Countering Codependency:
Building Healthy Relationships in College
Amy Beyea
Heather Browning
Creighton Dent
Jana McCarthy
Learning Outcomes

After this workshop, you will be able to:
– 1. Identify and recognize codependent behaviors
– 2. Identify unhealthy relationship patterns
– 3. Facilitate inter-group dialogues with peers to
discuss codependent relationships
– 4. Locate campus resources to seek information
about codependency
Attachment Styles
I want to be completely emotionally
intimate with others, but i often find
that others are reluctant to get close as
i would like. I am uncomfortable being
without close relationships, but I
sometimes worry that others don't
value me as much as I value them.
I am comfortable without close
emotional relationships. It is very
important to me to feel independent
and self-sufficient, and i prefer not to
be dependent on others or have others
depend on me.
I am somewhat uncomfortable getting
close to others. I want emotionally
close relationships, but i find it difficult
to trust others completely, or to depend
on them. I sometimes worry that I will
not be hurt if I allow myself to become
too close to others.
It is relatively easy for me to become
emotionally close to others. I am
comfortable depending on others and
having others depend on me. I don't
worry about being alone or having
others not accept me.
(Bortholomew & Horowitz, 1991)
What is Codependency?
"...An emotional and behavioral condition that affects
an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually
satisfying relationship. It is also known as 'relationship
addiction' because people with codependency often
form or maintain relationships that are one-sided,
emotionally destructive and/or abusive."
(adapted from Mental Health America http://www.nmha.org/go/codependency)
College Transition

"Friend-sickness"
– the concept of missing old friends - the need to make new friends in
a new environment to help reduce feelings of loneliness and alienation
(Swenson & Nordstrom, 2008 p. 553)

Positive relationship between social support and emotional
well-being in college
– Link between quality of peer relationships and adjustment to college

Seeking support through attachment

Secure attachments associated with better social adjustment
85%
Male college students
considered “High Middle”
76%
Female college students
considered “High Middle”
50%
College students familiar with
the term Codependence.
Cretser, G., & Lombardo, W. (1999). Examining Codependency In A College Population.
College Student Journal, 33(4), 629. Retrieved from Academic Search Premier database.
Integrity
Developing
Purpose
Establishing
Identity
Mature Interpersonal
Relationships
Autonomy to
Interdependence
Managing Emotions
Developing Competence
Chickering’s 7
Vectors of Student
Development
Chickering’s 7
Vectors of Student
Development
Mature Interpersonal
Relationships
Autonomy to
Interdependence
Managing Emotions
Developing Competence
Identifying the "Red Flags" of
Codependent Behaviors
"I take on more than
I can handle in most
situations."
"I feel responsible for
fixing and rescuing
the students I'm
leading."
"I would do anything
I
to hold onto a
friendship, even if that
meant sacrificing my
own feelings."
“I am uncomfortable
establishing boundaries
in my personal
relationships.”
“I applied to be a
student leader
because
I want
I
people to like me.”
“When my students tell
me their problems, I
internalize everything
and can’t focus on
anything else.”
“It is difficult for
me to make
decisions on my
own.”
“I hate being alone.”
"Sometimes, I'm so
concerned with
other's emotions that
I fail to consider my
own feelings."
Discussing Attachment Styles
"It is relatively easy for me to become emotionally close to
others. I am comfortable depending on others and having
others depend on me. I don't worry about being alone or
having others not accept me.“
Secure attachment
 Securely attached people tend to agree with the following statements:
– This style of attachment usually results from a history of warm and
responsive interactions within relationships (friendships, mentoring, etc).

Securely attached people tend to:
– Have positive views of themselves.
– Report greater adjustments in their relationships than people
with other attachment styles
– Feel comfortable with and seek independence in their
relationships.
Discussing Attachment Styles
"I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is
very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient,
and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on
me."
Dismissive-avoidant attachment
 People with this attachment style desire a high level of independence.
 The desire for independence often appears as an attempt to avoid
attachment altogether.
 They view themselves as self-sufficient and invulnerable to feelings
associated with being closely attached to others.
 They often deny needing close relationships and may see them as
unimportant.
 Tend to deal with rejection by distancing themselves from the
sources of rejection (i.e., their relationship partners).
Discussing Attachment Styles
"I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but
I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would
like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but
I sometimes worry that others don't value me as much as I
value them."
Anxious-preoccupied attachment
 People with this style of attachment seek high levels of approval.
 They sometimes value close relationships to such an extent that
they become overly dependent and clingy.
 Tend to have less positive views about themselves
 May exhibit high levels of emotional expressiveness, worry, and
impulsiveness in their relationships.
Discussing Attachment Styles
"I am somewhat uncomfortable getting close to others. I
want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult
to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I
sometimes worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to
become too close to others."
Fearful-avoidant attachment
 People with this attachment style have mixed feelings about close
relationships
 They may not trust the intentions of their peers, friends, or
supervisors.
 They may suppress and hide their feelings.
Establishing & Honoring
Boundaries


In all relationships, you have the right to define your own limits
and boundaries so you feel comfortable and safe.
As a student leader, you can set limits or boundaries around
things like:
– the amount of time spent with someone and the places you get
together
– the kind, and frequency, of shared activities
– phone call time limits—time of day, frequency, and length
– connection with family
– topics of conversation
(http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/sma-3716/establishing.asp )
Tips for Creating Boundaries

1. Journal. Record the Feelings of your Life.

2. Speak Your Mind in an Assertive Way.

3. Learn to say “NO”

4. Limit your Time to Serve Others

5. Avoid Negative People

6. Exercise Open Communication

7. Create Space

8. Be Kind to Yourself

9. Don’t Feel Guilty

10. Be the Person You Want to Be
Interactive Activity
Raising Awareness on Campus
First:




Educate yourself about characteristics and consequences of codependency
Establish healthy boundaries in your own life
Collaborate with supervisors and professionals to ensure appropriate
programming
Red Flag Campaign: Week long program

Passive Programming
Flags around campus signify red flags of unhealthy relationships
Posters hung above flags identify characteristics of codependency

Panel Discussions and Brown Bag Lunch






Engage students in discussions with professionals about healthy relationships
Panel can be from counseling center, faculty, community organizations, etc.
This should be a safe and open forum for anyone on campus to attend
Provide lunch to create a comfortable environment and to draw interest
Raising Awareness on Campus
Establish Peer Educator program
 Collaborate with staff and Counseling Center to ensure a quality
program
 Peer educators work with staff to bring educational programming
to campus
 Topics could include safe relationships, health and wellness,
healthy body image
 For example, see: http://www.udel.edu/wellspring/pow/
Use Codependency Quiz in programming
 Use to encourage students' self-awareness
 Attendees will take quiz for their own knowledge - will not share
with others
 Talk with supervisors and Counseling Center to generate
appropriate and sensitive questions
 See questions on handout for example
References

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Bartholomew, K., Horowitz, L. (1991). Attachment styles among young adults: A test of a four-category
model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 61(2), p. 226-244.
Bradley-Bates, P. (n.d.). Am I a codependent? Retrieved from http://www.patriciabradleybates.com/co.htm.
Dawn Cove Abby: New Beginning Online. (n.d.). Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments? Retrieved from
http://www.dawncoveabbey.org/healing-dysfunction/codependent.html.
Mental Health America. Factsheet: Codependency. Retrieved from
http://www.nmha.org/go/codependency.
National Mental Health Information Center: Center for Mental Health Services. Making and keeping
friends: A self-help guide. Retrieved from http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/sma3716/establishing.asp.
Reinhart, S. (2010, February 22). Women’s Resource Center empowers, educates, and celebrates women.
The Clause. Retrieved from http://www.apu.edu/studentlifeoffice/articles/15157/.
Thombs, D. (2006). Introduction to addictive behaviors (3rd ed.). New York: The Guilford Press, pp. 207210.
University of Delaware: Wellspring Student Wellness Program. (n.d.). Retrieved from
http://www.udel.edu/wellspring/pow/
Wells, M., Hill, M., et al. (2006). Codependency's Relationship to defining characteristics in college
students. Journal of College Student Psychotherapy, 20(4), p. 71-84.