Strategies for Working With
Emotionally Intense Kids
A Presentation for OCC GATE Professional Development
Conference
Presented by:
Christine N. Fonseca, MS PPS
Author of Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students and
101 Success Secrets for Gifted Kids
Reprint only with permission from Christine
Fonseca
Specific Outcomes
• Clear understanding of the emotional aspects
of giftedness
• The impact of personality development –
introverts and extroverts
• Proven strategies that can support the
emotional development of gifted kids and
improve academic functioning
Reprint only with permission from Christine
Fonseca
Common Myths (see handout)
• MYTH - Gifted students do not require additional supports in
order to be successful.
– WHAT WE KNOW - Lack of differentiation typical leads to frustration
and boredom, leading to underperformance and increasing drop-out
rates
• MYTH - Teachers regularly challenge all students, so
additional enrichment is not necessary for GT students.
– WHAT WE KNOW – As many as 61% of teachers have little or no
specific training in teaching high-ability and/or GT students.
• MYTH - Gifted students serving as role models raise student
achievement for all learners.
– WHAT WE KNOW – Research regarding the positive aspects of flexible
grouping is clear and overwhelming. GT students allowed to learn at
an accelerated rate benefit both academically and socially.
Common Myths (see handout)
• MYTH - All children are gifted in some way.
– WHAT WE KNOW – Giftedness isn’t only about achievement or IQ. GT
children possess UNIQUE characteristics in intellectual processing,
personality attributes and emotional domains.
• MYTH – Acceleration is socially harmful to students.
– WHAT WE KNOW – Decisions regarding acceleration must be made on
a case-by-case basis by a school team, using available data specific to
the student.
• MYTH – Children receiving failing grades CANNOT be gifted.
– WHAT WE KNOW – GT students are not identified based on
performance, but potential. Furthermore, underperformance is
caused by many thing, including many of the attributes of giftedness
Common Myths (see handout)
• MYTH – Children identified with special needs CANNOT be
gifted.
– WHAT WE KNOW – Giftedness is not a mutually exclusive
identification. Dually exceptional children (also called twiceexceptional or 2E) do exist in schools, but are often underidentified or misdiagnosed related to their giftedness.
• MYTH - Gifted kids are happy and socially well adjusted in
school
– WHAT WE KNOW – GT students are often more emotionally
intense than their non-gifted counterparts, often resulting in
multiple social difficulties in school. The failure of educators and
mental health professions to recognize and work with the affect
needs of GT students can have a variety of negative outcomes.
Common Myths (see handout)
• MYTH – GT educational programs require a level of
funding that is currently unrealistic for public schools.
– WHAT WE KNOW – Effectiveness is not strictly measured through
the accumulation of costly resources or enrichment activities.
Rather, a strong program includes clear goals, appropriate
identification, administrative support, and strong communication –
all relatively cost free.
• MYTH – Honors programs, including AP and IB courses are
enough to meet the needs of GT students.
– WHAT WE KNOW – Availability of honors programs and meeting
the needs of GT students are two different things. Research
indicates that GT students need a well-rounded program that
includes an affective curriculum and strong academic
differentiation in order to maximize their potential. Such
programming should begin in early elementary school and extend
into secondary education.
Characteristics of Giftedness
• Intellectual
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• Personality/Emotional
Exceptional reasoning ability
Intellectual curiosity
Rapid learning rate
Facility with abstracts
Complex though processes
Vivid imagination
Early moral concern
Passion for learning (not
necessarily for school)
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Insightful
Need to understand
Need for mental stimulation
Perfectionism
Need for precision or logic
Excellent sense of humor
Sensitivity/empathy
Intensity
Reprint only with permission from Christine
Fonseca
Potential problems with being gifted
• School:
– Easily bored/frustrated in
school
– Problem focusing on the
mundane
– Scattered; disorganized; too
many projects at once
– Reads at the expense of social
development
– Boredom in school; resist
repetitive assignments;
inaccurate or sloppy work
– Little to no patience for
regular math work or showing
work in math
– “Tunnel” vision; stubborn,
poor switching of tasks or
changing of sets
– Lack of sufficient challenge in
schoolwork
– Can not finish assignments;
hard time making decisions
– Poor Study habits
– Resists sameness and routine
tasks; insists on intellectual
challenges
– Poor risk taking
– Wonders off subject
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Fonseca
Potential problems with being gifted
• Peers:
– Impatient; arrogant
– Can’t connect with
peers; stubborn
– Social avoidance
– Talks too much; seems
conceited; listening
problems
– Seems bossy;
nonconformist;
– “Loner”; resistant to
fitting in with class,
popular culture or peers
– Poor communication
with peers
– Isolation from peers
Reprint only with permission from Christine
Fonseca
Potential problems with being gifted
• Emotional:
– Emotionally intense
– Unrealistic expectations of
self and others; perfectionist;
depression;
– Excessively competitive
– Low frustration tolerance
– Easily hurt
– Feels powerless to solve
world problems
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Impatient; sees too much
Disruptive; class clown
Uses humor to seek attention
Excessive questioning (why,
why)
– Goes too far; seems
disruptive;
– unable to accept help
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Fonseca
Emotional Intensity – A closer look
• Emotional Intensity is expressed as:
– Intense feelings
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•
•
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Positive
Negative
Both together
Complex emotion the moves rapidly from one to
another
• Extreme empathy
Reprint only with permission from Christine
Fonseca
Emotional Intensity – A closer look
• Emotional Intensity is expressed as:
– Body reaction
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•
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•
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Stomach aches
Blushing
Heart palpitations
Headache
nausea
– Inhibition
• Timid
• Shy
Reprint only with permission from Christine
Fonseca
Emotional Intensity – A closer look
• Emotional Intensity is expressed as:
– Affective Memory
• Relive feelings over and over again
– Fears
– Anxieties
– Feelings of guilt
Reprint only with permission from Christine
Fonseca
Emotional Intensity – A closer look
• Emotional Intensity is expressed as:
– Feelings of being out of control
– Depressive moods
– Strong emotional attachments to people and
things
– Critical self-evaluations
• Feelings of inadequacy
Reprint only with permission from Christine
Fonseca
Working with Intensity
• See emotional intensity as a NORMAL part of being gifted
• Use intellect to develop self-awareness and self-acceptance
• Discuss feeling openly
• Consistent Discipline
– Consistent application of values, rules, behaviors and
consequences
Do not reproduce with out expressed
permission from C Fonseca
Working with Intensity
• Discuss positive aspect of emotional intensity
– Empathetic
– Caring
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•
•
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Celebrate differences
Consider attachments at periods of change
Encourage journaling
Physical outlets
Do not reproduce with out expressed
permission from C Fonseca
Understanding Extroverts and Introverts
Extroverts are:
• Highly verbal
• Peer relationships
– Problems understanding social cues
– Problems with competition
– Overall impact of peer difficulties
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Understanding Extroverts and Introverts
Introverts are:
• Two personas
– Public
– Private Learn by watching
• Become grouchy if around people for too long
• Need down time
– Need personal space
• Easily humiliated
• Quiet with some people
– Need significant “warm up” time
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Working with the Extrovert
• Honor the child’s need for inclusion and communication
• Focus on teaching social skills
• Help find like-minded peers with whom to develop
connections
• Help extroverts understand how they may be perceived
– Bossy
– A “Know-it-all”
– Rigid
- .
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Working with the Extrovert
Internal Conflicts:
• Connecting vs. respecting others’ need for personal space
• Needing relationships vs. being unable to find like-minded
peers
• Trying to connect vs. feeling left out
- .
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Working with the Introvert
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Honor the child’s need for privacy
Honor their need to process before discussing the days events
Honor need for personal space
Respect their need to observe before trying something new
Help find ways to refuel
Help introverts understand how they may be perceived
– Rude
– Shy
– Arrogant
- .
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Working with the Introvert
Internal Conflicts:
• Provide for self vs. provide for others
• Need for compassion vs. being unable to spontaneously reach
out
• Retain privacy vs. seem open
• Meet personal needs vs. meet the needs of extrovert
- .
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
The Explosion
• Internal
– Extreme moodiness
– Anxiety
– Depression
• External
– Yelling
– Crying
– Temper tantrums
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
What Now???
• Preventing Explosions
– Developing a common language
– Discovering your escalation cycle – and your
child’s
– Making a Plan
• Relaxation
• Breathing
• Minivactions
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
What Now???
• Managing the Explosion
– Emotional distance
– Cooling off time
– Picking your battles
– Reinforcing the “right” things
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
What Now???
• Regrouping
– Teachable Moments
– Debriefing
– Consequences
• How
• When
• Why
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
What is emotional coaching?
“Coaching moves away from telling a child what do
to, and focuses on giving him or her the tools
necessary to independently figure things out
(Cook, 1999).”
- Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students, page 125.
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
More on coaching
Coaching enables the parent or educator to
reach the child and TEACH specific strategies
so THEY can learn to self monitor and adjust
behavior.
In short, being an emotional coach helps the
child build their emotional intelligence (EQ).
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Global Attributes of an Effective Coach
• Understands the child
at a deep level
• Seeks new information
when needed
• Understands the nature
of giftedness
• Knows how to motivate
• Knows how to listen
• Knows how to
communicate
effectively
• Consistent discipline
• Leads by example
• Is committed to the
process of growth
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Effective Communication
• Understand your child.
• Clearly express your
needs and wants to
your child without
blaming.
• Practice active listening
skills and teach them to
your child
• Communication
happens in both verbal
and nonverbal ways.
Pay attention to both.
• Learn to deal effectively
with roadblocks as the
come up.
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Roadblocks to Communication
• Typical child-based
roadblocks
– Whining
– Yelling or crying
– Ignoring
• Typical adult-based
roadblocks
– Threatening
– Shaming
– Making judgments
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Effective Facilitation
• Focus on the teaching
the following to the
child:
– Recognizing intense
feelings and behaviors
– Understanding the
source of those feelings
– How to redirect the
feelings into more
productive behaviors
• Use modeling and
prompting techniques
to teach desired
outcomes
• Focus is on teaching
how to think, not what
to think.
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Inspiring Others
• Start with a strong
commitment to both
the child and their
unique growth process.
• See difficult times as
opportunities to make
positive growth.
• Be a source of
motivation.
• Demonstrate
unconditional high
regard for the child, no
matter how hard things
get.
• Provide the foundation
needed to navigate
through the hard times.
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Appropriate issues for “coaching”
• Self monitoring of behavior
• Understanding the meaning of being gifted
• Dealing with intensity – both cognitive and
emotional
• All of the potential problems outlined earlier
are good for this type of technique
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Bottom Line: Perspective
• Bothersome Traits
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Bossiness
Stubbornness
Perfectionism
Continual worry
Excessive questions
Resistance to
interruptions
– Inappropriate humor
• Successful Traits
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Leadership
Perseverance
Task Commitment
Empathy
Curiosity
High Performance
Standards
– Ability to see humor in
life
Do not reproduce with out expressed
permission from C Fonseca
Final Thoughts
• Give yourself a break – parenting and
educating gifted kids is both rewarding and
challenging!
• Seeking additional resources if things are
overwhelming
– Books
– Schools
– Mental Health professionals
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission
Questions?
• Questions?
• Contact Information:
Christine Fonseca
Website – http://christinefonseca.com
Blog – http://christinefonseca.wordpress.com
Email – christine@christinefonseca.com
Presentation is the sole property of
Christine Fonseca. No parts may be
reproduced without expressed permission