Clergy Abuse: Betrayal and Relational Trauma

Christine A. Courtois, PhD, ABPP

Psychologist, Private Practice

Courtois & Associates, PC

Washington, DC

CACourtoisPhD@aol.com

www.drchriscourtois.com

I. Clergy abuse and incest have similar dynamics

◦ Both are forms of complex trauma

II. Complex trauma ->complex reactions

III. Complex reactions -> complex healing

◦ Understanding dynamics and common reactions helps to better understand the injury and to heal

What is trauma?

◦ Stressor event or experience (includes witnessing)

◦ Overwhelming

◦ Different types: impersonal, interpersonal, identity

What makes it traumatic?

◦ Overwhelming emotionally and cognitively

◦ Cannot be emotionally processed in the normal way

◦ When interpersonal, adds to the trauma

 betrayal, secrecy, silence, taboo , force/violence, blame/shame, etc.

◦ Avoided and not processed

 generalizes and/or goes underground

What is Complex Trauma?

◦ Interpersonal/identity

◦ Often during childhood/adolescence

 Impacts development

◦ In context of a relationship

Betrayal/Misuse/Exploitation

Repeated/chronic

Entrapping

Escalating over time

Seriousness & intrusion

Sexual abuse by family members

(also by nonrelatives who have family roles, including clergy)

Violates primary relationships and roles

Violates responsibility to protect

Misuses authority, power, knowledge

Preys on and exploits those who are younger/smaller /less powerful/naïve/ immature/dependent/accessible

◦ Have fewer resources

◦ Victims are more vulnerable if family is not healthy

Betrayal and Relational Trauma

◦ Betrayal of an essential and sacrosanct relationship and role

◦ Not “stranger-danger”

◦ Much more emotionally conflicted and damaging

◦ May affect ability to remember

Second injury

Those who don’t respond or help

Institutional injury

Those that obstruct rather than help

Communities and organizations

Dysfunctional Family

◦ With boundary and power problems; sometimes violent, poly-abusive, addictions

Power and gender dynamics

◦ Patriarchal

Closed system

◦ Loyalty expected, even when not deserved

Family rules and injunctions

◦ Don’t!: know, feel, react, respond, tell

Paradox and hypocrisy

Victim who discloses is blamed, shunned, scapegoated,

◦ “You are with us or against us; Don’t ask us to admit/change”

Supporters/interveners are treated with suspicion, may be attacked

Secondary and tertiary victims

◦ Trauma has a wake : like a pebble in a pond

◦ Other family members, others in the parish or faith community

Structured power and historical behaviors

(including abuse) and doctrine

Patriarchal and hierarchical: Cardinals , bishops and priests as authority figures, extensions of the deity; contradictory views of women

Church as family

Church as closed system

Structured morals and beliefs (that are violated)

Structured training of priests

◦ Vocations and seminaries

◦ Personal and psychosexual development in the seminary

Loyalty and obedience expected

Priest as God’s representative: Spiritual

father

 Authority and moral figure

 May have a role in the child’s biological family

 Always to be honored, obeyed, respected

 Not to be questioned/suspected

Church and congregants as extended family

◦ Children of God

◦ Beliefs, structure, functioning

◦ Loyalty, attachment, kinship/faith ties

◦ Betrayal-trauma, hypocrisy, & disillusionment

 Betrayal of role and responsibilities

 Betrayal of beliefs and teaching

 Ambivalent attachment/conflicted emotions/loyalty

◦ Second Injury

 Enablers (housekeeper, other priests, etc.)

 Passive bystanders (other priests, congregants, parents, Bishops, Cardinals, etc.)

 Those who should help and don’t

 Lack of investigation, follow-up, silencing

 Disbelievers, blamers, scapegoaters, and attackers

◦ Vicarious injury: collateral damage

◦ Institutional Injury

 Suppression of reports and inadequate investigation

 Lack of reporting to criminal authorities

 Lack of cooperation with investigations

 Non-removal of perpetrators and moving them from one parish to another with no warning

 Non-pastoral response to victims

 Actively working against victims’ suits & rights

 Statutes of limitation, bankruptcies, etc.

 Expensive defense attorneys

 Questioning of recovered or delayed memories

And the list goes on…

◦ “ Just get over it.”

◦ “What’s the big deal?”

◦ “All (litigating) victims want is money and to bankrupt the Church.”

◦ “It’s homosexuality and not pedophilia”

 Can it not be one or the other or both?

◦ “The Church does not have to report to civil authorities.”

◦ “The problem is recent and it is over.”

◦ “Management systems are in place”

◦ “Why should I/we apologize for what other priests/Bishops did?”

Individual and subjective

Initial and short-term:

◦ Wide variety of behavioral, cognitive, emotional, physical/medical, identity, relational and family issues and symptoms

◦ PTS and PTSD, depression, anxiety, dissociation, substance abuse and compulsions

 by victim’s age and stage of development

◦ May be noticed right away, but not understood

◦ Child may not disclose, even when asked directly

◦ Effects and symptoms may go dormant

Long-term:

Same: PTS and PTSD, Complex PTSD, dissociation, depression, anxiety, substance abuse

 Episodic

 Chronic

 Again, manifested by age and stage

Delayed onset: Secondary elaborations of the untreated original effects

 Cued by current events (positive and negative): media and other reports of clergy abuse; death of the perpetrator or others; feelings, thoughts, sensations; relationship and family issues; children and childrearing; response of others; institutional response, etc.

Major symptoms (the big three):

◦ 1. Re-experiencing

◦ 2. Numbing/detaching

◦ 3. Hyper-arousal

Associated symptoms

 Depression, anxiety, dissociation, substance abuse

 Co-morbidity: medical and psychological

 Self and relationship difficulties

◦ Alterations in ability to regulate self and emotions

◦ Alterations in sense of self

 PREDOMINANTLY NEGATIVE AND SELF-BLAMING

◦ Alterations in ongoing consciousness

◦ Alterations in relation to the perpetrator

◦ Alterations in relation to others

 MISTRUST, alienation

◦ Physical/medical concerns

◦ Alterations in meaning and spirituality

Understand complex trauma and reactions

Find an experienced therapist

◦ Must understand sexual abuse, special issues of clergy abuse, complex trauma

◦ Not all therapists have training in the treatment of trauma

◦ Don’t take this for granted!

◦ Find someone you are comfortable with

◦ The therapy relationship itself is part of the healing process

Sequenced treatment with three main stages:

◦ 1. Information/education, safety and stabilization, dismantling defenses/survival skills and managing symptoms, skill-development including emotional regulation skills, development of therapeutic relationship

◦ 2. Trauma memory processing: involves acceptance, grieving, and anger; strategizing about actions

◦ 3. Life re-engagement, meaning, spirituality

Personal SAFETY is the foundation of healing

Support of others is crucial

◦ Develop a support system

◦ YOU ARE NOT ALONE

◦ IT DIDN’T ONLY HAPPEN TO YOU

Put yourself and your family first

◦ Determine your needs

◦ Family members such as parents can be vicariously traumatized and may need support and treatment

◦ Explain to children in age-appropriate ways

Re-gain control: Get empowered for you

◦ Treat any addictions/compulsions simultaneously

◦ Challenge old messages and the “lessons of abuse”

 Work to change thoughts and beliefs

◦ Learn to remove/limit triggers

◦ Learn skills to manage symptoms

◦ Approach versus avoid trauma material but with skills and support in place and in a balanced way

◦ Trauma must be emotionally processed

Use anger for you and not against you

Healing is a process

◦ Expect ups and downs

◦ Healing from complex interpersonal trauma is longer rather than shorter-term

Be unconditional and conditional

◦ Person versus behavior

Expect your own reactions

◦ Vicarious or secondary trauma

◦ Crisis in faith

◦ Engage in self-care and have limits and boundaries

◦ Have own sources of support/outside perspective

Compounded, complicated mourning for what was and what wasn’t

◦ Multiple layers of betrayal and injury

◦ Takes time and energy

◦ Often involves righteous and justifiable anger

Ambiguous losses

◦ Might not be recognized -> more loss and grief

◦ Might not be supported

Search for meaning and validation

ANGER/RAGE IS AN ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED

RESPONSE TO ABUSE

◦ A difficult emotion, must be managed and modulated

LEARN TO USE ANGER PRODUCTIVELY AND IN

WAYS THAT EMPOWER YOU

◦ Use anger to reverse the lessons and put the blame where it belongs and not on you

Litigation is one option, not the only one

◦ Can have a high personal cost, better if later in the process, get information and choose carefully

Personal healing and recovery are the ultimate goals

Healing Is Possible and

Is Your Right and

Responsibility

Maintain Hope and Solidarity with Others

SNAP.org (Survivors Network of Those Abused by

Priests)

MaleSurvivors.org

ISTSS.org (International Society for Traumatic

Stress Studies)

ISSTD.org (International Society for the Study of

Trauma and Dissociation)

NCPTSD.org (National Center for PTSD)

NCTSN.org (National Child Traumatic Stress

Network)

Sidran.org

◦ Referral list, help desk, books and videos on trauma topics