at the other person’s pace
3. Ask Questions
keeping the other in mind
4. Use Names
to validate the individual
5. Give Yourself Away
risk a real conversation or encounter
6. Be A Rewarder
thank you, letters, compliments – do it today
Stroking - Forms
7. Carry an Address Book, Postcard, & Pen
never lose travel or waiting time
8. Plan
spontaneous things happen to planners
9. Don’t Allow Discounting
reinstate a hello or other transaction
10. Loosen Up
humour diffuses any situation (kiss kid)
11. Doers Do, and Tryers Try
new feelings only come out of action
12. Don’t Be Over Numerous in Your Intentions
one call vs. a list of 99 that you will call in the
year
Transactions
Parent
1
2
3
1
2 Parent
3
Adult
4
5
6
4
5
6
Adult
Child
7
8
9
7
8
9
Child
P
P
A
A
C
C
Transactions
Complimentary
P
A
A
C
C
Ulterior
Crossed
Parent
Parent
Parent
Parent
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Adult
Adult
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
Child
Child
Child
Child
Parent
Parent
Parent
Parent
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Adult
Adult
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
Child
Child
Child
Child
Expected Response
No Conflict
P
Produce Conflict
Stop Communication
Hurt Feelings
Non Verbal
Psychological Level
Social Level
Transactions - Complementary
•
•
•
•
P
A
A
C
C
Appropriate & Expected response
Parallel communication arrows
No Conflict
Communication continues
Parent
Parent
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
Child
Child
1.
2.
P
What time do you have?
I’ve got 11:15
1.
2.
You’re late again
I’m sorry, it won’t happen again
Transactions
Critical
Parent
Nurturing
Parent
Adult
Adapted
Child
Natural
Child
P
P
A
A
C
C
Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t
Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of
Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion
Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations
Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel
Transactions - Crossed
•
•
•
•
Not Appropriate & not Expected response
Crossed communication arrows
Conflict
Communication breakdown
Parent
Parent
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
Child
Child
1.
2.
What time do you have?
The clock is on the wall for you to see
1.
2.
You’re late again
I know, I had a flat tire
P
P
A
A
C
C
Transactions
Critical
Parent
Nurturing
Parent
Adult
Adapted
Child
Natural
Child
P
P
A
A
C
C
Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t
Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of
Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion
Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations
Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel
Transactions - Ulterior
•
•
•
•
Angular
P
A
A
C
C
Disguised Communication
Non Verbal communication arrows
May or may not be in conflict
May or may not be communication breakdown
Parent
Parent
Adult
Child
1.
2.
P
Duplex
Parent
Parent
Adult
Adult
Adult
Child
Child
Child
The Sale ends tomorrow
I’ll have one of those
1.
2.
Please come into my office
I’m a little busy right now
Transactions
Critical
Parent
Nurturing
Parent
Adult
Adapted
Child
Natural
Child
P
P
A
A
C
C
Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t
Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of
Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion
Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations
Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel
Transactions
• Direct or Indirect
• Speaking so a third person can overhear
• I wonder if the boss knows that he is upsetting
people
• Straightforward of Diluted
• Half hostile and half affectionate
• Hey genius, when are you going to finish this book?
• Intense or Weak
• Superficial or lack of feeling
• Whatever you say
• Gallows Transactions
• Amusement at a persons misfortune
• Reinforces negative behaviour
• Losers game
P
P
A
A
C
C
Transactions - Differences
• We differ in 2 ways
• Content of Parent, Adult, & Child
• Function of Parent, Adult, & Child
• Contamination
• Exclusion
• Ideally Parent, Adult, & Child should be
separate
• Smooth transitions between the three
• Too rigid means slow people
• Too fast means unpredictable
P
P
A
A
C
C
Transactions
Differences - Contamination
P
P
A
A
C
C
Parent
birth to 5
Prejudice (parents beliefs)
Adult
10 months on
Delusion (grounded in fear)
Hallucination (abuse as child)
Child
birth to 5
Decontaminate your Adult
Transactions
Differences - Exclusion
Parent
Adult
Child
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Parent contaminated
Adult with blocked
out Child
• A person who
cannot play
• Unhappy and
controlled childhood
Transactions
Differences - Exclusion
Parent
Adult
Child
• Child contaminated
Adult with blocked
out Parent
• A person without a
conscience
• Extremely brutal
Parents
• No remorse
• Can be a
Psychopath
P
P
A
A
C
C
Transactions
Differences - Exclusion
Parent
Adult
Child
P
P
A
A
C
C
• Blocked out or
decommissioned
Adult
• Out of touch with
reality
• Conflicting info gives
up on being Adult
• Psychotic
• Can be ManicDepressive
Transactions
Differences - Programming
P
P
A
A
C
C
Parent
Adult
Adult using
Parent Programming
Child
Parent
Adult
Child
Parent
Adult
Child
Adult using
Child Programming
Adult rejecting
Parent or Child
Programming
Transactions
• Being in one State evokes a response
from a Complimentary State – Child
evokes Parent
• In a Conflict, first compliment the
other’s State and then move both to
Adult
• Discounting is a big crossed transaction
• Ulterior happens when one is hiding
the Parent or Child
• TA encourages Honesty vs. Ulterior
P
P
A
A
C
C
Transactions - Tips at Work
• How I see them:
• Boss: Critical Parent
• Peers: Nurturing
Parents
• Support Staff: Most
Natural Children,
some Adapted
Children, few Adults
• How they see
themselves:
• Boss: Nurturing
Parent
• Peers: Adults
• Support Staff:
Mostly consider
themselves Adults
except some admit
to being Natural
Children
P
P
A
A
C
C
Transactions - Tips at Work
• Try mostly to keep Adult to Adult
• Do not get your Parent or Child “Hooked”
• Do divert into Natural Child to Natural Child
sometimes
• Holidays, sport, music, etc
• Don’t get into Critical Parent to Adaptive Child
• “You haven’t given me any reason for…”
• Nor Nurturing Parent to Adaptive Child
• “If I were your boss, I would agree…”
• “I agree, threshold assessment is nonsense”
• Certainly, don’t do Adaptive Child to Nurturing
Parent (with a hidden third party Critical
Parent)
• “I’m sorry I have to ask this, but the …. demands
it”
• Nor Critical Parent to Critical Parent
• “I agree, young people today are illiterate”
P
P
A
A
C
C
Change
• What makes People Want to Change?
• Pain
• They are hurt sufficiently
• They have invested in the same slot machines
without any returns for a long time
• They are severely ill and want relief
• Boredom
• “So what” becomes “there is more to life than
this”
• Enlightenment
• I’m OK – You’re OK is the only Proactive
Position to initiate change
P
P
A
A
C
C
Change
P
P
A
A
C
C
• We are not helpless even though we
feel we are
• When we are responsible (response
able) then we can change
• If we are part of the problem then we
can be part of the answer
• We cannot change others; others
change only when we change ourselves
– start with yourself
Change - Requirements
• Wanting comes first
• Requires Child participation – Want instead of Have
To
• Positives work, negatives don’t
• New Year’s don’ts – replace with something first
• Dos are exhilarating, don’ts are depriving
• Have a Reward in sight
• Continuous ones – not only a big one at the end
• A new Internal Model
• If parents are not good enough pick & be another
• We change a little at a time
• Small change over time becomes large (airplane 1
deg)
• Record your Gains
• The Child likes to see progress - proof
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Change - Requirements
• Change produces Loss as well as Gain
• We feel Loss before Gain
• Freedom & Responsibility is related
• Have Options
• Nothing in life is sure
• Otherwise you will go back
• Get Help
• One and Only, None and Lonely
• Be shown where to look, not what to see – magic
answers
• TA does not work, you do
• The Power of a Habit
• Time saving
• Energy repeatedly applied or we do the old way
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Change - Requirements
• Energy
• Energy creates new Habit pathways
• Change takes energy – see Stress
situations
• Avoid too many changes at once
• Concentrate it (10 units of energy on cake)
• Energy comes from people – strokes
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Honey, Have You Seen My Car Keys?
• Harry and Wilma are husband and wife. One
morning, Harry is running late for work and
can’t find his car keys. When he asks for
Wilma’s assistance in finding them, they
eventually get into an argument. Who’s fault
was it?
Don’t Grump At Me
• One summer evening recently, a lady walks into a
restaurant of a well-known national chain. She
places an order after waiting in line for another lady
friend and four kids who are with her. After receiving
her food, she discovers she did not get everything
she ordered. She returns to the counter and
complains, “First, I have to wait and wait to place my
order. Then, you mess it up on top of that.” Robbie,
who had taken her order makes a mistake in
responding to the complaint. What did Robbie do?
What should Robbie have done?
There’s A ‘Good’ Farmer
• Luke’s father would often take the family for a
drive around the countryside after supper on
Sunday. His father liked to look at other
farms. Luke’s father would sometimes say,
“He’s a good farmer” when driving by a farm.
What was the basis for his father’s conclusion?
Well It Worked the Last Time
• Charlene had a very successful sales call when
she called on Herman. She had ‘tons’ of
information and Herman was seemingly
interested in every detail, every number, every
fact. When she gave the same presentation
on her next stop with Paul it backfired. What
went wrong and why?
Some Selling Implications of TA
• Develop an adaptive selling strategy for ‘parent’,
‘adult’, ‘child’ customers
• ‘Best’ communication exchange for selling?
– Remember to respond in ‘complementary’ manner
– Most effective selling involves adult to adult
• Strokes, or positive interactions, important
–
–
–
–
Verbal (e.g. hello, compliment)
Touch (handshake, pat on back)
A gift
Listening
Being a ‘Response Able’ Salesperson
•
•
Recognize you cannot control another’s behavior, but you can affect
their behavior by the way you respond to them.
Remember you control your own behavior and thoughts.
1) Keep things in perspective
 Don’t sweat small stuff
 Give it test of time
 Ask if it’s happened before
 Distinguish what can be changed from what can’t
 Focus on haves vs. have nots
2) Have realistic expectations
 Life is not fair or perfect
 Bad (good) things happen, usually don’t last forever
 Things don’t always go according to plan
 People don’t always act as you’d like (remember ego state
explanations, people have ‘bad’ days, etc.)
Dealing with Difficult Customers
•
•
•
•
Keep ‘adult’ ego state in control of yourself.
Don’t get defensive, argumentative, emotional.
Don’t take it personally.
Move cautiously, stay cool, remember
complementary transactions and strokes.
• Do not need to take continued abuse.
• If handled well (e.g. didn’t embarrass customer,
allowed them to take something out on you), can
turn out to be positive later.
Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis
• When a relationship is right, details are
negotiable;
When tension is high, details become
obstacles.
Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis
• Rule #1:
The customer is never wrong.
• Rule #2:
If the customer is wrong, read rule #1.
Summary
•
•
•
•
•
•
Transactional Analysis
Ego States
Four Life Positions
Stroking
Transactions
Change
Summary
There are many lessons here….
The first three are:
1. Be in your Adult !
2. Be in your Adult !!
3. Be in your Adult !!!
Recommended Readings
1. I’m OK, You’re OK
•
Dr. Thomas Harris
2. Staying OK
•
Dr. Thomas Harris
3. Games People Play
•
Dr. Eric Berne
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