THIS POWERPOINT IS
INTENDED FOR THE SOLE
PURPOSE OF THE CHILD
STUDY CENTER TEACHER
TRAINING PROGRAM.
ANY OTHER USE IS STRICTLY
PROHIBITED.
CLASSROOM INTERVENTION
FOR CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL
NEEDS
Attachment &
Reactive Attachment Disorders
Attachment is the deep connection
established between a child and caregiver
that profoundly affects your child's
development and ability to express
emotions and develop relationships.
If you are the parent (or teacher) of a child
with an attachment disorder, you may be
exhausted from trying to connect with your
child.
Attachment is a reciprocal process by which
an emotional connection develops
between an infant and his/her primary
caretaker. It influences the child's physical,
cognitive, and psychological development.
It becomes the basis for development of
basic trust or mistrust, and shapes how
the child will relate to the world, learn, and
form relationships throughout life.
Healthy attachment occurs when the infant
experiences a primary caretaker as
consistently providing emotional essentials
such as touch, movement, eye contact
and smiles, in addition to the basic
necessities -- food, shelter, and clothing.
If this process is disrupted, the child may not
develop the secure base necessary to
support all future healthy development.
Factors which may impair healthy
attachment include: multiple caretakers,
invasive or painful medical procedures,
hospitalization, abuse,
poor prenatal care,
prenatal alcohol or drug
exposure, and neurological
problems.
Children with attachment disturbance often
project an image of self-sufficiency and
charm while masking inner feelings of
insecurity and self hate.
Infantile fear, hurt and anger are expressed
in disturbing behaviors that serve to keep
caretakers at a distance
and perpetuate the child's
belief that s/he is unlovable.
These children have difficulty giving and
receiving affection on their parents' terms,
are overly demanding and clingy, and may
annoy parents with endless chatter.
They attempt to control attention in negative
ways.
Additional behaviors may include:
poor eye contact,
abnormal eating patterns,
poor impulse control,
poor conscience development,
chronic "crazy" lying,
stealing,
destructiveness to self, others, and property,
cruelty to animals and
preoccupation with fire, blood, and gore.
A child with insecure attachment or an
attachment disorder lacks the skills for
building meaningful relationships.
So why do some children develop
attachment disorders while others don’t?
The answer has to do with the attachment
process, which relies on the interaction of
both parent and child.
Attachment disorders are the result of
negative experiences in this early
relationship. If young children feel
repeatedly abandoned, isolated,
powerless, or uncared for—for whatever
reason—they will learn that they can’t
depend on others and the world is a
dangerous and frightening place.
• COMMON CAUSES OF ATTACHMENT
PROBLEMS
(Highest risk if these occur in first two years of
life)
• Sudden or traumatic separation from primary
caretaker (through death, illness hospitalization
of caretaker, or removal of child)
• Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
• Neglect (of physical or emotional needs)
• Illness or pain which cannot be
alleviated by caretaker
• Frequent moves and/or placements
• Inconsistent or inadequate care at home
or in day care (care must include holding,
talking, nurturing, as well as meeting basic
physical needs)
• Chronic depression of primary caretaker
• Neurological problem in child which
interferes with perception of or ability to
receive nurturing. (i.e. babies
exposed to crack cocaine
In-utero)
• Reactive attachment disorder and other
attachment problems occur when children have
been unable to consistently connect with a
parent or primary caregiver. This can happen for
many reasons:
• A baby cries and no one responds
or offers comfort.
• A baby is hungry or wet, and
they aren’t attended to for hours.
• No one looks at, talks to, or smiles at the baby,
so the baby feels alone.
• A young child gets attention only by acting out or
displaying other extreme behaviors.
• A young child or baby is mistreated or abused.
Sometimes the child’s needs are met and
sometimes they aren’t. The child never knows
what to expect.
• The infant or young child is hospitalized or
separated from his or her parents.
• A baby or young child is moved from one
caregiver to another (can be the result of
adoption, foster care, or the loss of a parent).
• The parent is emotionally unavailable because
of depression, an illness, or a substance abuse
problem.
BEHAVIORS ASSOCIATED WITH
PROBLEMATIC ATTACHMENT
• A. Unable to engage in satisfying
reciprocal relationship:
1. Superficially engaging, charming (not
genuine)
2. Lack of eye contact
3. clingy
4. Lack of ability to give and receive affection on
parents' terms (not cuddly)
5. Inappropriately demanding and clingy
6. Persistent nonsense questions and incessant
chatter
7. Poor peer relationships
8. Low self esteem
9. Extreme control problems - may attempt to
control overtly, or in sneaky ways
B. Poor cause and effect thinking:
10. Difficulty learning from mistakes
11. Learning problems - disabilities, delays
12. Poor impulse control
C. Emotional development disturbed: child
shows traits of young child in "oral stage"
13. Abnormal speech patterns
14. Abnormal eating patterns
D. Infantile fear and rage. Poor conscience
development.
15. Chronic "crazy" lying
16. Stealing
17. Destructive to self, others, property
18. Cruel to animals
19. Preoccupied with fire, blood, and gore
E. "Negative attachment cycle" in family
1. Child engages in negative behaviors
which can't be ignored
2. Parent reacts with strong emotion,
creating intense but unsatisfying
connection
3. Both parent and child distance and
connection is severed
Signs and symptoms of insecure attachment in infants:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Avoids eye contact
Doesn’t smile
Doesn’t reach out to be picked up
Rejects your efforts to calm, soothe, and connect
Doesn’t seem to notice or care when you leave them
alone
Cries inconsolably
Doesn’t coo or make sounds
Doesn’t follow you with his or her eyes
Isn’t interested in playing interactive
games or playing with toys
Spend a lot of time rocking or comforting
themselves
• Common signs and symptoms of reactive
attachment disorder
• An aversion to touch and physical affection.
Children with reactive attachment disorder often
flinch, laugh, or even say “Ouch” when touched.
Rather than producing positive feelings, touch
and affection are perceived as a threat.
• Control issues. Most children with reactive
attachment disorder go to great lengths to
remain in control and avoid feeling helpless.
They are often disobedient, defiant, and
argumentative.
 Anger problems. Anger may be
expressed directly, in tantrums or acting
out, or through manipulative, passiveaggressive behavior. Children with
reactive attachment disorder may hide
their anger in socially acceptable actions,
like giving a high five that hurts or hugging
someone too hard.
 Difficulty showing genuine care and
affection. For example, children with
reactive attachment disorder may act
inappropriately affectionate with strangers
while displaying little or no affection
towards their parents.
 An underdeveloped conscience.
Children with reactive attachment disorder
may act like they don’t have a conscience
and fail to show guilt, regret, or remorse
after behaving badly.
Tips for parenting a child with reactive
attachment disorder or insecure
attachment
• Have realistic expectations. Helping
your child with an attachment disorder
may be a long road. Focus on making
small steps forward and celebrate every
sign of success.
 Patience is essential. The process may
not be as rapid as you'd like, and you can
expect bumps along the way. But by
remaining patient and focusing on small
improvements, you create an atmosphere
of safety for your child.
 Foster a sense of humor and joy. Joy
and humor go a long way toward repairing
attachment problems and energizing you
even in the midst of hard work. Find at
least a couple of people or activities that
help you laugh and feel good.
 Take care of yourself and manage
stress. Reduce other demands on your
time and make time for yourself. Rest,
good nutrition, and parenting breaks help
you relax and recharge your batteries so
you can give your attention to your child.
 Find support and ask for help. Rely on
friends, family, community resources, and
respite care (if available). Try to ask for
help before you really need it to avoid
getting stressed to breaking point. You
may also want to consider joining a
support group for parents.
 Stay positive and hopeful. Be sensitive
to the fact that children pick up on feelings.
If they sense you’re discouraged, it will be
discouraging to them. When you are
feeling down, turn to others for
reassurance.
Repairing reactive attachment disorder:
Tips for making your child feel safe and
secure
• Safety is the core issue for children with
reactive attachment disorder and other
attachment problems. They are distant
and distrustful because they feel unsafe in
the world. They keep their guard up to
protect themselves, but it also prevents
them from accepting love and support.
• So before anything else, it is essential to
build up your child’s sense of security. You
can accomplish this by establishing clear
expectations and rules of behavior, and by
responding consistently so your child
knows what to expect when he or she acts
a certain way and—even more
importantly—knows that no matter what
happens, you can be counted on.
 Set limits and boundaries. Consistent,
loving boundaries make the world seem
more predictable and less scary to
children with attachment problems such as
reactive attachment disorder. It’s important
that they understand what behavior is
expected of them, what is and isn’t
acceptable, and what the consequences
will be if they disregard the rules. This also
teaches them that they have more control
over what happens to them than they
think.
 Take charge, yet remain calm when your
child is upset or misbehaving. Remember that
“bad” behavior means that your child doesn’t
know how to handle what he or she is feeling
and needs your help. By staying calm, you show
your child that the feeling is manageable. If he or
she is being purposefully defiant, follow through
with the pre-established consequences in a cool,
matter-of-fact manner. But never discipline a
child with an attachment disorder when
you’re in an emotionally-charged state.
 Be immediately available to reconnect
following a conflict. After a conflict or
tantrum where you’ve had to discipline
your child, be ready to reconnect as soon
as he or she is ready. This reinforces your
consistency and love, and will help your
child develop a trust that you’ll be there
through thick and thin.
 Own up to mistakes and initiate repair.
When you let frustration or anger get the
best of you or you do something you
realize is insensitive, quickly address the
mistake. Your willingness to take
responsibility and make amends can
strengthen the attachment bond. Children
with reactive attachment disorder or other
attachment problems need to
 learn that although they may
 not be perfect, they will be
 loved, no matter what.
 Try to maintain predictable routines
and schedules. A child with an
attachment disorder won’t instinctively rely
on loved ones, and may feel threatened by
transition and inconsistency—for example
when traveling or during school vacations.
A familiar routine or schedule can provide
comfort during times of change.
School Interventions
INTERVENTIONS: WHAT DOESN'T WORK
• Traditional problem solving questions such
as: What happened? What was your part
in it? What could you have done
differently? Attachment Disorder children
will learn to spin off the "desired answers",
but they will be meaningless answers.
The time spent on this exercise
will be wasted time.
Vague praise, such as "you are handling
things well today" is generally seen by the
child as a manipulative control strategy on
the adult's part.
In addition, overt praise for expected basic
behavior such as sitting in one's desk is
likely to provoke an oppositional switch
into the undesired behavior.
Conventional behavior management plans / level
systems:
Attachment Disorder children will see a
behavior management plan, not as a way to
change behavior, but as simply one more
thing to learn "how to work" for their own
purposes.
AD children may even use behavior
management systems as bait to draw the
adults into useless discussions about how to
sustain progress. The end result can be that
it is the teacher's behavior, rather than the
child's, that ends up getting "managed".
Consistent zero tolerance stances run a
high risk of dragging the teacher into a
cycle of escalating misbehavior
followed by increasingly severe
consequences. Zero tolerance also
does not allow the teacher sufficient
creative flexibility to approach the AD
child in a useful way that the AD child
could not predict.
Believing the child's tales about
horrendous treatment at home by
parents and offering support and
sympathy in an effort to "compensate".
In the case of an AD child, this is
probably the worst possible thing an
educational professional could do.
Challenging the Attachment Disorder
child's perspective with "objective
evidence" in order to persuade her that
her thinking is somehow incorrect. This
approach assumes that the teacher and
child share a common view of "reality"not true. The teacher's view will make
little or no sense to the AD child. In
fact, the AD child is apt to see this
approach as a manipulative attempt on
the teacher's part to set the child up in
some way.
• Setting the parents up to be the "heavies" by
leaving it to parents and home to impose
consequences for school infractions or work
not done.
• Teachers taking AD children's behavior or
statements personally. This usually takes
some practice as AD children are skilled at
discovering adults' tender spots and going
after them.
Reacting emotionally to AD children's
behavior. This only reinforces the AD
child's sense of being in control of the
adult's emotions ( a goal they generally
pursue). This really takes some
practice as AD children's behavior can
be relentless, day in-day out, as any
parent can testify.
Looking for THE answer.
There is no "The Answer". "The answer"
leads to doing the same thing the same
way every time. An AD child will have a
field day with such an approach.
INTERVENTIONS: WHAT DOES WORK
• Being somewhat unpredictable on
purpose. Such unpredictability is
necessary to get past the AD child's
vast array of avoidance maneuvers.
Make some rewards absolute and not
contingent on anything.
This effectively subverts AD children's strong
tendency to sabotage themselves and
thereby prove to the adults that they can't
"make them succeed". (Example: AD child
participates in a "fun Friday" activity
regardless of their behavior, barring any
safety concerns). This approach puts the
child's succeeding under the complete
control of the teacher.
Drilling in the concept of "choice".
Choice is an idea that is often absent in AD
children's thinking. It is not simply that they
refuse to accept responsibility- the ideas of
people making choices and having
responsibility literally makes no sense to AD
children. They need to have it pointed out to
them, matter-of-factly, over and over, that
they are making choices all the time. Then
discussion can begin to move towards
making better vs. worse choices.
Four questions never to ask AD children:
Did you...?
Why did you...?
Do you remember...?
What did you say?
AD children can compose eloquent answers to
adult questions that mean absolutely nothing.
A question to an AD child is too often an
invitation to trick an adult. It works much
better to phrase statements as guesses and
let them react to the guess. (Example: rather
than "Did you break your pencil ?" try "I
think you broke your pencil to get out of
doing your work."). AD children's reactions
to guesses will tell you much more than their
answers to questions.
Keep praise very concrete and specific
and do not connect it to substantive
rewards. Use humor to deflect AD
children's attempts to be deliberately
provocative.
Teachers should follow the parents' lead
in matters of behavior management.
Parents will almost always have seen
behavior far in excess of anything the
school will ever see. This gives parents
irreplaceable experiential knowledge
about working with their child's
behavior. The school needs to partner
seamlessly with home and parents in
order to undercut the AD child's
considerable strategic wilyness.
However, school and home should be kept
separate in some matters. Incidents at
school should be handled at school and not
referred to the parents to provide
consequences at home in the evening unless
this is part of a collaborative plan arrived at
beforehand. In general, parents SHOULD
NOT be expected to be intimately involved
with nightly homework. AD children will
simply use "homework" as a stage to play
out their attachment related conflicts and
everyone loses.
Use of the word "trick" to describe AD
children's strategic behavior works
better than the more loaded words like
"manipulative", "lying", etc.
Become a good observer of AD children's
nonverbal responses (facial
expressions, body position and
movements, eyes, voice tone, etc).
These are the most accurate signs of
what is going on inside the child. If you
listen only to what AD children say, you
will go in circles repeatedly,
getting nowhere.
Act as historian for the AD child. As AD
children live in the moment, they need
adults to remind them of past events
that have gone successfully to help
them maintain more perspective on the
present.
Remember:
They are not out to get YOU—
they are out to get everybody.
They can’t always help themselves...some
things are just going to happen.
They need love, care and attention just like
everyone else…they just can’t articulate
these needs.
10+C’s on Oct 26 will reinforce some
guidelines and framework for working with
AD children.
LANGUAGE ACQUISITION AND
LANGUAGE DIFFICULTIES
Baby talk timeline:
0-6 months-babies as young as 4 weeks can
distinguish between similar syllables like MA and
NA, and at 2 months begin to associate certain
sounds with certain lip movement.
They will start to link up sounds, such as a dog
bark to the dog.
They’ll cry first, then try to use tongue, lips and
palate to make gurgles, oohs and aahs.
Talk to them
Sing to them
Read to them
INTERACT WITH THEM
4-6 MONTHS
Random babbling
attempts at letters such as g and k, m, w, p
and b.
Will focus on familiar words such as their
name, mommy and daddy.
By 4.5 months, may take an interest in their
name when used with HI and BYE. At 6
months may understand their name is
actually for them.
Talk to them. Use natural language. Don’t
consistently “baby talk” but it’s ok to use
some baby talk. Be expressive, in their
line of sight, and interactive.
Keep talking, reading and singing to them.
Dance with them.
7-12 Months
Child makes repetitions intentionally.
Starts to understand gestures.
Starts combining words.
First words appear near 12 months—mama, da-da, kitty, doggy, cookie, juice, etc.
Talk to them,
Show them things, pictures, magazines, read an
article to them.
Touch and name body parts.
Ask questions, even though they can’t answer.
Start to understand intonation
and language patterns….and your voice.
Babble and coo back at them.
Silly faces and expressive talking.
13 to 18 months
First word is the opening to the dam.
Encourage more words. If they make a
sound, try to put it in context and make
connections with them.
Receptive language first, then expressive
language comes next.
When reading a book, use expressive
language, vary tone of voice for characters
and actions, point to objects in books,
encourage turning of pages.
Singing, try to get them to
sing along.
Slippery fish, 5 little pumpkins,
alligator swamp, abc’s.
Use natural language with full sentences.
19-24 months.
The dam breaks open. So many attempts at
words and sounds. Try to understand
THEIR attempts at speech and relate it
back to them.
2-4 word sentences very common.
Try to elaborate THEIR speech.
Try to encourage sentence structure.
Read
talk
sing
dance
watch tv
TOGETHER
Use proper language
use complete sentences
use imagination.
Puppets, phones, dolls, pretend toys, costumes,
hard hats, play kitchens, etc.
25-36 months
The sky is the limit. Encourage language,
answer the why, when, where questions.
(sometimes send it back to them).
Read familiar books but stop at certain
points to see if they can finish the
sentences.
Correct their language in context.
Ex: I goed potty, say “Yes,
you did go potty”.
They’ll catch on.
Enjoy the language explosion and the
independence;
Ex: boy do it.
An idea flew up my nose.
Yes, all these stages are tiring, but when
they are talking to you, they are also
listening to you. Teenage years they
won’t.
Things to think about:
Put your fingers in your ears while someone
else is saying ABC’s. Periodically pull
fingers out and put them back. If child has
hearing problem, language might be
muddled.
Language not learned word by word but in
natural language and interactions.
Do you…..want…to go…on with
the…lecture….like this?
Children learn speech patterns early.
Can you draw a guazeevil?
Children need to experience language also,
not just use it.
Children learn things quickly. Careful of
language. Mason and Aubrey born.
Be interactive with them.
Interventions
History: pulled out of classroom
1-1
They’ll get it
Not a smart kid
Was speech the goal or was
language/communication the goal?
Looked at child, family, SES, education level of
parents and family, expectations of family and
school, what services available.
What was the goal? Words, clarity, speech,
communication, understanding, in isolation or in
complete sentences.
Who should do intervention?
Parents, teachers, therapists, one-on-one or
group therapy, in home, in center or in therapists
office?
DAP: Developmentally Appropriate Practice
AAC: Augmentative and Alternative
Communication
Teaching and training of parents
Teaching and training of teachers
Use of all techniques
Value and use of play
Some tips to encourage language use
children:
1, interesting materials, avoid boredom,
child and adult chosen activities
2, place some materials in reach, but not all.
Use clear bags/containers so child sees
them and needs to request them
3, small/inadequate portions: milk, cereal,
play dough, etc.
4, Offer choices where appropriate. Books or
puzzle, blocks or play dough. Get words,
not just gestures.
5, Make child need you. Wind up toy,
opening jar, climbing into swing. You know
what they want, but let them ASK you.
6, Sabotage familiar activities. Yogurt but no
spoon, paper but no markers, ask to color
green but only offer red.
Be silly.
Tape scissors closed.
Put child’s shoe on your foot.
Try novel things to encourage interaction
and communications.
DON’T OVER DO IT.
Problems with concentration and attention
First, need time to evaluate child/room.
Hearing issues
Family issues
Teacher issues
Tired and fatigue
Language too high for child’s level
Too advanced
Too fast a pace
Distractions
Too flashy
Too much noise
Who seated next to
Short attention spans
Sense of self
Teacher conflicts
Separation anxiety
Hunger
Too high expectation of child/children
Seated next to window or door
No sense of expectation of teacher
Poor planning
Understanding of language
Teacher speech patterns/accent
Too long sitting
Using only 1 method of instruction
Scaffolding of material/information
Abstract vs. concrete information
Goals?
Time of day of instruction
Does everyone have to follow or do activity?
Consequences of not following along
At some time of the day, sit in the child’s
seat and take a look around.
What do you see?
Now, what do you need to change?
Are parents seeing issue/issues at home?
If so, has there been an assessment by a
pediatrician or an outside agency?
Results?
Plan?
Who carries it out?
Meds?
Time table?
Meeting times?
Family condition?
Coordination of services?
Not an easy issue.
Long lasting.
Tiring.
Slow signs of improvement.
Keep a diary. Recognize small
accomplishments.
DIFFICULTIES WITH TOILET TRAINING
or….
They just won’t go?
Face it: it’s up to them. Period.
Now, what do we do?
Age appropriate: usually showing signs at or
after 2, and some not showing any interest
until 3 or later.
Boys usually later than girls.
Are they showing signs of interest or
readiness?
Pulling at wet diapers
Telling you their diaper is wet or messy
Telling you they don’t want to wear diapers
anymore
Expressing an interest in watching YOU
potty (not okay for school, okay for home).
Trying to “hold it” until they can make it to
bathroom
Recognizing what signs are for potty training.
Has a dry diaper for 2 hours at a time
Showing independence doing various things.
Can pull pants up and down
Attempts to verbalize or show you they need
to potty
Shows embarrassment when had an
accident.
Shows an interest in sitting on the potty
Are parent and teachers all on same page?
YES?
Now is the time to start .
Get a potty seat or a potty chair.
Talk to them about using it. BE CLEAR
Get big boy or big girl underwear.
Get training pants
Start keeping track of wet diaper times, try to
catch before that time.
Easy clothes to remove when it’s time
Both of you sit on potty
Have books or small toys ready for the long
wait
Patience
Games for boys: ping pong balls, cheerios, toilet
paper with a target, etc.
Girls, little more difficult. Dye in the water when
she goes--turns color.
Reassurance
Remind them (and yourselves) that they will get it.
Look ahead: going shopping, going out to eat,
spare clothes, reminders for both of you.
Encourage big boy/big girl
If bowel movements hard, try bran muffins,
spoonfuls of mineral oil, more water in diet,
fruits.
Encourage going to potty. Tell them when you are
going, thus encouraging them to.
Starting too soon exercise in futility.
Pressure doesn’t make it easier.
Nor does shame.
Stresses often times pushes things back:
moving, new baby, new jobs, visitors, new
school, etc.
Unrealistic expectations not good.
Stressing “accidents”.
Check with pediatrician if blood in stool or
pee, very runny poops, hard poops
consistently, painful urinations (URI),
constipation, still wet diapers during day at
age 4 or later, strange smelly diapers or
urine.
Don’t:
Shame
Have them wash sheets or underwear
Battle them
Compare your child to another child
Blame yourself or them
Punish
Push
Get angry
Don’t punish for accidents
Do:
Encourage.
Talk.
Model.
Reassure.
Be patient.
Show love and acceptance, not just talk.
Be careful with rewards.
Give it time.
PLAYING WITH POOP
BEDWETTING
Going to happen
Patience, takes time
Reassure, again.
Some continue until 8 years old or later.
Fear of dark, insecurity, attention getting,
heavy sleepers, too much liquids at night,
didn’t empty bladder before bed,
Nightmares.
Not a problem showing concern.
Work on solutions together.
Realize for some it’s out of their control. Not
doing it to “get you”.
Persisting, check with pediatrician.
You will get through it.
Once you’ve got this mastered…
Something else will take its place.
EXCESSIVE FEARFULLNESS
AND/OR AVOIDANT BEHAVIOR
Typically, most everyone has some type of
fear.
Loud noises
Dogs or cats or spiders or snakes
Heights
Dark
Politicians
Death
Losing their jobs
Most kids grow out of fear, and some new
fears replace old fears.
Monsters--not being liked
Dark---being alone
Thunderstorms—cancer
Excessive fears are different
Sometimes transform into phobias
How to help with excessive fearfulness:
Try to find out what the fear is, and, if
possible, what started the fear. Mason and
tess, fear of heights.
Don’t’ dismiss fear, and don’t over hype it.
Talk about it calmly. Deal with it rationally,
and be supportive.
Once fear is known or understood, try to
explain how fear can be overcome.
DON’T FORCE THEM INTO FEARFUL
SITUATION.
Some fearfulness will never come into play.
alliumphobia: fear of garlic
gametophobia, gamophobia: An
exaggerated fear of being married
Other fears will. Steps to deal with them.
Objectively talking about them. Once
spoken aloud, some fears become so silly
sounding they diminish in capacity. Let
them know you are with them and will help
them through it.
Set limits on what you will allow.
Clarify the fear they are talking about. Put it
into perspective, and how to deal with the
fear If it comes into play. Fear of dogs,
give some concrete examples and rules to
follow.
Fear of spiders, unless you are
a fly, ladybug, aphid, etc, there
isn’t much of a concern. If in countries with
poisonous spiders, explain how to protect
self.
Some want to avoid fears at all cost.
Woman hit by car crossing street.
Vowed never to happen again.
Lives in same 1 square block for remainder
of her life.
If able to, try to expose them to
their fear. Small steps, videos,
pictures, true stories can help
diminish the fear or put it into
perspective.
Practice breathing techniques (with older
children). Trying to calm them down may
be necessary even when talking about
fear. Hugs may be necessary, or hand on
shoulder, etc. Careful not to cross or blur
lines.
Keep in contact with other staff and parents.
Don’t get pulled into the fear, or allow fear to be
transferred to you.
Don’t allow your fears to overtake you, thus
potentially transferring them onto the children.
How you react to your own fears could influence
how a child reacts to theirs.
Fear of the dark, Fear of water. Germs
Sometimes home/school life can contribute
to fears.
Keep in touch with parents and lines of
communication open.
Should fears be inhibiting a child’s life,
outside help should be consulted.
DEFIANT AND/OR RIGID BEHAVIOR
Defiance: disobedient, insolence,
rebelliousness, non-cooperation.
Rigid: unbending, inflexible, refusing to
change, stiff, unyielding.
JUST WHAT WE WANT, RIGHT?
Some children show these symptoms in
early childhood.
Not wanting to be held or touched,
don’t comfort easy, independent
at early age, don’t want assistance.
Parents (and teachers) sometimes
contribute to this. Keep at them, forcing
themselves on child’s play, directing every
movement, taking charge of many
activities and being unyielding themselves.
Parents and teachers very rule oriented.
You’re not going to tell me what to do.
My way or the highway.
No kid of mine is going to talk to me that
way.
If anything, our responses are their
responses.
They don’t want to be told what to do all the
time.
They want a little say in what is happening.
They want some choices.
They want to figure out their world.
They want to be listened to.
Are we helping or hurting them?
Are we helping or hurting ourselves?
Just as we want them to be adaptable and
accepting of OUR instructions, are we
being adaptable and accepting of THEIR
instructions and thoughts?
Understand that the defiant or rigid child
really needs you, your love, your time,
your comfort and your security.
THEY JUST CAN’T TELL YOU THEY NEED
THAT.
So, knowing the battles ahead,
what do we need to do?
Yes, rules need to be in place, but how rigid
do our rules need to be?
Does the bed need to be made exactly the
way we want?
Does the homework need to be in exactly
the same style as we want?
Do the toys need to be precisely on the shelf
every time?
Do they need to pick up every toy?
A structure needs to be in place, and the
structure needs to be understood by all.
But who’s structure takes precedence?
Can we work out a deal?
How about if we…
Maybe we should…
What if we tried…
Communication is the key.
Parents (teachers) communicate together.
Then communicate to the child.
Then make sure everyone agrees and is on
board.
Put it in writing if need be. Then not my word
against yours. Be prepared to be flexible.
After communication, then patience.
Not going to change overnight.
Still going to be struggles.
Still need flexibility and adaptability.
Still need to be open.
Still need to keep ourselves in check.
Still need to control emotions. Yelling begets
yelling. Anger means out of control
Out of control could lead to physical actions
and/or words said that can’t be taken
back.
After patience comes persistence.
If we say we are going to do something,
then we need to follow through.
Consequences need to be appropriate, and
understood BEFOREHAND.
Don’t go to work, don’t have a job.
Where does recognition fit in?
Recognize small steps
Recognize accomplishments
Recognize decent actions, behaviors and
actions.
Recognize attempts at “being good”.
Recognize when the child tries to let you into
their space.
Recognize when they try to
talk with you.
Recognize how hard it is for them to trust
you, which is really what they want.
Recognize that their behaviors are not
against you, they are against EVERYONE.
Take a back seat sometimes.
Let them be in charge, even if you know it
won’t work. (except in danger situations).
Let them ask you for help, or, just let them
know you’re here if they need you, and
back off a bit. Stay present, but off to the
sides.
Then, with communication, patience,
persistence, comes acknowledgement and
congratulations.
No need of flowery, over-the-top
praise, or excessive rewards.
Sometimes just a heartfelt congrats, a pat
on the back (if allowed), a simple hug, or a
handshake can be welcomed, and
appreciated…and felt
And take the time to realize that all those
small steps, both forward and backward,
do lead to growth.
But if these steps, and the time and
concentrated effort are not producing
results, outside help needs to be tapped.
Just because we ask for help does not mean
we (as teachers or parents) are failures, it
doesn’t mean our children are failures, it
doesn’t mean our programs are failures.
Just as we want the child to recognize what
is happening and how to make it better,
it means we recognize our own limits and
need outside assistance to HELP the
situation and try to keep it positive.
How can we expect them to try to work on
the issues if we refuse to see we aren’t
perfect?
Exerts taken from:
Baby Talk: A month-by-month timeline, by Heather Millar,
Attachment & Reactive Attachment Disorders, Warning Signs, Symptoms, Treatment & Hope for
Children with Insecure Attachment, Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A., Joanna Saisan, MSW, and
Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. Last updated: September 2012.
What Is Attachment?, By Kathleen G. Moss, LCSW, ACSW.
Differences Between Attachment Therapy and Traditional Therapy, by Arleta James, MA