SYSTEMIC THERAPY &
ATTACHMENT
NARRATIVES
Rudi Dallos, Ph.D
Arlene Vetere, Ph.D
Dynamic Systems
“Many of the most intense emotions arise during the
formation, the maintenance, the disruption and the renewal of
attachment relationships. The formation of a bond is described
as falling in love, maintaining a bond as loving someone, and
losing a partner as grieving over someone. Similarly, threat of
loss arouses anxiety, and actual loss gives rise to sorrow;
whilst each of these situations is likely to arouse anger. The
unchallenged maintenance of a bond is experienced as a
source of security and the renewal of a bond as source of joy.”
(Bowlby, 1980)
ATTACHMENT NARRATIVE
THERAPY
Creating a secure base
Exploring Narratives and Attachments within a Systemic
Framework
Considering Alternatives
Future and Maintaining the therapeutic base
THEORETICAL PERSPECTIVES
ATTACHMENT NARRRATIVE THERAPY
Why the 3 perspectives need each other?
1.
2.
3.
Social Constructionist - Narrative
practice
Attachment Theory
Systemic Theory and practice
Persons and families in social/cultural contexts
THE NARRATIVE TURN IN
ATTACHMENT THEORY
 Internal working models – attachment as a set of belief,
expectations, stories we have about ourselves and
others
 Narrative approaches - move to assessing attachment
through the content and structure of the stories people
tell about their lives
 Narrative – ability to tell coherent stories about our lives
is shaped by our attachment experiences in families
Internal Working Models
Beliefs and expectations about
 One’s own and other people’s behaviour
 Views of the SELF – How loveable, worthy and
acceptable am I?
 How available and interested are others in me, and in
caring for and looking after me?
 These guide our actions, thoughts and feelings –
how we try to keep ourselves safe, close to and loved
by others
Internal Working Models

SECURE: able to use feelings and cognitions to make sense of events
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INSECURE:
AVOIDANT: Shut down and deny feelings, display of distress is expected
to annoy the caregiver so engage in pretending - put on false front –
distrust of feelings
AMBIVALENT: Expect carer to be inconsistent, not able to predict their
availability or verbal promises. Develop clingy and coercive strategies
to secure attention and caring - distrust of words
DISORGANISED: Carer may be confusing, frightening, abusive, child
finds it difficult to develop and predict a consistent pattern – distrust
of words and feelings
ATTACHMENT STYLES AS
COMMUNICATIONAL PATTERNS
ATTACHMENT AS ‘OPEN’ or ‘CLOSED COMMUNICATION’ IN FAMILIES
INSECURE ATTACHMENT INVOLVE ‘ DISTORTIONS’ OF COMMUNICATION -
such that we cannot say openly or clearly how we feel and what we need
ATTACHMENT STYLES AS A SET OF FAMILY COMMUNICATIONAL RULES
SECURE:
Expression of feelings met by acknowledgement, reflection and
negotiation – semantic and emotional responses
DISMISSIVE:
Communication of feelings met by injunction to suppress feelings,
avoidance, rejection – semantic responses
PRE-OCCUPIED:
Symmetrical escalating expressions of feelings, mutual
accusation, blaming – emotional response
Family Patterns
 INSECURITY can develop from FAMILY patterns
 Parents may differ in their styles , e.g. mother
avoidant/dismissive , father ambivalent/pre-occupied
 Parents may switch positions
MOTHER
FATHER
Pre-occupied
Dismissive
CHILD ?
CLAIRE
Int: ..can you describe your family in terms of relationships ?
Claire: It’s very false, its very strange. I mean its changed a lot. When I was
younger it was just awful all the time, I don’t like anger now, its like, arguing
non stop. It was horrible I would do anything to stop them arguing and anger is
like fear. I don’t like anger now, its like an emotion that can’t be controlled and
that scares me....But recently everyone’s been really trying but it still seems, it
seems really false to me……..
The only thing I ever hear them talking about is me and if I didn’t have this
[anorexia] its kind of like, would everything fall apart, at least its keeping them
talking. And they won’t argue while I’ve got this because it might make me
worse. So um...that’s kind of bought, sort of like, I’m not in control as such but
I’ve got more control over the situation that way.’
Int: So if you were upset or distressed or frightened when you were young, who
would you go to?
Claire: Nobody. I wouldn’t go to anybody. The only time I ever did was once when
Mum was at work and I had to sleep in my brother’s room. I can’t remember
why, and there was a picture of me and her when we were little, cuddling, and I
was only young and I was looking at this picture and I was crying so much
because I thought because they’re older than most parents that she was going
to die really soon and I went down to Dad and he was like “ Don’t be stupid and
go back to bed”, and I had to go back to bed. And after that I didn’t bother
going to him. I would just bottle it all up and just not bother’
Implications for Therapy
Naming and regulating emotions
Standing in the emotional shoes of the other
Comforting and self soothing
Information processing
Transformations in memory systems
“Felt security” in a relationship
 Affect regulation (less reactivity, hyper-
arousal & under-arousal)
 Support seeking
 Information processing (curiosity, open, more
toleration of uncertainty)
 Communication (meta-communication,
disclosing, collaborative, assertive, empathic)
 ‘Sense of self’ (elaborated, articulated,
positive)
THERAPY AS SCAFFOLDING:
Emotional and cognitive
Therapy and scaffolding:
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Encourage a secure emotional base – stance of
acceptance and non- judgement
Encourage noticing people’s feelings
Offer words, phrases to help identify feelings
Offer words and phrases to talk about how others
feel
Offer words and phrases to help discuss how
people comfort each other
Offer words, phrases , stories to assist integration
of feelings and events
Systemic Techniques and Attachment
Styles
AVOIDANT/DISMISSIVE
AMBIVALENT/PRE-OCCUPIED
Encouraging expression
of feelings
Encouraging expression
of cognitions
Enactment
Genograms
Role play
Life line
Empathic Questions
Tracking Circularities
Internalised Other Interviewing
beliefs/ punctuation
Mapping Relationships
Areas of conflict
How conflict is managed
Scaling questions
Circular questions
Shared/family beliefs
Caring and comforting
REFLECTING TEAMS
Attachment Narrative Therapy with
Families/Couples
Creating a secure base
 Mapping the context & talk about talk
 Engaging warmly with each member of the family
 Reflecting on our relationships in the room –modeling open
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communication
Use of self – therapist reflecting on his/her own experiences
Adopting a non-blaming approach - working together vs ‘fixing
families’, purpose is not to find fault in the past or present
Externalizing Framework
Exploring the ‘problem’ - beliefs, feelings, explanations
A ‘conservative’ (paradoxical) framework - not pushing for
change
Access, expand, reprocess emotional experience
De-escalating unhelpful patterns
Attachment Narrative Therapy with
Families/Couples
Exploring Narratives and Attachments within a
systemic framework
 Current attachments
 Gossiping - circular questioning
 Trans-generational attachment traditions
 Encouraging sociality/empathy
 Impact of the problem on the family relationships and
vice versa
 Encouraging awareness of self and others in
interaction
Attachment Narrative Therapy
with Families/Couples
Considering Alternatives
 Contemplating alternative narratives and responses
 Family experiments: in and outside the therapy room
 Unique outcomes – exceptions
 Working ‘within’ and ‘between’: moving between intra
and interpersonal narratives
 Promoting secure bonding interactions
Attachment Narrative Therapy with
Families/Couples
The future and maintaining the
therapeutic base
Contemplating futures
Consolidating change
Plans to deal with relapse
Considering ways of continuing contact
Feelings about separation, ending therapy
Exploring Patterns of Comforting
 When you were upset or frightened as a child – what happened?
 How did you get to feel better? Who helped you to feel better? How did
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they do this?
What have you learnt from this for your own family?
What do you want to do the same?
What do you want to do differently?
How do people comfort each other in your own family/ relationship?
How do you comfort your children?
How do they comfort you?
Can be done as a family or couple interview or as a one-to-one
conversation.
Corrective and Replicative Scripts
This utilises ideas from John Byng-Hall that families make comparisons
across the generations in terms of similarities and differences between how
our own parents were with each other and us ( the children) and how this is
repeated or altered in the next generation.
Importantly it allows us to work in a positive frame with the family in that we
can construe the intentions of the parents positively, i.e. they have tried to
repeat what was good or correct what they felt was bad about their own
experiences. This can then lead to a discussion of whether these attempts
have been successful or not, and possibly how they might be altered,
strengthened, elaborated etc.
 What are your thoughts about how similar or different your relationship with
each other and your children is to your parent’s ( grandparents’)
relationships ?
 What have you tried to make similar or different to either of these
relationships?
 What do you value vs feel critical about in either of your parent’s
relationships
 Does what you have tried to repeat/change work? Is there anything that you
want to alter, strengthen, abandon about what you have been trying to
repeat or change?
How to Contact Us
r.dallos@plymouth.ac.uk
a.vetere@surrey.ac.uk