Difficult situations

Lester Freckleton
Getting Things Done –
Motivating People
Why do people fail to complete tasks?
How do we get people to complete difficult
What is our aim?
Task completion or Motivation?
Getting Things Done
Which best describes you?
Control Orientation
- these individuals tend to act out of extrinsic
motivation, their behaviour being governed by
external factors such as rewards, deadlines, and
directions placed on them by others. They
generally have little or low self-regulation, often
feeling coerced to do a task. This exemplifies a
controlled motivation type. Deci,E & Ryan, R
Autonomy Orientation
- individuals who are autonomy oriented are selfdirected, they internalise the value of their effort
and willingly engage in tasks purely out of
These individuals are autonomously or
intrinsically motivated. Deci,E & Ryan, R
Impersonal Orientation
-are those whose initiation and regulation are
perceived to be beyond a person's intentional
control. People with an impersonal orientation
are likely to believe that they cannot control their
behaviour and consequently cannot obtain
desired outcomes; their behaviour can generally
be described as amotivational or helpless.
Deci,E & Ryan, R
General Causality Orientation Quiz
The quiz was designed to test your
"General Causality Orientation".
A's you are predominately "Autonomy Oriented"
B's you are predominately "Control Oriented
Self Determination Theory
Self Determination Theory
Deci and Vansteenkiste claim that there are three
essential elements of SDT theory:
Humans are inherently proactive with their
potential and mastering their inner forces (such as
drives and emotions).
Humans have inherent tendency toward growth
development and integrated functioning.
Optimal development and actions are inherent in
humans but they do not happen automatically.
Tools for achieving difficult outcomes
Assume their primary motive is always survival.
Assume every behaviour has a purpose!
Assume every person is responsible for meeting
their own needs and can learn a better way!
Assume a difficult person will always need to make
Assume a difficult person will not change if there is
no clear pay off for them.
Assume a difficult person’s behaviour is their best
choice at that moment.
Assume there is not only one way to
effectively communicate with a difficult
Getting Things Done
Q & A’s
Lester Freckleton
Difficult Situations
Principle 1. Conflict is natural and inevitable, and
can even be a source of improved relations.
Principle 2. The other person is a human being
with hopes and dreams too.
Task Case Study Activity.
‘Respect’ The bottom line.
What is trust?
Trust is about a relationship and about the
sustaining of that relationship despite uncertainty
or risk.
‘A psychological state comprising the intention to
accept vulnerability based upon positive
expectations of the intentions or behaviour of
another’ (Rousseau et al 1998).
Where does difficult behaviour come from?
Learned behaviour/past experience
Mental or physical disability
Lack of motivation
Unrealistic expectations
Ego and low self-esteem
Abuse of power or status
Lack of empathy
Feeling threatened
Difficult Behaviour
Difficult Behaviour includes those who use…
 Denial - ‘I haven’t done anything wrong’;
 Rationalisation & Minimisation - ‘what do you
expect me to do?’;
 Diversion - ‘well, you think I’m bad, what about
 Lying - ‘it wasn’t me’;
 Covert intimidation - it’s not what they say, but
what they do or do not do!
Difficult behaviour includes those who
Emotion - play the victim – by crying, using
emotional blackmail to manipulate others if they
feel they are critisised.
Seduction – by going behind your back and
above your head by seducing others in an
attempt to undermine you.
Projection - blame everyone else but
Tactics for Dealing with Difficult People
State facts in unemotional, fact-based
Make your initial statement then stop
Avoid arguing during the confrontation
Figure out the conflict resolution before
the confrontation;
Focus on the real issue of the
Tactics for Dealing with Difficult People
Separate the issue from the person
Try not to take things personally
Ask questions rather than make statements
Record every communication in writing
Be assertive but not obnoxious
Final tips for dealing with difficult people
Look for lessons in every conflict
Become the observer - how do you behave
Don’t worry if some people don’t like you. Do
you like everyone???
Final tips for dealing with difficult people
Work out the ‘worst case scenario’, can you
live with it?
Avoid heated discussions
Work out what’s most important, to you and
to them
Pour honey/diffuse the situation whenever
you can
Final tips for dealing with difficult people
Don’t get “hooked”
Don’t let them get to you
Develop listening skills
Don’t blame others
Watch out for egos, your own included
Final tips for dealing with difficult people
Be aware of your body language, tone and
listening techniques
Avoid using or reacting to “trigger” words
Don’t overuse the word ‘sorry’
Build rapport
Don’t over promise
Lower expectations
Difficult Situations
Q & A’s
Lester Freckleton
Pushing Your Buttons
Why do people push your button?
Emotional Intelligence
For Emotional intelligence to be successful
requires the effective awareness, control and
management of one's own emotions, and
those of other people. EQ embraces two
aspects of intelligence:
Emotional Intelligence
Understanding yourself, your goals, intentions,
responses, behaviour and all.
Understanding others, and their feelings.
Emotional Intelligence
Goleman identified the five 'domains' of
Emotional Intelligence as:
1. Knowing your emotions.
2. Managing your own emotions.
3. Motivating yourself.
4. Recognising and understanding other
people's emotions.
5. Managing relationships.
Emotional Intelligence
Q & A’s
Lester Freckleton