Vendetta
Goal: To explore the possible moral
purpose of a text.
Spelling Starter
Writing Returns and target setting – how is it done?
Vendetta
Goal: To explore the possible moral
purpose of a text.
First prediction – what does ‘Vendetta’ mean? What language does it come from?
Why might the story be called this?
•Reading – first 3 paragraphs – what is your impression of this place? What would it
be like to live there?
•Reading – next section. What might the idea be? Write a prediction about how you
think this story will end in your books.
•Reading – how close was your prediction?
•Guess what – you don’t actually know the end! There is one more paragraph. Write
in your book what you think it might be.
Vendetta: Features of Description
Goal: To understand the techniques used to establish an atmosphere, and
show this understanding in your own writing.
Spelling Starter
Re-read the first two paragraphs – in your group
come to a consensus about the 3 most descriptive
sentences.
Feedback and discussion.
Your turn – use the features of descriptive writing
we've identified to create your own description of
one of the following places.
Best sentence feedback
The widow of Paolo Saverini lived alone with her son in a poor
little house on the outskirts of Bonifacio. The town, built on an
outjutting part of the mountain, in places even overhanging the
sea, looks across the straits, full of sandbanks, towards the
southernmost coast of Sardinia. Beneath it, on the other side and
almost surrounding it, is a cleft in the cliff like an immense corridor
which serves as a harbor, and along it the little Italian and
Sardinian fishing boats come by a circuitous route between
precipitous cliffs as far as the first houses, and every two weeks
the old, wheezy steamer which makes the trip to Ajaccio.
On the white mountain the houses, massed together, makes an
even whiter spot. They look like the nests of wild birds, clinging to
this peak, overlooking this terrible passage, where vessels rarely
venture. The wind, which blows uninterruptedly, has swept bare
the forbidding coast; it drives through the narrow straits and lays
waste both sides. The pale streaks of foam, clinging to the black
rocks, whose countless peaks rise up out of the water, look like
bits of rag floating and drifting on the surface of the sea.
Vendetta: Exploring Style
Goal: To understand the effects created by the style of language in
this story.
Reading
Language questions:
Feedback
Letter to a Guy de Mapassant forger.
Dear Sir
Though I don’t agree with your morals, should you wish to forge a ‘missing’ short story by
the above author, I suggest you use the following language techniques …
(How the writer likes to write, with examples and effects)
Language Questions
Regular Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Challenging Questions
What does the adjective ‘mean’ in the
Find and example of each of the following
first sentence suggest about the
language features and explain what
widow?
effect they have on the reader – what
they make the reader picture, think or
What does the word ‘over-hanging’
feel.
mean?
What does ‘Out-jutting’ mean? What
does this word suggest about the
1.
2 Similes
setting?
2.
2 Personifications
What do the adjectives ‘old’ and
3.
Repetition
‘Wheezy’ suggest about the steamer?
4.
Alliteration
What word is repeated in the sentence
5.
Onomatopoeia (1 example)
beginning, ‘On the…’? What does it
6.
Imagery
help to emphasize?
Appeals to the senses
What does ‘swept bare’’ mean? How do 7.
these words help to build an
atmosphere?
Find and copy an example of a simile
and say what it helps you to picture in
your imagination.
Find an adverb and explain what it
helps you to picture in your
imagination.
Examination Day
Goal: To understand what the purpose of this
text is – i.e the message the author is trying
to get across.
Assessment Returns
Vocabulary unscramble: these two key words are scrambles. What are
they?
res / fo / ing / ow / had
ism / an / ri / lita / tota
Copy these definitions into your books
Foreshadowing – To hint at the ending of a story
Totalitarianism – A government that has total power and control over every
part of its citizens’ lives
Reading and Discussion



1.
2.
3.
4.
What does the ending mean?
How can that make sense?
Questions to check for sense.
What happens to Dickie at the end of the
story?
Why does this happen to Dickie?
Why does the government want to kill people
like Dickie?
What might this story be a warning about?
Examination Day
Goal: To be able to find examples of foreshadowing
Spelling
Discussion – how does the following sentence foreshadow the ending of ‘Examination
Day’?
‘Go read your comic books Dickie’
Dickie’s father encourages him to read comic books because you don’t learn anything
from them, so therefore it won’t increase Dickie’s intellect and he’ll ‘pass’ the test,
G/W: Quotation Search – find and copy quotations that foreshadow the ending
MUST – 5 Quotes, all explained
Should -8 Quotes, all explained
Could – 15 Quotes, all explained
Jigsawing – most subtle to groups, most obvoius, from groups
What does this image suggest
Examination Day: Characterisation
Goal: To be able to identify how the author creates his character.
Reading
Key Word: Tragic flaw – what do you think this might mean?
Copy the definition below into your books
Definition: Tragic flaw is a quality a character has that brings about his
or her own downfall.
Discussion – how can a writer create our view of a character?
Understanding Character
Explain what the following quotations suggest about Dickie.
Quotation
Implication (What it suggests)
1. ‘He was an alert eyed
youngster with a quick
nervous manner.’
2. ‘He … seemed
uninterested in the
colourful scenes of fast
paced action.’
3. ‘What makes it green
though, the grass?’
4. ‘I get good marks in
school.’ he said
hesitantly.’
5. ‘Dickie’s face showed
puzzlement and a touch
of fright.
He is bored by comic books – they aren’t really
stimulating for him – perhaps he’s too clever for
them.
Understanding Character
Explain what the following quotations suggest about Dickie.
Quotation
Implication (What it suggests)
‘He was an alert eyed
youngster with a quick
nervous manner.’
This implies he is very quick and clever – he
notices things around him.
‘He … seemed uninterested He is bored by comic books – they aren’t really
in the colourful scenes of
stimulating for him – perhaps he’s too clever for
fast paced action.’
them.
‘What makes it green
though, the grass?’
He’s very inquisitive and wants to find ut how
the world works.
‘I get good marks in
school.’ he said hesitantly.’
He thinks he’s smart enough to do the test, but
is perceptive enough to be a bit worried about
it.
‘Dickie’s face showed
puzzlement and a touch of
fright.
He’s unsure about what’s happening but is
clever enough to be anxious because of the
behaviour of those around him.
Show don’t tell…
Write your own description of a character who would ‘pass’
(i.e fail) the government intelligent test.
Try to be subtle – show the reader your character is not
very clever – don’t tell them.
Optional starter: Craig sat in the corner, concentrating hard
on his comic book. He had been looking at the same
page for …
Feedback.
Shared Character Profile
Jimmy-Bob sounded out his name as he spelt it
on the front of his book. After one hour, he finally
finished his ‘Biff and Chip’ book.
He bit his lip, nibbling the loosening flap of skin,
as he told his teacher he, ‘Don’t get it.’ for the 20th
time that morning.
Later that day, when he got home, he ran
straight to the kitchen and ate his usual after
school snack: three packets of Hob-Nobs, dipped
in hommous.
Killers

Goal: To understand the message the author was trying to
communicate through this story.
Key Word: Irony
Definition – when the opposite meaning of what is said, is the true
meaning, like subtle sarcasm, OR when the outcome of a situation is
the opposite of what was hoped for.
Reading ‘Killers’
Comprehension questions – next slide
Comprehension Questions
Regular Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Where are the family going and
what are they going there for?
What do they see on the road?
What do they do to it? Why?
How does the focus of the story
change half way down the first
page?
Who finds the hawk – what do
they do at first?
Why do the boys kill the hawk?
How is the girl different from the
rest of her family?
Challenging Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What impressions of the man
and woman are created by the
speaking verbs (such as
‘grumbled’) That are used?
In what way is the comment
‘Why were such murderous
creatures ever made’ ironic?
What is the purpose of the shift
in narrative perspective half way
down the first page?
How does the writer manipulate
your sympathy in this story?
Why is the story called ‘Killers’ –
notice the plural.
Killers: Kill or be killed?
Goal: To understand the message the writer of this story was trying to
communicate.
Reading
G/W: List all the people or creatures that kill, or try to kill, in this story (Look
carefully, there might be more than you think.)
For each one give their killing a rating out of 10 – 10 being a horrible thing to
do, one being completely understandable.
Write a reason below each to explain.
E.g. The hawk is a killer because it has killed a rabbit.
1/10 – The hawk kills to feed itself – it’s a predator and must hunt to survive.
Paragraph response
Regular question: I think that the point that O. E.
Middleton was trying to make in ‘killers’ is that …
OR
Challenging question: The quotation, ‘Why were
such murderous creatures ever made’ hints at
the point of O. E. Middleton’s ‘Killers’ because …
Plenary – In what way is Killers ‘ironic’??
The Sniper
Goal: To understand the effects achieved by
different sentence structures in this story
Reading
Discussion – The troubles
Reading – The Sniper
Comprehension Questions
Regular Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
What is the purpose of the
opening paragraph??
How does the length of the
sentences change in the third
paragraph? Why do you think
that happens?
What is the shortest sentence in
the 8th paragraph? Why do you
think this sentence in particular is
very short?
How do the start of the
sentences in the 9th paragraph
help to switch from one thing to
another?
Challenging Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
How do the long, complex
sentences in the opening
paragraph help the author to
achieve his purpose?
How is the pace and the tension
increased in the third paragraph?
What particular idea is
emphasized by the sentence
length in the 8th paragraph?
What do you notice about the
way sentences begin in the 9th
paragraph? Why do you think
the writer did this?
Comprehension Questions
Regular Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
What is the purpose of the
opening paragraph??
How does the length of the
sentences change in the third
paragraph? Why do you think
that happens?
What is the shortest sentence in
the 7th paragraph? Why do you
think this sentence in particular is
very short?
How do the start of the
sentences in the 8th paragraph
help to switch from one thing to
another?
Challenging Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
How do the long, complex
sentences in the opening
paragraph help the author to
achieve his purpose?
How is the pace and the tension
increased in the third paragraph?
What particular idea is
emphasized by the sentence
length in the 7th paragraph?
What do you notice about the
way sentences begin in the 8th
paragraph? Why do you think
the writer did this?
Your turn …
Write a paragraph about somebody being caught
doing something they shouldn’t.
Use …
 Some long sentences to build description
 Some middle length sentences
 Some short sentences to build tension
 A really short sentence (One or two words) for
real impact.
The Sniper





Goal: To be able to identify and comment
on the purpose of the writer.
Skim reading – how to be a champion reader
Skim read ‘The Sniper’
Discussion – what point
is the writer of this story
trying to communicate???
(Listen, speak and learn)
PEAing
Sniper PEAing
MUST 1 PEA, Should 2 PEA, Could 3 PEA
The main point that writer of ‘Sniper is trying to
communicate is that ……………………………………..
The quotation ‘ ………………………………..’ shows this point
clearly. This line implies that ……………
…………………………………………………………………
Another aspect of the story that hints at this message is
when ………………………………………………….. A good
example of this is in the quotation ‘ …………………
……………….’ Here the writer’s words suggest that
……………...................................................................
One further aspect of the story …..
Perfect P.E.A
The main point that writer of ‘Sniper is trying to
communicate is that civil war is perhaps the
worst sort of war. The quotation ‘The sniper
turned over the dead body and looked into his
brother’s face’ shows this point clearly. This line
implies that no-one knew who it was they were
fighting, it could literally tear families apart, as it
could result in brother killing brother.
Conclusion.
Rewrite the last paragraph of the story to
completely reverse the purpose of the
story - - that is rather than it being a
lesson in the horrors of civil war, make it a
story which glorifies battle.
The Last Spin
Goal – to be able to identify the way the author creates
tension in the story.
Reading
The Last Spin
G/W: Tension techniques
Tension Graphing
Feedback
Find and label an example of each of the techniques listed
below that are used to create tension
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Strings of short sentences
Pauses and hesitations
Threats and peril
Ellipsis (…)
Onomatopoeia
Sudden shocks
Exploring Narrative Tension
Narrative means story – so narrative tension means
tension that comes from the plot or storyline.
Divide the story into 8 -12 sections for you. Plot
each section on the graph to trace the
development of tension in this scene.
1.
Narrative Tension
Tension
Danny describes Tigo as ‘The Enemy
1
2
3
4
5 6 7 8 9
Part of the scene
10 11 12
PEA Task:
How does Evan Hunter create tension in ‘The Last Spin’?
Challenging Task – complete three – five PEA paragraphs on
the above topic.
Regular task – do the same using the skeleton below:
One technique Hunter uses to create tension is ………….
A quotation which shows this is ‘ ………………………………
…………………….. This creates tension because ………
……………………………………………………………………………….
Another technique Hunter uses is ………… (Repeat this
structure three times!)
Feedback – share with group and pick best paragraph to
share with class
The Last Spin - Comprehension
Goal: To be able to demonstrate an understanding of the purpose and ideas in
this story.
Regular Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
What sorts of coloured jackets are the
two boys wearing? Why is this
important?
Why do the boys have to go through
with the Russian Roulette?
Why is Danny suspicious when Tigo
volunteers to go first?
Look at the bottom of the first page.
How are the boys similar in what they
think of the gun? Why is this
important to the story?
Why does Tigo say ‘this is a good way
to lose weight’?
Why do the boys begin to admire and
like one another?
What do they decide to do at the end
and how does this make the story
sadder.
Challenging Questions
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Describe Danny’s attitude to Tigo at
the start of the story?
How does Tigo differ to Danny at the
beginning?
Why do you think Tigo decides to go
first? What might this suggest about
his character?
What similarities do the two boys
discover they have?
Why do you think Danny fires the last
shot?
How does the boys’ attitude toward
one another change as the story
progresses?
What do you think the message of this
story is?
Exploring Tigo
Write the next section of the story, - what
will Tigo say to the rest of his club? To
Danny’s club? What would he be thinking
that night? How would he act when he
saw Juana? His Mother?
First Line: After what seemed to be an
eternity, Tigo stood up from the table and
slowly, slowly walked towards the door
Assessment: Answer ONE question
1.
2.
3.
Describe an important character from TWO short stories and explain why
each is interesting
Describe an important challenge faced by a character form TWO stories
and explain why the challenge was interesting.
Describe ONE significant detail from each text and explain why it was
interesting.
Reminder = spend ONE sentence describing. Try to give THREE reasons why
it’s interesting
You could start sentences like this:
One interesting thing about this character / detail / challenge is …
A further interesting thing is ….
Additionally, this was also interesting because ….
Revision


Goal: To revise the main parts of each
short story
To learn how to plan for P.E.A. tests
Exemplar Analysis


Goal: to critically assess models of PEA
essays
In your group, read both examples of PEA
essays. Pick which one is better and give
3 – 5 reasons why
Exemplar One
Describe an important character in the text and say why he/she is
important.
The Whole of the Moon - Ian Mune
Kirk is a memorable character because he learns a lot about himself from
meeting Marty. When Kirk a roller blade champ is in an accident, put in
hospital and diagnosed with cancer, he has to deal with Marty a girl who is in
hospital already with cancer - and life with a stiff leg.
When Kirk is put in hospital, told he has cancer and has to amputate his
leg, he becomes very distressed. He loses his friends and a recent girlfriend.
He is memorable because he is determined not to lose his leg.
When he meets Marty, she is very mean to him. She pushes him into the
pool with a wheelchair and tells him to get on with his life. She despises Kirk,
as she comes from a background of abuse, and Kirk is a city rich boy. She
steals his roller blades and his walkman. But Kirk, determined to get his
rollerblades, begins to learn to walk. This is how Kirk and Marty's relationship
starts to build up from love to hate. They rely on each other. Kirk becomes
dependent on Marty's friendship - and Marty on Kirk's love. Together they fight
the battle of cancer - and help each other through life. Kirk learns to walk with
a stiff leg, and Marty gains a friend.
Marty helps Kirk deal with fighting the battle of cancer and a stiff leg. Kirk
is memorable because he becomes accepting of what has happened to him and learns to face the worries of life.
Exemplar Two
Describe an important idea dealt with in the text. Why is this idea
important?
Utu - Geoff Murphy.
This is a perfect film to study, as it has a great theme and is very exciting to
watch. The overall theme of the film is revenge, and how easy it is to get
sucked into trying to get your revenge - "utu". Several characters aim to
gain utu for a range of different reasons.
Straight away when watching, you will agree that the theme is still relevant
today. The main character Te Wheke returns to his village to find it has
been destroyed, and its inhabitants murdered, by the same army that Te
Wheke has been fighting in.
He gets his utu by attacking pakehas but his actions also give other characters
a reason for utu. Other characters try to get their revenge on him, like
Williamson whose wife was murdered by Te Wheke and Captain James
Scott, whose lover, Kura, is killed by Te Wheke. Te Wheke is eventually
captured and tried and sentenced to death. Wiremu an army scout who
turns out to be Te Wheke's brother ends up shooting him.
One important message in the film is that no one wins. Williamson goes mad
because of utu and many people including Te Wheke end up dead because
of it. A great theme and breathtaking action scenes make Utu a great film
to watch.
Shared Writing


Describe an important idea and say why it
was interesting
Homework: Prepare one page of notes
and useful quotations for the three short
stories.
Exploring the Conventions of Short Stories
Spelling
Recap – What are the titles of all the short dark tales we’ve read?
Conventions of short stories
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
About how main characters have each of our short stories had in them?
About how many minor characters have they each had?
About how many places have they each been set in?
Over what sort of timeframe are they usually set?
About how many themes (important ideas) have each of our short stories
explored?
Consolidation – Use the answers to the above questions to create either a
mind-map or a list or a recipe of typical features of short stores
My Short Dark Tale
Initial Planning – sorting a plot.
You have a choice: You can either
Goal: To
structure a story
effectively to
build tension
•use some or all of the plan below for your own Short Dark Tale
•OR make up your own (As long as it has the features of a typical short story)
Teenager alone in house parents are out –
thinks he might have heard a noise
Ignores it – it’s probably nothing
– Noise heard again, louder
Very reluctantly goes to investigate –
noise is coming from bedroom –
Opens door to bedroom – very loud noise
coming from wardrobe – strange smell too
Walks over to cupboard – opens it AND…
Peer Assessment –
does your story fit into
the typical features of
short stories?
Short Dark Tales: My Setting

Goal: To use language features to create
strong imagery and appeal to the senses
Starter: One person face the
screen (A), one the back of
the class (B).
A’s job is to describe the
setting on the screen in as
much detail as possible – help
your B imagine it as clearly as
possible.
Feedback – who did a good
job? How did they do it?
Setting Questions
Key word Pathetic Fallacy
When the weather and atmosphere reflects the mood of the characters in a story. i.e if
the character was bored the weather would be… If it was warm and sunny, the
character would be …
Key challenge – avoid the cliches



What time of day will your story be set at? Why??
What sort of weather will there be? Why? Will it say constant or change? Why?
Describe in as much detail as possible , the setting your story will take place in.
Try to do it so somebody could read your description and create an accurate
picture of it.
Eg. A tattered brown chair, with stuffing coming out of the arm and springs poking
through the rear of the back.
What makes this description of the
setting effective?
Model Beginning
The winter sun was slowly fading as a dull
rainbow of colours filtered through the haze. The
dying rays casts long, slender shadows across the
floor of the living room.
Dull rumbling was emanating from the screen,
as the fast paced images of the game flashed and
switched. Attached, as if by an umbilical cord to
the screen, the figure twitched and flinched on the
overstuffed, aging sofa.
What makes this description of the
setting effective?
Model Beginning
Metaphor
for
originality
and imagery
Onomatopoeia
to appeal to
our sense of
sound
Adjectives to
add
description
The winter sun was slowly Adverb to add detail
fading as a dull rainbow of colours
filtered through the haze. The
Adjectives to add
dying rays casts long, slender
description
shadows across the floor of the
living room.
Dull rumbling was emanating
Pair of verbs
from the screen, as the fast paced to capture
the action
images of the game flashed and
switched. Attached, as if by an
Metaphor to
umbilical cord to the screen, the
emphasize how
figure twitched and flinched on the ‘into’ the game
the character is
overstuffed, aging sofa.
Your Turn
Begin your short story with a paragraph or two to
describe the setting
Use a range of descriptive writing techniques to
create a really clear impression of the place and
it’s atmosphere
Optional starter: There was a slightly odd quality
to the sunset …
Character: Show don’t tell

Goal: To describe characters effectively

Spelling Starter

Character planning

Hand exploring

Shared writing – focussing on details, show don’t tell

Your turn – introduce your main character / characters

Editing for accuracy

G/W: Share, compare, choose favourite and then jigsaw.
Shared Show Don’t Tell
Character – not too bright, doesn’t know when to keep
his mouth shut, has a skin head hair cut, is a bit paranoid.

Stefan’s eyebrows wore an angry expression. His arms
were folded tightly and his mouth held the suggestion of a
snarl.
He just couldn’t stand his parents. They were
hypocrites. Everything seemed unfair. What was wrong
with a skin head cut anyway? He squeezed his stress ball
long and hard, slowly feeling the tension abating.
Maybe he shouldn’t have yelled at his mum. He
definitely shouldn’t have called her a stupid cow. His
mouth had run away from him. Again.
Name Age ETC
Appearance
Personality
Flaws and short comings
Strange habits
Skills and strengths
Likes
Dislikes and fears
If you want to do this as a list or a mind-map, feel free!
Starter – what can you tell about
the following people by their
hands??
Story Drafting

Goal: To use techniques of effective description
to create a strong sense of character and setting

Reading: ‘Across The Barricades’

Recap – how can we use language to describe
effectively?

Modelled writing – Building images

Your turn
Introducing Character
The winter sun was slowly fading as a dull rainbow of colours
filtered through the haze. The dying rays casts long, slender shadows
across the floor of the living room.
Dull rumbling was emanating from the screen, as the fast paced
images of the game flashed and switched. Attached, as if by an
umbilical cord to the screen, the figure twitched and flinched on the
overstuffed, aging sofa.
His skinny, pale fingers twitched rapidly, his thumbs moving from
button to button of the console. The nails on his fingers were worn,
bitten right back by nervous teeth.
Suddenly, ‘Game over’ flashed across the screen, and the controller
was flung to the floor, landing with a crack.
Phil stood up, stretched and yawned. As he reached to turn off the
TV, he heard it for the first time. At least, he thought he heard it. Just
beyond the positive reach of his hearing, he could swear he heard a
dull thud. He stood stock still and listened hard. He waited …
Nothing. Telling himself not to get paranoid, he sat down again and
shovelled a massive handful of crisps into his mouth.
My short dark tale – creating tension
Goal: To use my knowledge of how writers create tension to achieve this effect
in my own writing
Revision – look back in your book to the work we did on ‘The Last Spin’ What
can a writer do to create tension?
Short sentences
Threats and peril
Pauses and hesitations
Ellipsis (…)
Foreshadowing
Sudden shocks Being mysterious
Onomatopoeia Building atmosphere
Shared writing – building tension in the class story
Drafting time
Sharing work – read two extracts and have your neighbour identify the
technique you’ve used to create tension.
Building Tension
Phil stood up, stretched and yawned. As he
reached to turn off the TV, he heard it for the
first time. At least, he thought he heard it. Just
beyond the positive reach of his hearing, he
could swear he heard a dull thud. He stood
stock still and listened hard. He waited …
Nothing. Telling himself not to get paranoid, he
sat down again and shovelled a massive handful
of crisps into his mouth.
Putting detail into sentences
Goal: To use the 5Ws and 1H in order to add detail and interest to your
sentences
Reading
How to use the 5Ws and 1 H add interest to sentences
The shy girl hid. (Who and what)
The shy girl hid behind her hair (+ where)
The shy girl hid quietly behind her hair (+ How)
At the beginning of the lesson, the shy girl hid quietly behind her hair.
(+When)
At the beginning of the lesson, the shy girl hid quietly behind her hair to
conceal the telltale marks of crying. (+why)
Your turn – edit the following sentence to include all the ws and h: The
stumbling bumblebee landed.
Kung fu Punctuation
• Full stop: throw a short, right-handed punch at the air in front of you. Make the noise,
Ha!
• Comma: with your right arm bent so that your hand is in front of your face, make a
short twisting motion at the wrist to signify the comma shape. Make the noise, Shi!
• Semi-colon:do the full-stop punch, then the comma shape directly underneath it.
Make the noises, Ha! Shi!
• Colon: follow the full-stop punch immediately with one directly beneath it. Make the
noises, Ha! Ha!
• Question mark: separate the curly bit into three cutting movements with the hand:
one horizontal left to right, one curved around, and one vertical coming from the
bottom of the curved one. Then at the bottom of the shape you have just drawn in
the air, bung in a full-stop punch. Make the noises, Shi! Shi! Shi! Ha!
• Exclamation mark: a long vertical slash, from top to bottom, followed by a full stop.
Make the noises, Shiiiiii! Ha!
• Speech marks: stand on one leg, extend your arms diagonally to the skies and wiggle
your index and middle fingers in an approximation of speech marks. Make the noise,
Haeeeee!
• Apostrophe: with your right arm fully extended to the air, wiggle your index finger.
Make the noise, Blubalubaluba! (This is the best I can do to approximate the sound
you can make with your tongue when you flap it up and down against the inside of
your lips.)
• Ellipsis: three punches along a horizontal line. Make the noises, Ha! Ha! Ha!
• Brackets: using your left hand first, draw a curved convex line in the air; use your
right hand to do the opposite motion for the closing bracket. Make the noises, Shi!
Shi!
The Rules



A proper bout of Punctuation Kung Fu requires three players: two
combatants and a referee. The combatants face each other. The
referee says the words ''capital letter'', and the opponents bow to
each other while repeating the same phrase.
The referee then calls out three punctuation marks and the players
have to put the moves and sounds for these together, in sequence,
as quickly as they can. The winner is the one who puts together all
three moves and their accompanying sounds correctly in the
quickest time.
Then photocopy a piece of text and white out all punctuation marks.
Read through the piece together and at the appointed places in the
text get your child to do the kung-fu punctuation move he thinks is
appropriate.
Kung Fu in zero gravity
He is tall and lanky with arms like an ape an ideal body for null gravity
karate As soon as we hear the command to start he launches from his side of
the sphere I see his fist heading for my face
He is squinting body tense gathering all his energy into the movement I
exhale sharply the action moving my head backward I don't block as much as
push one hand diverting his strike the other pressing his shoulder The
technique sends him gliding back across the combat area and presses me more
firmly against the plexiglas under my feet I sink into a squat and leapfrog
toward him How will he respond
We meet at the center His arms are everywhere In seconds we are in a
hopeless tangle I place one good strike to the ribs but the judges miss it
Without fully intending it we push away from each other once again I get two
hands on the velcro and stop my motion
He is about one hundred twenty degrees to my left with both feet on the
velcro ready to leap again I see a gleam of triumph in his eyes as he realizes I
will have to flip over in order to get my feet underneath me He takes off.
Kung Fu in zero gravity
He is tall and lanky, with arms like an ape: an ideal body for null
gravity karate. As soon as we hear the command to start he launches
from his side of the sphere. I see his fist heading for my face.
He is squinting, body tense, gathering all his energy into the
movement. I exhale sharply, the action moving my head backward. I
don't block as much as push, one hand diverting his strike, the other
pressing his shoulder. The technique sends him gliding back across the
combat area, and presses me more firmly against the plexiglas under
my feet. I sink into a squat and leapfrog toward him. How will he
respond?
We meet at the center. His arms are everywhere. In seconds we are
in a hopeless tangle. I place one good strike to the ribs, but the judges
miss it. Without fully intending it, we push away from each other once
again. I get two hands on the velcro and stop my motion.
He is about one hundred twenty degrees to my left, with both feet
on the velcro, ready to leap again. I see a gleam of triumph in his eyes
as he realizes I will have to flip over in order to get my feet
"underneath" me. He takes off…
Story drafting Continued



Continue drafting your story
Use the idea of the 5Ws & H to include
lots of detail
Peer assessment - feedback some
sentences which include most or all of the
ws and h
Story Drafting: Varying Verbs
Goal: to make deliberate choices of verb to create variety and precision.
Visual starter (Next slide)
Volunteer to act out some verbs
Walk
Said
laughed
Cried
Not particularly exciting examples! What synonyms can you find for these
verbs which would be more interesting to use in a piece of writing?
Volunteers to act out new verbs.
Drafting time – thinking carefully about verb choice.
Peer assessment: pick a paragraph from today’s work and neatly underline or
highlight all the verbs. Then give a mark out of ten for the variety and
interest of the verbs in the paragraph.
Mini Kung Fu Punctuation
The cylinder stopped. Danny put the gun to his
head quickly.
"Here's to Sunday," he said. He grinned at Tigo,
and Tigo grinned back, and then Danny fired.
The explosion rocked the small basement room,
ripping away half of Danny's head, shattering his
face. A small cry escaped Tigo's throat, and a
look of incredulous shock knifed his eyes. Then
he put his head on the table and began weeping.
Mini Kung Fu Punctuation
The cylinder stopped Danny put the gun to his
head quickly
Here's to Sunday he said He grinned at Tigo and
Tigo grinned back and then Danny fired
The explosion rocked the small basement room
ripping away half of Danny's head shattering his
face A small cry escaped Tigo's throat and a look
of incredulous shock knifed his eyes Then he put
his head on the table and began weeping
Thinking about verbs
What verb would you choose
to describe the action of this
child?
Excellent Commas
Goal: To revise correct use of commas, to aid my reader
Commas are used for pauses in sentences. They help the reader pause to take
a breath.
Mini-Kung fu: Only the commas in the following extract.
Proof read your story so far. Have you used commas correctly? Have you
sometimes confused them with full stops?
Drafting time – continue with your story, remembering to use commas for
pauses.
Peer assessment. Highlight every comma you’ve used today. Have your
neighbour check it – is it used correctly?
Paulo Saverini’s widow lived alone with her son in a tiny cottage on
the ramparts of Bonifacio. The town built on a mountain spur in
some places actually overhanging the sea faces the low lying coast
of Sardinia across the straight with its bristling reefs. At its foot on
either side it is almost entirely enclosed by a gash in the cliff like a
gigantic passage which serves as its harbour. The little Italian or
Sardinian fishing boats and once a fortnight the old puffing steamer
which runs to and from Ajaccio come up as far as the first houses
after threading their way through the two precipitous walls of rock.
On the white mountain side the collection of houses makes a
whiter patch. They look like the nests of birds of prey clinging to the
rock looking down on the dangerous channel into which few ships
venture. The wind harasses the sea remorselessly sweeping the
barren coast sparsely covered in coarse grass; it roars down the
strait, stripping the land bare on both sides. Patches of whitish foam
round the black tips of the countless reefs which pierce the waves in
every direction look like torn sheets floating and drifting on the
surface of the water.
Paulo Saverini’s widow lived alone with her son in a tiny cottage on
the ramparts of Bonifacio. The town, built on a mountain spur, in
some places actually overhanging the sea, faces the low lying coast
of Sardinia across the straight with its bristling reefs. At its foot on
either side it is almost entirely enclosed by a gash in the cliff like a
gigantic passage, which serves as its harbour. The little Italian or
Sardinian fishing boats, and once a fortnight the old puffing steamer,
which runs to and from Ajaccio, come up as far as the first houses
after threading their way through the two precipitous walls of rock.
On the white mountain side the collection of houses makes a
whiter patch. They look like the nests of birds of prey clinging to the
rock looking down on the dangerous channel, into which few ships
venture. The wind harasses the sea remorselessly, sweeping the
barren coast sparsely covered in coarse grass; it roars down the
strait, stripping the land bare on both sides. Patches of whitish foam
round the black tips of the countless reefs, which pierce the waves in
every direction, look like torn sheets floating and drifting on the
surface of the water.
Punctuating Speech
I never seen you neither Danny said. Tigo stared at him for a long
time. That's cause you're new around here. Where you from originall
My people come down from the Bronx. You got a big family A sister
and two brothers, that's all. Yeah, I only got a sister. Tigo shrugged.
Well. He sighed. So. He sighed again. Let's make it, huh? I'm waitin',
Danny said.
"I never seen you neither," Danny said.
Tigo stared at him for a long time. "That's cause you're new around
here. Where you from originally?"
"My people come down from the Bronx."
"You got a big family?"
"A sister and two brothers, that's all."
"Yeah, I only got a sister." Tigo shrugged. "Well." He sighed. "So."
He sighed again. "Let's make it, huh?"
"I'm waitin'," Danny said.
Editing For Publication

Goal: To read carefully and analytically, to check for
sense and detail

Reading and homework check

Getting thinking: Why redraft – see next slide.

Editing for accuracy: read your story aloud to yourself.
Put a tick next to ever sentence that you think makes
sense. Circle any words you want to check the spelling
of. Put a squiggly line at the end of any sentences that
don’t make sense.
Why Re-draft?
A first draft by Wilfred Owen
Why do you think he edited
and redrafted?
Editing for improvement
Re-read your story.
Find 5 – 10 places where you can make an improvement
by:




Adding more detail to sentences using some or all of
the 5ws and 1h
Change your vocabulary so it is more sophisticated
and varied
Add new sentences to provide more detail and interest
Include language features such as simile to describe,
or dialogue for variety and realism.
Plenary
Now your ready for publication.
This will be easy, if you’ve edited carefully.
In reverse alphabetical order, read you’re a paragraph from
your story to the rest of the group.
How easy was it to read your work – did you need to stop
and reformulate what you were trying to say – or was
what you had on the page fluent and accurate?
Preparation for Publication


Goal: To make considered choices
of presentational devices to
compliment the ideas in a text
Introduction of task and ground
rules

Story preparation and decoration

Story publication

Class winners